₦airaland Forum

lol

death bed


Mullah Nasruddin was in lyin in his death bed, where he had lst few brths left.

He called 4 his wife, "oh my wife! u dere?"
2 wch da wife repld, "yes! my husbnd, i m here!"

Den Mullah Nasruddin said, " oh my childrn, u dere!"
2 whch all da childrn replied,"yes! papa ji!v r all here"

All of sudn Mullah Nasruddin replied in shock" DEN TLL ME WHO DA H*LL's RUNIN DA SHOP?

Once a teacher was telling
the importance of making people glad and advised his students that one should try and make people happyas much as one can,
Next day after entering the class room first question he asked was : "Did any body made somebody glad??
the teacher was very disoppointed to see his bigger students were silient and were looking at eachother sheeply, suddenly he saw a lil fellow jumping up n down hands up in the air, teacher looked at bigger students very proudly and pointed at lil fellow and said to bigger students: you should be ashamed of yourself look at Jahangir he is so lil and yet he has made somebody glad,,, okay,, Jahangir, stand up and tell your story, The lil fellow stud up and glanced proudly at bigger studends and said : Sir ,, yesterday i went to see my grandma and spent foure hours with her and when i said: ; Grandma I am going home, she said:" I am glad to hear that", he he heeeeee.

A devil walked into heaven and was immediately spotted by an angel.

The angel asked: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE?? Only angels allowed!!

The devil calmly answered: yes i know that and dont worry i am an angel. the horns are there to keep the halo up

Once a person slapped Nasruddin in the street. Later he came back and started to apologize and said that he had mistaken Nasruddin for some one else. But Nasruddin was not satisfied and took tight hold of his collar, took him to the judge and told the judge about the incident.

The judge ordered, "Nasruddin must slap that person to avenge. But Nasruddin didn?t get satisfied. Thus the judge ordered the person to give Nasruddin a gold coin in lieu of the slap. The accused had to go out of the court to bring the gold coin.

Nasruddin waited for sometime. The accused didn't come back.

Nasruddin stood up and slapped the judge on his face and said, "Since I have a lot of work, whenever that person Comes and brings the coin, You take the money for this slap."

i will go now.

but u have to remembr that the only job i fit do na to wash woman hundeeeeeeeesssssssssss

na mind am now.

he loves arguement too much.

i guess that is his hobbie

na mind am now.

he loves arguement too much.

i guess that is his hobbie

no mind me jare.

na because i no get work

hi all,

i really understand how u guys feel abt bringing such up such thread without a reasonablw source of information, but i must say that i swear, i never meant to say abd abt nigerian government. i am a nigerian and i cant just come up with a thread like this without knwoing what am saying.

i never had any opputunity to get any evidence from this because its an inside stuff. the information that can be exposed to the jornalist is what they want the jornalist to know. such issue dont get expose because the sucurity wont expose the boss like that, and u guys need to know that this is a proffesional job not just and ordinary Security,

they wont dispose this to the public, it hurts them too but there is nothin they can do or else they will lose there job and still nothing will be done abt it.

i was only opputuned to know abt it because of my uncle who happens to be among the S.S and i was also around when the issue come up.

they were also complaning but there is nothing they can do. they cant expose these information to the public.

am sorry if i hurt anybody by not giving a concrete evidence but i just think i should share with the public.

cheers

my suprise was dat, they did not arrest them. they only went back with the cash.

the s.s make the complain to the president but i never knew wat was d response

so all the nonsense u posted, wat sense did it make to u?

u re claming an intellectual person while the country is going down.

did i come up with a thread in a proffesional dialougue?

i was only expressing my suprice to why such huge amount will be there.

i never mind wat u say.

but plz, if u happen to be there, how will get the real source of the event.

over sabi na him dey worry u.

i wonder what u guys are talking abt.

my uncle is one of the S.S there, and i i was previllaged to hear with his influence.

will jornalist be going abt asking S.S what is going on in the villa.

well any how u take it.

cheers

150 billion not million.

they load it in ghana must go in there car.

listen, i cant just post a thread without knwoing what am saying.

although i dont have a source where u can confirm, the only place u can comfirm is when u have someone working in the villa and u can use this opputunity to hear abt it. the jornalist did not hear abt it because it an inside stuff.

i get no hear abt it because i go to the villa last week. my uncle is a S.S working in the villa too.

actually, i did not see it on any paper, i had it in the aso rock villa when i went there last week.

my uncle works there as S.S.

irrespective of ur opinion about this issue or ur choice of artist.

the best fuji music artist is saheed.

b4 some can be considered the true king in fuji music, u have to posses the original fuji style. u cant be diverting fuji in the name of modern music without doing ur primary concern which is to sing song of origin,advice,danceable, and proverbs.

so when choosing ur king, u have to choose someone who has the quality.

among them all, it is only saheed osupa who posses all these characters and He was nominated by fuji music originator and finally the was crowned.

Kabio si, olufimo 1 as far as fuji music is concerned

The president claim he sent the budget to the senate president and the senate president claimed he did not received it.

for three days now, as at last week friday, they could not trace where the budget landed.

i wonder, why will this secret not expose to the jornalist.

because no news paper took this. that mean there many secret things going on in the villa.

hi all.

i had the opputunity of being at the Aso Rock last week where i had the the S.S saying it is our money.

i wondered, which money. but i could not talk to him to ask. so when i was coming back i nw stayed with my uncle who is a s.s too. during my stay with them, they were now talking abt it.

saying u can imagine that man wants to go out with 150 billion naiara here. i saw the money and i told him to take the money back. i reported him to the president but nothin was done abt it.

i never knew may be they have been going out with such money b4, but this time i saw him. i am now wondering, why will this people be stealing our money like this?

my question is, what is such huge amount of money doing in the villa.

THERE IS THIS GOOD OLD BARBER IN LONDON,

ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT. AFTER THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND THE BARBER REPLIES:

"I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE."

THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.

NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP,

THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE
CUT.
BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE.

THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.

THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A THANK YOU CARD AND A DOZEN DONUTS ARE WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
AN PAKISTANI SOFTWARE ENGINEER GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE
BARBER AFTER THE CUT.

BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM
DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE. "

THE NIGERIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER IS HAPPY AND LEAVES.

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP,

GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE,

CAN YOU GUESS?

.
TRY TO GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?
.

.
COME ON, THINK LIKE A NIGERIAN,

.
A DOZEN NIGERIAN WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT

Sir George Bernard Shaw in 'The Genuine Islam,' Vol. 1, No. 8, 1936.


"If any religion had the chance of ruling over England, nay Europe within the next hundred years, it could be Islam."
"I have always held the religion of Muhammad in high estimation because of its wonderful vitality. It is the only religion which appears to me to possess that assimilating capacity to the changing phase of existence which can make itself appeal to every age. I have studied him - the wonderful man and in my opinion far from being an anti-Christ, he must be called the Savior of Humanity."

"I believe that if a man like him were to assume the dictatorship of the modern world he would succeed in solving its problems in a way that would bring it the much needed peace and happiness: I have prophesied about the faith of Muhammad that it would be acceptable to the Europe of tomorrow as it is beginning to be acceptable to the Europe of today."

about islam.

Moses has revealed the existence of God to his nation. Jesus Christ to the Roman world, Muhammad to the old continent,
"Arabia was idolatrous when, six centuries after Jesus, Muhammad introduced the worship of the God of Abraham, of Ishmael, of Moses, and Jesus. The Ariyans and some other sects had disturbed the tranquility of the east by agitating the question of the nature of the Father, the son, and the Holy Ghost. Muhammad declared that there was none but one God who had no father, no son and that the trinity imported the idea of idolatry,

"I hope the time is not far off when I shall be able to unite all the wise and educated men of all the countries and establish a uniform regime based on the principles of Qur'an which alone are true and which alone can lead men to happiness."

a man with beard was riding a bicycle when he hit into a lady crossing the road.

Man: maaf kerna break kaam nahee ker rahee(sorry the breaks are not working)

Lady: sharam nahee aati darhi rekh ker khwateen ko takkrain martey hein? (shame on you! hitting into ladies whilst having a beard)

Man: bibi yeh daarhi hai, break tu nahee. (madam this is beard, not break)

Difference between men and women when getting cash from an ATM



Men
Drive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser
Insert card
Dial code and desired amount
Take the cash, the card and the slip
Women
Drive to the bank
Engine stalled
Check make-up in the mirror
Apply perfume
Manually check haircut
Park the car - failure
Park the car - failure
Park the car - success
Search for the card in the handbag
Insert card, rejected by the machine
Throw phonecard back in handbag
Look for bank card
Insert card
Look for the chit (where secret code written) in handbag
Enter code
Study instructions for 2 minutes
#Cancel#
Re-enter code
#Cancel#
Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct code
Enter huge amount
#Error#
Enter large amount
#Error#
Enter smaller amount
Cross fingers
Take cash
Go back to the car
Check make up in rear mirror
Look for keys in handbag
Start car
Drive 50 meters
STOP
Drive back to bank machine
Get out of the car
Take card and ticket back from machine
Go back to the car
Throw card on passenger seat
Throw slip on the floor
Check make up in rear mirror
Manually check haircut
Go into roundabout - wrong way
BRAKE!!
Go into roundabout - right way
Drive 5 kilometers
Remove hand brake
Stop at mall
Spend money
Go back to step 1

cheers.

u can also contact me for further help on usa visas.

i am a travel agent and i do assist people particularly on usa visas.


08076976917

jibtravels@yahoo.com

the two are the same.

thanks to the person that added a note to my post.

when u need help u can seek for it.

cheers

u can convert to islam here.

Assalamu Alaykum,
I am a new convert to Islam from Christianity, and after months of looking for a website that could further my knowledge of Islam, I have finally found this site. I just wanted to say that this site is very helpful to me, and that I find the study material awesome, I have taken islamic courses in college, but this is what I really need, it let's me study at my own pace and take quizzes when I am ready. Although my first couple of quizzes have not been exactly what I would want them to be, I now know that I need to slow down and read very carefully. And also I would like to know if the certificates are given out at the end of each course or at the end of each module? I have completed a course and has not received a certificate.
Latonya


Wa'Alaikumussalam Latonya,I wholeheartedly welcome you to the family of islam.My only advice to you would be to always submit to the truth and be very humble.May our lord be with you all the time.


Salam Alaikum, dear sister Laytonya,

1st, allow me to welcome you to Islam!

I am a half Turkish sister,(American born) and reverted/converted to Islam, 7 yrs ago, Alahmdulillah!

I also looked around on the internet for Islamic studies, and never tried the others, Al Mawrid seemed best for me.
Just take your time, go slow, read, take notes,and absorb the information, and u will do great, I am sure.

Once again, welcome to Islam!
Islam is a gift -freely given to us, but it us who accept it or do not accept it.
We are all on different levels of understanding, and I try to stay away from debates,(but I like to read or hear them!).
Allah bless you and grant u strong Iman (faith).

Peace/Salam


I would like to say shokran to everyone who has welcomed me to Islam, I feel very blessed to finally know what it feels like to finally belong to Something that I know is right.
I am on the beginners level of understanding Islam, but with me studying everyday I am becoming more knowledgable.

Peace/Salam
Peace/Salam

u can convert to islam here.

Assalamu Alaykum,
I am a new convert to Islam from Christianity, and after months of looking for a website that could further my knowledge of Islam, I have finally found this site. I just wanted to say that this site is very helpful to me, and that I find the study material awesome, I have taken islamic courses in college, but this is what I really need, it let's me study at my own pace and take quizzes when I am ready. Although my first couple of quizzes have not been exactly what I would want them to be, I now know that I need to slow down and read very carefully. And also I would like to know if the certificates are given out at the end of each course or at the end of each module? I have completed a course and has not received a certificate.
Latonya


Wa'Alaikumussalam Latonya,I wholeheartedly welcome you to the family of islam.My only advice to you would be to always submit to the truth and be very humble.May our lord be with you all the time.


Salam Alaikum, dear sister Laytonya,

1st, allow me to welcome you to Islam!

I am a half Turkish sister,(American born) and reverted/converted to Islam, 7 yrs ago, Alahmdulillah!

I also looked around on the internet for Islamic studies, and never tried the others, Al Mawrid seemed best for me.
Just take your time, go slow, read, take notes,and absorb the information, and u will do great, I am sure.

Once again, welcome to Islam!
Islam is a gift -freely given to us, but it us who accept it or do not accept it.
We are all on different levels of understanding, and I try to stay away from debates,(but I like to read or hear them!).
Allah bless you and grant u strong Iman (faith).

Peace/Salam


I would like to say shokran to everyone who has welcomed me to Islam, I feel very blessed to finally know what it feels like to finally belong to Something that I know is right.
I am on the beginners level of understanding Islam, but with me studying everyday I am becoming more knowledgable.

Peace/Salam
Peace/Salam



replies

am very sure.

this poster is a lier.

and if u calim u saw the Qur'anic verse they use to back it, bring it here.

and even if u bring something here. i am already telling u that u re a lier.

No qur'an verse that will ever support that.

Assalamualaikum.

please be sure of what u say before u say it, because it affect others.

here are more details about this.

ProfessionQuestion As-salamu `alaikum. What shall we do on the day of Muhamaad's birthday? Is it allowed to meet in the Mosque and to perform prayers? Is this also bid'ah or innovation? What is allowed to do and what is forbidden? AnswerIn the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

We are allowed to commemorate the event of the Prophet's birth by offering charities and performing optional good works that are always permitted in Islam. However, even better would be to seize the opportunity to educate ourselves and others about the great benefactor, the Messenger of Mercy and express love for him by following his footsteps. Saying salawaat and nasheeds in praise of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) are indeed noble deeds. Sending salawaat on the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is already enjoined in the Qur'an; praising the Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) is also an established tradition we have inherited from the time of the Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) himself; so no one can consider it a bid'ah or an innovation in religion.

Having said this, however, I must rush to add that we must never exceed the limits by equating the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) with Allah. This will be the case if we were to attribute divine powers to him or take him as an intermediary in worship.

Our love of the Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) must be expressed freely without any taint of shirk or disbelief. In fact celebrating the great life of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) will go a long way in uniting Muslims on the singular event that all of them will be proud of. So there is indeed a great maslahah or benefit in these times when Muslims are in need of a unifying event in their history. There is nothing more significant for us and humanity than the coming of the mercy of the worlds. May Allah fill our hearts with the love of His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him)-aameen.

You can also read:

Celebrating the Prophet's Birthday (http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1119503543944&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar%2FFatwaE%2FFatwaEAskTheScholar)

Allah Almighty knows best.

i dont understand ur question,

make it clear