Ashieduplus's Posts
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As expected, despair that portentous landlord of my mind came, demanding the rent. In my frustration I let loose my inhibitions, freed myself of all restraints and set off on a dating spree. I dated girls of all kinds and shapes -tall, short, robust, thin, Igbo, Urhobo, Igala, Ghanaian. Even Somalian, I swear. Akpevwe and Stacy are my witnesses. I slowly garnered a reputation as an inveterate serial kisser. My haunt was that open space infront of Council Hall, popularly dubbed "Small Market" by its other faithful patrons. But all these girls were nothing like Christie. They tasted of sawdust, locust beans, engine oil, garlic; but not like fanta. |
First semester, year two. I was finally ready. I took Christie to Coke-spot where we devoured wrap after wrap of Gala and drank bottles of Fanta (she loved it too; little wonder her complexion). I took her on walks to the bank of river Ethiope behind the Girls' hostels - since the more fancy beaches like Mudi and Arthur's were too expensive, being the exclusive preserve of those lecherous SUG chieftains and their bikini-clad acolytes. Certainly, that was enough proof of my love and devotion, wasn't it? What do you mean? I should have popped the question? Don't be silly. That would have been merely superflous. Yet, how I tried! I really did, but to no avail. Yes I chose words carefully, the way a seamstress selects her cloth material. I sewed the words together into phrases, the phrases into clauses, the clauses into sentences. I washed them. Ironed them. Checked for tense, concord and punctuation. Removed dangling modifiers. Then I tried them on for size. But they did not fit. Ah! Imagine my pain! I could not tell Christie. So I consoled myself with even more Fanta. |
And then disaster. I looked on as the entire male population of DELSU Abraka wood her, watched helplessly as beau after beau courted her. I saw her slipping from my hands like sand in an hourglass. I simmered like a pot of stew. You've got to hand it to those DELSU guys though. I mean those guys were pros. They knew how to woo girls. Academic endeavours aside, those belated undergraduates majored in taking babes out to fancy restaurants like Bravo and Genesis where they fed their charges fat with chicken and rice and coke and fanta, slipping little morsels of flattery and lies in between. Those smooth operators - mostly SUG stalwarts sporting starched shirts, designer wristwatches and car keys - they found the strings to the girls' hearts and played with the dexterity of concert guitarists; they pirouted the girls like ballerinas, spinning the damsels senseless like carousels. Then like sharp shooters they went for the kill. Not one to be outdone by the competition, I quickly struck back. I plagiariazed Shakespeare. I devoured several self-help books, notably THE ART OF PUBLIC SPEAKING, DATING FOR DUMMIES, WOOING 101 and HOW TO GET YOUR DREAM GIRL IN TEN EASY STEPS, studying them with the seriousness of a final-year medical student. I understudied the most accomplished Don Juans on campus. I drank Fanta. To coax more money from my dad I invented non-existent fees and phantom textbooks. With the proceeds of this treachery I bought a few passable second-hand clothes. I prepared frantically for the sessional exams, determined to make an all-round impression on Christie. Of course after taking any paper I would fortify myself with more Fanta. I cut my hair. |
Needless to say, I fell in love on the spot, promptly forgetting my name and my manners. Even after Jaw had introduced us I kept repeating her name to myself for no reason at all, twisting it this way and that as if it held the secrets of the universe. I should have spoken my mind there and then? Siezed the moment? Told her that I loved her? Declared intentions, or amnesty or something? Carp diem my foot! What did I, a hillibilly, 17-year old 100 level English student of Delta State University, Abraka know about love? We never even uttered the word at home. Yes, we dutifully told our mum that the soup was finger-licking delicious; we thanked our dad each time he paid our fees; we got worried each time one of our siblings stayed out late. But tell them we loved them? Never. To us "love" was a exotic animal, an endangered species found only in Daniel Steele novels, Harlequin novellas and steamy Mexican soap operas. Besides what if I had told her - then what? Then she would have noticed my worn sandals, which had seen more mileage than BRT buses. Or seen how my Jeans - the only pair I owned - didn't quite reach down to my ankles; my oversized T-shirt (a promo gift from Emzor Paracetamol); the skinny arms that hung limply from my shoulders like broken branches; my hair so thick and unkempt you could have hunted antelopes in the undergrowth; my yellow teeth; bloodshot eyes - she would have seen all these, laughed, scolded saying, "love is not for people like you". So I kept quiet and swallowed my words, choked on them. To my immense joy, I and Christie were coursemates and soon developed a friendship of sorts, after Jaw got out of the way like the good friend he is. Yes, Christie has quite forgotten how I faithfully followed her everywhere like a puppy after its mistress. She no longer remembers the numerous times she caught me staring at her during lectures and she smiled that mischievious smile of hers. Wasn't that chemistry? Wasn't that proof? She surely can't remember one night in the female ward of a government hospital when a nosy, overfed matron asked me - I swear on grave of my dead cat - this matron asked me whether Christie was my "babe". Then I glanced wistfully at the beauty shivering violently on the bed in the throes of a malevolent fever. And I said, "Yes, she is". Just like that. But Christie wasn't conscious at the time so it probably didn't count. So you see, I do not blame her. She is so easy to forgive. I spent a semester daydreaming of kissing her instead. Surely it would taste just like Fanta, wouldn't it? After all she was as yellow as orange juice. So on and on I fantasized (forgive the pun). So each time I joined Jaw and the Room 19 gang at Coke-spot I stuck to Fanta while the others demolished coke, sprite and schwepps. |
It is not her that I blame as I remember that cold, dreary September afternoon six years ago I first met her. No. Neither is it the fault of my friend Jawbone who introduced us: he was just a cog in the wheel of fate. It is that black dress Christie wore, the one with blue and white patterns, contrasting nicely with her fanta-yellow skin, those bright eyes that shone with the intensity of the headlamps of a spanking-new Honda Civic, those impossibly perfect teeth fit for a Close-up advert, the superbly sculpted nose; her hair black as a moonless night- it is them that I blame. Them and Akon. |
Amnesia is not such a bad thing sometimes. Once in a while I have found it convenient to forget one faux pas or the other logged in my memory. As a matter of fact one personal indiscretion which I would gladly expunge from my mind (but which alas has stuck stubbornly like meat strands in my teeth) was when my mother caught me using my offering to buy suya thirteen odd years ago. Another was in May when I taught a two-hour class (blissfully?) unaware that the zip of my trousers had been open the whole time. I very much doubt that those erudite damsels at AGGS Onitsha would ever forget the bizzare spectacle of a pair of yellow and pink-patterned boxers peeping through the kakhi trousers of their English teacher/corps member as he fervently explained the differences between the active and passive voices. Forgetfulness on the other hand can also be painful, particularly when one is on the receiving end. Like when Amanda, whom last weekend I took out to Ozone cinemas with the remnants of my NYSC allowance (three thousand naira), all in the vain hope of making a favourable impression, conveniently forgot my existence in the presence of her current boyfriend, a bank manager (happily married, two kids). Yes, I've seen it all. You can probably imagine my extreme discomfiture when Christie on whom once I had hung my universe, whose smiles had once been the fabric from which my dreams were woven had the gall to announce -not in the safe confines of a confidential tete a tete, but on twitter and facebook - that I, Jaja lacked the boldness to woo a girl; that I croaked like a frog and screeched like crow; that I had tried with her and failed. I, Jaja! |
I nearly once bought a t shirt with the inscription: "I used to be a good boy buy girls spoilt me". |
m.k.o2005:So by implication God Almighty moved from the substance (Abraham's Tithe) to shadows (Levitical tithe)? |
@fr_evangel Pls wat church do u attend now? I'm curious. |
@ Ellowitz.. All xtians r priests in the new dispensation.. Not just levites o. Priests! 1st Peter 2 vs 5 -9 |
@fr_evangel Pls wat church do u attend now? I'm curious. |
router123: Guys tithing is a mystery just as the blood Jesus shed for you is a mystery. If you understand hw the blood of one man (Jesus) washes away the sin of billions explain. According to heb7 if you read dat chapter will there is a line the that states that though we give mortal men the tithe but he (Christ )receives it. Tithe is a mean of acknowledging the blessings of God. If you work in a office setting you will knw dat most letters goes in pair. The original and an acknowledgement copy which will be signed by the recipient of the letter but kept by the sender so should the recepient try to play pranks in d future dat he never received such info the acknowledgement copy that he signed will be shown to him as a proof to counter his claim. So it is out tithe. When you pay ur tithe u r saying - God I got what u sent me But if u didn't sign the acknowledgement copy (pay tithe) he will blv the blessing was sent to d wrong address and will stop sending it there. One thing I personally love abt tithing is dat It awaken me to what I have realized so far cash cos you have to knw you total income before you calculate the tithe. And in most cases am supposed at wht have made so far therefore thinking for a better way of maximizing my resources. Am not a pastor and will never be. I just love God. If u r still nt clear u can ping me on 7648cf62Please support what you have just said with scriptural proof.. |
Mark Miwerds: The thing is, although we are not under the Law, the teachers of this man-made monetary tithe certainly are under the Law according to the Word of God.Abeg help me tell them oo |
Pastor Kun: need to post this on another tithe thread.feel free. |
Sometimes when I read Bidam's posts I wonder whether the tempke in Jerusalem is still standing. Whether the curtain hasn't been rent in two. Oh that Luther were alive!!!! |
If he quotes Matthew 23 vs 23, ask him: 7. If he is a pharisee? 8. Whether Jesus had died already when He made the statement. 9. After Jesus' ressurrection, were tithes mentioned again as specific instructions to the body of christ? 10. Where tthes were equated with money in the scriptures? 11. Why wasn't it required in Acts 15? Ask him for scriptural answers o. Don't let him deceive you with testimonies. EVen babalawo adherents have theirs... |
If your pastor teaches tithes ask hin these questions 1. Are you a jew to pay tithes? 2. Is he a levite? If yes, can he trace his geaneology to prove it? 3. Is your church the temple in Jerusalem? 4. Aren't we permitted to eat our tithes? (Deut. 14) 5. Shouldn't we give our tithes to widows, orphans and aliens? 6. Are we under the law? Or has Christ delivered us from the curse of the law? |
Sad to see that many "xtians" are tied to the apron strings of their pastors. These misguided fellows see it as their sacred suty to regurgitate the rubbish thsy have ben fed from the pulpits without taking time to STUDY the bible for themselves. Imagine someone saying that tithes link our finances with heavn. Where is that in the bible? Smh Tithes were simply agricultural produce. Besides since 70 A.D no Jew has paid tithes or firstfruits. In the new testament xtians are simply encouraged to give. |
So according to someone's twisted logic, if the brother of madman says the truth we should simply ignore him because he and the lunatic are brothers "cut from the same cloth".... Na wah.. |
Talk is cheap... God bless Mr President.. But we r votin him out come 2015 |
I'm shocked. Really. |
See scriptural engineering oooo. Ola! I wonder y . keep arguing when deut 14 & acts 15 bLow u out of d . water |
^^^^@ annibi Galatians 3vs 10 and Deuteronomy 14 vs 22 debunk the current tithing practices... The Deuteronomy passage in fact tells d Israelites to eat their tithe. Besides, there were 3 different tithes so which one are we practising now... |
idnoble135: This two also dont exist? Good God! What NL can do! SMH@idnoble FYI, it was not nairaland that showed me the truth. It only confirmed suspicions I have held for a long time. I am a thorough reader (thanks partly to a degree in English) and my study of the dialect of The King James period (in two different courses) baffled me to say the least. Many doctrines have arisen in our churches purely out of misinterpretation of the language of 1611. For instance, do you know why "unknown" is written in italics in our King James Bibles in !st Corinthians 14? Simple, because it was not in the original greek text! We were taught all these. Just check whether "unknown" is in your NIV. Don't take my word for it. Just ask any linguistics graduate. And please note... I'm not a girl. @ kun |
I have stopped tithing recently. Earlier this year, a thorough study of the bible showed me that many teachings in the Church (especially pentecostal are wrong), tithing included. My suspicions were confirmed when I stumbled upon Olaadegbu's thread on tithing. Other errors include tongie speaking, special anointing, first-fruit offerings, e.t.c. I thank God for people like frosbel, candour, goshen, shemidemi, and enigma. (even ola for starting the thread). The responses of bidam, jo and company where also helpful: their circular arguments and evasiveness pointed me to the truth. As of tis moment I am no longer "pentecostal", though i occasionally attend rccg. |
@ Enigma, Candour and co. I rily thank God I found this thread. Only now does the gospel of Jesus Christ make. sense to me. I believe that Jesus has paid everything and we cannot add any of our works to His sacrifice... Dats all.. |
The prosperity gospel is another lie I would like to debunk.... |
^^^ Pastor Kun: Congratulations my brother, now that your eyes have been opened and you know the truth, I hope you would share it with other brethen so that they can also be set free of this tithing yoke.The few times I have tried the persecution no be here o. There are many other lies I have been taught I no longer believe (firstfruit offering, Tongues, Special anointing/double portion anointing etc). I'll soon start a thread on them. |
More so, offering to God in the new Testament are never money or goods for that matter but our entire selves. Romans 12 vs 1 |
besides, the tithing command was given specifically to the Jews. You see, my eyes got opened a few months ago when I read Acts 15 vs 1-19 and the entire book of Galatians, especially chapters 2 and 3. Then, my bible center reference let me to Deuteronomy 14 vs 22. right now I feel like butterfly that has escaped from its chrysalis... |
Ola, having followed your posts in other topics I know you know your bible. But I respectfully disagree on some points. 1. God in his wisdom gave specific instructions on the payment of tithe. a)The tithe was NEVER money. (It was strictly agricultural produce. mind you money was already in use by that time). b)The Isrealites were to take the tithes to Jerusalem YEARLY where they were to eat it. (Surprisingly, it seems even alcohol was allowed as part of the celebration) c)In the third year they were to share the tithe with the levites and the poor. 2.Therefore, since we do not pay our AGRICULTURAL produce to LEVITES in JERUSALEM then what we o today is not the biblical tithe. Simple. 3. If we Xtians are still under the law then we must offer wave offerings, drink offerings, burnt offerings, e.t.c We must not shave our beards at the corners or eat pork (^^^peeps to see whether @mosthigh is online) 4. There is no mention of tithe and offerings in the NT (in the old testament sense); whatever offerings are collected are for God@s people and they are never called tithe. |