₦airaland Forum

Biglittlelois:
Op what is your point exactly? We should blame men for paternity fraud? Or Paternity fraud is justified because they have kids outside? You are making it seem like a competition, why?

I didn't see this until someone mentioned me while quoting you, The point is that failure to hold men accountable for their promiscuity results to paternity fraud when people try to absolve someone of infidelity and don't condemn what needs to be condemnable these men will continue sleeping with wives of other men
I didn't justify paternity fraud I chose to see it from another angle.

kingxsamz:

[s]You have a fish brain, that is why you don't understand that not everyone who is speaking up against paternity fraud are actually sleeping with married women or promoting such. Wasn't Boma insulted by both genders for having sexual affairs with a married woman in the big brother house? Or was it only the woman that was criticized? Did you see anyone praising Boma for his acts? So because pesin sleep with married woman, make other sane men no speak out against the atrocities committed by the other gender? You're still daft sha[/s]...

You are the daft one with a fish brain

bukatyne:
[s]This thread is a testament to fact that you either do not understand basic biology or you just want to incite a gender rubble here.

If you said why are men angry about cheating wives (taking out pregnancy), then your OP might make sense.

The moment you add paternity fraud to it, then your argument lacks no merit.

The day men start carrying pregnancies or switching their bastards outside with the wife's child, we can have a discussion.

And the constant justification of a woman's wrongs because a man does it too is getting stale. Who steals because his neighbor is a thief or he/she was stolen from?

It makes more sense to set the standard you want for YOUR OWN man[/s]

Go back to the beginning read slowly and try to comprehend my point if you can't walk away.

I come online and 23 mentions


Why are you men still outraged lol,no time to respond to rubbish.

I stand by what I said if you want paternity fraud to end control your third legs and call your men to order

doyin01:
Did those men sleep with themselves??why not call the women to order too??
Is that not hypocrisy??

It is now obvious that you are not trying to condemn the paternity fraud,you are just finding a way to justify it..

I called the women to order.My post is directed at those men who don't see wrong in men committing infidelity and sometimes making excuses for them.
It is the hypocrisy of the men I choose to focus on in my thread.
And I am not justifying paternity fraud I only said paternity fraud will continue to exist because men are not held accountable for cheating.

doyin01:
who did those men sleep with??is it not the same women??it takes two to tango...if all women decide to remain faithful will there be infidelity??if all men decide to remain faithful,will there be infidelity...it is both men and women that cause infidelity and not just one gender...

See cheating is bad...whether from man or woman...we should stop trying to subtly defend paternity fraud because we feel one gender does it too...let's condemn it..if a man does it,condemn it...if a woman does it,condemn it...this thread is unnecessary.....so unnecessary...only those that are guilty of it or close to someone guilty of it should be creating such threads.....

The post is very very necessary to call out the one sided hypocrisy in men.

And we are saying the same thing cheating is bad I never justified or supported it.
I only made a case on another angle we don't often talk about.

DMerciful:
When you're in a hole, stop digging.

This your post is trash and you know it. How can you compare paternity fraud with cheating? Keeping the evidence of your cheating to do damage both for present and future generations is devilish.

Why are you crying,call your men to order or you keep seeing these results.

Lashist:
So you are saying again that since other men cheat, any man that trains another man's child should continue cus there is nothing wrong with it??

I never said that if that is what your small brain could comprehend that is not my fault.

revolt:
atleast she knows it's not her child and doesn't spend a dime of hers on the child.... while a man spends all his resources on another man's child without knowing.

Only an animal makes this comparison.

But the outside child could also be trained unknowingly by another man it is the evil that men do.You talk like as if all men are responsible for their kids abeg let us here word jaare

They are the same thing only a blind human fails to call a spade a spade and sees that betrayal and deceit happened on both sides..
That talking point about resources is stale already.

cococandy:
It’s cognitive dissonance to promote promiscuity but be outraged at the direct result of it. nothing more.

Facts,see the way they are outraged.

kingxsamz:
I don't understand why this irrelevant post was created in the first place. What point are you trying to prove? Why shouldn't men be angry about paternity fraud? Is anyone justifying the fact that men cheat too?
So why are you bringing it up like you're trying to invalidate men's concern on the issue? Shey make dem no talk again? Are you sure you're okay?

You think you should ask men why they're outraged over the fact that they're being deceived to raise another man's child as their own?
you're actually daft.

You are the daft one here and the one who is not in anyway okay at all.

Now go back and read from the beginning this time slowly try to comprehend maybe then you will get the message I am passing across.

Don't be outraged over paternity fraud when you men cheat without remorse

Lashist:
So bcus men are cheating so therefore they should train another person's child even after they have found out?? i didnt know people can be this foolish. Infact this is beyond foolishness...this is heartlessness. This is not the feminism we have always wanted You are not condemning the act of cheating for both genders but you are saying women should do very well in bringing more children from other men home. Isnt this beyond stupidity to you?? I bet you dont have any guy that loves you...but if you do, tell him you plan to give him another man's child and he should take care of the baby..if he agrees, please share your body in your street and give him more kids ..though i really doubt you have a guy

You ended up saying nonsense.

Olafisoyem:
Sorry ma but you’re still off point.

Let me explain.

Case 1
If a man cheats and it does not lead to a pregnancy the woman is hurt and can choose to react how she wants.

Case 2
If a man cheats and it leads to a child and he tells his wife and takes responsibility for the child then the woman can choose to react as she wants. But the man takes responsibility and raises [i]his own child by himself[\i]

Case 3
A woman cheats and the man knows he can react as he chooses (same as above).

Case 4
A woman cheats and doesn’t tell the man and the man has to work everyday of his life raising a child that is not his (which means his own children don’t get the life they deserve or that he planned for them) and has no choice because he does not know and because has been deceived.

Now if you think all of this cases are the same then you’re not worth discussing with.

I don't need to to discuss with me they can all be likened to each other because they share the same ingredients, infidelity, betrayal,lack of trust, deception and what have you none is better than the other even the one man with a child outside another man can be raising the child.
The point of my topic was to call out infidelity on men too because it was what started this in the first place if you on the other hand think one case is better than the other you are the one not worth discussing

stealmatic:
With all this giberish u just typed here,it just proves to us that u are either a cheat or u are just here to justify that cheating is ok,woman no matter how u put it cheating is cheating

It is not my fault that your brain couldn't process the truth but instead process gibberish.

I never said cheating is okay, cheating is wrong on both sides if you settled down to read my comments you will see where I urged fidelity from both parties.

ajericho:
See,cheating is different from nursing another persons child

There is no difference, cheating can lead to the birth of a child

Lashist:
So you are saying men that suffer from paternity fraud should just keep quiet and accept it like that and keep training another man's child even after finding out? Because since men do cheat, they should train another man's children that their wives bring home as their own...define stupidity please

Yes after all women have been keeping quiet for ages after discovering that their husbands have children outside

Because men have been cheating for ages women have had to endure same and probably trained another woman's child too,They should train the kids after all they are from the loins of their fellow comrade who couldn't control his third leg.
Try to use your brain please.

Olafisoyem:
You’re talking nonsense and conflating two different things.

If a man brings a bastard home then the woman has a choice to leave/stay or look after the child - she knows.

If a woman does the same and doesn’t inform the man then that’s deception on a another level for various reasons.

You are the one taking nonsense you say the woman knows? Does she take it well,are her feeling hurts does she feel betrayed? If that is the case how is it any different?They are not different things they are deception betrayal and infidelity.

The man doesn't know maybe because it was his brother, friend or colleague who believed men are polygamous in nature couldn't respect himself and slept with someone else's wife .

They are not two conflating issues, they both deal with emotions and carry the same perculiarities

Olafisoyem:
Like I said before, this is off point.

So is the point you were passing across,it is off point you don't see any wrong in what your men do stop crying more than the bereaved let your fellow men keep hurting their fellow men by fathering children outside.
Point where is off point in my post

abbey621:
Do men really care about paternity fraud or the amount of money and time wasted raising another man's child? Let's be objective here, you can't compare apples with oranges. I understand the need to pass a point across but this is just plain nonsense!

You talk as if some women don't single handedly raise the kids too or like as if the men are not assisted financially by the wives.
There is no apple being compared with oranges,cheating is cheating regardless of gender, deception is deception nor be only men dey invest for children body too.

Stop trying to be nonsensical.

Olafisoyem:
Having sex with someone or cheating is very different from lying to someone about whether a child is there’s or not.

If you have a child you’ll understand the responsibility of raising one and so for you to give an unsuspecting individual the responsibility of raising another human who is not his is wrong on every level and is not the same as cheating. It’s lifelong deception.

Which women also feel too some even get to raise these children themselves.
It is really painful for women and not just men having a child outside wedlock is not better than paternity fraud

teegurl2:
10000000000 likes

JovialJune:
Lol Op, deceit is deceit and has to be found out, plain and simple

As much as I get your point of view, the fact that men and their nonsensical noise making doesn't change the fact that they breed children outside and cheat at will, that doesn't mean we shouldn't condemn what is wrong, we are in the internet age so everything can be made open easily, all these vices have been happening from time past, so it is nothing new, but let's do well to condemn what is wrong and never try to cover it up or make it seem justified.

For me, I condemn it all; having kids outside without the knowledge of your spouse, paternity fraud, that's deceit, and it is wrong.

I condemn it all too,but they try to make it seem like paternity fraud is worse or not in the same category as having kids outside.
Some of the kids they have outside are also bearing another man's name,some of the men even refuse financial responsibility and what about the betrayal and deception their wives go through knowing that their husbands cheated not only cheated had a child or children outside wedlock?

Elporo:
1. Young lady, the woman makes the decision to 'take in' and/or keep the child. My first response listed 4 options an adulterous woman has. Why don't women prevent pregnancies, if they need to go outside to feed their sexual desires?

Young man,the man also takes the decision to use a condom or to release or not to release,you keep talking like you don't live in Nigeria or didn't grow up here,The mother takes what decision to keep what,with which healthcare in which country in Nigeria where healthcare is in a very sorry state,in Nigeria where abortion is illegal and to do some certain things you need spousal consent,stick to reality abeg.Well some women do prevent pregnancies while others were not so lucky,same can be said of men who fail to to use protection if they need to go outside and feed their sexual desires.

Nothing can change this. I am not sorry to say this - A child with an "unknown/unnamed" father is a bastard

It is not about changing anything the term bastard is obsolete and highly offensive you don't call people bastards it is no longer a fashionable term in popular use because it is considered offensive, discriminatory and derogatory.

Carrying another man's child for 9 months, deceiving your husband, parents, family, neighbours and everybody else. Naming ceremonies, birthdays, sick days, memories .. all lies. Have you really sat down to think, about this -

I have actually sat down it is terrible hence why the solution is telling men to stay faithful and stop following other men's wives.Men are also deceptive to themselves hence why their fellow men are now at the receiving end.

imagine one your siblings belongs to your mother's ex-boyfriend? How do you think your father will feel or your brothers will feel? Men brag with their wives, Sons brag with their mothers!

The same can be said about how my mother will feel if she finds out my father has a child outside,even my siblings and I won't take it lightly at all na the same pain and deception all of them dey cause.Women brag with their husbands after all they become Mrs. Daughters brag with their fathers

How often do men bring home thier bastards? Mostly, they live with their mothers - whom in many cases are not married. Men rarely bring home the bastards

Where did you carry out the statistics that most of them are not married?whether it is a few cases it doesn't negate the fact that that could be a scenario,some men don't bring their outside children let burial come then one child will appear then the wife and kids will be shattered to make it worse the man is even dead.They bring them home too

Except , the mother is late or an edge case but most men will do anything to avoid it.

That some of them will try to avoid it does it make it right or negate the fact that they committed deceit and cheated

And, when women bring bastards home, a first son that is a bastard - does he not inherit the lions share? And, others do they not inherit from there "live-in father"

I am tired of seeing the obsolete term 'bastard' so sad,the outside child of the father could also be reaping another man's share of the property too it is a sad and disastrous cycle.Even an illegitimate child is entitled to an inheritance these days no big difference adopted and foster kids inherit too.

How often have you asked women similar questions?
4(ii). Have you asked yourself the question - why would I choose to not only be an adulterous wife but also keep evidence of my adultery? Not just that .. but decieve everyone that respects me and looks up to me. Why did I get married? Why dont I ask for a divorce

Women have always been asked these questions that is why they have found it hard to cheat and they tend to forgive cheating husbands because they on the other take their vows very seriously.Your question 4(ii) when you direct it at men you get your answer also add the additional questions why don't they just divorce the women take another wife if allowed or better still remain single and stop causing pain on their wives and outrightly disrespecting them by fathering children outside.

Another nonesensical position. Do men have remote controls? They just hit play and a women gives him unprotected sex, sex so unhindered she gets pregnant. I mean what is this leverage men have over women, that it is so easy to get a married woman to spread her legs. Perhaps, Uzoamka Ohiri can tell us about his magical powers men have over women.

I can say the same that your position is nonsensical,now you remember men don't have remote controls but you seem to forget that some men justify their infidelity by saying their third leg does the most for them and they can't control it hence why some of them here even excuse rapist.Also why are you still failing to see the bigger picture and holding your men to account, perhaps Uzoamaka Ohiri's brother in-law who is married to her sister can tell us the magical powers women and his third leg have over him that he couldn't remember his vow and stick to his wife he couldn't even get protection but went on to impregnate his wife's sister.

Elporo:
Justification is support. Your position justifies "paternity fraud"; though your arguments are nonesensical. You use "whataboutism" to justify "paternity fraud"!

My arguments are not nonsensical and you know it I only pointed out the obvious hypocrisy and you didn't want to comprehend that fact.I am only pointing out how paternity fraud starts nobody is justifying anything here

In response to the original question - of which you had provided the answer through your "justification for paternity"

In the case of Men: Men rarely bring their bastards home

Don't call people or children bastards,also because men don't bring the children home doesn't change the fact that it is deceptive and hurting to the wife they don't bring their children home doesn't mean that they didn't cheat and could probably cause pain and betrayal to their wives it still doesn't make it better than paternity fraud.
The child that they don't bring home could be answering another man's name and the other man will believe the child to be his own so what is the difference is it not the same deception.

In the case of Women: Women often bring their bastards home.

In both cases the man:
1. Supports the child
2. Gives the child a name
3. Gives the child an inheritance

However, the woman could have
1. Insisted on protection
2. philandered at least chance of pregnancy
3. used birth control pills
4. get an abortion.

But, the woman chose to offload the child on the unsuspecting man.

So why do women do it?

Women give inheritance as well and some of them are left with no choice than to take care of their husbands outside child when the child is brought home and some of them swallow a bitter pill by seeing their children share inheritance with an outsider

You should ask your men who cannot stick to one woman and stay faithful,you should ask your men who couldn't remember their vows and use protection or better still have a vasectomy done ask them why they do it after all na dem be the hunters wey dey chase the women,is it not?

Lol at they should have an abortion I am very pro-choice but then isn't abortion illegal in Nigeria why not call the spade a spade and tell your men to respect their marriages and keep their legs intact.

If they don't they will keep going about impregnating other men's wives and failing to use protection.
Tell them to respect their wives and think about their children too

thorpido:
You people and gender war threads
No one wants to be cheated on, whether male or female.
There are women who have never taken it lightly being cheated on and made the men pay heavily. An example is Tiger Wood's ex-wife. Some women have stabbed their husbands to death over infidelity.

The recent trend of paternity fraud is because of recent advancement in technology. It has been there for ages.

My hand no dey women vs men or vice versa.

It is not a gender war thread it is just calling out the obvious some of the men on nairaland are crying over paternity fraud but when their fellow men cheat they don't use the same tone they use on women.

No one wants to be cheated on but then some men should stop justifying infidelity and shaming those women who choose to not take it that is where the problem lies,the excuse and failure to hold men to account is the reason why infidelity hasn't reduced but keeps on increasing as men are also searching for other men's wives

BRATISLAVA:
Well, primarily because it concerns all they think about as vaginometers.

The thought that a woman dares do what men do is outrageous and makes them emotional. It is only then they care about fidelity. It's just a reflex reaction.

Some of the men talking so much about paternity fraud and DNA tests aren't even the sons of their fathers. The way they have instituted baby mama-ism is the same way they will later institute paternity fraud

Male on male wickedness. Men are never their own best friends.

I didn't even remember to add this,thanks for your input.

In a nutshell men are their own enemies

First and foremost I don't support cheating and deception I can never support deception or paternity fraud but I wonder why some men are outraged over paternity fraud.

We live in a society or some of us grew up in a society that gave excuse or justified infidelity amongst men under the guise of "men are polygamous in nature"they forget that men can be used to refer to women too and that polygamous is a gender neutral word for men it is polygyny for women it is polyandry.

When you justify infidelity or adultery you reap paternity fraud because these married men sleep with married women who are wives of other men who are at the receiving end when it comes to paternity fraud.

You men cannot always eat your cake and have it you feel bad when cheated on and call women who commit adultery all sorts of names but hail men when they cheat on women what happened to what is good for the goose is good for the gander.Some people seem to forget that the cheating men don't sleep with themselves they sleep with people's wives and girlfriends too so maybe that shows that women are polygamous in nature and two can play a game.

You cannot be preaching morality and chastity on women while failing to hold yourselves to account as well it doesn't work that way because it is a small world afterall if boys are not taught morality, decency and chastity we will continue to hear tales of paternity fraud and infidelity.

As we try to shame and tell young girls not to follow married men let's not forget to tell young boys and married men to leave married women alone it is the same polygamous men that are sleeping with these women and another man is at the receiving end of this disaster men don't sleep with themselves they sleep with women

As for the married men and women depending on your vows if you promised to be faithful try to be faithful and stop cheating beautiful women and handsome men will never finish in this word try to stick to one be contented,committed and try to learn discipline.


I think we should ask men why they are outraged

Trumann:
A woman engaged in extramarital affairs with a married man is regarded as a concubine.
A child born out of wedlock is a bastard.

Your feelings can't change the fact.

It is not my feelings,it is our modern reality so get used to it and stop arguing unnecessarily over obsolete terms that are no longer widely in use and seen as offensive you seem not to even know that words evolve there is no fact to change truth remains that it is an outdated term you are the one trying to change current realities and facts which you cannot change or win against

maynia:
I don’t think Davido and wizkid is raising any bastard currently. They did series of DNA test before taking those kids.

Are they married to their mothers or you don't know the meaning of wedlock
Which kind shalaye be this, I was really right you are an illiterate bastard.

Bye boy I won't respond again just go and learn

maynia:
Women like you should stop giving birth to Bastards then we stop using it, mother of Bastards

I will ignore you henceforth I had fun educating you


Bye

maynia:
Go take care of em bastards. Hope they get to know em real father soon that’s based on if you gan know

You must be talking about your personal experience.

Kpele take your advice I don't need it.

Trumann:
All Wizkid's children, all Davido's children are all bastards. They fit the definition of bastards and they are bastards. Linda Ikeji' a son is also a bastard.

Illegitimate, out of wedlock, etc are merely trying to play down the nonsense of breeding bastards.

Hence why nobody can be called a bastard today.

Learn this now,I dare you to go and tell them to their faces if you won't be sued self.For your sanity and free word of advice flow with the times nobody is a bastard everyone is a human being with fundamental rights under the law.

The term is out of place.