₦airaland Forum

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.


Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

*********



Question # 2: Do you love me?


The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

*********

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

*********


Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

*********

Question #5: What would you do if I died?


A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette."

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

*********

She, Would you get married again?

He, Definitely not!

She, Why not - don't you like being married?

He, Of course I do.

She, Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He, Okay, I'd get married again.

She, You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He, Yes, I would.

She, Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He, Where else would we sleep?

She, Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He, That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She, And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He, She can't use them; she's left-handed.
************


p.s: This is not my own content, I got it from google, was very funny so thought of shariing it wink

ladies, where would you like to be propose to? may be in d toilet,

lol

The Catholic Priests were due to play the Anglican Pastors in a very important Inter-Religious Football match.
Two days before the match, the Goalkeeper of the Catholic team broke his leg and the doctor said he would not be able to play again for at least one month.
"What are we going to do? Said Father Matthew!
"Well," said Father Thomas, "It happens that Edwin Van Der Sar, the Manchester United Goalkeeper is my friend. We could ask him to keep for us."
"But that would not be fair" said Father Matthew.
"No, but if we call him Father Van Der Sar, no one will know," replied Father Thomas.
Eventually Father Matthew agreed to let the bad plan go ahead but then, as luck would have it, he was suddenly called away on official church business and was not able to watch the match. As soon as he could, he phoned Father Thomas for the result.
"I am afraid they beat us, 6-0," said Father Thomas.
"But how could that happen?" queried Father Matthew. "We had Father Van Der Sar in our team." "Yes," said Father Thomas, "but they had Pastor Van Der Vaart and Pastor Van Nelstroy in their team."

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, paranas, and many other things that could kill you. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes.

Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that "party thing."

Suddenly, there was this big splash! The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat hell across the tank, and, look and behold, he made it!

The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright, you made it, WOW!. What are your 3 wishes?" The man replied, "First, you see that shotgun of yours? give it to me , Two, see those bullets over there? give me them, 3, show me the bastard who pushed me into that pool."1. LWKM - Laugh wan kill me
2. LWKMD - Laugh wan kill me die
3. MIDG - make i dey go
4. WGYL - we go yarn later
5. IGA - I gbadun am
6. ICS - I can't shout
7. DJM - Don't jealous me
8. WBDM - Who born d maga
9. UDC - U de craze
10. NUS - Na u sabi
11. WSU - who send u
12. OSABZ - over sabi
13. ITK - I too know
14. WDH - wetin dey happen
15. NDH - nutin dey happen
16. FMJ - free me jo
17. BBP - bad bele people
18. HUD - how u dey
19. WKP - waka pass
20. BBG - baby girl
21. KKL - Kokolette
22. MML - mamalette
23 GFF- Gbono fe le fe le (e.g., she GFF)
24. NTT - Na true talk
25. IKU - It koncain u?
26. NDM - no dull me
27. LGT - let's goo there
28. IFSA - I for slap am
29. IGDO - I go die o
30. YB - Yess boss
31. NLT - No long thing
32. 2GB - 2 gbaski (e.g., the song 2GB!)
33. CWJ - carry waka jorh
34. WBYO - wetin be your own
35. U2D - U 2 do
36. U2DV - U 2 dey vex
37. MKG - maka gini?
38. WSDP - who send dem papa
39. INS - i no send
40. INFS - i no fit shout
41. WWY - who wan yarn
42. NBST - no be small thing
43. NWO - na wah oooooo
44. NMA - no mind am
45. MIHW - make i hear word
46. NBL - no be lie
47. NB? - na beans?
48 wd - wetin dey
49. UNGKM - u no go kill me
50. o2s - omo 2 sexy

Okoko was a very well to do man he went to the village to pick a wife. They match down the alter, the pastor joint them together and said you are now the head of your family while your wife is the neck down.
The next day after the wedding the wife prepared a meal with chiken Okoko was back from work and demanded for his food, she served Okoko with only the head of the chicken and she was eating the body of the chiken alone.
Okoko was angry and ask why? She replied "Didn't the pastor said you are the head and I am the neck down so every thing we will eat in this houese you will be eating the head and I the neck down


from

Jarus:
The scene
Bukola appears too refined to engage in this game. I have my doubts. I think Bukola's opposition to his father's attempt to foist his daughter on Kwarans is genuine.

may be u re right,


but i tell you, that is politics,

son can slap is father publicly just for both father and son to achieve there aim

Dr Olusola Saraki,The godfather of Kwara state politics secrete agenda exposed.

After proclaiming his daughter Gbemisola Saraki as his next candidate for the governorship election that will be holding in 2011.

The proclamation has generated a lot of controversies and after much consideration, i was able to make the following analysis.

From what we have seen so far, Olusola saraki is not ready to do the wish of the people.

And If Saraki insisted that his female daughter Gbemisola saraki remain his candidate, i.e going against the people in kwara (ilorin), it might result into a riot because from all indications, the alfa are ready to fight against this action and gbemisola is indeed ready for the challenge.

The reaction of the current Governor to the situation.

From what we have seen, The current Governor Bukola Saraki has turned is back on his Father and has really demonstrated to the people publicly that he will do the wish of the people by not making his sister his successor.

The secrete agenda

I sense some conspiracy here, because from my understanding of this situation, I believe The godfather, Olusola saraki is willing to continue is dominance on the people of kwara by transferring the godfather-ism position to his son ( the current Governor Bukola saraki).

both of them try to create this confusing situation for easy transfer of power.

The people of kwara are determined to serve Olusola Saraki to death, but he wants his dominance to extend beyond him alone to his generation on born.

So he decided to create a scenario that will enable his son to demonstrate to the people that he his equally capable of leading the state.

The scene

Olusola saraki named his daughter Gbemi Saraki as his next Governorship candidate and his son Bukola Sarki is opposing his father publicly. This scene will result to contention between the father and the son because from all indications, Governor bukola saraki will nominate his own Governorship candidate that will contest with that of his father.

Because the people dislike the candidate of the Father, they will go for the son's candidate and this will mean that Governor Bukola nominated a candidate and he won.

now

he will be seen as the next godfather and the people of kwara will embrace him for going against his father in the first place.

but all the scene is a setup between them, or what do u think?

lol,

u guys are funny

lol

cheers

tank u plz

Women should not be afraid of or feel guilty about taking a leadership role--in their organization, in their community, in their own lives. What could you accomplish if you were leading your life instead of simply living your life?

1. Avoid the Imposter Factor: Fear that Others Will Find Out I’m Not Really a Leader

Ask others what they think of your leadership abilities. You’ll be surprised at the positive response! You use leadership skills every day—managing your work group, getting the kids to school on time, supporting your favorite charity. Believe that you are a leader—your friends and colleagues already know you are.

2. Get Rid of the Guilt: I Don’t Deserve to Be a Leader

Why not? Leaders aren’t an alien species sent down to show us the way. They are everyday people like you and me. Think about a leader in your life—not someone famous, just someone you know that you’d follow anywhere. Do you think they thought they were a great leader? Do you think they knew that you’d be using them as an example of great leadership? Of course not.

3. Stop Looking for Leaders Who Look Like You

It’s hard to strive for leadership when there are few examples that look like you. Katharine Graham saw no other women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies on her way to becoming the first. Madam C.J. Walker saw no other African-American women millionaires on her way to becoming the first. Sally Ride saw no other American women in space on her way to becoming the first. It certainly makes it more difficult to lead where no one like you has gone before, but it’s not impossible…

4. What’s So Special About You?

You don’t have to be special to be a leader. You just have to have a passion to change something— that you still haven’t made time to take that class you wanted to take; that your child’s school won’t have an art program next year; that women still don’t receive equal pay for equal work. The issue may be large or small—it’s the size of your passion that makes you a leader.

5. Realize that Leaders Don’t Have to Make Sacrifices

Not if you have the right support system (see #8, below). Real leaders integrate their passion for change into their lives. The only thing you may have to sacrifice is your toleration of others’ placing unreal or unfair demands on you.

6. It’s OK to Focus on Small Issues, Instead of High Ideals

Someone once told me that one of the strongest leaders she knew was working on her local Little League board, trying to make the league run more efficiently and to inject more fun into the games. Leadership can be as big as moving a government to pass civil rights legislation; it can be as “small" as teaching a group of girls that they can be entrepreneurs if they choose to. As long as it’s a high ideal for you, you can take a leadership role in making it happen.

7. Think of Your Self

Leaders are not totally selfless—in most cases their passion for change grows because they are personally connected to the issue. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is the leading organization funding research and treatment of pediatric AIDS. Elizabeth Glaser founded it after she discovered that she and her two children had become infected with HIV.

8. Asking for Help is OK

Oh really? Star athletes have coaches, elected officials have staff, great scientists have research assistants. Leaders cannot do what they do on their own; they know it’s OK to ask for help.

9. You Don’t Have to Influence the “Big" Stuff

If your passion is to change a small piece of your own world…go for it! Exercise your leadership muscle, and soon you’ll have influenced a whole range of small stuff, which will add up to something big.

10. You Don’t Have to Be Famous

I’m sure you can think of some great leaders that no one else has ever heard of—relatives, co-workers, teachers—people that you would follow anywhere. Great leadership doesn’t start with being famous; it starts with leading your self to the brink of change in that one area you’re passionate about. Then sticking with it to make that change happen!

Can a woman be a leader?
Answer : Wa`alykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Sister, we do really appreciate your question, which shows your keenness in getting yourself well-acquainted with the teachings of Islam. May Allah bless your efforts and guide you to the straight Path!

first of all, you are to bear in mind the fact that Islam deals with both men and women as equals. No privileges are granted to men over women. In this context, we recall the Prophet's Hadith that says: "Women are (the equal) sisters of men."

In the sphere of work and leadership, Islam honors the woman by ranking her in the right place so as to protect her dignity and morality. By the same token, Islam permits the woman to hold some positions provided that some conditions should be met.

Focusing more on the question in point, we'd cite the following Fatwa issued by the prominent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi:

"Woman's invaluable work, in fact, is to look after her children and husband. As for employment, which is meant for earning a living, she is permitted to do it provided that the following conditions are met:

First, it should be legal. The Muslim woman is not permitted to work in a place where she will be in privacy with non-Mahram (marriageable) man, or in clubs where she is supposed to offer alcohol to people.

Second, she should abide by the Islamic morals in dress, talk, etc.

Third, woman's employment should not be at the expense of her immediate work, namely caring about her children and husband.

Accordingly, the Muslim woman is permitted to go to work as long as she is in need of money and there is no person responsible for her maintenance, and the above conditions are met. In this context, we should recall the story of the daughters of Prophet Shu`ayb, peace and blessings be upon, about whom the Glorious Qur'an says, "And when he (Prophet Musa) came unto the water of Midian he found there a whole tribe of men, watering. And, he found apart from them two women keeping, back (their flocks). He said: What aileth you? The two said: We cannot give (our flocks) to drink till the shepherds return from the water; and our father is a very old man." (Al-Qasas: 23)

Apparently, Prophet Shu`ayb's daughters went out to give water to their flocks because their father was an old man and they had no brothers.

Admittedly, the Muslim society is in need of working women in certain fields such as education and medicine in order to educate and treat women.

As for the woman's work in judiciary, Abu Haneefah permits her to be a judge in cases that her witness is accepted in, i.e., in cases other the criminal ones. Ibn Hazm and At-Tabaree, however, are of the opinion that the woman can be a judge in all cases.

Here, we should keep in mind that the permissibility of appointing woman as a judge does not necessitate it. Rather, the public interest of the Muslim society and the welfare the woman herself and the family should be the main criterion in deciding whether it is necessary to appoint a woman in such serious position or not.

A woman is not allowed to be a governor, a ruler, or a Caliph of a Muslim state because often she cannot bear the burdens of that tremendous job. We say "often" to refer to the fact that there may be some women who are more powerful and forbearing than some men. Yet, this is unusual and the Islamic rulings, therefore, cannot be founded upon the exception.

There is no wrong, then, if a woman is appointed as head of an institution, or Member of Parliament as long as it is within the interests of the Muslim society."

The eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, adds:

"If we are in need for a woman to occupy such a position, I don’t see anything of the Shari`ah rules that prevents her from taking the position. It is not prohibited, but I say it should be under contingency that we don’t create an atmosphere of fitnah (disorder)."

Allah Almighty knows best.

please go watch this video,

its d bamb,

a classic performance and too much crownd,

what a show

lol

MyJoe:
Mohammed is indeed mentioned by name in the Gospel of Barnabas. Here is a portion from Chapter 97.
"Then said the priest: "How shall the Messiah be called, and what sign shall reveal his coming?" Jesus answered: "The name of the Messiah is admirable, for God himself gave him the name when he had created his soul, and placed it in a celestial splendour. God said: "Wait Muhammad; for your sake I will to create paradise, the world, and a great multitude of creatures, whereof I make you a present, insomuch that whoever shall bless you shall be blessed, and whoever shall curse you shall be accursed. When I shall send you into the world I shall send you as my Messenger of salvation, and your word shall be true, insomuch that heaven and earth shall fail, but your faith shall never fail." Muhammad is his blessed name." Then the crowd lifted up their voices, saying: "O God send us your Messenger: O Muhammad, come quickly for the salvation of the world!"

But from its garbled comprehension of Islam to its dating, the gospel of Barnabas is so laughable that if it were a play it would be classified as a farce. I have not the strength to to into it now so I will just reproduce my post from another thread:

why are u stressing urself to enlighten this people, ? they already know the truth, but deny willingly,

Ikengawo:
look at someone who calls himself bluetooth asking me my point.
when your father left school to hawk plantain did he have a point?

Ikengawo:
asha can your father type

u lack manner for insulting someone else father,

and it shows out stupid igbo or what u call it are,

to d ladies in d house.

what do u think abt this, i meet dis lady at a shopping mall, we exchange number and took a walk around,

i told her i like her, but never replied, instead she smile and say really? and i said yes,

she now replied and say, we shall see,

after some time we used to talk and i didnt bother her abt that anymore,

i noticed that she wanted me to talk abt my proposition, but i didnt, now she called me and say,

i know u want me to ask u abt ur proposition thats y u didnt say anything abt it, but just know that i liked u, and i really wish to date u b4, but now i just dont know how, u pissed me off, i tried to calm her but she left,

what can i do?

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

It's generally true that if one half of a couple is ready to commit and the other isn't, it's usually the male half that's backing towards the exit. Here are 11 reasons why he may not be ready to take things to the next level.

The most common guy question I hear from my girl friends is about commitment. They don't understand why it's such a dirty word for so many men. I'm a perfect example of the guy who is afraid of commitment, so I figured I could shed some light on why we are afraid to commit. Here's my list:

1. He Still Wants to Play the Field
Once a guy commits, he will lose the right to date other women. Most guys try to hold on to this right as long as they can, especially when they are not sure what they are looking for.

2. Girls Grow Up Faster Than Boys
"Committing" means "growing up" to some guys. And a lot of us guys don't want to grow up, or we want to delay the process of growing up as long as possible. Commitment is a sign of maturity, and some guys are simply too immature to commit,

3. There's Someone Else
It's hard for a guy to commit to one woman if he's got others on his mind — imagine trying to commit if you had a couple of guys on your mind.

4. He's Got Other Priorities
In life, it's tough to balance love, family, work, etc. If there are things in his life that demand more attention than his love life, he'll commit to the other stuff and deal with love when he can.

5. He's Got Baggage/He's Afraid of Intimacy
Maybe he's had a bad experience with a past girlfriend, or he's a child of divorce. Unresolved pain in his past can prevent him from committing.

6. He's Afraid It Won't Work Out
Committing involves risk. You are essentially taking a plunge, and investing energy in the relationship. Some people feel that it's not worth a try unless it's 100% certain it will work out. But, you can never really be that sure of things, and that unknown keeps some people from committing.

7. None of His Friends Have Committed
If you are able to get the first guy of his group of friends to commit, I commend you. Most of us want to commit eventually, but we don't want to be the first one, and there is respect among guys for the last single guy in the pack.

8. He's Only in It for Sex
Sadly, some guys are just out for a conquest. Keep a close eye on things so you're not a victim of one of these kind of guys. Usually, if you have a gut feeling that he's interested only in the bedroom, you're right.

9. He's Still "Selfish"
A few weeks ago, my friend was freaking out via text because his wife scheduled a dinner the night of the Ravens nationally televised Monday Night Football game. He was "extremely jealous" that I planned to lay in my boxers alone watching the Ravens game in HD. Committed relationships are acts of selflessness. We are giving ourselves and our time and energy to one another. I know that I'm still in a selfish period in my life: I'd rather wake up at 10 AM on Sunday and read about The Sex Pistols and Maryland history on Wikipedia instead of waking up at 9 AM and going to brunch with a girlfriend. Some day we all get less selfish with our time, but when that occurs differs for everyone.

10. He's Not into You Enough to Commit
Most of the reasons a guy won't commit have to do with the guy. But he may see you as a fun person to date, but never thought of you as someone he'd commit to in the end. It's tough to swallow when this is the situation, but sometimes it's easy to resolve it in your mind this way and move on.

11. You're Pressuring Him Too Much to Commit
If he's going to commit, let him come to that moment on his own. If you continue to bring it up, he may become bitter and annoyed at the whole thought of it. You'd rather him come to the decision to commit naturally on his own, and not because he was pressured to do so anyway. Just think about how you feel when someone pressures you to do something you're not sure about.

Any combination of these reasons could contribute to a guy's reluctance to commit. One of the biggest factors in the success of any relationship is timing. If you're out of synch in a relationship or not on the same page in terms of commitment, then you may not be right for one another and should move on.

lawrence83:
Saheed Osupa . . . . . . . .Guinness book of records

Then Guinness book of record don wor wor b dat.

e no go wor wor reach u sha,

4llerbuntu:
mr bilms i guess you were not in nigeria or were too young to be aware of when lagbaja released "I, WE, ME, AND ABAMI"?

because if you were you would not be claiming that saheed osupa is up for guiness record nomination!


i dont understand what u mean by this

that is a clear misunderstanding of the religion

not enough info on those thread,

please any one with info about the income of our political leaders?

stop praising her,

join her in doing what she is doing to help the nation

and if u can't join her on that, start helping people in another way u can,

enough

tanx

plz anybody with d info abt there income?

tanx but there qualification is not on d site

say what u like

it doesnt change fuji and d fans.

how will u know what fuji is all about when u dont even know what is music

she does nt care abt God's word, she is determined to do it since her father is d godfather,

naija_swag:
Tell me what you want the info for and i will give it to you right away.

waiting to hear from u

am writing, and i need this to make it cool,

i still need others things like educational background of some political leaders

in reference to d topic in the political section about women being d Governor in kwara state.

what is ur understanding regarding this,

this is causing a serious problem now in kwara state and am afraid it might result to a riot,

Gbemisola saraki, the female dauther of the God father of kwara state politics olusola saraki is d candidate,

after her father Dr Olusola saraki named her as his candidate for 2011 election, d Alfa rejected her quoting that such is not allowed islamically, but gbemisola replied that the Nigerian constitution superceed d isamic saying on politics as far as Nigeria is concern,

lol