₦airaland Forum

[/quote][quote author=ne4real link=topic=63808.msg1261936#msg1261936 date=1183547057]na o

this your joke 2 long

who wan get time read am ?

Never mind, i read it all and it was really funny.

Nice postures,
i can't help my self but laugh my ass off.

This is hilarious!!! !!!!!!!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in; front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

This is better indeed.

Protestant indeed!

NIce Joke.

What are u going to do for us?

I am a self-motivated individual with the strength of character, and ambition to achieve at the highest level. I am confident with numbers and well-organized. I am also a team player who is competent in communicating effectively and relating well to people. I believe these qualities will enable me to make tremendous contributions to the achievement of your organisational goals.




What is a mechanical engineer coming to do in a bank/where does a mechanical engineer fit in the staff structure of a bank?
My study of mechanical engineering has helped me to develop a range of skills, in particular those of analyzing and interpreting complex information and presenting opinions and conclusions in oral and written forms. And I believe these skills will help me in carrying out my tasks efficiently and also in bringing meaningful solutions to the complex/critical issues of your organization.



Won't you be better off in another firm?
I have chosen your firm because your organisation is a premier employer; the quality of training and support available, and because it offers me the privilege of working and growing within one of the leading/ outstanding/ reputable employer in financial services in Nigeria and around the world.


Hope this is not too late, and that it helps. Good luck!

Perfect answer

slowpoke, na real devil catch am.

[/quote][quote author=nedujizzy link=topic=54931.msg1192239#msg1192239 date=1181572512]kai, this is the dullest reality show i have ever seen, the production itself is of poor quality.

That's correct

Catching The Blonde
Enjoy it

This fat guy sees an advert for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's
weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he went and tells them he
wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with
all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and was told to wait a
minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down
the
ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there.
And
just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a
door.
In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh
him.
Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time, "

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing
by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign

"If I catch you, you're mine."

Three engineers and three accountants traveled by train to a
conference. At the station, the three accountants bought tickets and
watched as
the three engineers bought only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an
accountant. "Watch and you'll see, " answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective
seats but all three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door
behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came
around
collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket,
please."
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in
hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and
agreed it was quite a clever idea. After the conference, the
accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save
some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to
the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers did not buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed
accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a
toilet and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The
train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his
restroom
and walked
over to the toilet where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on
the door and said, "Ticket, please."

U r so much in love with this ur thread that u didn't want it to stop.

Let people discover it, they will tell u how good u r.

This sounds like something different from tooth pulling took place.

Nice though!

A young Ijebu man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Lagos on
a vacation, for two weeks, and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer
tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan,
so the Ijebu man hands over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series. 'The
car is parked on the street in front of the bank'. The yourba man
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer
agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's
president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Ijebu man, for
using an $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the bank's underground
garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Ijebu man returns,
repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes
to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we
are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?"
The Yoruba man replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks, and pay only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I
return?" The bank employees watch as he pulls out of the garage,
windows down and sunroof open. Juju music blasting from his car, as he
pulled away.

I read it too, but they did not agree, Lanre said she is his best friend (i hope he knows what BEST FRIEND really means] and love her like he loves every of his friends, they've been seen together at places like Silverbird galeria, beaches and all that. I think she is too ch**p for my liking, yesterday it was Sammy and now it is Lanre, although they did not agree but in every nonsense there is sense.

@ Uchetobi

Lanre is the latest model for MTN he was among the Guilder ultimate searcher, i wish them best of luck sha.

I can't doubt this 'cos i've heard it times without number too, but it is never going to work in a country like ours.The only antidote i have for heat is to shower, how on heart can one stay without bathing for three days in a country where power supply is so poor, it can't work!

Hello dear nairaland users, please i want to know how far this is true about the latest investment in town today such as WEALTH SOLUTION, PENNYWISE INVESTMENT, SILVERTRUST GLOBAL INVESTMENT and so on.

I was told if i procure like 21 slots (like shares) after maturity period of minimum of 6weeks and maximum of 9weeks (my pay off will be N100, 000 and so on.

Of course i have visited their website and called their agents for enquires as many would suggest, sure they said it is real, some of my colleaque are already investors, but i want to play wise before i take such risk by throwing this to the users of nairaland if this is really real.

Toooo bad, i pity the poor lady.

cool. those aren't bad at all especially the mortuary j>k

[/quote][quote author=pek link=topic=47311.msg1179249#msg1179249 date=1181224479]that is one of the worst films to come out of nigeria.i felt ashamed watching that movie as a nigerian and i wonder what is likeable about it.the story line was faulty and it lacked the concept of verisimmilutude.it portrails all blacks and nigerian as backward, uncivilised and stupid.

That's not true buddy.

This is really funny but i pray it won't get to this level.

Theer is a trhaed ofr htis

Its really funny

Beyonce is a beatiful lady with or without make up

[/quote][quote author=9ja4eva link=topic=31294.msg1145828#msg1145828 date=1180169570]Shame?

Yaeh, no shame cos any time i made this known to friends, they do tell me i should be ashamed of my self for having ponmo as my favorite.

My favourite
No shame!

:d :d :d

[/quote][quote author=ATLANTA96 link=topic=45667.msg1142444#msg1142444 date=1180061160]THE MOVIE THAT MAKE ME CRY IS , ANGEL AND -
SADITHBAGSTRFVEJIDNYBXKJYBDFGHONDN NG GD FGCDAVDJIRHRFGFV MNXNB
BSBVBV GVGHNKJHFDWFENM AND TBTFBFYTFHFGTBGYGNHNUGJ
IF U WATCH IT U WILL SURELY CRY, I STARTED CRYING EVEN WHEN THE MOVIE
HAVE NOT ACTED, PLS JOIN ME BCOX VERY SOON THE MOVIE WILL BE OUT,

Na wa o
K. M.

Honey

[/quote][quote author=barca4evar link=topic=39900.msg879503#msg879503 date=1171144602]is it wrong to fancy your eng teacher, ? and what if he knows ? and hes really offish but then hes nice other times? i don kno if im makin sense,

Nope, u aren't making any sense buddie.

This isn't new