₦airaland Forum

and the baby came

the day the mother

dint want, aunty is having a laugh

wannabe uncle cant help but grin

that boy has mischief in his veins

niways. . . . . would leave that story to she who would say it someday


today. . . boxing day

who should i box?

i think this day is a day of reflection on everyone who deserved a punch from me

this year and dint get it

prepared a long list

vesc. . . .for daring to defy my ban

tgrl. . . . .for hounding me for an interveiw

princesa . . . .for daring to go head to head with me

stillwater. . . .for feeling her essence is calm

bluespice . . . . for feeling too cool

gami. . . . . . for running away from this all

sisi/baby/jinx. . . . . . . . you would have to give me 3 reasons why i should not punch you from here to timbuktu?
you are the worst culprit



to everyone else specify date and time

you would repay what you owe me





and yeah i dint forget

merry christmas

i am indebted to you all

ok half day they say today is

why dont i get that lucky?

esseintial services bullcrap

i am stuck here till 8pm

everyone is out a partying

grrr . . . . . . . . . .i feel so mad

i feel like using petrol bomb

on a certain building if thats going get me out of here like now

and tgurl . . . . . . . . . . .

Nope, I din't give up, I'm just done

sounds very much like i give up to me


but then again

who am i?

the dude that finds it a burden to clean his own kitchen

sweeping his house is an occasion

a few spiders have taken permanent residence somewhere around

water . . .ah you dont want me to talk about that


a million pairs of socks

because its convenient to buy new ones than wash old ones

who am i?


someone who probably isnt in the position to tell you



that you have given up

but i will anyways

tgurl4real

why have you given up?

Greastest achievement: Making people believe I'm a myth


thats from usual suspects

i am so thrilled by this, confused ,chasing my tail and loving every moment of it

neat writeup. . . . . . . .i must confess as usual

meanwhile where is everyone?

the silence here is baffling

have they all gone to the peace and serenity

of their villages?

village,supposed to be peaceful and serene

but nah, nay, narry

mine isnt,cars whining past at top speed

the hum and buzz of generators

wanna be local bumpkins wanting to act in control

different chants of ori'kis in the air

grand aunts chanting names and family names

what happened to going to the stream to fetch water?

instead the noise of the pumping machine you here

sounds of bangers rent the air at night

with the skyline lite in different colors

have i told you about the famous attitude of nepa?

you are left in the dark as usual

the tipping of the village wannabe hunters

to get us bush meat over kegs of palmwine

aww. . . . . . . . . . .my village

ok. . . . . . . . .reality check

i am not going any where

working on Christmas day

as a matter of fact haven't lived that dream in 7years


but its still my village

where is everyone

dele momodu mrs

why give up so easy?

or are you just wrapping up for the year

to start again next year?

ok

the sky fell

why did the sky fall

ask the sun, i was told

mr sun why did the sky fall

dont ask me ask the atmosphere the sun said

why would i find the atmosphere,i asked

i dont know said the sun in a rather rude manner

that guy needs to watch his manners, so back to the sky story

the sky fell, yes it did, why it fell we know not

but the fact that it fell we all know

what happened to make it fall

ask the atmosphere i was told

where do i find the atmosphere i asked

in a rude manner the sun ,told me he doesnt know

yes the sun is male the moon is female

do i need to explain why?

is it me, or this guy just me?

what?

did you just write?

i invited would-be spartans

not side comments

from my merry friends

draw your sword

or remove you pistol

if its the battle axe you favour so be it

i will drop my chain mail to make things easy for you

hell i would fight one-handed

i am in such a sporting mood that

i would take on

sir vesc and lady princesa

at the sametime

bring it on. . . . . . . .





vesc. _{. . . . . . . . i thot i banned you for another 2weeks?}

am bored silly

am bored stiff

am just plain bored

and bored

i mean bored bored

i am so bored i dont know what else am feeling

i am bored enough to pluck someone's eye out

just to hear the person yell in pain

i am bored

and i think i am sad

heard a few ago

a biker died whilst riding

seen him a coupla times

but don't know him know him

we are kindred brethren and i feel for his passage

yeah i know, hold your thoughts i aint quiting riding

don't tell me of the dangers or high mortality rates

i don't want to know

i am tired

bored that i have had

4meatpies

and 3cans of sprite this morn

i am bored so much so that i want to go grab another smoke

a few after the last one

i am so bored i am spoiling for a virtual showdown

i am screaming for a fight! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

someone please step up, i want a fighit

gimmie a fight

dont care if i win or lose it

all i know is i want a fight

with you, yes you

big head,or is it small nose

aha small ears too

am sure you have being told that a million times over

. . . . . . . . . . . .'s got a small head


. . . . . . . . . . . .'s got a small head

. . . . . . . . . . . .'s got a small head^{(in a singsong manner)}



ok let someone hurry up and humor me

before the moment passes

com'n fight me

another day

another dollar

another rant

another aspiration

another goal

another holdup

another meal

another issue

another topic

another debate

another pain

another friend

another lecture

another sighting

another holdup

another nagging

another meal

another outfit

another shoe

the same body

the same face

the same drive

the same love

the same passion

the same office

the same route

the same colleagues

the same taunts

the same fridays

same bus

same chair

same computer

same rants









and the same ol 'me. . . . . . . . . .am i not being over burdened here

blood thirsty?

i beg to differ, my good sir

vampires are blood thirsty

those uncontrollable werewolfs are bloodthirsty

count dracula was blood thirsty

sir hanibal lecta was a mad man

me i am just a gentleman of distinct taste in rage via rants

recognise the need to let it out

the vent for frustration

and the occasional drive for violence even if its on paper

so bloodthirsty i am not

a service provider i am.


if you are looking for peeps to quantify let me direct you

the bastards that are into ritual killings

even babies arent excluded

had a dream or rather i was in thought

asides the obvious humor in that movie jenifa

those girls went to a party and would end up

ingridients for ritualists and the money hungry or sustaining bastards

God takes his time and as a man i dont understand why

those guys should die the gruesome of all deaths

a thousand cuts of death is too kind

stoning them to death would be too swift

drowning them would be over quickly

firing squad would be the height of injustice

hanging them would be bribery

those guys need to see,feel,touch hell on earth

even though most of them know they are headed for hell

but the hell should start here,

since i am man

i can only curse via prayers

i pray they dont know peace

both in their waking moments and sleep

what, i pray they seek sleep and it eludes them

i pray joy and peace of mind eludes them and theirs

i pray every soul sent forth by them haunts them from now till eternity

i pray for exposure, i pray for the world to see them as the devils they are

i pray that the almight God moves fast and swifty to counter this bastards

i pray they seek water and find blood

i pray they seek bread and find stone

i pray they seek light and find darkness

i pray for the plague of egypt to befall them and theirs a million times over

i pray for the screams of the dead to haunt them for ever

i pray we and ours never cross paths with this set of people

i ask for the protection given only by the most high himself to envelop us and ours

i pray for life peace joy wealth love to be buddies of ours from this day forth. . . . . .







it really is saddening what the humanfolk has turned into

you clueless?

who said that

certainly not ari,

has to be the blaze within

to err is blaze to forgive . . . .

aha

the old talk about spontaneousness

the need to be dazzled

what makes women feel,they are the only gender

in need of being dazzled

ok am looking for a woman who would dazzle me

who would bake a storm when mad, and throw the pan at me when i goad her

kiss me the next minute, say i love you, a woman who wont be a nag

but would have my back,a woman who is on level with me

not equal with me on certain terms but on others am certainly the man thus should take responsibility

unpredictable you say, yeah i would love to be woken up with kisses in the middle of the night

be a slave to her lustful advances

i want to be dazzled , its predictable for a man to fix the blub or be handy with the tools around

so unpredictability means, i sit back and let you do it(note i wont sit on the sofa watching football)

i would take my bike out and ride to no end

predictability would mean she would nag at me

but since we are aiming for out of the norm

she would welcome me with open arms

wash my feet in warm water

while using the other hand to fend off our wandering mini -me

from turning the plasma TV to his personal battle field

so my dear sis. . . . .

you still want unpredictability?:

sush . . . . . . . .tgirl4real

she is sooo clueless

but i get first shot at first date

since i dont even know what a date is about

guess i would give her the reins and the bills

all i have to do is make an appearance and erase her pinion of first dates

say you support me tgirl please say you do

ok i hereby

barnish you to serial first dates

with me and me alone

yeah me just me

i mean me

and yeah sisikill or is it baby jinx

have i told you

i love you today

so formalities out of the way

when are we going on the first of our serial first dates huh?

would the 31st be okay?

have a feeling of deja vu with that date

or i have a feeling that 31st i might be on a date with another person that is not you sisi

but hope best alternative is okay with you just incase the lady in question is a no no(but then again she promised me,and i believe her)

before you start lecturing me. . . . remember it isnt ari,  talking its the blaze in him

hey dont make me feel bad

aight . . . . . .

or crumble into tears

a man i am

tears is only for when

there is absolutely no water to drink

moreso i dont cry good

make awfully sounds

screaming iya mi oooo

egba mi oooo

yeeee yeee yeee

i love my mumi ooooo

ejo ejo ejo ejo

jesu jesu jesu

date?

did you say date?

let me tell you a lie

never being on a date before

never even rolled to the club with someone i had a thing for before

dont go to the cinemas thus a date at the movies is out

hell, i have had next to nill experience dating that i dont even know

what gift to get a lady, i just know buying a perfume is a safe option

not that i have even done that before . . . . . . . . . .

if a date is me hanging out drinking with the boys whilst a lady is in tow

and we are gisting about how elusive and unpredictable women are

or how we intend to remain single for ever then i have had that a couple of times

come to think of it, no wonder none of them chicks ever picked my calls afterwards


so madam. . . . . . . . . . .guess am just toning the biceps and cutting the hair for the fun of it

so i just went for a haircut

my barber says and his name is star

so don't disrespect him

that i have an oda hair

i go like what does that mean?

he says oyinbo hair, that my hair is very soft

which brings me to why i cut the hair in the first place

five in my fam, parents inclusive

am the first,blessed with 'soft' and spiky hair

it was always a trip when my hair starts to,grow

my sis, soft long hair

the last brat oops born. . . . . .

i soo envied that boy's hair

curly hair, but now i don't envy him that much

receding hairline,a baldy in his mid-20s but he is still the taller of us two

anyways back to my hair saga

3months ago started growing or rather decided not to cut the hair

my goatee and hair. . . . i don't know what look i was going for

but you all know i have weird tendecies so that shouldnt suprise you

3months later i started looking like an alfa with funky hair

it was dope on a bike but off the bike. . . . . the alfa role comes to play

peeps in my office wised up to not complaining and me, just have a bath

don't cream or add anything and am good with the hair

but after the incidence with them cops decided to cut the goatee

and wahala starts

ah you look good

why not cut the hair too

abi doesnt this fit ari, ?

yeah it does please cut your hair

you would look finer

.  . . . . . . . .did i ever tell anyone i was aiming for fine . . . . . . . .  

nag right left center

from up down left right

thus i arive at the barbers

who is subjecting my scalp to toture now

and i am without a clue as to why am cutting my hair

what happened to when men were more manly with there hair

before the era of grooming qnd manicured nails

i want to go back to that time, i want to go back to that time

why can't i be an unkept version of wole soyinka

why can't i just be a rasta man if i so choose

now my beautiful envialbe hair is gone

and i would be seeing her pretty soon

i feel like a cub instead of a lion

in his full mane and glory

ok now am hurt

na me wan die abi?

all because am tripping she

ok as from today i stop to trip

i am untrippable now

i go back to my bench of not tripping

i am so not going to trip, trip not shall i

trip isnt me, i isnt trip to trip or mot to trip

i wont take the trip to trip

why trip when you can watch the strip

it isnt a trick when i say i wont trip

love is a trip

honest i dont know

ok, i am ignorant

dxb confounds me

the meaning eludes me

am i daft, so it mean dumd has finally caught up with me

ok 2+2 =4 she

20*5 =100

lagos is the capital of newyork

and i am the blonde version of the blackrace

aaaah. . . . . . .

i guess that means i am so not suited to be on this thread

oma God she wont want to date me after its exposed i dont know shit

nah not for you

but for her,depending on who she is

bluespice

dint you see me rant about sat3 and starrcomms?

mehn google would just make my modem blow. . . .

com'n be nice and you just called me babeey

i am going darker all over

what happened to the picture

of you in shades and giving us the peace to the middle east

thought that was def

tgurl4real. . .go figure

but then again

thats posed to be you getting kisses from vesc

bluespice:wetin be DXB?

NO PAIN NO GAIN

dude that coined that phrase

is my enemy for life,

thats whats on the gym door

aww, pain understatement

toture more like it,

why do i have to gym?

why exercise?

is it posed to be fun?

why have my hands screaming from lifting weights cummulative 10kg

lol, imagine when the instructor took me there

saw this tiny weights and the guy was like

is this okay?set myself up, actually laughed and was like it looks small

but i would try, lol those words haunt me like tgirl4real till now

10 freaking kg . . . . . . . . . . . .does that mean i cant carry a toddler?

could pump the thing 10times!

was in the army for christsakes

carried a GPMG over rocky terrian in jos for two nights

did obstacle crossing in FSMO and made cut off time

frogged jumped the lenght of the parade ground 3times at once

could strike target at 400metres out

could romance the pillar for more than 5minutes

could hangup for that long too

actually knocked stones till one could rap to the beats

now,puny 10kg,10kg has me in a bind

matters are rendered worse when i see guys ushing 75kg, me 10kg

haba who i offend?

try forgive me oo

dumbells,thats another issue my biceps and pump 4times

the 5kg, think its funny?

well i aint laughing

my arms are sore

when did i lose the edge

better yet why am going through

the stress

for 6packs?

what a laugh

for defined shape?

i garner i dont look to bad

for a longer healthy life?

who says beer and cigar dey kill?

so for what na?

the answer eludes me

but one thing i know for sure i rue the minute i paid my gym fees

now i have to gym my money's worth

if not i would feel shortchanged

why cant i pay the fees then just get the abs

why,pain, sweat pain before getting it?

afterall i have paid na . . . . . . . .




no pain no gain

how i hate that phrase

vesc dont get me started

on just how reliable starrcoms and sat3 is

sush . . . . . . . . . dont want peeps knowing

i got my YIM displayed,what with uninvited(lol)

went out of my way to buy a ridiculuos movie today

glad i did, what with muscle aches from trying to grow a 6pack

its being 24hrs since my first gym experience and it feels like 24years

so back to the movie.jenifa,lol everyone in my office was all about it

fun film to watch

just like in usual susects when kevin spacey said

am scared of shooting the devil in the back, what if i miss

got me so did this in jenifa

when ever you walk in high heels and you twist the ankle what would you say?

suliat:i would say YEE

tracy: no thats wrong you say ooouch(in low tones)

lol, dont know if you all get this but that shit had me cracked open

even though , whole chest pains. . . . . .


i think i gotta rant about gyming

tgirl4 real

vesc still has me in a daze

that guy is something else

how can i hope to match his guile

moyola what's up with da ghetto ganglish?

you crips five o

or bloods ck?

leave the ghetto thang just before you log in

but feel free to bring the attitude in


ok tgirl4real

i dont have someone's guile

or even the swarve me i am a

one dimensional man

tgirl4real real sounds like the tip of my cue

or is it when i tee my golf ball for that famous eagle of mine

am as real oops you are as real as nice

ok that sounds lame abi?

really not good at this

someone said the only intriguing thing bout me is my bike

haba! so not fair

ok back to tgirl not to digress

she haunts me

rather she hunted me

she wants a gazillion kisses

from vesc,a slave driver she is if you ask me

meticulous she is in her ways

but still kisses she wants not pecks ooooo

question,vesc,tgirl. . . . . . . .jaws have being knwn to fracture

from kissing and tonguing more so those body fluids exchanged

well back to kissing again, kissing.,kissing, kissing ,kissing,kissing, kissing ,kissing

kissing, kissing ,kissing

kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing
kissing, kissing ,kissing



your jaws aching yet?

ariblaze is in a daze

of pain,men it was a rain of strain

great you say,hurt my brain does

went to the gym after being convinced

my pouch wasnt sexy as i thought

rain of pain i tells you,strain my muscles did

have a laugh all the old plump ladies there did

home now glad its all over, a dinner of bread and stew he has

princesa gory as usual,i like the hoe part,imagine the sweet thud when

you strike the mendula oblangata with that shit. . . . . . . . . . the pleasant sound of spilling

brain matter,men it qould take a thug to tame you princesa

vesc,sparrows you say   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .witches i say go read your palms lol

witches arent as nice neither do they like gore that much

go call your pastor,or is it a prayer warrior that you know

really believe me. . . . . . . .have you started having weird dreams yet?

things started changing positions in your house

loud voices at night

doors banging without the wind?

pray paray hard

by the way you are still banned

ariblaze is in a daze

of pain,men it was a rain of strain

great you say,hurt my brain does

went to the gym after being convinced

my pouch wasnt sexy as i thought

rain of pain i tells you,strain my muscles did

have a laugh all the old plump ladies there did

home now glad its all over, a dinner of bread and stew he has

princesa gory as usual,i like the hoe part,imagine the sweet thud when

you strike the mendula oblangata with that shit. . . . . . . . . . the pleasant sound of spilling

brain matter,men it qould take a thug to tame you princesa

vesc,sparrows you say . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .witches i say go read your palms lol

witches arent as nice neither do they like gore that much

go call your pastor,or is it a prayer warrior that you know

really believe me. . . . . . . .have you started having weird dreams yet?

things started changing positions in your house

loud voices at night

doors banging without the wind?

pray paray hard

by the way you are still banned

the glassy eyed mofo

3pm phone rings

wish i dint pick

5hours after i got home

i got the graveyard shift again

tired and very tired i joined the bus

tired sleeping,but unfortunate enough to be on the absorbers

hissing,blazed satup to a blur then suddenly a flash whiiizeeeeee

at over 190kilometers the car breezed past,trying to spoon inbetween cars

a mess of the job he made an okada man almost paid a visit over the embankment to the lagoon

fashola'a corporate cab was the culprit, remembered hissing some more and then went back to reading

when suddenly eeeeeeeeeee gbasssssssh gbola

eyes quickly to the road

vehicles squealing to a halt

people in a daze, 3 cars ,corporate cab,hot a volvo then a madza

first thought.God i don't want to see blood

second,i want to kill that cab driver

jumped out of the staff bus to assist

driver told us to desist,husband, wife and two kids less than 4years

in madza very shaken,very scared and very much in shock

the guy in volvo was very very much in shock

and the idiot that caused it?

his airbag popped,his car was a mess

and he, calmy walked out of his car

staggering,unpeturbed to his car chyecking

not more than a glance to his victims

sits on his damaged bonnet he did somewhat in a glassy daze

not one from shock,but one from drugs

he goes to remove car batteries,

am like what @$#%#^ is wrong with this bastard

hands start to itch

palms start to sweat

adrenalin starts to pump

anger starts to rise

eyes start to dim

feet start to make way towards him

i know the perfect remedy for an erring brain

halfway there colleagues noticed ,him i question

unperturbed he tried to answer,slap him i sooo wanted

held back i was,group gets agitated lynch him some suggested

lucky him i would say, for RRS came at the very time to slap him from there to their car

if you ask me the guy dint even know he was being slapped

why would a druggie drive

why would you make 200 on the 3rd

during a weekday by 6pm

why would you attempt a spoon in a japanese car at that speed

why shouldn't people beat the shit out of you?

we thank God for no live was lost

the slob who loves her

ok,you caught me

but,its still an original title

not the spy who loves me.

he is a slob

she a compulsive cleaner

everything in place,imagine she even knows

when someone uses her office desktop in her absence

not from the user login but, her exact positioning

he throws his socks around

she wears her hair in a bond

he grabs his jeans from the laundry basket

she irons her clothes,a month before wear then a night before wear

he brushes his teeth once a day

she twice a day and after meals

he adores free food

free food tastes crap to her

his bed is never laid,cept mommy is coming over

her bed doesnt have a crease on it

his shoes are strewn everywhere

her shoes can only be seen in the shoe rack

his laundry bag,is where ever his first dirty cloth lands

her laundry bag is almost non existent

his car gets washed, when please wash me is written on it more than 5times

her car gets washed everyday

he spends money as if he grows money

she has a better job, saves money and a partner in a number of successful businesses

he cant remember the last time he looked at his hair

she arranges her hair every 2hours

a stain on his shirt is just a stain

a stain on her shirt is invasion of her world and must be battled

he snores like a bull

she sleeps like a babe

he is so lazy

she is so hardworking


he is so in love




she is so unsure

the slob

the lost

the confused

the overwhelmed

the opposite





but he is still the man who loves her

you challenged my story dint you?

well read about the school

then come to your own conclusions

pity i am not giving you my name

if not would have told you to look it up

on the norminal roll of ex boys

the operative word

here is retired init?

means, i am an inductee into the civil life

and civilians can be so. . . . .

god of war

please dont mind me o

just goofing around

when i saw your handle

god of war

sea of lust came to mind

thus in my twisted way

i would try and get many more to come.

as i said humor me. . . . . . . . . . . . .

dogs of war

men of war

demons of war

machines of war

girls of war

sillies of war

guns of war

books of war

cars of war

clothes of war

war of worlds

war of men

war of gods

war of demons

prince of thieves

apples of indian

idi amin of uganda

crime of passion

women of pleasure

ok. . . . . . . , . .

am sure most of you might be thinking . .

this is

silly of me

indian apples

so scum of the earth

the so called intelligence community

be a soldier and not the sly

whatever happened to normal warfare?

sun tzu would roll over in his grave now

well since you asked, i wont have eaten them apples

and if i did, i wont go out whining, i would with tons of peeps

in a blaze of glory oops bullets

and no i wasnt gunslinging

i was being tutored in the art of war

in the art of being an officer and a gentleman

in the art of surviving against all odds

in the art of being an aggressor

in the art of looking like a spartan(though i must admit,i have a pouch now)

a traitor i would never have being

because the creed of the army binded me tight

and the camouflage was a fit.