₦airaland Forum

What I value the most in a man is goodness. Someone who has integrity and does the right thing, even when it is inconvenient or when nobody is watching.

I would lose my sanity if I wasted energy trying to train my husband.

Better to let him scratch his nuts and throw his socks on the dining table!

I am married.

, but not to a dog!

@sheniqua

are men dogs that they need to be trained now?

Looks and wits but not money.

However, when I was dating, I did consider a man's potential to make money - his intelligence, ambition, etc. A man can have lots of money today but if he is stupid, you will be living in a shack tomorrow.

My Nigerian dad (in-law) has a daughter who is married to a congressman. He refers to her as "the one who is married to the congressman" instead of by her name.

Can someone explain this to me? Is this a common thing for a father to do?

yemivictor:

Personally, i don't think i'm yet liberated up to the point of allowing my would-be wife to form an alliance with her father's name & my surname !!

Oh, actually that's what I did - the hyphenation.

My husband didn't "allow" it! It's my name, I choose it. He's just lucky I allowed him to keep his name! just kidding

I'm not saying that you shouldn't enter a relationship with him.  But mixing papers with romance is already leading to problems.

Normally, by the time you walk down the isle, you have a pretty good idea of what your partner expects of you.  You have already established submission and domination dynamics.

In your case, you will already be married by the time you start negotiating these kinds of things.  It just makes everything SO complicated!

It's basically the same as an arranged marriage.  These can work, but normally they happen between 2 people with very similar backgrounds, so that expectations are clearly understood.  

Here you have what is basically an arranged marriage between 2 people who have completely different backgrounds and a very limited understanding of what is expected from both ends.

It's scary, sista.  I am really worried for you.

yemivictor:
. . . and what'd she be giving you in return!?

the same?

Raimond:
Don`t take the sex for granted.Give it all you`ve Got.

amen!

I'm sorry but your relationship with this man worries me.  It just has so many unhealthy elements to it.

This business of mixing papers with love is just so wrong.

I'm sorry, I just had to say it.

sistawoman:
I am just looking to understand what he expects from me.

Have you asked him?

@joomie

Your words are wise. Marrying someone with the intent of changing them is equivalent to signing up to a life of misery for both of you.

guys, she stated that the first marriage was a sham, purely done for papers. No one in their right mind expects these marriages to work out. No need to bash her - I'm sure her first husband has moved on just as quickly!

sistawoman:
I guess we could take it one paragraph at a time. I am really trying to understand his culture and background. this subordinate thing is sticking in my crowl. Althou my cousin said to me last night that i am submissive when he comes around and a controling bitch after he leaves.
How submissive is he really expecting me to be? is there any room for PMSing? How will i know if i have pushed him too far?

This is not so much a cultural thing as it is a historic thing. Women have been subordinate to men in every part of the world for centuries. Times are changing, sweetheart. Please just be yourself and communicate well with your husband. Please don't try to mold yourself into some silly idea you have of what the traditional Yoruba woman is supposed be like!

If I'm getting a divorce from my husband, the last thing I'm going to worry about is the hassle of changing my name back.

Why enter marriage assuming divorce? Of course I took my husband's last name - we are one now.

What is so shameful and secretive about our bodies? A child doesn't know that they are sexual or dirty unless you tell them that, or imply it.

Sorry guys but this is not Nigerian nature - this is human nature.

When proper checks and balances are not in place to prevent corruption, it will happen.

Sometimes that kind of conflict can just make your dedicaion to your faith stronger.