₦airaland Forum

maclatunji: Like I did not expect you to reply with this. A woman should be a lot more wiser, subtle and refined. Women who "rule" the world have mastered the art of influencing. Men tend to coerce, I am thinking ala Genghis Khan here.

A woman should not take that up.

women want to dominate also forgetting influencing or manipulating gets more done

[quote author=damilola_luv]why must you kill him? Why can"t you just leave him or rather go to the lawyers and get your share. Hmmm[/quote]The posts sounds anti-feminist to me... i thought the feminist mantra was marriage is not by force . I walk out once you go steppin'

50calibre: I am in no way commending or advocating violence against women, that's for savages. What I'm against is this whole (fairly new) mentality of women feeling they are equal to men.

To be taken seriously as a feminist, you have to act like one. True feminists dont rely on anyone, they feel offended having a man buy them things, they are not ashamed to take a man on a date and pay for it unfortunately all Nigerian women see are the rebellious aspect and fail to rise to the challenge in other aspects.

Until Nigerian women learn to be independent Financially, mentally, psychologically, men will always be gods.

dayokanu: When I told people that being abused in a marriage is related to lazy and women not being able to fend for themselves, Some people here raised voices.

now real people have spoken

As long as some women are lazy and still see marriage as a meal ticket, these abuse wont stop anytime soon

GBAM!!!

[quote author=Nuzo']I took off bro.

However, I had one when I was in school. She threatened to leave me if I don't give her hot slaps and bites whenever we were making love. I was much younger then...so I had to explore. I don't need to tell you the level of internal explossion and vibration she displays anytime a very hot slap lands on her face.

I had to leave later tho'. It was becoming traumatic for me instead. [/quote]you could not take it men .. some S & M ish ... damn that some gist for your kids when they gronn...


son.. there are crazy azz ladies out there
let me tell you about one in my yuppie days

this will pain me more than it pains you (holding whip)

* twock*
* twock*

yeah baby,,, more...

maclatunji: All you single ladies need to stop day-dreaming and face reality. It is your headiness that is preventing you from seeing the important things whilst you are single and leading you towards the men and marriages that you say you detest so much. These ones that are realistic have resigned to fate. However, those of you that claim to be "smarter and better" could end-up being deflated if you do not lay the proper foundation now that you have the chance.

The first thing a single lady should drill into her head is humility. No man no matter how accommodating, loving and caring will accept haughtiness from his wife.

true...

J12: Stupìd video with stupìd girls. I don't understand the unnecessary vexation over the video from the women here. If you ask your moms the same question, she'll definitely give the same answer the girls are giving.

pathethically true...

maclatunji: These women are typical of majority of Nigerian women.

Our Nairaland feminist warriors have a long way to go. I dare say some of them take the things they claim they will [b]never accept online within the confines of their homes. [/b]

THis, my friend is why there are perfect marriages on NL


comedians comediennes .... (hope im correct cos of the spelling militia roving NL to enforce rule 21 )

gently unfollows////

This is the key.....
Please do not take any extreme measures

Let your hubby do the fronting for you

Nashville: My sister,

Truth is you have no business leaving your house. For what - a mad woman? You husband loves you, you father-in-law loves you and so do your husband's siblings. Your mother in law is the only trouble here and you husband clearly sees it, so you and your husband have to agree on how to curb her excesses. Your problems are half solved.

I will advice you not to abuse her or do anything silly, just have a heart to heart with your hubby on how best to deal with her. Your MIL is in her third marriage so that just shows what type of person she is. Sit with your hubby and prayerfully come up with the best way to deal with her. Her son knows her best so let him deal with it, but just make she you register and continue to register your displeasure over your MIL's attitude.

ayobase: 190 went for tattoo at biolabee's shop!

Sorry for that tattoo 190...he surely tried na...atleast he no draw something else!

nice one

OK... seems we understand each other

fellis: Did I post that article to you? What the hell do you mean by 'you don't know what I am on about'? I posted the article to passionate because he said I should show him marriages that are based on mutual understanding and cooperation.


Workplaces and marriage are not the same thing. There are egalitarian marriages that have been successful. Like I said before, I am not saying there must never be a leader in the home. I said if there must be a leader then the partner with better leadership skills should lead. Why do you like making me repeat myself for heaven's sake?

Your opinion. My opinion differs. Let me state it clearly again so you don't come here making me repeat myself again.
My personal preference is an egalitarian marriage. I did not say marriages must never have a leader. If there must be a leader however, the partner with better leadership skills should lead.

how do you defer to her and have the buck stop at your feet at the same time? If she makes the final decisions then the buck stops at her feet, not yours.


Seriously, how do you write stuff like this and not see anything wrong with it? So if she is responsible for making a wrong decision about a matter or making a mistake then you are the one accountable for that mistake not her?
Oga o.


The demons I am looking for don't exist? Are you kidding me? Do you mean to tell me that the concept of gender equality has become universally accepted? Do you mejan to tell me that there are no men and women that reject the idea of gender equality? Feminism strives to eliminate the idea that women are inferior beings so untill there are no longer any illusions that no gender is inferior to the other then thd feminist movement will go on.


I never called you a liar anywhere, don't label false accusations against me. You'd better go and read that my post on that thread if you didn't understand what I said.

the article said more women were becoming breadwinners and income earners. It didn't say the issue of unequal pay has been completely eradicated.

bukatyne: Oga, where did I say a man should not lead his home?

Take a deep breathe and read all my posts in this debate. You can also ref the black feminism tread and come back to me

Ok

Richiez: The great biolabee welcome back!

Oga sir! I dey tuale non stop
I have been quietly following and watching you great gurus do your thing

I'm really impressed

jidegirl12: Duh *scratches head* jeezzz

Kabonic please back off

duh?? why dont u back off for once

harassing everyone.. haba!

hornipipe:
[img]http://img1.nairaland.com/attachments/1110351_0bc17246be5a11e286b422000a9d0dd8_7_jpg50a740098765b7d30edb09bec82d00db[/img]

this is fresh mehnnnnn

dopeJemi:
[img]http://img1.nairaland.com/attachments/1108609_Isioma___%C3%A2%C3%A2i_jpg3b117be68783adf9f0362759692e5adc[/img]

This happens to me A LOT!!!

ileobatojo: I'd like you to show me where I said numbskull was wrong.

i never said you were wrong; rather you are both right
Both of the words are variants of each other

Jovetic is ok but i dont think he will thrive at Arsenal

13 gol per season average for the last three seasons...

anyhow hes a fine lad and will sell shirts

fellis: I don't personally know any such marriages but there are researches and studies like this and this,that show that marriages based on equality can also be successful.

i have read your articles and i see no difference between my parents marriage and how i want my marriage to be...
still dont get what you on about

Work places are getting flatter and less hierachical, does it negate the fact that would be no MD or CEO
I dont believe in hierachical marriage but there must be a leader

Where my partner is better suited, i defer to her and the buck stops at my feet thus i am ultimately accountable
You may be responsible, I am accountable. this is from the RACI concept

Last week, a report from the Pew Research Center about what it called “the rise of wives” revived the debate. Based on a study of Census data, Pew found that in nearly a third of marriages, the wife is better educated than her husband. And though men, over all, still earn more than women, wives are now the primary breadwinner in 22 percent of couples, up from 7 percent in 1970.

“Women no longer need to marry up educationally or economically, so they are more likely to pick men who support a more egalitarian relationship,” said Stephanie Coontz, director of research and education for the Council on Contemporary Families and author of “Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/24/fashion/24marriage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&emc=eta1

I have told you countlessly the demons you are looking for dont exist and its a matter of time from the male dominated world of 30 - 40 years ago to more equitable gender relations yet you persist in your line of thought

You called me a liar for suggesting men and women in nigeria earn the same amount yet whos the person going round in circles

But men do contribute far more than they used to. Studies show that since the 1960s, men’s contributions to housework have doubled, while the amount of time spent caring for children has tripled.

fellis: haha
you really dislike disagreements don't you? That's good.
I'm not a big fan of constant argument either, its just that somethings cannot be ignored.

I love discourse which you should know by now
So do you
I have told you countlessly even on the other thread,
if you believe a theory is faulty, you have to show it is first before propounding a new way

And i used the story of flat earth. remember?


Just as you feel it is going round in circles, i feel the same way too

Tragic.. its really bad
When will our daughters, mothers and sisters be safe

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/05/nigerias-troubling-epidemic-of-rapes/

[size=20pt]Nigeria’s troubling epidemic of rapes
ON MAY 23, 2013 [/size]
By Is’haq Modibbo Kawu
LAST week, the Centre for Environment, Human Rights and Development, an NGO, reported that in 2012, no fewer than 1, 200 girls were raped in Rivers state.
The state Project Officer of the body, Michael Gbarale, who is also the chairman of the Child Protection Network, added that: “of this figure (of 1,200), gang rapes were more frequent”.
49 cases were reported to the Network, while 800 others, were treated by ‘doctors without border’. Out of the 49 cases taken to the Child Protection Network, 11 were gang rapes; 44 were ordinary rape cases.

In another survey to investigate high HIV prevalence and lower age for sex among adolescents between 10 and 19 years, carried out by the Positive Action for Treatment Access (PATA), it found out that: “forced sex was the third main reason for sexual debut” after love and peer pressure. It said that more than 31.4 percent of girls, many of them living with HIV, reported “forced sex” or rape as the basis of first sexual encounter.
Doctor Morenike Ukpong who presented the study at a national dialogue on adolescents living with HIV in Nigeria, told DAILY TRUST, that “if 31.4 percent of females can report their first sexual debut as rape, I think it is an epidemic…We have an epidemic called rape that we are not addressing. It is something to weep over”.
Dr. Ukpong went on that “for many of those who are HIV positive, their exposure to HIV is because of rape. It is a risk factor for HIV infection and we are not dealing with that”. Some of those in the study were as young as seven: “the man said if I tell my mum or dad he would kill me.
He showed me a knife and I was afraid, I was just seven years old then. He was sleeping with me everyday and I was fearful to talk to anybody. I bled, my sister saw it but I could not tell her what happened…” Stories like these are in the media almost on a daily basis in Nigeria.

There was a report from Auchi, where students at the Polytechnic, kidnapped their classmate, raped her for days and later killed her. There are postings of horrific pictures of young men, somewhere in Rivers state, who raped a girl and then buried her alive, but were discovered by military men.
They were forced to exhume the corpse and the video was posted on the internet! Or the girl that was raped and a huge staff was stuff into her as she laid dead.
A few years ago, I noticed that in WEEKLY TRUST, we were carrying regular stories from around Northern Nigeria, of the rape of minors, between two and eight years.

I put a reporter on the trail to be able to do an investigative piece, while I also did a column. In the period since, there has developed almost a boom industry in rape all over our country.
There are several cases of fathers abusing their children too and in many of the cases, these rapists would blame their act on the devil! Clearly, there is something fundamentally broken in our country. The epidemic of rape has deep sociological and even biological factors.
In a society of deep-seated male chauvinism, reinforced by the erosion of economic power, there is a serious crisis of virility and esteem, which is falsely reclaimed in acts of violence against women. Rape has been studied in many places as part of a package of false consciousness, where a rapist imagines himself as expressing male power in domination of the victim.

There is also the breakdown of the family and the ability to have healthy sexual life in marriages, in societies where it has become difficult to marry, due to economic reasons. This is especially true in Muslim communities in Northern Nigeria, where religious restraint is also breaking down, especially in the urban setting.
People have grown up in a culture of separation of the sexes and rape is one of the avenues for encountering the woman, who might just be a minor as we have seen in many media reports in the North and even beyond.
Even economic hardship has hamstrung individuals’ ability to seek the comfort of commercial sex workers; and a few weeks ago, the press reported a young man, somewhere in Eastern Nigeria, who “specialised” in raping very elderly women! Arrested, he confessed that he couldn’t get young girls, so he targeted the elderly.

We have not by the narrative underplayed the serious criminality that rape represents and as we have seen from the study of adolescent sex and HIV infection, the consequences of the epidemic of rape that we live with today, are very grave!
Nigerian sociologists, other social scientists, religious bodies and social workers, the state and society at large, must become far more conscious of the seriousness of the issue rape. We must not bury our heads in the sand, because even our children, loved ones and neighbours can become victims!
There is no gainsaying the fact that something is broken in the Nigerian society today and the epidemic of rapes merely reflects and reinforces the desperate social situation in contemporary society. The epidemic of rapes damages the humanity of the victims and dehumanises all of our society; we must not let it roll us over completely!

fellis: biola, I am really tired of repeating myself

ok

Raggedy ann has given good advice
Maybe a period of even being alone is what you need now so you can be YOURSELF!

Princessmel: Thanks so much for your advice, I shall consider it, the only problem is I've never being single for more than a week and I'm scared to be by myself

AjanleKoko: I can understand Chelsea fans who revere Mourinho, and feel he can do no wrong.
He put their club on the map, made them title contenders in England, as well as in Europe. . Before him they were nobodies. That is kind of the same way Barca fans feel about Cryuff and the way he improved their game.

But for Real Madrid fans . . . the club was always a first class club in Europe. They didn't really need him, they were just desperate to end Barca's perceived hegemony and needed a quick fix. They don't need to be grateful to him the way Chelsea fans are.

You killed it!

though i found the threat of decking funny;just to state that num(b)skull is also correct

Definition of NUMSKULL

1 a thick or muddled head
Variants of NUMSKULL
num·skull or numb·skull

I guess we all learn everyday

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/numskull

so easy to throw insults on this land sha.......

johnpaul1101: good morning all generals, gurus and mathematicians, long time......plz i need your help here:
in a large crowd,there are three times as many men as women,three people are chosen at random, assuming that there are so many people that choosing three has a negligible effect on the proportion of men to women,find the probability that they are (a)all men. (b)2 women and i man

prob of selecting a man = 3/4

prob of selection a woman = 1/4

prob of selection 3 men = 0.75 raised to 3 = 0.42188

prob of selecting 2 women and i man = WWM + MWW + WMW = 0.14063*3 = 0.42189

WackyJ1: The Son of Minato

funny guy

You brought bible here

You agree there must be a leader yet you don't acceot the man should lead the home

bukatyne: There is a leader everywhere. We complain about the leadership style.

If a man likes, let him deny his wife right to eat or whatever, don't just add the Bible to it

fellis: Can you show me proof that marriages based on cooperation and mutual understanding never work? Can you show me proof that a couple must live as leader and follower for their marriage to work?

I don't have proof un fortunately but you can sell the idea of your utopian marriage
What are you advocating

Walahi you should write for hollywood

hispinkolo: Have seen the new rebuttal..
Oga claims the woman has been abusing him.Her abuse turned him into a womaniser and a drunkard but he stayed on cos of the kids..He moved out,got a lady pregnant and she lost it 'mysteriously' after being harassed by old madam.Old madam was happy and dating other men till she found out that he got married and all hell broke loose.

New madam is 38 and not a child,was told of old madams crazy ways but still wanted the marriage and went ahead.The good thing about Oga is that he never ever claimed the road would be easy but new madam decided to face the storm cos of love.Now the fire is too hot,she wants a way to avoid getting burnt.

I remember when debrief would tell her story and people would attack her saying she painted her ex as the devil and herself as the saint.That's the exact thing happening now.Oga is the saint,old madam is the she devil who also rap es drunk men.Same way debrief was tortured here for looking too saintly,that's the same way Mr man will be treated.That's how family section works,sometimes some things sound too good to be true.See mr and mrs whyme threads

Anyone can leave a relationship when they can't take it anymore especially if they are being abused,BUT you owe it to your new partner to handle your baggage before bringing him/her into the equation.Jumping from one partner to the other isn't necessarily the answer,a normal person needs time to heal after being soo maltreated.Aftereffect of seperation varies from person to person..if you leave a woman/man who has too much time on his/her hands and plenty anger to spare,plus no fear of being loco,this is normally the result,constant hounding,releasing of nak ed pics and se x tapes to blogs etc.


I really can't understand how new madam saw all these things and still pushed forward.Love is sweet and beautiful but it can turn ugly when too many parties are involved.This is a horrible way to start married life and there's no sign of easing up.No one was sent to this world to provide happiness for another person while slowly losing his/her sanity.It takes a certain kind of person to ring someone's phone 200 times an hour, concoct lies etc.It takes some sort of brazenness and in my personal opinion a tinge of psycho tendencies.There are crazy women out there who can go any length to deal with someone for whatever reason.No normal person would go that far.

For this sort of person,it takes an equally psycho woman to deal with her,someone that is ready to do battle and fight fire for fire,someone that's ready to fight on the streets,tear clothes,exchange words and even arrange boys to beat up the offending party.New Madam are you that person?I ask again,is this love worth it??So early in the marriage,2 miscarriages,a fearful husband and 4 step children,and the possibility of becoming Agbero motor park in the name of love.You can't send a bird to fight a lion.

If New madam is not ready to start acting like a mad person too,then she will perpetually live in fear.Since they cannot relocate and she has refused to change her number,there's no solution,Oga cannot follow you to everywhere you are going to.Police is not your friend in Naija,highest the court can do for you is cease and desist order which is useless.Look on the internet,too many acid bath and murdering of ex stories flying around.

No one is proferring real solutions cos there is none really that's why people are focusing on the past.This is your new reality,your new life thanks to Oga on top.The whole talk about calling her,sitting her down etc may not work but if it does you are very lucky.In the meantime,all i can do is to give you tips on how to live this new reality.


TIPS FOR FUTURE FIGHTS


1. Start thinking of buying short weaves cos if push comes to shove and you both have a show down when you have long braids on,prepare to lose half of the hair on your head.For this new life,i recommend low cut.

2. Always wear jeans NOT skirts.A vest plus a very solid bra inside your shirt.fighting leads to tearing of shirts,a vest is a good idea to avoid total na kedness.

3.Enrol in karate class

4.Make sure you always have heavy sticks and maybe spray pepper in your handbag.

5.Never let your guard down,always go out with a friend who will survey the grounds first before you walk or drive into any new surrounding.

6.If you see anyone approaching you with a tin that seems to have water in it,RUN!!

7. If you see any of the kids carrying any suspicious looking powder,refuse to eat that day o!

8. You may need to join mountain of fire church in order to pray old madam to heaven or hell, and /or enrol the services of baba and mamalawo/ alfa to fend off spiritual attacks.

I WISH YOU LUCK MA!

Ok what do you thnk is a more egalitarian view of marriage if the currnt model seems to be flawed

In all companiesthere must be a leader
Should marriage be different

fellis: Hehehe I am not anti marriage at all, its just that men are always thinking of how to control their wives instead of discussing things like adults, I have never met a nigerian man that is intersted in getting married and not controlling his wife's life. They always insist on being head and having the upper hand. If marriage can be based on cooperation and not force force force, then I have no problem with it. But no, you people insist that there must be a controlling head in every marriage.

Haba mans inhumanity to man

kulyie: gbam! Some women themselves are living victims of violence,they experience it everyday so they think its normal.there was a day my friend was jisting me about how a man often beats his wife almost everyday in the flat they live so as usual,noise,shouting,throwing of things in the house was the order of the day and they wanted a stop so they went to their side when the beating was going on to stop it.to their shock the woman said what is their buisness afterall he is my husband and he is correcting me.moths later,the woman was paralyzed after he threw her from upstairs to downstairs,of course the neighbours saw what happened and no one intervened since she has told them to mind their buisness which they did.it was the gate man that rushed the woman to the hospital.people were tagging the neighbours wicked and inconsiderate for not helping the woman to the hospital yet they saw what happened without knowing that they tried to restore peace before and the man said their attention was not needed.fastforward it to a year later,the man said he cannot marry a woman on a wheel chair,that he cant be helping her pull the chair about,he kicked her out and married another woman while she went back to her parents house

the bottomline is that some women themselves see violence as a normal thing and if they are victims,that is their cup of tea because they refused to leave when they had the opportunity to and people were telling them