Great 'advice', what if she did not see the abandonment in that light and she decides to move on making good use of the certificate that the man sponsored her to obtain? I hope you have a perfect woman that has no family arranged for the poster to marry. How can abandonment make people fall in love or reinforce love? Please make separation your very last option, the rate at which women are moving on when a man decides to move out these days will surprise you. Do not leave your marriage if you do not intend to leave for good. You will not find her where you left and if you do, you will not be meeting the woman you left, she will either be broken or hardened.

hope4nigeria:
remember that game on android RUN.
don't divorce her, just run, when your wife brain reset, she will choose who to marry between you and her family. Abandon her for like a year, if she love you for real, she will become normal again and stop involving family in marriage. Most women behaving this way are clean and young women who endup marrying their 1st love, they lack experience about marriage

I had to sign in because of this comment, particularly as I noticed you said you are new in marriage.

I hope you can just read what I have to say. Your In-Laws should not be referred to in this manner. If this is who you really are, your wife, I am afraid, is married to the wrong man, she just does not know it yet.

I refer to one of your 'manly' comments: 'If tomorrow you decided to change I won't hesitate to give you a divorce' really?

'...my responsibility is to you and my kids alone' are you for real?. The truth is you may have come from a 'liberal' family ( which seems more like a family where your parents raised all of you to be independent and not feel the need to either give back to your parents or provide help when any member is in need) this may not be the case with your wife. Your wife may come from a more normal family where they do not live on allowances from their children but appreciate the occasional help and interventions. But you have made it clear to your wife that you will never be a part of such. Well, you will get as much love from your wife as you are willing to give.... you are not giving much when you are quick to threaten divorce and tell her those who brought her up to become the girl that you married will never matter in the scheme of things in your welfare provisions.

I am glad you plan to take care of your kids. I pray you have a daughter as well, can you imagine your future Son-In-Law maintaining this stance. You do not even have your Father-In-Law's number and you are proud to say that ? Besides, can I safely assume that you have only ever given him 5k because that is what is within your financial capacity or is that still a way of being an Alpha Male?

You also said "You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck.." really Bro? You really should be shaking the hands of your Son-In-Law when he comes to marry your daughter and take bills of your neck. Oga, what goes around comes around.

Your marriage is very young and you are coming in with the wrong mentality. You cannot show love to a woman while hating her family, she will not be fooled and you will not have her complete loyalty. Take charge of your home and take leadership with respect to all relationships, including your relationship with your In-Laws, agree with your wife on what should be done given the resources available and show care in other areas that may not require footing bills. Encourage your wife to work and earn a living ( if she does not have one) so that she can also be a good place to help out without losing sight of who comes first, your family first.

If you keep threatening divorce, becareful as she will over time prepare for it, and when you have done your worse, it will surprise you how well she will move on.... you will see divorce and fear.. its never easy on anyone.

happney65:
Am newly married and my wife cannot tell me nonsense..She just can't. .I still wonder where Nigerian Ladies get this attitude of getting married and expecting the Husband to pull you out of poverty. .urself and your family..As in are you people stupid or something?

I told my wife my responsibility is to you and my Kids alone..If tomorrow you decided to change i won't hesitate to give you a divorce..I don't care and I don't give a damm..Nobody fit kill me..

Luckily for her you are married into a liberal family where my family won't disturb you so why should urs disturb me?Why?

The OP is a mumu and has been taking responsibility for the lady and her family even before they got married..Am sure of that..I see no reason why that should be..

My Father in law Sef I don't have his number..The highest number I gave him till date is 5000naira..

You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck..Some wives will even do it to the extent whereby you won't give ur family anything again just cos you are married to them..

I wonder where you people see these girls.I just wonder where

Congrats Maggiespecial, I suspected that you must be busy pushing. So happy to hear this good news. I am sending my email address so that I can get that crucial information ( hunterfit@yahoo.com), my wife is in New York as well.

Maggiespecial:
BA BA BA

Join me to thank the Omnipotent God for granting me a safe delivery.... Its with praise I welcomed my handsome Prince on 2/3/18 @ 38wks2days, 10:56pm weighing 3.2kg
mummy, my prince n daddy are doing awesome.
Family and friends can't stop jubilating oo.

BS later

Dear Maggiespecial please resend to hunterfit@yahoo.com.Thank you very much

Maggiespecial:


Hello, I sent u a pm but it bounced back. I think ur email address is incorrect. Kindly check again. Thanks

Hi MaggieSpecial,

How are you and the Baby doing today? I urgently need you to reach me via email at your earliest convenience. I have enquiries regarding hospitals in New York. I have sent a PM to you.

Regards

Maggiespecial:
@soonest, congratulations... So happy for you. Welcome little prince, God will continue to favor you in everywhere you go to. My baby, please come ooo, I am 100% ready for you. We shall all deliver safely ijn.

I deeply condole with the man, it is a huge loss, may the Lord grant him and the entire families with the fortitude to bear the loss.

Amazing birthstory, I will share mine pretty soon.

Hello everyone, I have come to testify to the goodness of God, the visa application is a purely secular endeavour but before God nothing is secular, God rules in the affairs ( secular activities of men). My wife applied for visa to enable her birth our baby in the US sometimes in Nov 2017 and was refused. The VO had only few questions for her: Where else have you been besides the UAE? ( her answer: No where else) How much do you earn ( she said: less than 150k). Then the blue paper came out, they did not bother to inquire about me, being the sponsor nor look at the various documents she took with her. We decided to try again, this time, I also applied. And the conversation went this way:

VO: What are you going to the in the US
Me: We are going for vacation, family visit and to birth our first child
VO: Where are you going in the US
Wife: South Austin
Me: Interjected: Austin ( my wife was talking about the hospital)
VO: What do you do
Me: I am a lawyer
VO: What year were you called
Me: (mentioned the year)
VO: Which of the law schools did you attend ( this is tricky, a fake lawyer can say Zaria)
Me: ( mentioned the law school)
VO: What you do where you work, is it all legal related
Me: Not entirely, I do other things
VO: Madam what do you
Wife: Interior decorator .. we do bla bla bla bla bla
VO: Have you contacted any Doctor
Me: yes, and I showed him the doctor's correspondence and a proof of the down payment of the hospital bill ( he asked how we got to know
about the doctor and I mentioned the relative living in the city that referred him)
VO: Have you two travelled out of the country before
Me: Yes, we had our honey moon in Dubai last year and I was also in UK last year ( he also asked about when we got married and about my uk
trip. he checked my UK visa which is still valid till February)
VO: Can I have the budget sheet
Me: (Passed it to him and some other VO came to request for his help so he left is desk and later came back)
VO: Let me see your statement of account
Me: ( I handed him my bank statement printed out of my online account and explained that the bank's network was bad yesterday)
VO: How did you pay your initial deposit
Me: I paid through my Sister
VO : where does your sister live
Me: I answered
VO: What does your sister do
Me: I answered
VO: ( Typed for few minutes) Your visas have been approved, ( handed us the white paper)

I earn about 700k but no question came up on that. It may all look good but there is so much that could have gone wrong if God who rules in the affairs of men was not set to help us. The reference to my sister could have led to further discussion about my parents, also American citizens and our ties could have been called to question... and what if I didn't remember the number of dinners or missed it up with the cocktail parties ( we had two of that too). We plan to pay all of our bills as we want to be able to have more babies in the US and visit our family members at will. I wanted that so bad. Glory to God and good luck to others. Saying the truth helped, having sufficient funds to show helped, paying ahead helped, but the mercy of God makes all the difference!!!

Having given back to this community. Please I need advise on the best airline for a pregnant woman and the one that has a convenient arrangement and cheaper cost for adding the baby. Also, we plan for her to travel at 35 weeks is this ok?

Dear House, I have been an ardent follower of the thread. Thanks for the good work you are doing here. My wife and I intend for her to have our first child in the US. I have read extensively and I have these questions:

It seems most of the hospitals/Drs in the US are inclined towards performing a CS. my wife and I are more inclined towards vaginal birth, all things being equal and we are looking at Oakbend medical centre or Dr. Xydas. Could you please advise, from experience, which of the Houston hospitals/Dr. is favourably disposed to vaginal birth. I know they raise quotes for vaginal birth but I want to ask from people who have actual experience of vaginal birth in the US.

Also, a friend recently delivered in the general hospital, even though all the fees are being paid ( it is relatively cheaper), could this prejudice her while applying for visa in the future?

Oga, please carefully retrace your steps and make peace with your wife by all means. If your answer to all of the following question is a yes.

Did your wife's period end on 16th May 2017?
Does the 16th May 2017 date tally with your wife's menstrual cycle? I know that may be difficult to answer but check if she has the period app)
Did her period start sometimes around 12th May 2017?
Did 19th May 2017 amount to about 10days into your wife's cycle?
Check the internet, does this fall remotely within the fertile window?

I am sure ( as do I) that you still have some doubts. Do not make noise about the DNA test or anything. Just keep playing along until she delivers and you can ascertain the DNA. If you keep threatening, you life could be in danger. In my experience, baby's that has doubtful paternity usually give the identity of the father away by their appearance.

Another theory.

Also ask your wife how many days did her period which ended on 16th May 2017 last and if that was the regular number of days. If she mentioned that it was a bit shorter than usual, it could be an implantation bleeding which meant that she had sex and conceived about two weeks earlier so the bleeding she saw was not a period flow.

Your wife may need to own up on the inappropriate discussion with her friend but the reference to 'our baby' is a typical usage of Doctors when they are speaking with pregnant women.

I pray that the Lord will uphold you Bro.

MemphisRaynes:
Hi, please I need honest and mature contribution on this matter. I love my wife so much, and I don't want to have a failed marriage, not so early.

My marriage is only 18months old. This is my wife's first Pregnancy, but I am having serious concerns about the paternity of the baby.

I trust(ed) my wife with all my heart and soul. She was away on a Job training for 6 months. The training finished on May 19th and we made love same day. She told me she last saw her period in May 16th so we both assumed she was in her safe period by May 19th before we made love. Actually we didn't want pregnancy or a baby yet because we are strained by resources for now.

My wife started complaining of strong tummy pain, plus her period hadn't shown up by June 12, so we went for a Pregnancy test and she was confirmed Pregnant. In fact the Lab attendant told me she is very pregnant. Days after I went through her chat while she was asleep and came across her chat with some guy, the chat was very suspicious. Actually the said guy is a Gynecologist, so she had told him she was Pregnant immediately after the test so as to get medical advice. In this chat the guy called my wife "luv", "dearie", talked about she visiting him, and my wife's response was to play along. At some point she even said she can't wait to visit the guy. The height of it was when the guy asked "how is our baby doing?"

I could not control my emotions after reading their chat, so I confronted my wife. She claim the guy was her best friend, that they met at her training. Actually she has always freely spoken to the guy via phone in my presence before this event so I had no suspicions until I read their chat. We quarrelled and she cried and cried swearing that she has never been with any man but me. She said she was heart broken I am doubting the paternity of her Pregnancy.

On June 26th, we were at the hospital for ultrasound scan and medical check up. The Ultra sound scan report says the pregnancy was 7weeks and 6days on June 26th. Now remember we first met on May 19th after about 6 months, also remember May 19th was three days after her period ended, she was supposed to be in her safe period. Now Let's assume she conceived on May 19th, between May 19th and June 26th is not upto 7weeks and 6days. Again I confronted her with these facts and she's been very emotional, she threatened that we must do paternity test after the baby is born to prove me wrong, she also warned that she will make my life hell after that test for doubting her faithfulness to me.

Please I don't know what to do next, my doubt is not fading because the numbers and events don't add up, I need useful suggestions please. Kindly note that I trust and love my wife, a part of me believes the baby is mine, its the maths that don't add up, and her chat with her Gynecologist best friend that keeps fueling my doubt. What is the best way to handle my situation?

I heard some people talking about getting an earlier date. I just booked an appointment for my wife and we got 29th November, 27 and 28 was also available. Go give it a shot.

shrekandfiona:

The birth trip will cost more than what you stated. I used a cheap hospital in texas yet i spent close to $18000 accommodation inclusive.

No one can predict your chances just go with an open mind that it can swing both ways but hope for the best.

Having an immediate family in US is more an advantage than a disadvantage especially if they are legal residents. Fear not

Thanks for your response.

Thanks so much Babatwi,

We have both been to dubai and I should be going to London in few weeks. I understand it will cost on the average about $10-12k for the trip. I am quite concerned about having immediate family in the US, how much of a disadvantage is this? As you said, nothing ventured, nothing gained, but I really have to be sure I stand a chance at all before putting in my N120k ( Visa for 2).

Babatwi:


Nothing ventured,nothing gained,that's my philosophy in life. From the salaries aspect i think You guys are ok,but again,a lot of other factors come in, for example,amongst others,how much is your bank balance? What's your travel history etc,but then again none of these questions might come up,who knows. Juse go prepared as much as you can and pray for favour. All the best.

My Sis Visa got in through Visa Lottery, and later filed for my parents. They are all naturalized now. Thanks for your interest

Dear All, I need someone to help with some wise guidance on this post .

baldman:
I earn a little over half a million per month ( working with an indigenous company) My wife earns about 120k. My parents live in the US ( aged) as well as my elder sister ( different homes). What are our chances from the finances point of view? Thanks in anticipation of your wise guidance

I earn a little over half a million per month ( working with an indigenous company) My wife earns about 120k. My parents live in the US ( aged) as well as my elder sister ( different homes). What are our chances from the finances point of view? Thanks in anticipation of your wise guidance

baldman:
Yes I am and thanks for congratulating me in advance. Thanks and yours is coming too in Jesus name ( Amen). Halleluyah

Halleluyah! I got the visa!! God did it!!!

Yes I am and thanks for congratulating me in advance. Thanks and yours is coming too in Jesus name ( Amen). Halleluyah

mokikeoj:
Congrats!! Are you a first time applicant?

I applied June 15 and the status indicated that it was decided on 4th August, 2017. I got a mail from TLS notifying me that a decision has been made yesterday and a subsequent mail asking me to come for collection later in the day. I have not had the time to go pick up my passport but this took too long and I just want to thank everyone for contributing to this threade. I was able to track the progress through comments on this thread. I have also found that visas are being given regardless of whether or not your travel date has passed. I will be back to give you the good news!!1

What balances should I work towards? And what is the timeline I could adopt

Hello Everyone,

I am delighted to be here. I have never had to post on this thread...but I am happy to be doing so now.. I recently got married and now we are having a baby!!!. My Older Sister lives in the US and so do my parents ( dad is aged and mum in her 60s). I applied for a US visa in 2015 when I was still single ( with no travel history) and in practice as a legal practitioner ( earning 220k gross) and I was refused. Fastforward to now, I am married ( went to dubai on honeymoon) and would like to visit the US with my wife later in the year and subsequently for her to have her baby in the US so that my Mum can take care of her and the baby. I earn about 600k (gross) and ( 460k net) with some annual allowances. I work as a Personal Assistant to the Chairman of an oil company. My wife works as a customer service exec in an interior decor company earning 120k per month. I can have a balance of about N2million in my account by the end of the year and may be 3.5m by February. we are expecting our baby in March 2018. My questions

When is the best time to apply for visa?
From the financial point of view, what is our chance?
From the family ties point of view? Do we stand a chance?

Thank you

OP. You need to pray to God for the power and grace to succeed against all odds. This dream is usual for those who are expecting results or preparing for exams. It is also a depiction of your current situation.The devil will not succeed in wasting your efforts. May you not become the victim of someone else's mistakes. Go on a three days fasting declaring that the plans of the devil to waste your efforts will not stand in the name of Jesus (Amen)

Thanks everyone for expressing your thoughts on my search. And can someone please advise Mr. TV01 and Free Cocoa to stop the hot exchange of words. @ Mr. TV01, I appreciate the efforts to keep this threat going but please take it easy with the young woman. @Ms Free Cocoa, please snapp off it.

@ Yetseyi. Thanks for your thoughtfulness

I see your point. I can't discuss details here but it has been really enlightening. Besides, I can't seems to get through to the PMs

You people have almost succeeded in derailing this thread. I think there should be a special thread for people who want to fight and or throw banters.

jbcul4ril:
You are obviously not a born Again Christian and you want to marry a born again. if you are, you need deliverance for segregating. You are also not a virgin and you want to marry a virgin. If truly this write from from you, you will definitely have a big problem in you marriage because you are sentimental and bias in you choice. You also unfortunately lack experience. Research has showed that retired wayward ladies keep their home more than most spiritually covered ladies. Well I wish you all the best in your quest and hope you find favour when you find her.

You have spoken very well Bro. You obviously know what you are talking about. And you have managed to stay true to who you are. Amen to your prayer.

ardeypearlz:

I find the fascination with my nicely receding hairlines to be quite intriguing. Well the reason bald men get to choose their girls too is because the loss of hair does not extend into the brain.

In my experience, having a good bald head gives you an exotic allure and takes your coolness to a whole new level. Plus, it keeps the shallow ladies away.

(The lucky woman will get to playfully rob this shining head without the hairs getting in the way)

CoCoLav:
I am rolling. I had to clutch my belly to laugh

You even specified the size of eyeball...Hahahahha

On a more serious note, I know two people that meet your criteria. One would have been perfect for you until I got to the virgin part.

The other one has all you need including eyeball size but her temper no be for here.

Let me know if you are interested.

I am glad you could have such a refreshing laugh on my account and I really appreciate the humour in your offer.

TV01:
@ShineyDome

You have every right to define exactly what you want in a wife, To do otherwise is actually irresponsible, and at best careless. I would advise predicating your list on a strong faith - conduct yourself righteously, pray, speak to The Lord about it keep your eyes peeled. Do not abdicate your responsibility to any MOG/WOG.

Key is non-negotiables, i.e. marrying outside the faith. I believe over time God will mould you, reconsider some of your criteria, reset some of your attitudes, and bring you to a place of accepting someone who is right for you. And although she may not match your list exactly at last, she will be the one.

I also wanted a "non-choir member, firebrand prayer warrior" , but my wife was more a traditional Anglican. But it means we are not embroiled in church drama, socialise only in "church people society", or that I have a wife whose main refrain is "my pastor says". A blessed relief tome.

Sometimes we don't always know whats best at outset, even though we desire it. But God leads and the fruit is in the eating. And please expect some work - for you both - when it comes together. Marriage is a crucible of sorts, and a ministry. One purpose it serves is to actually grow you.

All the very best in your sincerity - you have brought your hopes here, may they be fulfilled to the glory of God, with testimony also here.


TV

^{...ps - baldman,I hope you don't come across as tired...it won't help...be of confident bearing}


I found this post so meaningful in relation to OP, I'm 5* starring it. Really good piece. Thank you.

@TV01: Thanks for sharing those insights. I always appreciate your guidance.

yetseyi:
Baldman, may you find what you seek.

https://www.nairaland.com/2988873/single-want-start-solid-christian

The link above was opened too by one Christian guy, you can go through it and join their group you may find your specs.

You will surely find what you are looking for although it may not be total package you expect. You didn't put your genotype which I think a lot of people will consider before even contacting you at all, kindly edit your post to include genotype.

Yeah its very possible, I know people personally even above that age and its even male and female. Even those that are engaged gan at age 31 male 27 for female within that range.

Why do people think virgins are hard to find, they are everywhere now haba, you just need to walk with the right people and you will be shocked, just because there's moral decadence doesn't mean everybody is having sex.



Honestly, I don't see what's wrong with the list, since you are born again you should also pray.

Thanks for your advice. Yetseyi. I will check the link. As per Genotype. I just did not want to start out with all of that, but really, I will prefer an AA. I will make the correction.

And thanks for mentioning the fact that virginity is not such a rarity, even among the 'not so religious'. It is also not a golden award, but like I said, it is my preference. I am also praying about it, its just that it is only 'He who seeks that finds'.

zed7:
Been in your shoes before. Even if you find her there is no guarantee of chemistry, love or even likeness. Spend your time looking for a compatible, God fearing and decent woman instead. She may not come in your dream package but life doesn't always work that way.
Or the alternative, take clay and mould her.

The criteria stated above are just the frames. there will definitely be a lot of moulding on both sides, but pulling apart frames is what creates crisis in marriage. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

tearoses:




The truth is can you never have a list that covers every single area and even if you did, what is the likelihood of getting a partner that fits all the boxes.
Some things you dont even think about until you are married and going through it
He has made no mention of some family illnesses which are common in their families, whereas it is important.
He has mentioned nothing about blood genotype
He has mentioned nothing about how playful he wants a wife to be.
He has mentioned nothing about how flexible and broad-minded her wants his wife to be


In short he can get a woman who satisfies all the points on his list but still have a very unhappy marriage.

Its one thing him marrying Miss Right, but if he is not the Mr Right to his Miss Right (am I making sense) then they both wont be very happy.
He needs to be the right man for the right woman
It all needs to flow or all the qualities will be useless.

Leaving the toilet seat up or leaving wet towels on the bed is super annoying and its not on the list

You have made good observation Sir, I do not intend to figure everything out here and I am definitely not making such a huge decision without due considerations. I am here just looking for someone who has these qualities and wants to check things out. Plus, God will be absolutely involved.