im_a lady:

Fellow nairalanders he has read this posting and texted me that the wedding is off anyways so issue is sorted. Thanks for all your inputs.i will try and rebuild the pieces of my life

im_a lady:

Fellow nairalanders he has read this posting and texted me that the wedding is off anyways so issue is sorted. Thanks for all your inputs.i will try and rebuild the pieces of my life

im_a lady:

Fellow nairalanders he has read this posting and texted me that the wedding is off anyways so issue is sorted. Thanks for all your inputs.i will try and rebuild the pieces of my life

Goldieluks:



And the pregnancy? So you mean he knows about NL?  Wow!

This story is beginning to sound fishy to me.

im_a lady:

I wish it was a script but unfortunately this is my life here, I am terribly upset and worst still I have been ill all through this pregnancy but what can I do ? He read the posting which I wanted him to do so he knew that I knew  and sent me a what's app message saying the marriage is definately over and he couldn't believe he was reading about his life on nairaland ! What am I supposed to do? Beg? As for the baby issue I haven't 100% decided what to do just yet,but God will show me the wAy forward

im_a lady:

I wish it was a script but unfortunately this is my life here, I am terribly upset and worst still I have been ill all through this pregnancy but what can I do ? He read the posting which I wanted him to do so he knew that I knew  and sent me a what's app message saying the marriage is definately over and he couldn't believe he was reading about his life on nairaland ! What am I supposed to do? Beg? As for the baby issue I haven't 100% decided what to do just yet,but God will show me the wAy forward

gamechange:

Told you he only needed to confirm you are a snooping (whats the word )like his X, now can you stop snooping in your next relationship, it only leads to doom.
ce cera cera, the future is not ours to see.

Crown Prince:

@op,
Curiosity kills the cat. #heard that?#.
Whot took you to his personal stuff? Still dabble into his closets,he might be an  occultist you know?
The thing is,set boundaries and limitations to your snoopings cos if that guy is short tempered,you might get smacked for confronting him since you passed the red zone.
Pretend all is well and continue your wedding plans. The guy is serious with you by your admission and may probabely be playing a little prank. Its an individual thing and its not associated with age.
Most responses you got here will even compound your dilenma. Some guys here lack relationship experience and after six bottles of booze will return home and type rubbish asking you to leave,the gals might be on the laps of their guys(i mean seriously been smooched) typed thrash too. Others gives advice according to a hollywood flick the just watched.
Op,pray,pray,pray and mind your business before you thread wrongly.

im_a lady:

I wish it was a script but unfortunately this is my life here, I am terribly upset and worst still I have been ill all through this pregnancy but what can I do ? He read the posting which I wanted him to do so he knew that I knew  and sent me a what's app message saying the marriage is definately over and he couldn't believe he was reading about his life on nairaland ! What am I supposed to do? Beg? As for the baby issue I haven't 100% decided what to do just yet,but God will show me the wAy forward

im_a lady:

I wish it was a script but unfortunately this is my life here, I am terribly upset and worst still I have been ill all through this pregnancy but what can I do ? He read the posting which I wanted him to do so he knew that I knew  and sent me a what's app message saying the marriage is definately over and he couldn't believe he was reading about his life on nairaland ! What am I supposed to do? Beg? As for the baby issue I haven't 100% decided what to do just yet,but God will show me the wAy forward

Cuddlemii:

First of all, why is he not doing a face to face dialogue with you? Why is he communicating with you on what's app messaging. At least he owes you that respect of seeing his fiance and baby mama to trash out this issue. If things are these shady and shaky then something is wrong with the foundation & the building. How did he find out about your post on nairaland? I mean it can be anyone's story, you didn't mention names so how did he figure it out? Or did he hack into your nland account too?

He is at fault here so why does he have the veto power to dismiss u over a messaging app. Mehn I am speechless cos your story is not making any sense but I guess I can only wish you the best. But if its true, I won't let him get away with it, he should at least take responsibility of the child and make sure you and the baby are comfortable. I really feel for you but being a single baby mama is really tough, trust me.

coogar:

what's tough about it?
there are men like me who love babymommas.

Ivynwa:

Just when will the world hurry up and change whatever rule it is that placed women at the receiving end of some men's whims and caprices when it comes to marriage. I hate to see women treated shabbily and maltreated in the name of marriage just because a man has an upper hand and a woman can't go out there to marry a man like men do.

I hope the fella is reading that we hate how he disposes of women at whims, can he be straightforward for once and quit manipulating women? Gosh! Excuse me!

Theblessed:

[b][size=16pt]Don't give the devil the foot-hold to destroy your chances in life, ok!

You're in a tricky situation - your life is in the balance right now and you don't need anymore commotion.

But it seems to me there's no openness in this relationship and there's no trust and that's a concern - otherwise, what are you doing raiding his emails

And since you know there's no trust why go ahead with the family union, if not for your own interest. You are desperate to get married, isn't it

And that, brings me back to what I said in my previous posts (unrelated to this) that our culture is 'evil'.  

A culture that pressurises her daughters into fruitless and unfulfilling unhappy relationships, is evil.  A society, that piles pressure on women to get married at all cost thus, they end up in misery for the rest of their lives, why?

Now, he's put you into a family situation and now you've discovered what seems to be a lie and who knows how much more you'd stumble into after this wedding if at all it would ever hold at this rate, I doubt!

Again, my advice is, don't ruffle the feather - pretend as if you did not hear/see anything (remember, you're not yet his wife and he owes you no responsibility at this point, huh!!!).

If you pushes the button in your curiosity to find out, it would open a lot of worms and give him the door of escape and abandonment - Nigerian men, as you know are very good at abandoment therefore, don't aid the fire - tred je je je!!!

Also, it's all too well for we women to blame the man in these things but how about our own responsibility?  To first and formost, take care of NumberOne - yourself! Since, he wasn't protecting why didn't you protect, then  

You have nothing to loose if you protect - do you? You see, you're a young woman, you're beautiful, you have a career and the money to go with it - so what have you got to loose, if not a user - him!  There are many nice young men out there who can take care of business, if you don't know.

Also, since you wanted a clean wedding, why make it dirty? It's obviously, you wanted the baby too, so both of you are guilty in this one. Listen, if a man really wants to make you his life partner/make you the mother of his children, he would take every precaution, not only to make the journey smooth and clean but also, make it big, babe!

The comment in the email is of concern too - that you have 'a good job' Does it mean he's a sucker, a no hoper relying on a woman's income instead of dirtying his hand to feed a family he is now creating?

Look into that -you will have issues to deal with in future as this looks like a marriage of convenience - not on your behalf but his.  

Finally, if ever he would honour his mandate with you, that would be great as it would remove family shame that seems to be looming.  

However, if he didn't, just go it alone since you have a good job and I'm not saying it's going to be easy - no, it is not but, it is better you raise your child alone in a happy environment than with a lying cheat.

Hopefully, in future you'd meet a man that loves and cares about you and the baby - who knows?

Life they say is a game, sometimes - you win some and loose some!

Good luck with your decision!! xx. [/size][/b]

seriouls_y:

Since my bride have to be decided to play this out in the public domain, let me just say a couple of things to make this more entertaining,

The email she read was to put off an ex that’s threatening to do everything to disrupt the wedding. I don’t want to hurt this girl but I’m trying to let her know that I’m stuck with a girl that wont get rid of the baby she’s pregnant with. She’s an ex for a reason but some girls can be so attached to you sometimes that they are not easy to get rid. No offence to anyone.(I know she might be reading this too). My bride to be is not supposed to see that email, we all have a past and all I’m trying to do is not to let the past destroy the future.

The moment I saw her playing with my iPad and started asking some lame questions, I knew something is up and I was expecting her to come out and talk to me. That was on Sunday night. It’s not a mistake that she read it, I would have used another email account without her knowledge but what’s the point of hiding anything for a woman you are gonna marry in a couple of weeks? She’s just confessed to reading my facebook messages to my family confessing how I cant wait to marry her, what other reassurance would a woman want? And by the way, she wasn’t supposed to be reading my facebook messages too, I know when you are married, you throw away all sense of privacy, right?

Fair enough, I take the share of every blame you guys can throw at me but all I was doing was to protect my supposed family while I don’t want to hurt someone else, or at least to minimise the hurt I will cause to the other girl. Maybe a bit of devil’s advocate really but I have the interest of op and the baby at heart.

Now, to all the sensible people reading this, if I'm your brother, will you still go ahead and marry a girl that choose nairaland to deal with this kind of problem? The strange thing is that, the exact time she was on Nairaland posting this, I sent her an email about how I’m the luckiest man in the world for getting marry to her. Not anymore, we all know it takes more than love for a marriage to work and in a relationship where communication is broken down, I cant see a future in it. And I'm not love starved, And for a woman that’s so paranoid about Naija men, she cant trust anyone and still she couldn’t say no and throw the engagement ring back at my face when I proposed, something must be wrong somewhere… and I think this is my chance to re assess my position.

Just another point that I think I should point out, she wanted that baby more than I do. She had a miscarriage, which was very unfortunate. Every woman that ever experienced that will know what that means. I felt really sorry for her and I stood by her, continue to let her know that everything will be fine and I re assured her that I’m not with her just for baby reason and I even let her know that she ticked all the boxes for me and that’s what matters. She bought a whole lot of pills so that she can get pregnant again (pregnacare) or whatever the pill is called, she even bought the men’s version too which I took with smile one my face even though I know I don’t need one but then you have to keep the lady happy.


This is not what I would normally do but under this circumstances, as she’s relying on public opinion to put her home in order and for her to learn some lessons, that’s why I’m writing all these.  I’m not a saint, I’m not perfect and I’m not trying to be one. I’m not a big fan of public opinion, I do what I think it’s right from my conscience and take responsibility rather relying on what people would say.

I’ve not seen this other girl for over 6 months, she just came back from the States and found out about the wedding. Is what I did really wrong? I’m not expecting an answer to that on Nairaland though, I will let my conscience play it out. I was on the phone trying to negotiate our honeymoon holiday to Hawaii before I stumbled on this on Nairaland. We are both at work and it’s only on whatsapp we can do the talking, even though I would have preferred face to face chat about it.

Yeah, maybe this was never meant to be and for the record, I’ll try and refund every penny she’s put down for the wedding and I wont be running away from taking responsibility for the baby either whatever her decision about the baby is, I’m cool with it but as for the wedding, I think I know where my priority lies for now……

I’m not going to be going back and forth replying everyone. You can make up your mind about me but I’m just as normal as everyone of you and to the people that said she should make sure she’s not alone when she’s telling me so that I wont hang her, that’s a barbaric way of thinking and not all guys are animal. Thanks for everyone’s contribution, I’m over and out….