₦airaland Forum

Eat fried ground nut and garri, morning, and night b4 going to bed. Ur pimples will disappear, just like the egyptians, u shall see them no more

Most fairy tales told by my grand dad were mostly about the tortoise, how smart he was.


Grandpa pls tell me a story.............


Grand dad: Story story......

Me: Story tell lies

Grand dad: Once upon a time, there lived a tortoise in the animal kingdom.........................................blabla bla bla...................
"And that was how the tortoise got his back cracked"

Me: Grandpa u can lie oooooooo




Edited: there was this famous story he used to tell me about how dangerous it is to keep late night. He always believed that a man should be at home by 6pm max, that anything ur looking for beyond that time isn't worth it, leave it for the next day.
Twas a story of how he got chased by an OJUJU abi na masquerade self, he went to check his babe then with his friend, and they were coming back at dawn after sunset, den they monster accosted them, he was the smaller one and his friend had long legs, they took to their heels and they met a big ditch in front of them, his friend crossed it on one attemtp, while he was panting and scared his legs won't be long enough, but on his first attempt he crossed and that was how they escaped and ditched that monster . According to him it was God that helped him cross that ditch so he can learn a lesson that staying out late was bad, and also to be able to be alive to tell his grand children about the dangers of keeping late night.

Little did he knew that his grand son (Me) will turn out to be Nocturnal . His generation is diff from ours.

His story didn't stopped me from staying out beyond 6pm sha

This should be one of the cutest father and son pics I ve seen.

P.square's Peter (abi na paul self ) And his son cameron.......




Last bullet: Work hard so that your children will ball hard

My baby's first words were " UP NEPA"..........

Nothing special or news worthy about this fruits and their exhorbitant prices, shey na for garden of eden dem for plug am from? That tree of knowledge of good and evil?




Meanwhile patience jonathan is on the news again....................



Dame Patience went out for drink with some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Dame Patience N10,400
Ngozi Okonjo. N10,250
Deizani Allison madueke. N10,450
Turai Yar’adua. N10,200
Total. N41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but Total must pay for
herself because I didn’t invite her, afterall she owns petrol
stations all over Nigeria!

Simplefaithy: . o boih u got me rolling on d floor lmfao. hahajahahahahaha

. The tin funny o

CyracksMrBlogger: oh! Sorry Sorry Man utd

Yimu

Until we solve the problem in liberia and sierra leone, we can't celebrate victory over ebola, else those infected liberians and sierra leoneans will find their way to our shores for help, there by spreading the virus

frrank: You're being watched

Modified: ayusco85, you won't be that lucky next time.

Free me now *in terry G's voice*

Nepa outtage should be blamed for young girls getting pregnant. Hear her story........

Glory Glory Man utd

I have once fallen under the annointing.................


Guess what happened? Well my fone rang and I picked the call and told the caller I was under the annointing. Pls call me back later

Iyabetajos: bros na we we ohhhhhhhhh.

U be jossite?

Am comin

qadeerkug: hahahahaha bro u funny

Lmao

corneremperor: Same reason why human beings don't die on their feet!

Which is?

Alakoba....... See queshion....... Hw I wan take knw? Shey I be cockroach?

Good move, even though most of their kids are not schooling in nigeria

Please who is she? Is she the new NAFDAC boss?

Serena when will u marry na? With all this grand slams u are winning, all the money u are gathering, who will u share it with . And u just keep getti sexier by the day.




Last bullet: Congrats sha

Gamesmart: Lol.

Lynching tinz!

U wey know

perry2020: Kai sum ppl and funny comments sha.
Anyways my own opinion of a wife material is
1.a lady who can submit herself(she isn't too proud,neda is she boosy,she doesn't put herself above her husbnd and family)
2.a very understanding lady(sumone who understands u coz d key to a healthy relationship is understanding,when they understand each other some quarrels can be averted).
3.a lady who supports u and completes u(sum ladies have d ideology dat "it's my husbnds responsibility to do everything dats y e is d man"its shouldn't be dis way.a wife should be a helpmate not a liability.(take her out on a date tell her u forgot ur wallet n plead wif ha to pay n c her reaction)
4.a god fearing lady
5.a smart lady and a lady who is very resourceful and independent not one who at just dating level is expecting u to buy cream,pad etc f u strt now just get redi to do it forever.
6.a lady who knows how to be economical and considerate
7.a lady wif good morals,very contented,not much of a gossip coz f she is much of a gossip my dear u re in trouble ooo.
8.a lady who knows how to improvise and multitask.
9.a lady with gud personal hygiene and keeps her house clean,f she doesn't keep her house clean den how will she keep urs clean.SHE MUST ALSO CARE FOR HERSELF PHYSICALLY so it won't be a matter of blowing up after marriage and u end up saying my wife is fat and I don't love her.
10.a lady who respect her parents and listen to advice.(f she knt obey her parents forget it she knt obey u.plus f she doesn't listen to advice whats d probability that f she does sumtin wrong and u advise her she would take ur advice and change.
11.a lady who is economical and has a very good saving spirit (this is a very important factor dat a woman must have coz some men spend too much it is d duty of d woman to call her husbnd to caution and try to impact in him d saving spirit incase of raining days)not the woman who spends all her earning on Brazilian hair.
12.a tactful and smart lady that can give her husbnd good advice wen he needs it and encouragement
13.a woman who is string spiritually coz battles will always come.a woman is d bedrock of her home,it is her prayer that keeps her husband,and kids goin.
14.dis is quite important to some men.F I WAS A GUY.SHE MUST BE A VERY VERY GOOD COOK COZ I LOVE FOOD AND VERY GOOD FOOD.( VARIETIES OF COOKING SKILLS AND RECIPE)the way to a man's heart is tru ez stomach.f a lady cooks beta for him babes forget ur nigga oo.
15.she MUST be ready to satisfy him sexually(dis is anoda tin j noticed that drives men away from home when she gives him 2 days in a week roaster AFTER Aff Pay bride price oo.n u expect him nt to look out as a young man.
16.a lady who isn't promiscuous(f she starts acting bitchy while dating what's d probability she won't turn into a LovePeddler wen u get married, now it's nt only men that bring in hiv and stds even women do.
17. A lady who respects u,ur relationship and everything u value including ur parents and siblings.
18.a wife material must be matured aldoe age is just a number sum times,its abt maturity.Good communication is also very necessary
19.make sure she is fun loving(picnic,games,strolls etc) if not ehennnn ur.marraige will be so boring.
20.be a husband material before looking for a wife material.f u ain't a husband material don't expect to have a wife material

Hmmmm talking too much alred.dis ones re d basic sha,got to look out for all dis in a lady

OP see ur answer. Search no further, cos she has said it all. U cldnt ve written it better

tejpot: Although I love space stuffs, but if the Asteroid is not going to hit the Earth, if its not going to be visible to the naked eye and if it's not going to pass over Nigeria even West Africa, why is it a news? Apart from that the mesosphere is a layer of the atmosphere that is designed to shield us from all of these asteroids mishap

The mesosphere has no business stopping asteroid. Do u even know what an asteroid is? Get ur facts right.

firstEVA: “Wearing no undergarments – or just cotton ones – allows the external genitals to dry and reduces bacteria growth that could otherwise make its way into your urethra and cause a bladder infection,” says Dr. Sherry Thomas, an OB-GYN and surgeon at St. John’s Regional Medical Center in Oxnard, California on CNN’s fast and easy tips.

other Pros of Going Commando

1. Better Air Circulation

2. Less Laundry and Clothing Expense

3. Going Commando Is Green

Now, i made a comment some months back ( a comment which no longer exist due to the Nairaland hack ish) to the fact that i go out without underwear sometimes, and i was attacked left right and center, some even saying stuffs like, "for quick action" e.t.c. now hope yall see it's benefits

No be only COMMANDO, na RAMBO .

cantell: see congo!

We are playing congo this weekend. Nigeria will surely win

ayukdaboss: Guy no kill me with laughter o

Ayukdaboss. Why u dey laff na. Lol

3cycle: As a lady, sometimes I come across great post by a guy and I fall in love immediately. Most times I try to ignore the poster but I do Remember The username so I summon the courage to follow him and see if I can strike an online conversation before I send a pm but I never succeed.

Just yesterday a young tall guy on Nairaland from Enugu state gave me an all time blow when it was obvious I was trying to woo him, he started with iyanga and walah he ignored me completelyonly for somebody to call me names for making my intention known.
To make matters worst his response was "I don hang boot since last year"
Who says that to a lady bikonu

Do we really have gentlemen on Nairaland?
Can a guy reply pm's of a girl with an open mind?
What are the chances of starting an e romance if a lady were to be the innitiator?
Seun is it possible for us to chat with a nairalander without a third party involved?

Can u send me a pm? I want to ask u a Question. Or better. Mail me on ayusco85@gmail.com

zeelo2014: I just want to use this opportunity to beg Nairalanders, Pls if u don't have anything meaningful to write on a topic, pls pls pls just read and walk out. Alot of childish and brainless comments on first pages of most threads. Seun, It will be nice if u deactivate that notification app, cos ever since it was created the comments here have been appalling. Many of us come here for the comments but it seems kids that should be reading their books have taken over, by taking residence of the first page.

Kill joy. Over sabi. Who ask u? Is seun complaining? Is it because u are using an android fone and u don't ve the app that notifies u wen a thread makes front page?
Am not trying to justify space booking, 95% do it because it takes time to read the OP, b4 commenting, and most people want their comment to be on first page. They book space, and read the OP den after some minutes come back and modify. I see nothing wrong in that.


Last bullet: mind ur business. Nairaland is not urs, and seun not complaing. #Vamanos

I fit use am photoshop goodluck jonathan cap put am ontop him wife head?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, ..........

"Okay, Mrs. James, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant- about 4 months, would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"

Darla replies, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,

"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!

amanikondo: Chelsea striker Fernando Torres is to join AC Milan on a two-year loan deal.

The 30-year-old Spaniard arrived in Italy on Saturday to undergo a medical and agree personal terms.

The ex-Liverpool and Atletico Madrid forward joined Chelsea for a then-British record £50m in January 2011 but struggled to live up his price tag.

orres scored just 20 goals in 110 league appearances during his spell at Stamford Bridge, but was part of the club's 2012 Champions League success.

Speaking just hours before the deal was announced, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho said: "If he wants to leave, it's because he wants to try a new life, a new club, probably a new league. To try to be happier than he was in the last couple of years."

Torres's prospects were hampered further by the arrival of fellow Spain international Diego Costa from Atletico Madrid this summer.

Costa and Didier Drogba remain Chelsea's attacking options.

Milan have been on the lookout for another forward to replace Mario Ballotelli, who left the club for Liverpool last week.

Speaking on Milan's official website on Wednesday, Rossoneri vice-president Adriano Galliani said: "Torres is certainly an important forward and we will see if we can sign him or another player."

Torres's British record transfer fee stood until Angel Di Maria moved from Real Madrid to Manchester United for £59.7m this week.

While Chelsea fans only saw glimpses of the form that brought Torres 65 goals in 102 league appearances for previous club Liverpool, Mourinho spoke highly of him at Friday's news conference to preview Saturday's trip to Everton.


http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/28991464

U mean 50 cent?