Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me - Family (8)

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Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by saintnegroid(m): 2:19pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

let me give you a clear advice but you might not take it because i have seen one person there trying to lead you astray. Allow your son to travel abroad.... Let the father train him well over there.... Now everyone wants to japa from Nigeria and here you are becoming a stumbling block for your son..... When he grows to know that you were the one that stopped him from leaving Nigeria then you are doomed. Secondly, when that boy is of age and well to do, he will definitely look for his mother and if the father tries to stop him, he will hate the father for life. Don't stop the boy if not he might turn to be your nightmare. Same thing goes to a father that restricts his child to see the mom, when such child is of age they tend to hate the father with passion.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by flexyrule(m): 2:20pm On Jan 20

Namaster:

You sound like a closeted demon.

A father is trying to guarantee a BETTER future for his kid and the only thing that crosses your mind is that he'd manipulate the kid against you?

Is that what you've been doing since the divorce?

You disgust me.

ALSO, the kid is still a MINOR. If you don't sign a consent form that states the kid is going to the European country to reunite with his father, what other explanation would you give for a 10-year old traveling across the ocean?

Realize this:

If you stop that kid from getting the citizenship of a country that works because of your own fear and insecurity, the kid will HATE you with an hatred that burns like a thousand suns when he becomes an adult.

My friend, better stick to mastubation and hook-up topics.

You know nothing about life!

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Offpoint1: 2:21pm On Jan 20

1TrippleCee:

Your son needs just God and you for a brighter future not Europe o. Boys without maternal care in Europe in this early formative years will only amount to a gangster. Its better he is Godly and you grow at the pace God wants for you abeg

You sound like someone from a disfunctional home

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by saintnegroid(m): 2:23pm On Jan 20

1TrippleCee:

I have trained atleast six. The last has graduated from university.

I'm not sure of this your information. You cannot have well trained children and still give this kind of advice... You don't even have experience in this subject matter. What you wrote up there is entirely wrong.... For record purposes... You cannot stop a grown child from bonding with either the father or mother.... The boy will be the one to chose whom he wants to follow. If the mother tries to stop him from japa then he should be ready for the outcome

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Justiceleague1: 2:25pm On Jan 20

femi4:
If you allow it, that's the end. You won't see your son again

Except you have plan to Japa later and remain in your son's life

Just imagine!!! She won't him again,even when he becomes an adult!

Chai!!!!!

How many of us watched that video of an Afghan woman throwing her baby over the wire fence to American soldiers!!!?
Do you think she really loved that?!

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by saintnegroid(m): 2:26pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:

If he had discussed that with me i would have seen reason. After all who doesn't want to see their kid progress

truth does not hide.... No matter what the father tells the boy, he will certainly know the truth one day and he will look for you where ever you are

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Popesuccess(m): 2:27pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

This is a difficult matter. I will not want to allow anyone take my son from me. But will he fare better there or with you, because the way the country is going i live in constant fear for my children Take to the father, let him to you his plan

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by 7upnigeria: 2:28pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:

Thank you
I'm speaking to a lawyer as it is.

If you dont let that boy go, you're becoming a pharaoh to his progress. The man has plans for his son and you want to be the stumbling block for that son, the boy will know in future O, especially if you fail to get him European citizenship.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by ekelebeXstunner: 2:28pm On Jan 20

If his living condition there is better than your own, allow the boy move. One can suffer alone in poverty. At least food will be sufficient to fill one belly. Another added to the mix is a bad situation. Don’t let envy allow you perform actions your son will hate you for in future.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Deenlove: 2:30pm On Jan 20

IamMobisola:

Please don't listen to most of the fo*ols telling you to allow the child go with his father. If your ex-husband had good intentions in the first place, he wouldn't lie and deceive you by telling you that he is only going to go there to aoply for citizenship, he would have told you about needing your consent to allow the boy come meet him. If you do so, you will loose your son forever.

Your the biggest Fo*ol of the century. What's this nonsense talk about her child, as if she's the sole owner of him.
If the Dad decide to neglect him/leave him in Nigeria, na the same mu*mu people like una go de talk say the Dad has abandoned his child.
Madam Op, these bad belly people heart rotten pass charcoal. No go allow your child hate you forever.

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Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by NoToPile: 2:33pm On Jan 20

Speak to a lawyer. Shikena

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Deenlove: 2:34pm On Jan 20

If your not financially stable to give the child the best in Nigeria, abeg allow him to have a better future in Europe. A 10yr old kid can never forget his parents ( either a mom or dad).

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by gtrust: 2:35pm On Jan 20

Out of sight is not same as lost!

Relax and let your son prosper!
If he blows, na mama every son dey 1st settle.

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Juniorangel(m): 2:42pm On Jan 20

Op pls train your child till he is old enough to know his left from his right, Europe is not running away, so what's the urgency?

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Demigod22: 2:47pm On Jan 20

When you read some comments from the ladies, telling the OP to keep the child, don't let him go, he wants to take your child away from you as if the father will eat the child, you begin to wonder about emotional maturity of most women.

I will never fight any woman for my child. If you are capable enough and ready, you can have him or her. He is also your child. When he grows, he will definitely find his Dad.

OP, I understand your fears, but at this moment you have to suspend your emotions. That man didn't lie to you, at the embassy before they process that documents, it is appropriate you give your consent for the child to go live with his father, that's the process.

Consider the advantage your child will have from this decision. The mothers that their children live with in this country, after University, what next, the normal roaming unemployment. Your son is getting quality education, conducive environment for business, career growth, citizenship and more.

Don't let that boy grow up hating you when he realized you prevented him from having these privileges.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by nubianchio(m): 2:49pm On Jan 20

Firstly, your son is HIS child just as equally as is yours so please stop using the word "my child".

Secondly, signing a consent form for travel purposes is just a legal requirement that covers the question of safe custody of a minor in the hands of a another parent or guardian, as is your case (divorced parents). It is not a ploy to take "your" child by your ex-husband. It is just a requirement!

Thirdly, consider the fact that if your son turns 18 (for most country), your ex may never be able to confer his citizenship status to your son. By that age, if your child must travel out by then, he is going to do so on whatever visa he applies for- whether as tourist, student or whatever. Now that he is below 18, it is easier for the father to process his papers for citizenship for that country.

Lastly, if your son does travel and is going to university by the time he becomes a teenager, the university education may be way cheaper or free with incentives. Compared to his finishing school in Nigeria, the cost may be too for you both for a private Uni or his academic time may be uncertain if he attends a public Uni. Also note that peer pressure exists everywhere. Your son is more certain to graduate alive abroad comparing how students die of cultism in Nigeria to those in western world (cultism here is almost none existent- speaking as one who studied here).

Summarily, look at the benefits. He might be your rescue too in just a few years with his better education and career prospects here, maybe hopefully filing for you as a parent to visit or relocate over.

Think of what is in your son's best interest. Not yours or your ex. The system abroad has social services so there is a limit on how a child may go abused un-noticed if that is your concern.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by SocialJustice: 2:50pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Yes, you are being paranoid. Your child can not be taken away from you. Access may be denied for a while but when that child is grown, it must come looking for you.

Do not ruin the future of your kid to have easy passage into Europe because you were being selfish.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Tomorrow28: 2:53pm On Jan 20

My sentiments exactly. Son and mama na 5&6

[quote authore=gtrust post=128036224]Out of sight is not same as lost!

Relax and let your son prosper!
If he blows, na mama every son dey 1st settle.

[/quote]

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by olayinka63: 2:55pm On Jan 20

@BlackfyreRebell has the Son's father providing child support and upkeep before this recent travel plan? Since the child is 10 years old. Has he been providing regular support for the last 10 years? If yes, you can allow the child to go but with a well spelt out plan of how to communicate with the child and how the child will visit you or you visit him. This plan should be endorsed by a court of law or lawyer.

If he has not been regularly providing child support for the last 10 years, I advise not sending the child across. Let him also work on court or lawyer process on how to get across to his child. This process will give you the chance to claim all the support cost for the last 10 years.

Regards.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Johilo(m): 2:57pm On Jan 20

Namaster:

You sound like a closeted demon.

A father is trying to guarantee a BETTER future for his kid and the only thing that crosses your mind is that he'd manipulate the kid against you?

Is that what you've been doing since the divorce?

You disgust me.

ALSO, the kid is still a MINOR. If you don't sign a consent form that states the kid is going to the European country to reunite with his father, what other explanation would you give for a 10-year old traveling across the ocean?

Realize this:

If you stop that kid from getting the citizenship of a country that works because of your own fear and insecurity, the kid will HATE you with an hatred that burns like a thousand suns when he becomes an adult.

be calm bro.. You only have to advice her and not to rain insults on.. Your comment are full of hatred.. Just be nice

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Viking007(m): 2:57pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:

What of a motherly influence? he just under 10.
The fact that he is being deceitful is what I dont understand. What if he takes him there and cut all communication with me? what if he fills his head with things he resent about me and I lose my son's love and affection?

Keep your son. Train him to your best ability. He can still migrate to Europe. Anybody can get a visa if that’s the yardstick for success in Nigeria.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by altteemy: 3:03pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:

What of a motherly influence? he just under 10.
The fact that he is being deceitful is what I dont understand. What if he takes him there and cut all communication with me? what if he fills his head with things he resent about me and I lose my son's love and affection?

Let him resend the application to show you are sending the boy to reconnect with the father after which the father will send him back after three months or a few weeks.

That way, the boy gets the citizenship and he is legally obligated to send your son back.

Win all through.

However, consult with your lawyer first.

N.B can't the last part of the citizenship award be done ath the UK embassy?

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by soles21(m): 3:09pm On Jan 20

So what if he ends up not liking you. I thought the idea was to give our children a better life no mater the sacrifice. This is a good opportunity to escape this hell hole and your insecurities is about to deny him that opportunity. Better put the childs future first if you love him as much as you claim to.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by IamMobisola(f): 3:11pm On Jan 20

Tomorrow28:
My dear. I understand your fear. However l am selfishly concerned about the little boy only at this stage.

Its easier to get citizenship as a 10 year old because you are a minor living off daddy. But tougher as a 16-18 year old, because you are considered an adult depending on the country.

There is a suggestion below mine to involve lawyer and sign that you re not giving away total custody. Thus can claim kidnap should anything go wrong.

50-50 or win-win. Her son gets citizenship while has has secured her insecurities as per any eventualities

Nobody in present day Nigeria need a mind of their own to know whether they should japa or not. Its the only sensible thing to do. Nija is gone

[qquote author=IamMobisola post=128035636]

The ex-husband should allow the child finish secondary with his mother, then atleast he would be 16years old and would have a mind of his own and decide if he wants to relocate or not. For bow, the ex-husband should keep visiting the son here in Nigeria till then.

Yeah involving a lawyer is the best bet then because the way the world is turning to you can't trust anyone not even an ex-partner.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by redcliff: 3:13pm On Jan 20

1TrippleCee:

Your son needs just God and you for a brighter future not Europe o. Boys without maternal care in Europe in this early formative years will only amount to a gangster. Its better he is Godly and you grow at the pace God wants for you abeg

i can tell an ignorant woman when i see one or hear them talk. go and look at the stats and you will discover that a single parent household where the man is the only parent is as good as a double parent household where both man and woman are present. but a single household where woman is the only parent has a negative effect on the child.. this is not my data, go and verify..

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Bullfallo(m): 3:17pm On Jan 20

What stop you from remarry and have another child? Just let this one go it’s even better for you to focus on other things like remarry

Majority of men will not marry a single mother not to talk of a divorce and one that carry a child. It getting slimmer

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Tomorrow28: 3:17pm On Jan 20

Beautiful contribution. Bros l love your matured unsentimental take.

He might be your rescue...filing for your relocation...words on marble

[qauote author=nubianchio post=128036393]Firstly, your son is HIS child just as equally as is yours so please stop using the word "my child".

Secondly, signing a consent form for travel purposes is just a legal requirement that covers the question of safe custody of a minor in the hands of a another parent or guardian, as is your case (divorced parents). It is not a ploy to take "your" child by your ex-husband. It is just a requirement!

Thirdly, consider the fact that if your son turns 18 (for most country), your ex may never be able to confer his citizenship status to your son. By that age, if your child must travel out by then, he is going to do so on whatever visa he applies for- whether as tourist, student or whatever. Now that he is below 18, it is easier for the father to process his papers for citizenship for that country.

Lastly, if your son does travel and is going to university by the time he becomes a teenager, the university education may be way cheaper or free with incentives. Compared to his finishing school in Nigeria, the cost may be too for you both for a private Uni or his academic time may be uncertain if he attends a public Uni. Also note that peer pressure exists everywhere. Your son is more certain to graduate alive abroad comparing how students die of cultism in Nigeria to those in western world (cultism here is almost none existent- speaking as one who studied here).

Summarily, look at the benefits. He might be your rescue too in just a few years with his better education and career prospects here, maybe hopefully filing for you as a parent to visit or relocate over.

Think of what is in your son's best interest. Not yours or your ex. The system abroad has social services so there is a limit on how a child may go abused un-noticed if that is your concern.

[/quote]

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by LilMissFavvy(f): 3:18pm On Jan 20

Yes I know everything about immigration. She should do everything possible to give the child a good life here. If I were in her shoes I would not even release the child to him even when the child is grown. I would work hard to give my child a good life wherever I am.

The OP can never tell if the man will always be there to nurture and guide the child. He might take him there and abandon him to strange women. Op, keep your child with you. Don't release your child to a new wife. .

Harddiskng:

18? Do you know anything about immigration laws?

It is obvious you don’t.

The best time for the father to file for him is now that he is still young. Everything gets more difficult the older he gets.

Stop giving rubbish advice based on sentimentality.

Just read your comment, it shows how evil minded you are. He will this and that, are you a witch. Can you see the future.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by MrPaul2: 3:20pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

If you don't grant consent, it will not work. It's a must to clearly state it there that you are consenting to him reuniting with his father. He is not deceiving you

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Martinez39s(m): 3:23pm On Jan 20

Dizzyyish:
This is perhaps the most unfortunate part. Perpetual children with no foresight nor sense of accountability.
The way I see it, this thread is to validate what she might already have in mind - any reasonable advice in regards to the wellbeing of the child first and foremost will be sidelined.

Trust me, she won't listen to sound advice. This is why in the past men were made the sole owners of children and their wives.

A women would usually place her feelings over the child's wellbeing in a situation like this. She will know what she is doing is wrong and can be made known of the consequences, but she doesn't care. Feelings first. The result? Chaos, and irreversible and almost irrecoverable damages. Not to mention the possible resentment and regret the child will have later on. So much for the so called innate maternal instinct and feminine compassion/empathy; such a loud PR for women.

Men, on the other hand, seem to usually have the maturity, rationality, and emphathy to place their children's wellbeing above dispute and bitterness towards the mother. Usually, a woman must be really terrible or might have threatened to take the kids away from the father... for him to take the kids away.

SMH.

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Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by thesolutions(m): 3:25pm On Jan 20

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

If he is comfortable and Married, your concern should be what he wants with the boy. If his intentions are genuine, you should not hold the boy back. If he is of age you can ask of his opinion. Don't be afraid if you have not told the boy his father is evil.

Re: Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me by Bullfallo(m): 3:32pm On Jan 20

Majority of African parent are having baby for a bad reason and selfish reason.

Its clear majority are having baby that will take care of them as retirement. And not the best for their child but their own interest. Its the majority reason the country is shithole with various degree of crime and kid out of place. This is very bad

1 Like

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