Nairalanders don't let this thread fade out, I believe there are people outthere with real life experience we can learn from.

X-factoria:
@OP:

I feel compelled to come back and share my experience with you on this issue because of the nonsense some people are posting here. I have been in your shoes before and this is how I resolved it.

When I wanted to start preparation for marriage with my my one-time fiancee some 3yrs ago, my mother went to her church to pray about it and her pastor said she should tell me to run. At that time, my mum has only met my fiancee once or twice and she was ok with her. So when she came back with the "run" report, I was confounded and I rejected it and refused to talk to my mum for 2 - 3months.

Pastors in my church don't see vision and hardly prophecy on issues like this. But way back in the University, I had a friend who is now a Pastor who once gave me a prophecy that came to pass exactly as he said it. So I went to him to assist me in prayers. We fasted and prayed together for 3 days. After the 3rd day, he gave a bombshell that corroborated my mum's story and even told me more. He went further to tell me that I was yet to meet my wife. I went home disappointed because the lady in question was "my everything". I couldn't sum up courage to tell her until some 6months after.

Today, I'm happily married and I thank God everyday for those God used to stop me from a disastrous future. When I met my wife, I got to know the difference both spiritually and physically. I thought I had seen it all with the other lady but my wife is exceedingly better in everything.

Sometimes, what we earnestly desire is not what we need. Pray God to open your eyes. And I'm not saying that Pastor is right, but please go and seek God's guidance on your own and maybe get a vibrant and praying Pastor to pray with you. Marriage is a spiritual institution, approach it spiritually. Some people neglected warnings and have sad tales to tell.

X-factoria, thanks for your contribution. What I am getting to realize from most of the posts above is that people are generally set in their ways and they rest so much on their own understanding, neither the wise counsel of their parents nor the spiritual insight of their pastors can suade them. In fact, there is the general presumption here that all the Pastors are fake and whatever prophecy or revelation that comes from them is not God breathed. My concern is that these kind of comments coming from people who doesnt respect the word of God, nor have any believe in the spritual guidance of people they call their pastors, may mislead other people to think whatever a Pastor says as coming from the belly of the spirit of God is not true. There are true men of God out there and it will be foolhardy to disobey when they tell you 'Thus saith the Lord' . The bible says you should test every spirit, but how can you do that when you are not spirit filled yourself? It is absurd trying to reduce a divine revelation to cerebral analysis.

I advise that when it comes to a choice of life partner, one should personally pray until there is a release in his or her spirit man that the other person is the right one, this can be difficult for people who by reason of love and or sentiment have already idolized the person they are taking before God. After doing that, then approach any matured christian with the gifts of prophecy and ask him or her to just pray along with you, if He sees contrary to what you are seeing, try another trusted christian, and if both of them are saying the same thing, you may have to subject your conviction to a further test.

Now, there is an assumption that when you marry against prophetic counsel and things are going fine for the next ten years then the prophecy was not true, that may be totally wrong. The adverse incident may not happen any time soon. Indeed, you may live the rest of your life happily with the good wife you found for yourself but you would never be able to tell what better choice, what better life, what better destiny, you could have had, if you had listened to counsel.

X-factoria:
@OP:

I feel compelled to come back and share my experience with you on this issue because of the nonsense some people are posting here. I have been in your shoes before and this is how I resolved it.

When I wanted to start preparation for marriage with my my one-time fiancee some 3yrs ago, my mother went to her church to pray about it and her pastor said she should tell me to run. At that time, my mum has only met my fiancee once or twice and she was ok with her. So when she came back with the "run" report, I was confounded and I rejected it and refused to talk to my mum for 2 - 3months.

Pastors in my church don't see vision and hardly prophecy on issues like this. But way back in the University, I had a friend who is now a Pastor who once gave me a prophecy that came to pass exactly as he said it. So I went to him to assist me in prayers. We fasted and prayed together for 3 days. After the 3rd day, he gave a bombshell that corroborated my mum's story and even told me more. He went further to tell me that I was yet to meet my wife. I went home disappointed because the lady in question was "my everything". I couldn't sum up courage to tell her until some 6months after.

Today, I'm happily married and I thank God everyday for those God used to stop me from a disastrous future. When I met my wife, I got to know the difference both spiritually and physically. I thought I had seen it all with the other lady but my wife is exceedingly better in everything.

Sometimes, what we earnestly desire is not what we need. Pray God to open your eyes. And I'm not saying that Pastor is right, but please go and seek God's guidance on your own and maybe get a vibrant and praying Pastor to pray with you. Marriage is a spiritual institution, approach it spiritually. Some people neglected warnings and have sad tales to tell.

X-factoria, thanks for your contribution. What I am getting to realize from most of the posts above is that people are generally set in their ways and they rest so much on their own understanding, neither the wise counsel of their parents nor the spiritual insight of their pastors can suade them. In fact, there is the general presumption here that all the Pastors are fake and whatever prophecy or revelation that comes from them is not God breathed. My concern is that these kind of comments coming from people who doesnt respect the word of God, nor have any believe in the spritual guidance of people they call their pastors, may mislead other people to think whatever a Pastor says as coming from the belly of the spirit of God is not true. There are true men of God out there and it will be foolhardy to disobey when they tell you 'Thus saith the Lord' . The bible says you should test every spirit, but how can you do that when you are not spirit filled yourself? It is absurd trying to reduce a divine revelation to cerebral analysis.

I advise that when it comes to a choice of life partner, one should personally pray until there is a release in his or her spirit man that the other person is the right one, this can be difficult for people who by reason of love and or sentiment have already idolized the person they are taking before God. After pray through to conviction, then approach any matured christian with the gifts of prophecy and ask him or her to just pray along with you, if he sees contrary to what you are seeing, try another trusted christian, and if both of them are saying the same thing, you may have to subject your conviction to a further test.

Now, there is an assumption that when you marry against prophetic counsel and things are going fine for the next ten years then the prophecy was not true, that may be totally wrong. The adverse incident may not happen any time soon. Indeed, you may live the rest of your life happily with the good wife you found for yourself but you would never be able to tell what better choice, what better life, what better destiny, you could have had, if you had listened to counsel. That is why we have so many people destined to become Governors ignorantly celebrating life as a Local Commercial Bank's middle level manager and ladies that could have ended up becoming CEOs celebrating life as a glorified house wife because they ended up with the wrong man who could not recognise and nurture the CEO in them.

Everytime we refuse to do things God's way as revealed in the word of God and as revealed occassionally through specific prophetic direction, we are shortchanging ourselves. God has nothing to lose, the true oracle of God has nothing to lose, but a disobedient individual risks losing everything.

X-factoria:
@OP:

I feel compelled to come back and share my experience with you on this issue because of the nonsense some people are posting here. I have been in your shoes before and this is how I resolved it.

When I wanted to start preparation for marriage with my my one-time fiancee some 3yrs ago, my mother went to her church to pray about it and her pastor said she should tell me to run. At that time, my mum has only met my fiancee once or twice and she was ok with her. So when she came back with the "run" report, I was confounded and I rejected it and refused to talk to my mum for 2 - 3months.

Pastors in my church don't see vision and hardly prophecy on issues like this. But way back in the University, I had a friend who is now a Pastor who once gave me a prophecy that came to pass exactly as he said it. So I went to him to assist me in prayers. We fasted and prayed together for 3 days. After the 3rd day, he gave a bombshell that corroborated my mum's story and even told me more. He went further to tell me that I was yet to meet my wife. I went home disappointed because the lady in question was "my everything". I couldn't sum up courage to tell her until some 6months after.

Today, I'm happily married and I thank God everyday for those God used to stop me from a disastrous future. When I met my wife, I got to know the difference both spiritually and physically. I thought I had seen it all with the other lady but my wife is exceedingly better in everything.

Sometimes, what we earnestly desire is not what we need. Pray God to open your eyes. And I'm not saying that Pastor is right, but please go and seek God's guidance on your own and maybe get a vibrant and praying Pastor to pray with you. Marriage is a spiritual institution, approach it spiritually. Some people neglected warnings and have sad tales to tell.

X-factoria, thanks for your contribution. What I am getting to realize from most of the posts above is that people are generally set in their ways and they rest so much on their own understanding, neither the wise counsel of their parents nor the spiritual insight of their pastors can suade them. In fact, there is the general presumption here that all the Pastors are fake and whatever prophecy or revelation that comes from them is not God breathed. My concern is that these kind of comments coming from people who doesnt respect the word of God, nor have any believe in the spritual guidance of people they call their pastors, may mislead other people to think whatever a Pastor says as coming from the belly of the spirit of God is not true. There are true men of God out there and it will be foolhardy to disobey when they tell you 'Thus saith the Lord' . The bible says you should test every spirit, but how can you do that when you are not spirit filled yourself? It is absurd trying to reduce a divine revelation to cerebral analysis.

I advise that when it comes to a choice of life partner, one should personally pray until there is a release in his or her spirit man that the other person is the right one, this can be difficult for people who by reason of love and or sentiment have already idolized the person they are taking before God. After doing that, then approach any matured christian with the gifts of prophecy and ask him or her to just pray along with you, if He sees contrary to what you are seeing, try another trusted christian, and if both of them are saying the same thing, you may have to subject your conviction to a further test.

Now, there is an assumption that when you marry against prophetic counsel and things are going fine for the next ten years then the prophecy was not true, that may be totally wrong. The adverse incident may not happen any time soon. Indeed, you may live the rest of your life happily with the good wife you found for yourself but you would never be able to tell what better choice, what better life, what better destiny, you could have had, if you had listened to counsel.

naijathings:

what is all this? how does all this answer my simple question? I am asking you to tell us how to know fake prophets and u r here talking about what Mathew and Deuteronomy said. it is this type of thing that our pastors use to turn the heads of gullible people who cant use their heads. Scheeew

Mr. Naija things, if I got u right and I am sure I did, your simple question is for me to tell you how fake prophets can be identified? You would note from my post that I addressed my comment to born again christians who presumbably believe in the word of God, hence, my assumption that you responded to my post because you are one, so in response to your question, I referred you to the word of God, without saying more, as the cited passages of the scripture gives not only a spiritual but also a logical answer to your question. However, it appears you are not interested in the answer to my question, you want a fight or some kind of attention which I am not inclined to oblige you.

Too bad you don't believe in the word of God,I hope the use of your head will see you through life. Goodluck

naijathings:
Please baldman tell us how to know a true prophet in a world where many pastors are pedophiles and rapist and scammers and looters and designer freaks and masturbators and comedians. please tell us.

Deuteronomy 18:21-22, "And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken? When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him."

Matthew 7:15-20, "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them

I am addressing only born again Christians here. Those are not are free to express their views on this matter in accordance with their beliefs. I think we all have to thread carefully here. The gift of prophecy is well established in the Bible and while most people have made a ministry/church/career our of it, it is a gift that is available to Christians and its purpose is for the edification of the church. This growing trend of people trying to rubbish every prophetic revelation is becoming really disturbing. Granted that there are some many fake prophets all around, does that mean we no longer have those whose gifts are powered inspired by the holy spirit? If you indeed believe in God, Jesus and the ministry of the holy spirit, don't you think it is wise to seek counsel when it comes to your choice of spouse, especially to ascertain through the witness of another believer that your perceived God's leading concerning your choice of spouse is indeed from the spirit of God? Will it not be more effective to seek such counsel from someone whose gift enables him or her a glimpse into the future? As much as you have people coming here to say that they ignored prophetic warnings and that there life with their spouses married through their intuition or intelligence has been rosy so far, has anyone bothered to ask about others who defied all warnings and are biting their fingers right now? Too bad there are so many adulterated doctrines and money hungry fake men of God out there but really that is no reason to rubbish the significance of spiritual guidance.

The OP's case is a good example, we all know that the beating is not likely to stop any time soon so the Pastor's guidance is on point unless the girl's destiny is that she should marry a wife beater. I hope you all know that they characteristically become remorseful after every physical assault on their victim. Woman beating is a symptom of a deeper psychological issue.

If a true prophet of God says don't do it, don't, please.

I am addressing only born again Christians here. Those are not are free to express their views on this matter in accordance with their beliefs. I think we all have to thread carefully here. The gift of prophecy is well established in the Bible and while most people have made a ministry/church/career our of it, it is a gift that is available to Christians and its purpose is for the edification of the church. This growing trend of people trying to rubbish every prophetic revelation is becoming really disturbing. Granted that there are some many fake prophets all around, does that mean we no longer have those whose gifts are powered inspired by the holy spirit? If you indeed believe in God, Jesus and the ministry of the holy spirit, don't you think it is wise to seek counsel when it comes to your choice of spouse, especially to ascertain through the witness of another believer that your perceived God's leading concerning your choice of spouse is indeed from the spirit of God? Will it not be more effective to seek such counsel from someone whose gift enables him or her a glimpse into the future? As much as you have people coming here to say that they ignored prophetic warnings and that there life with their spouses married through their intuition or intelligence has been rosy so far, has anyone bothered to ask about others who defied all warnings and are biting their fingers right now? Too bad there are so many adulterated doctrines and money hungry fake men of God out there but really that is no reason to rubbish the significance of spiritual guidance.

The OP's case is a good example, we all know that the beating is not likely to stop any time soon so the Pastor's guidance is on point unless the girl's destiny is that she should marry a wife beater. I hope you all know that they characteristically become remorseful after every physical assault on their victim. Woman beating is a symptom of a deeper psychological issue.

If a true prophet of God says don't do it, don't, please.

Very interesting topic. I don't think there is any hard and fast rule about it.

You just know she is the one, or you think you know she is the one
But if she is truly the one, you will spend the rest of your life confirming your conviction
and if she is not, you spend the rest of your life paying for your misjudgment.

[color=#006600][/color]

stillwater: Many people have the same fears, when you find the right person, you won't even remember the fears. That's what love does. But what exactly were you fighting about? Are you the type that feels he can just do whatever he pleases, comes home late at nights, acts as if you don't have a girlfriend, flirts with any girl that comes your way eventhough you're not sleeping with them, don't believe in compromise or self sacrifice. Then maybe you should remain a bachelor.

I sincerely hope you are very correct.

Been officially single since late 2005. Wow! its been 7 years already. My problem is that I have this fear of starting something I am not sure I can follow through with. When you break a woman's heart, you can't escape without some cracks in yours too.

Olisa Agbakoba is a big shot in the legal profession but the firm is not. It is, at best, a mid-tier firm.

[color=#990000][/color]

shababysha: I love this topic. I love my husband so much but there are some habit of his that gets me angry .

1. His second name is FOOD. He loves food so much that at the end of each day his anthem is always I have not eaten anything nice today.

2. All of you saying your hubbys fart have not seen anything, I bet mine will beat them hands down in farting competition, his own fart has music tone that you can dance to and when he farts he will say we should call him KABIESI. The annoying part now is that my 18 months old daughter thinks it is normal to fart cos when she does, she claps for herself for a job well done.

3. During arguments he can talk all night long to express how bad you have hurt him.

In all marraige is fun

This is so hilarious... yet you said marriage is fun. wow!

LLB is awarded after first degree, it is an equivalent of BSC, BA, B.Eng. B.L is awarded upon completion of the Nigerian Law school program.

I expect that Sagamite's opinion about the top law firms in Nigeria would have changed by now. Does anyone have new facts about top rated firms in Nigeria?

I will vote 1. Olanihun Ajayi 2. Banwo & Ighodalo, 3. ACAS 4. Aluko & Oyebode,5. Udo Udoma, 6. Templars 7. Babalakin, 8. Aelex 9. Okeke & Ajumogobia and Punuka Solicitors.

Does any one have a clue as to how much these law firms pay their Associates and Senior Associates

@ HOneric01: If u have been kissing, hugging, cuddling, u are already half way into having intimacy and that means u are half-way away from the will of God ( The marriage bed undefiled). As noted by that poster that said he was working with one of the big 4, you will keep exploring deeper until the main thing happens. Apparently, ur reason for not having sex is not to please God but according to you, one just needs to find a strong reason.

@OP: The only way a relationship can be Godcentered and without sexual impurity is if both parties involved are genuinely born-again. If you two are just 'cool christians' you may end up doing it at some point because the flesh will fail u. If both of you are truly born-again, it is very possible, with the help of the holy spirit. If u make rules u may end up breaking or ammending them, but if you stick to the word of God and like in other areas of your lives, you allow it to direct your relationship, the waiting will be over before you know it.

Generally speaking, courtship should not last too long, people should not be involved in serious relationship with the opposite sex unless marriage (in the nearest future) is in the picture.

A single detected lie and I am done.

At Poster: I took my time to read some of your previous posts. I recall reading about your job search, so I am really glad that you got a good job eventually. A lot of people have given their opinions here and I just want to add my bit. You really need to relax. God is on the throne, He has brought you this far and He is not known as one who abandons His projects.Your urge for a man's touch is perfectly normal, but feeding that demand of the flesh could be fatal. It can in fact mess things up for you. Sex complicates things, and for someone your age, who has been off the dating scene for years, you can bet with me that it could be a deal breaker. God has kept you this way for a reason, or you think you have been doing this all by your power? Virginity is a virtue but not the only virtue that makes a good woman/wife, its only worth the price you put on it, and seeing what you have been through, I advise you place a premium value on it, u ar a beautiful, brilliant, industrous, gainfully employed and God-fearing young woman, and like an icing on the cake u ar a virgin! It means a lot, trust me, u ar a rarity and God must have kept you this way for a purpose. Do not let this purpose be defeated. The waves of sexual urge can best be dealt with by focusing more on things of God. When those feelings come, put them to good use by passionately praying for your man to come( I think u have been doing that) trust me he will come and he deserves to meet you untouched, that is why God has been keeping u for him. I know that in the nearest future, u will post your testimony here, just like u did with your job.

Let me warn you ahead though, do not just go with the man that apppears to be him, or the more matured one ... spend this time getting a foreknowledge about your man from God, so that when he comes you will know it is him. Trust me, investing your time in asking God for His leadings on how to identify your man from the crowd of wolves that I am certain will be prowling ( hearing your story on Nairaland)is enough to help u get rid of the urge. I pray you will find courage anchored on God's grace to be able to wait for the God ordained my who will make a good woman of you in Jesus name ( Amen) and when the going is tough, remember that u ar not alone in this struggle, there are others too waiting, and u dont want to be the one that failed. I think u have suffered enough, u deserve all the bliss marriage can give, so keeping ur virginity and insisting on marrying the God ordained man are just ways of ensuring that you preserve your destiny. I love this song by the Infinity group -- Aye o le... especially this stanza

Bo wu ko pe ti ti iya aye e wa on bo wa dopin
a i mola eda, loun mu e da sa a ni yan o la
olorun ti seleriii oro baba ko ni ye
Ai ni gbagbo, loun mu eda ra a ro pin
bi okun nfo, ti osa n sa, otito wa laye
igbagbo ni orisun n oun gbo...



Aye o le fe ni to ni gbagbo pa ye o le

I know someone who is interested in this car, but is there anyway it could go for 1.5m

@ OP: I am not in the best position to advice you because I am also kinda in your shoes. But, I have come to learn a few things about this stage of our lives. First, you need to truly let go of your past and ask God to forgive you your recent misbehaviours. You also need to establish a good relationship between Him. After doing that, you need to table the issue of your marital choice before Him and ask Him to lead you to the right one, if your current girl is the right one for you, you will have enough conviction to proceed with her, but if you have no conviction after truthfully and dilligently waiting on God on the matter, then it might be wise to let her go. No amount of studying and testing can give you a conclusive proof of her true intentions, and even if her intentions are good, she still my not be a good person for you. The answer is prayer,prayer is the key ma broda. Goodluck

At OP: From the facts you have made available on this thread, your wife just got baptized with the holy spirit, and now she is a changed person. She appears sober, speaks in tongues, and (wonderfully) she is beginning to manifest a gift of the spirit- prophecy. As a person raised the Baptist way, you are understandably uncomfortable with this change in her personality. She doesn't laugh at every joke ( cos she has to be mindful of the ones that may have sinful coloration) She doesn't appear to be excited about sex, because she is going through a changing phase. The question is, as a christian of Baptist denomination, are you a born again christian, or you are just a regular christian? If you ave not experienced the circumcision of your heart through the experience of salvation, your fear and discomfort is appreciable, your wife just went a bit deeper, and you need to handle the situation carefully. Thank God you love her., don't be her first persecutor. If her experience is true, you are going to be the greatest beneficiary of the transformation at the long run. More than ever before, join her in her now-sure-to-be-regular prayer sessions, remind her of God's law about your bodies belonging to each other ( without being judgmental), sex being a gift of God to be enjoyed exclusively within the confines of marriage. Don't push too hard when it comes to some naughty stuffs you two use to do, just let her relax and gain control of her new experience. Let me assure you that she loves you, and she will not knowingly do anything that may jeopardize your marriage to her. Do not try to fight her spirit, if it is the holy spirit, you might want to learn to be His partner and not His competitor. As regards the gift of prophecy, it is not evil and it is part of the pentecostal experience, she will learn to put things under control as time goes on. Your wife is not gone, you just need to allow things to settle in and in a matter of time, you will have her back and better. Take the lead, go deeper with God. Good luck


Overall,

Some dude posted this piece on FB, thought I should share here.

I fell in love with you the first time I beheld
your alluring graduer of natural beauty,
your enchanting intelect, and your sense of culture I found irresistible,
I saw you and something leapt in me.

, But, I knew I had to be a champ to even catch your attention,
the bests were not just good enough for you,
you insisted on the best of the bests,
you have your ways of attracting them.

Two years of consistent stalking, waiting around the faculty of law
just so you could look my way,
my joy knew no bound the day you finally called me by my full name,
gave me a number, and whispered the word 'yes' to me, 'yes' to my dreams.

In you, I found faith in God and faith in myself,
you added shine to my glitters,
A kiss, just a kiss, a touch of our lips,
and I am blown away far above the skies.

You opened your petals at my tapping, I am one of the lucky few,
I was with you, once, and I have never been the same again.
Just thinking about you awakens the poet in me,
and your song, our song, I still sing with drunken ecstasy.

Those who never got a chance with you may continue to hate on you
and call me crazy for singing your glory,
we can' t blame them, can we?
you are a beautiful experience that eluded them.

I carry you with pride, and I promise to always do you proud,
I love you. I really love you my Great Ife.

This is a good thread, I hope more recently married couples would share their stories here.

To Souldiva - I am writing to specifically address you on your sub-post. Yes, you went too far and things got out of hand, but IF you really look inward, you will observe that you people have crossed the line a long time ago. The question you should ask yourself about the guy is that, if you have to go by the nature of your relationship and the stuffs you too have been doing together( apart from the one-time sex, which is kind of a climax) is this guy God-sent?, or could he be someone the devil has sent your way to take away your dignity and then wreck more havoc, if you further permit? I quite appreciate your sincerity about him bringing out the naughty side of you. Is that naughty nature something that can help your relationship with God? Would you rather be you, or what the bible says you should be? Aint we all suppose to leave our nature and adopt the christlike nature?

This would not have happened if you have listened to your spirit man's warning about the guy. You have clearly not helped him in his christian race and he has clearly done you a great disservice in yours too.

It is not too late to do away with him ( let him realize you two have sinned and that is enough reason for your to go your separare ways (at least for now). I have a feeling you have already.


If I have to be frank with you, I will suggest you confess your failing to at least one person as the spirit may lead you, dont think you can get it all settled on your own. The devil is fond of capitalizing on  secret sins. LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT GOING AHEAD WITH THIS GUY OR ANY OTHER PERSON WHO SHARES SOME OF HIS FEATURES HIS BOUND TO SEND YOU FAR AWAY FROM YOUR OFFICE. STRANGELY ENOUGH, YOU ARE NOT ORDINARILY FAR FROM GOING TO THE ALTAR, ,  i SHUD STOP HERE

Sometimes, I wish I had gotten serious with a girl back then at the Uni

@ OP I advise forget about a romantic relationship with the girl, she is simply not good for you. You will not be able to see her as she truly is until you get rid of the mental picture of the pure and immaculate feelings you once have for her, I can bet she didnt have the same feeling for you, that was why she couldnt wait a while before dating again, eventhough as a teenager, she was supposed to be traumatized by your resolve to end the relationship, at that time. Just look at you, you are not over the break up, even though it happend at your instance). She has not seen anyone that adores her as much as you obviously do and that in itself is a pull, especially from a girl that knows you more that any other young lady in the world. Don't just stop calling her, tell her she needs to move on, and make it clear that you are not likely to get married anytime soon.

You are a good guy Ayo, you have recently commited to God, you are just starting life, and you have a bright future ahead of you, get over this girl ( she is like a poison that is destined to ruin every thing you have built with God and block you from seeing the better lady He has for you. I was in your shoes several years back ( except for the fact that she didnt go on a dating spree immediately) and I  wish you will just let go now, because you will , later, anyway. I pray that you will hear the exact word that will heal you of this girl.

I really do pray something more powerful that the both of you should sweep her a good distance away from you.

Trust God and follow His instructions, it is the smartest thing to do. If your maker says go for her, just go right away. You cannot know more than your maker, He knows you in and out and He knows what is best for you. You chose your girlfriend or boyfriend and they turned out bad even though you use to be head over heels in love with them and at that time they seemed just perfect. You can't afford to be left alone by God when it comes to a choice of a life partner. If you trust the recommendation of a sales person ( who lies more often than not) on which of the brands of products he sells is best for you and  you buy the product just on his guarantee, how much more God the manufacturer who never lies. Have you ever bought a second hand DVD just on the assurances of the seller and end up using it for much longer than the new ones  ( mostly chinko) you bought with 'warranty'. Choose with your spiritual eyes and ears wide open!

interesting,

[color=#006600]There's something married women, especially Nigerians, need to understand about their men. That you are sharing your family's financial responsibility doesn't necessarily mean that you have to share the house chores. If your husband is from a home where boys cook, wash, clean the house, then you're lucky but if your husband is not from such a home, you have two choices; 1. Live with it, praying and hoping he will change, stylishly taking him out to visit other families you admire (make sure you don't comment on anything you want him to see). or 2. Don't go into the marriage in the first place. If it's disturbing you this much pls get a maid to help you out. if you're scared of a female maid, get a male. Like other good people have already told u, Never compare your marriage with anothers'. WE HATE IT WHEN YOU DO!
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I[color=#000099][color=#000099] can testify that I carefully dated him and noticed that he was hardworking, knew how to cook, clean, take care of kids and stuff. He is always eager to help others, the first year of our marriage he was sometimes doing more than me in the house! But few years down the road, though he does some things at home, his share of the housechores has considerably reduced, while mine increased due to children. I used to get so mad at it, but later found it was useless. My solution was simple : first, remind myself that, if he wasn't there, I would still do most of these housechores for me and my kids. Then, I followed ronkebp's advice : no need to clean the house from top to bottom at once, a little bit everyday is a much easier way to handle it. Finally, I started involving him in the housechores "without him noticing" : i put the baby+bottle in his arms while he's watching TV, I ask him to hang the clothes while I finish cooking ("otherwise the meal will be late", little things like that, I always add up nice words and tell him thank you. Sometimes I even tease him and tell him he can't clean/cook as well as me, he takes the joke seriously and does all he can to prove me wrong, when it's done I just sit there and tell him "since your egusi soup is soooo sweet, pls cook it again, I really want to eat some tomorrow!" Grin

The two posters above have given you a very sound advise. @ Miss Ife: You are a wise woman. Please keep it up.

WOMAN! you are the problem in your marriage. Your complaints reek of your immaturity and insecurities. You have got a good husband, One who loves his family ( something you are unnecessarily envious of even though it is obvious you and your children will benefit from that traits in the nearest future) apologizes for his oversights, allows you to impose domestic chores on him, takes all your nagging about his disorganized nature and inability to comply with your home cleaning instructions, and generally put up with all your shits. Relax, do whatever you can do, leave the rest and quit complaining. Fighting you husband over the phone when he is with his relatives is wrong. You are already creating unnecessary enmity, or you think they didn't notice that you were 'raking' for your husband over the phone? A wise woman build her house. Be wise. U av one of the best breed of men. Take care of him, love him, pray for him and teach him with all wisdom and humility. I don't know your background but it appears it is affecting your disposition already. Your man deserve more from you. You are pushing him out already and before you know it, he will find a baby sitter who knows what to do with men like your husband. I Nairalanders can talk you out of your immaturity and insecurities. You have got something worth keeping

Kenneth is now a lawyer. He is almost two years at the bar.