1TrippleCee:



Your son needs just God and you for a brighter future not Europe o. Boys without maternal care in Europe in this early formative years will only amount to a gangster. Its better he is Godly and you grow at the pace God wants for you abeg

You sound like a bitter divorcee.

BareFacedLies:


The way some of you talk as if Europe and America are some sort of paradise pisses me off!

Not everyone in Nigeria is poor and hungry you know!

..... I never said everyone is poor on 9ja......all I'm saying is that... If she can't guarantee him a good life with the right resources here but his father can.... She should let him go... It's for the greater good

BlackfyreRebell:

Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Madam you are actually being paranoid. Honestly.

This is your son. He's not denying you. Leave him to secure a better future, albeit not a guarantee but it is still better than Nigeria.

If you have established a good relationship with your son, the you are good.

Please allow him to go.

BlackfyreRebell:

Thanks for stopping by, though you do not have to insult me to pass your point accross.

He is not insulting you. He is being plain and truthful. Of course we know there is sentimental attachment to your son but look at his future. He will hate you with passion if you ever do this to him.

Your closest link to that man ever again is that you let that boy go to him. The way I see things, it's same fools telling you not to release him that deceived you in the first place.

At 10 years old, that boy knows you are the mother and will never allow anybody to cut communication with you.

Orlu13:







are u minding them...see how they are saying she should keep her child as if the child belongs to her alone...without the man, would she have given birth to the boy...nonesense gender, always acting victimized

Not even a child that's more than 6 years. I'm seeing this boy becomes something else in nearer future, owing to lack of father figure and over pamper from his mother.

In Nigeria's constitution, a child of 6 can stay with his dad.

Don’t be afraid let him go get his papers he can always go back and forth men don’t kidnap their kids if the mother is good

Intergrated:
Don't be selfish madam. Your son is also his son too let the boy have a good life.

You Dey mind all these baby mamas with entitlement mentality. Na the guy get time, he for just leave the boy and the mama make Dey continue their life.

In the future the boy go hate the mother for such a selfish decision in the name of trying to get back at his father.

Dennisochampa:
.She should let him go... It's for the greater good

This right here: Greater good it is.

1TrippleCee:
Lawyers are not as expensive as people assume. Find and speak with a lawyer. Moreso, your son needs you, not an European visa. If he wants to get his son a visa, he should begin with the guardian first, in this case, you the mother.


You are a woman and a mother. Trust your guts, you are your prophet

What do you mean by lawyers are not as expensive as people assume?

Dennisochampa:
.. So you think a father will go through the stress of filing for his kid all to expose him to harsh treatments from his new wife

When I read your response, I had to go back to my initial post to see where I said "the man wants to expose him to harsh treatments from his new wife... "

Well. I didn't

flexyrule:
How do you even love a child, without loving the mother?

Everyday I look at my son, I feel more attached to the mother.

Two beautiful souls!

Your mind dey there. Am not married, just came out from a messy breakup. I do think about this too. The kids are the love .

Maybe that's why gates of hell is opened when issues come up

ChybuzzDD:


She's not the sole owner of the child and can't be the sole decision maker for him

This general female's possessiveness with regard to children needs to stop.

It seriously need to stop.

He is a boy. Let him join his father in Europe and become a citizen too. Consider yourself lucky that the father is still interested in bringing HIS son over.

Some men will cut you and your son totally off. Besides, you have more chance of joining them if your son becomes a citizen too.

Put the welfare of the boy first. If it was a girl, your daughter, i would have reservations. But this is the best for the boy.

LET HIM GO.

Mindlog:


Since he is 10, let him remain in Nigeria and complete his secondary school education, which I believe he can by age 15-17,then his father can file for him before he clocks 18.

With Everything Being Written Here; I think This Opinion is Valid.


But, You Getting A Lawyer To Readdress The Clause of His Travel Can Be of Good Help To You.


He's Grown Up To This Extent With You. He Knows His Mother Loves Him Too Well.


With Love; Call Your Boy And Ask Him Exactly What He Wants. Let Him Know That You'll Love Him Regardless of Whatever Decision He Makes And You'll Be There To Support Him.


If He is Going; Let The Lawyer Ensure That You Speak To Your Son On Video Call Atleast Once In A Week; Else You Can File A Case Against The Father.


I hope this helps.

BlackfyreRebell:

What of a motherly influence? he just under 10.
The fact that he is being deceitful is what I dont understand. What if he takes him there and cut all communication with me? what if he fills his head with things he resent about me and I lose my son's love and affection?

I know how you feel, but trust me, sons never forgets those who love them especially their mother.

Please for the sake of his future, allow him to go. This is something people are looking for NGN30m+ to get run out but you son has it on a platter of gold.

Please and please, let him go.

Timoleon:


The child is already ten. If she's a good mother he knows, if she's not, he knows. There's nothing else she wants to offer him for the next six years that she hasn't shown. It's selfishness that's making her withold the child.

Children always suffer their parents fight.... Some mum would even poison the heart of their child to make the child hate the father

1TrippleCee:



I have trained atleast six. The last has graduated from university.

Just keep shut!

Pecoleee345:


Ofcos she has to keep him so she wont loose her source of income (child support).

If roles where switched in this scenario....the man would be called all sort of bad name like enemy of progress etc

Smh

Source of income will stop forever if na this kind selfish baby mama I am dealing with.

See this one.

Women should stop projecting themselves on men. The fact that you are capable of such alienation and you will readily resort to such doesn't mean the father is trying to do such. The father is simply trying to do what is in his son's best interest. Simply drop your insecurity.

Consenting for your son to reunite with his father simply means you are in support of him going to meet his father. If you care about your son's future, allow him develop abroad under his father's care. But if your insecurity and need for silly power play are more important than his future, refuse the father's request.

Remember, if he does well for himself, he will surely remember you. Men hardly play alienation games that women readily and effortlessly play. Finally, when you are writing a post involving you, your son, and his father, start practicing the use of "our son," not "my son."

Anguldi:


Your mind dey there. Am not married, just came out from a messy breakup. I do think about this too. The kids are the love .

Maybe that's why gates of hell is opened when issues come up

May God help you to heal.

I wish you the very best.

BlackfyreRebell:

What of a motherly influence? he just under 10.
The fact that he is being deceitful is what I dont understand. What if he takes him there and cut all communication with me? what if he fills his head with things he resent about me and I lose my son's love and affection?

Which deciet are u talking about?? The application is the right one?? If he doesn't use the reunite with family application... he won't be offered permanent residence status.....

Fill his head and make him resent you? Sounds like something u women do...

...

OP take this advise.. that visa should cover you or them forget

1TrippleCee:
Lawyers are not as expensive as people assume. Find and speak with a lawyer. Moreso, your son needs you, not an European visa. If he wants to get his son a visa, he should begin with the guardian first, in this case, you the mother.


You are a woman and a mother. Trust your guts, you are your prophet

BlackfyreRebell:
Please advice me
My ex husband and I are divorced 2 years ago. He recently acquired an European citizenship, he also wants to extend the citizenship to our son. Though I thought it a good idea but I can't shake the feeling that he is trying to use that to take him away from me.
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father. Or is that the way they process it?
Please those that have gone through same should please come to my aid, this is my only child and I can't afford to lose my child this way.

Sorry to say, u no get sense. Me and my wife still wrote consent letter to travel with our kids. Na the practice.

If you like no give consent, the boy go forever hate you.

Namaster:


You sound like a closeted demon.

A father is trying to guarantee a BETTER future for his kid and the only thing that crosses your mind is that he'd manipulate the kid against you?

Is that what you've been doing since the divorce?

You disgust me.

ALSO, the kid is still a MINOR. If you don't sign a consent form that states the kid is going to the European country to reunite with his father, what other explanation would you give for a 10-year old traveling across the ocean?

Realize this:

If you stop that kid from getting the citizenship of a country that works because of your own fear and insecurity, the kid will HATE you with an hatred that burns like a thousand suns when he becomes an adult.

You really sound so poor
So going to Europe is a guarantee to bright future ?
So many kids are here with terrible habits because single parents are busy and cannot instil basic discipline.
The man can't even keep a home and now he wants to be a great Dad because he is now in Europe - you so so poor

DestinedForGrea:


His manner of approach was rude and demeaning, but his point is very reasonable.

It's a very dicey situation, to be honest.

On one hand, I'd say give him a chance to have a life outside this harsh atmosphere.

You didn't mention in your post any lingering issues between you and your ex-husband that might make him take your child away from you.

If there are no lingering issues, then it should be safe to discuss your fears with him. Let it be a friendly discussion; one that doesn't reflect the current situation between you two.


On another hand, I'd say if you're well-to-do and capable of giving him a life similar to the one he'd likely have with his dad overseas, then I think he should be with you until he's of age to make decisions for himself.

You can also discuss this with his father, discuss and if possible, sign an agreement to that effect. If you're not well-to-do, I suggest you fight your fears and take the first option.

The choice is yours ultimately, ponder deeply on these two possible lines of action.

If nairalanders talk like this, will they die?

Simple, intelligent with no insults!

Codes151:
OP take this advise.. that visa should cover you or them forget

Great advice

Trust your guts, a mothers instincts are never wrong. involve a lawyer, there should be a clause protecting you from losing him. or more still let him wait till the boys finishes university or at least secondary school.
children adapt easily and at that age it is easier for the boy to forget you

BareFacedLies:


The way some of you talk as if Europe and America are some sort of paradise pisses me off!

Not everyone in Nigeria is poor and hungry you know!

Nigeria isn't also some form of paradise too. Most European countries are far better than Nigeria in almost everything and if u are the serious type who stay focused going there at an early age is a very big advantage. She is just being paranoid. People who think like that are just projecting an image of what they would have done if they were in that shoe. As a father if I am in Europe and I have a child in Nigeria, it is only normal for me to try and bring him over at an early stage so it won't look like I don't care about the child. For those of u saying he should take her along, they are divorced and that isn't even an option because she won't do the same if she was in his shoes. And what u read there is just normal thing to confirm that the mother truly left the child for the father.

Timoleon:


How is that deceit? Is the statement not true that the boy wants to reunite with his father? Or is the man not his father? And after not being together for a while, will it not be a reunion when they meet again? Where is the lie?

Here the deceit:
He told me our son will need to come over there to finish the process of his citizenship. But when I went to submit the "application" what I saw on it is different from what he told me. The paper read that I am consenting to my son to go and reunite with his father.

Deceit is not in words but in intent. He said wants the son to get a European citizenshjp- true but what is his intention with that? Has he told the mother that this boy will be coming to be living with him?

I am not saying the mother should not agree, neither am I saying he has no right to his son. What I am saying is that, the mother need to know his sincere intention and both of them should work on agreeing what is best.

[quote author=Zonefree post=128021039][b][/b]
Stop using "my child" when his father is still alive. [/quote


Her only child like na she give herself belle.