₦airaland Forum

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[b]Talking about kidnapping,


Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.

Your Friend,
Leroy

Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.

Your Truly,
Leroy

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried again.

Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?

Leroy

Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.

Jesus,
I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike!

Sincerely,
You know who[/b]

[b]There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"[/b]

Teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My momma had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those indians not to Bleep with the Lone Ranger."
[b][/b]

I have stored these jokes I got online for some time now, I think its time I dished them out, so are nice, nasty and damn stupid, but enjoy all the same,


A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113".

I am a young man in my thirties and I remember the seventies as a little boy. I remember at one time one of my cousins was told that God had Called him to join the ministry, the guy refused, Wanted to work in a white collar and not become a wrecthed pastor (as they were seen then),  things were good in Nigeria, then.

Today, things are bad and the pastorial industry seem to be the booming industry. Let me tell everyone that cares to listen, Nigerians have FOLLOW FOLLOW mentality and affinity, according to Fela (MHGSRIPP). Pure water business is selling,  everybody sells it, pennywise rocks, everybody is rocking it, now church industry is booming, what do you expect.

Whether you get called or not, its only natural for you to want to flow where money is flowing. Too bad but thats the statusquo here. Now its a norm to feel called to join the ministry. Eyes open PEOPLE,  .  (not everyone that says to me , LORD, ).

Worse off, is the rate at which these churches poliferate everywhere as if Nigeria is undergoing churchtralization,   . The only competition they have in terms of growth are Hotels.

The problems of this country persists and the church grows on.

HELLO MISS OR MRS GANI FAWEHINMI>

THERE HAS BEEN ABSOLUTLEY NO WHERE I HAVE SEEN YOU ON NAIRALAND THAT I DONT FIND YOU CRITIZING> NA WA FOR U> BUT TO BE FACTUAL AND REALISTIC< YOUR CRITIC_ING ACTUALLY HELPS BRING OUT THE BEST IN THE WEB Section on the Forum>

More Grease to your elbow.

You mean your $450 Design Job is still with him.

In that case, I'd still want you to seek him out and when all entreaties fail to resolve the matter amicably. then can we expsoe him; I will personally help you in black listing his name.

But lets give him a chance to prove us wrong that he isnt a dupe. There are so many people out there like that, we get angry at them only to later undertstand there were complicacies in their paths.

All the best my friend.

@ Yawatide,

This issue is a Serious one and not one to be Joked with. I undertsand you have very good sense of humour but not at this time when someone's name is about to be rubbed in the mud.

Dear Complainant, like the others have all said except Yawatide, it is necessary to understand the genesis of the problem, take your time, there could be other things involved that you may not be privy to.

He may be having personal problems he's dealing with, his laptop could have been stolen no one knows, he may even be acting from experience that clients dont pay balances when the job is completed, so he probably wants his balance before he gives you your 25% job balance.

ADVICE: Reachout and discuss, am sure there's a way round it than wanting to label him a bad person on a public forum

Hello Fancy Babe,

Let me have your site details and its functionalities, I'll buy it if it meets my requirements. I can assure you that more buyers will come for others that want to sell their designs as some are just too preoccupied with other vital things than having the time to seat down themselves to develop and design sites just like me.

If you are serious let me on it. Is the site existing and already has traffic ?, just let me in on the complete info. I AM ready to buy it, if it meets my requirments like i said earlier.

thanks

BASKING4ME

Hello lukinguy,

Thank you for your reply, please do you have a Patriot polarizer, a friend is in serious need of it and I dont have but since you are selling patriot equipments, I was hoping you can help source for one for him.

Please let me know the cost right away and where he can come to collect it, so I can get back to him in time.

thanks again.

Lukinguy,

Does the equipment you are selling not come with a modem. What type of modem can we use and Network also.

Do you have modems you are selling, so that we can add it to the equipment to be able to determine the price.

Hello,

Please can any one tell me where to get the lightscribe CD, DVD and CD-R

It is a shame that a bank like UBN with all its experience and patronage from our fathers in the past is going to be paid back to the children with such kind of treatment.

Let me make jobseekers understand something, when you secure a  job and get paid at the end of each month, its not free money you are collecting rather you EARNED (your right) it. You worked for it and Deserve it, its your RIGHT.

Where do you expect a graduate looking for a job to get 5,000. why, why are we just been wicked with ourselves, why, I ask?.  

So if a candidate dont pass the exams, will you recommend they go back to their university so that can go and start all over again, ?  

I wish to call on the NUC board (Nigerian Universities Commission), that there is a company called Dragnet and they, in conjunction with Union Bank of Nigeria are saying that all your products (GRADUATES) fall short of standard and therefore have devised another exam to test them allover again.

Dragnet, you are not an exam institute, at least not nationally recognised. If at all there should be any of such exams, it should be the responsibility of NUC, especially given the magnitute of an organisation UBN and the others they service.

Pls stop exploitin the Nigerian Youth. Where will they get the money to pay,

I am sure a staff of UBN or DRagnet will see this, Please tell your people to stop this embarassing act. It will only bring your reputable names to disrepute.

Forex trading is still a relatively new ground just as we are having more awareness for the internet and other internet related areas.

My friend, I'll suggest you go into it as no knowledge is lost. Try out a few Demos first, go for training to learn more and do a lot of practice. Who knows, you maybe the next Warren Buffet.

It requires a lot of time, practice and tenacity. If you take it as a job or strictly as business, then the sky is your limit.

all the best

Checkout www.myinternetwealth.biz you should be able to get some information and materials