₦airaland Forum

i am not claiming to be the writer, thats why i put david deangelo's name at the end of the writeup

I beg your pardon

you heard me right, read it , take your time and read it

take your time and read the damn thing,you wud rather spend 1 hour making up

Today I have a story for you. It’s a story that you might find oddly familiar. But don’t be surprised.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a certain woman.
At first, she was just another attractive woman to him… but the more he learnt about her, the greater his attraction towards her became… and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and great affection for her.
However, there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew ever stronger, he also grew ever more insecure.
Why?
Because he had no idea whether or not she felt the same way about him.
She would occasionally say things like “You are so important to me” and “I’m glad that you’re in my life”… but for some reason, they never progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional hug, or a kiss on the cheek… and once she even held his hand gently while he told her about an emotional issue he was dealing with.
And yet something was wrong with the scene.
Her actions towards him weren’t those of a woman who was falling in love with him. They were the actions of a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a self-perpetuating black hole, and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of “messing things up” by attempting to kiss her or asking her to be his girlfriend.
And the more insecure he became, the less time she appeared to want to spend with him.
After spending a long time obsessing over this woman, the man finally made up his mind that if she only knew how he felt about her, she would naturally feel the same way.
So he made a daring move: one night, he told her how he felt.
He confessed that he was madly in love with her, and that he would do absolutely anything just to be with her for the rest of his life.
She looked at him with heartfelt compassion in her eyes and said “Thank you… I really like you… but I don’t want to mess up our friendship… you’re too important to me…”.
This only confused the man more; he didn’t know what to make of it…
Did it mean that she loved him as well, but was afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn’t ready for a relationship?
Did it mean that she was not in love with him, but was attempting to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn’t persuaded her, or tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put his heart on the line and really tell her how he felt about her?
He finally decided that he could no longer put up with this… he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her… so he took another big bold step, bought her a sweet gift, and wrote her a long letter confessing his feelings.
And then something unthinkable happened.Or rather, didn’t happen: she didn’t reply.
He called her every day for almost a week before reaching her.
She made excuses about being tied up at work, and said “I’ll try to call you soon, I have to rush off now”… and hung up.
But he never got a call back.
Over the next few months, the man tried to understand what he had done wrong, and what had happened to their friendship. At times he was bitter and resentful, but ultimately couldn’t figure it out.
THE END
OK, I’m back.
Wasn’t that a touching story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I shouldn’t give up my day job, and should never take up writing romance novels…
But let’s talk about that story.
That story is basically a myth… and I’m not talking about fiction here.
I’m talking about a story that will hit home with the great majority of men. A timeless classic. A story that resonates at a deep level because most men can identify with it.
But why does this particular story resonate so strongly for most men?
Because we’ve all been there at some point or another, and many of us have been there far too often in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the strong negative emotions that it elicits… as a result of the strong negative experiences that it reminds us of.
Stories like this one really interest me… I see them as an opportunity to understand and solve the puzzles that they represent, beneath the words.
In this particular situation I think there is a solution.
And it lies in understanding a secret that all women know, but most men don’t.
The secret that if a woman simply isn’t attracted to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her, will ultimately backfire.
In other words, they not only won’t work, they will actually make things worse.
In other words, all those things that an average man will do to try to make a woman like him, will actually make her not like him, or worse, they will make her run.
All those noble intentions and emotional dedications actually cause the man to do things that make her go away, and it just sucks.
By breaking down the process of how this happens, I’m hoping to save you from this painful situation arising in the future…
THE “INSTANT EWW”
I’m always fascinated by the notion that we humans often don’t understand or even appreciate the message that we’re communicating to others by our words and our actions…
Many of us think that just because we want to communicate a certain message, that others are going to naturally understand what we’re trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a fancy foreign car that has wheels that cost more than the car itself, stereo blasting, with a muffler that somehow amplifies the raw sound of the massive 4-cylinder motor?
Have you ever laughed, and thought to yourself “I doubt that car is communicating the message to women that he assumes it is”?
So have I.
Well here’s how it works:
If you do anything to “let a woman know how you feel”… but she isn’t attracted to you on a base level, then it’s going to backfire.
It’s going to trigger an emotional reaction that like to call the “Instant Eww”.
The Instant Eww is just as strong as the emotional and physical response of attraction.
Once a woman feels it, you’re done for, buddy.
It’s over.
It’s the nail in the coffin.
Once a woman feels the Instant Eww about you, she will start behaving differently towards you.
In short, she’ll vanish into thin air.
So how did I form the concept of the “Instant Eww”?
No surprises here: I got it from women.
I have actually heard many women use the exact word “Eww” when describing how they felt about a male who was “confessing his love” – naturally you can figure out that the feeling wasn’t mutual.
But what causes the Instant Eww?
And why would a girl feel it towards a guy who was trying to be honest, nice, noble… a guy who was giving her a gift, or telling her how he truly feels about her?
Because if you think about it from the woman’s point of view, you’ll realize (I hope) that the second you do something to “confess” to her, you have created an irreversible turning point in the relationship.
Up until that point, to her you were harmless, a flower, or pussy cat.
I mean, women generally always know how guys feel.
Let’s be honest, she knew you wanted her from the start.
But now that you’ve started chasing her and talking about your feelings, you’ve created an extremely uncomfortable negative tension.
You’ve triggered an emotion that is absolutely repulsive to women – and it does indeed repel them.
In summary:
You cannot ever “make a woman love you” or “change the way she feels about you” by doing sweet, nice things for her.
Doing “nice” things for a woman who isn’t attracted to you will hurt you. It will backfire. Worse, it creates the “Instant Eww” feeling that sets up the frame that she’ll never sleep with you.
Guys make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what makes sense to them, and because they don’t have a basic understanding of how attraction works.
If you have a friend, and you want to make them like you more, and you do some nice thing for them, they will presumably like you more.
On the other hand…
If you have a girl that you “like” in a romantic or sexual way, and she doesn’t feel the same way about you, and you do something nice for her because you want her to like you more, it will backfire.Not only will she not like you more – she will distance herself from you, to avoid the negative emotional reaction you will have created.
Most men think that they need to tell a woman when they “like” her… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting her, and making her attracted.
In their heads, it works sort of like this:
Like girl > Tell girl you like her > Girl likes you
But beware: if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren’t attracted to you in the first place, then not only will it not make them attracted to you: it will backfire.
If she doesn’t feel it for you, then it goes more like this:
Girl thinks of you as a friend > You tell girl you like her > Girl gets the “Instant Ewws” and never wants to be around you again…
THE ANSWER
This is essentially a two part solution.
The first answer is about what you should do if you’re in that situation where you like this particular girl, but you don’t know whether she feels the same way.
Whatever you do, do not lay it on heavy.
Do not buy her a big gift and do not write her long a love letter…
Don’t send a dozen roses to her work with a note saying “From your secret lover”. Don’t call her every day.
And whatever you do, don’t confess your love for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you, just kiss her (and use “The Kiss Test” that you can learn on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier or invest more than her. Use signals from her to find out how she feels.If you don’t know how to read and create those signals, you need to learn.
Asking her if she’s interested in you in, or if you are “her type” will destroy the chances that she’ll like you.
It seems counter intuitive? Many things in this world are.
The second answer is to make sure you don’t get into this particular situation in the first place! You need to avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating attraction from the outset – by grasping the dynamics of how and why the emotional and physical response of attraction is triggered.By knowing what you’re doing, right from the beginning.


David DeAngelo

which church

Gn, nigeria's famous, RUBBISH

men, these dyats its advisable, her guy cud give her a quickee or something anytime and you know men, we dont always carry Condoms everywhere, and that handbag is handy

Oh boy, na only fashola dey perform , all the other govs are so sitting lame ducks

WTF, we should not be having this kind of conversation in the first place,Say no to paedophiles, homosexuals and we can take it easy on lesbians-they are so damn hot

Some of my friends coming to abuja, where are the best places one can go to find a lot of beautiful women.

i have been reading this posts, and its clear thing that white girls love nigerian men,fact

all this girls saying it is not about the money, na lie, see dem , when reality stares them in the face, dem go know wassup

this is a real shallow and dumb question to be honest.

really, poster should try and get a life

na today, the best governor for anambra state is ngige period

i will simply resign and hand over power to el rufai or nuhu ribadu

she's should allow the young ones to grow

awesome.you should post the details on nairaland

Good,Bad and the Ugly. no matter our complaints and sentiments about Nigeria, we should still celebrate 49 years of existence.

its just a show of power,men just want to show that are in control and want to instill fear in their women.

fact is that the most corrupt people have a complete perfectly sane mental status, no form of psychiatric test can do anything

fact is that all these girls are looking for fun,some pure fun by some rich daddies

i think the issue that should be discussed is when he will get arrested

seriously, it depends, its like when i hook up with a slim girl and we have something going on, and i can actually get tired and start searching for an orobo

men love is just so blind, what do you think.

definately the guy is not performing or something cud be a reason, and he is boring as hell

sometimes it rreeally changes for me, sometimes i like dem girls fat, sometimes slim, it depends on my mood

i mean look her, its so clear shes using one of these mary kay creams or something

men she looks so artificial

just try and do what his girlfriend does, or dress more seductively

Do you know how many billions of naira I had in the bank before this stupid Sanusi came to spoil my show?