sweetkev:
The married woman must have something doing as well and also bring value into the marriage.

So married women now have 'something doing and bring value' before deserving their husbands' provision?

Should the husband be 'good in housekeeping and bring value' to merit his wife housekeeping? Or be 'good in cooking and bring value' before deserving food?

This wicked, hypocritical attitude you guys display is what generates the nonsense you people are seeing today.

And smart girls know how to weed you out!

Archworld:
Girls of this generation have changed

It is now N2k for number?

Nazgul:

The truth is these days, so many people go into relationships with ulterior motives.

Girls want money not love.

Guys want sex not love.

At the end, the weaker party gets hurt. That's the reality about relationships in this our generation.

This is the summary of the matter.

A better way to go is 'why do you want me to be your girlfriend'? 'What does been a girlfriend to Daniel mean'?

Apart from that, their stage of life matters.

Aroyjunior:
I saw this coming
It's long overdue
Wahala for naija
Person wey curse Nigeria no know say na like this the curse go work.

You mean the curse is overworking

Onegai:


Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

Mbok open a church

Onegai:
I swear, Humanity is such a foolish race than God must shake His head in disbelief at our foolishness.

The way we needlessly destroy our lives is amazing. We spend our old age full of regrets because Time has shown us our foolishness.

Which is why I would never allow my sons to ever complain about their wives to me. If it is not proven Domestic Violence, I don't wanna hear shi.t. Go and tell her mother. Your wife can come and complain about you to me, too.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is validate or influence their son to hurt their grandchildren.

There's no amount of prayer and forgiveness that will stop God's wrath on falling on you when you do so. You must face the consequences.

That's why Prosperity Gospel is so annoying, we need to be preaching the Old Testament so you'll see how God kept dealing with people who mess up. You reap what you sow. God is a God of Righteousness and Justice, nobody gets away with anything no matter how it looks from the outside.

I've got far too many male relatives spending their 60s/70s in regret to allow myself come between my son and his wife. Even the ones that remarried will tell you that if they had emotional maturity, they'd never have divorced.

There's a reason God hates divorce in the Bible, go and read up Malachi 2: 13-17. There's a reason God literally told men "I hate divorce, don't leave the wife of your youth". How incredible it is that our Heavenly Father addressed His remarks on Divorce TO MEN! Even Jesus said "your hearts are hardened but whomever divorces his wife and remarries commits Adultery", HE WAS TALKING TO MEN!!

Wives are supposed to keep their homes, but Husbands are supposed to keep their marriages. Because you can't be the Dangote in your marriage and expect the Chinese engineers to secure the NNPC deal or let the Nigerian staff find crude oil to refine, that's your job, you're the Head of the House, the buck stops on your table. Everyone's (your wife and kids) job is to follow your leadership, Dangote.

Nigerian men are so effed up because they keep breaking this covenant with God and thinking it will work out well, ogbeni...
IT NEVER DOES! YOU'LL BE 65 WITH SILENT REGRETS, TRUST ME!!

They need to take the mic from these banger boys podcasters, red pillers and Pastors and give it to 70 year old men. Because when you're done seeing their lives, you'll be terrified as a man and delete all your side chics and spend your days researching how to love your wife and bring the spark back into your marriage.

Do you know what it is to be 70 and making yourself uncomfortable following your wife to omugwo, because you know you messed up all your marriage and are scared she'll leave? Do you know what it is to have adult kids who don't talk to you, your wife has spent years of resentment and is now living her life separately so you're always indoors or walking alone on the street, lonely? Do you know how common and silent male depression is? Do you know how many men have died on top of their side chics, their last moments in fright, not surrounded by love and grief from people who care, because the side chics always panic and protect themselves, they'll be screaming upandan inside of cradling your head, showing you love and sorrow as you leave this life.

Why are your Pastors not preaching this??


/rant over

Oh! They know the end is regrets however in their usual self-deceit have told themselves is because 'a man is not appreciated despite his labour so he needs to stack up wealth'.

Like the wealth would care for him in old age

I wish the women left than chaining themselves with bitterness till old age.

That's a miserable wasted life and God forbid I waste a whole lifetime in misery.

Onegai:
OP

Right now, you need to get a pretty good job. Ensure your accommodation is very good too (if you need to move in with your parents, stay there). If you have your family's support, do so.

Accept any amount he sends for upkeep without a murmur, document all your conversation with him (no calls, just texts or emails).

Make sure you never badmouth him to his kid. The few, infrequent times he will attempt to play at Daddy and visit his kid, ensure you allow her meet her father without complaints to him. Show him a calm demeanor and a beautiful exterior. Document every visit.

You have 2 years from Separation to Divorce. That's the Law. You can't file until then, neither can he. Go to a lawyer for more information.

Most courts will NOT award custody of a girl child to a single father, they will favour the mother. Unless he remarries and then you have to prove that your home is a safe place and you're more than capable of caring for your child.

Get a cheap phone, give him the no and politely tell them that should he ever wish to speak to his daughter, he can either call you or use that line. (He won't call it more than once).

Take your eyes completely off him. Your mind will be harder. Try and go for counselling, to heal and to reflect upon your own mistakes. So you don't repeat them again.

I wish you the best.

Now, let me face that oloriburuku you married.

He's an as.shole, he and his family knew what they were doing. They are willing to destroy your marriage because he never valued you and they want to protect their se.xually abusive niece. That girl he's dating, oh boy she's in trouble. Her chi isn't working, if it was she would never have fallen inside calamity. He's not going to marry her, she's the first of numerous girlfriends. If he marries her, then she doesn't have a praying mother. You will see him looking happier than you've ever see him flaunting his new gf/wife, his family full of praise for her, loving her like they never loved you.

Cry into your pillow, show a stoic face, dress well, smell delicious and give them no quarter. Go out and date.

In about 3-5 years' time, that rat bas.tard will start sniffing around you again under the pretext of checking on his child. YOU MUST NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. If you do, Amadioha will laugh and know he can destroy you. You serve a Living God, He removed them from your life neatly.

They'll notice that the stability you gave him in his life is not there (married or not). Even if he looks happy, he's not really happy. So he's acting for the world to see, so that nobody says "I told you so".

Second marriages tend to be worse because the useless party involved in the first marriage rarely ever learns from their mistakes, so they repeat it. Only that the "Peerless Queen" 2nd wife is usually ready to deal shege with him and his family. So trust me, his family will grumble that "this one is not even as tolerant as the one we pursued out".

He'll repent and regret in leisure. No, he'll never admit it (his ego is too big). He will want you back (no, he still won't have learnt his lessons). Which is why he will suddenly become a "Good Father", checking on his kid frequently. No dear, he's keeping tabs on you and also trying to audition for you, that he's a great guy and your issues before were just "silly little misunderstandings".

You will probably never get an apology. Don't wait for one. He will definitely express regret, but never to you. Only a very brave and strong man will look you in the eye and admit his fukup.

Which is why you should move on with a vengeance. The best revenge is a Life well lived.

I'm saying all of this because this sort of story is as common as pure water. And it always plays out like this, rarely does it deviate. The only deviation is that sometimes, the wife take the husband back.

The Bible is the book of Life because if you read the Old Testament, you'll see humanity's innate desire to constantly self-destruct from time to time (think the Israelites or the prodigal son). We can't help it, we can only ask God to give us the strength to overcome the need to use our own hands to destroy our lives. I've self-destructed, everyone has (made mistakes that derailed us for such a long time, we hold regrets forever). You have self-destructed, now this is your ex-husband's time to self-destruct.

But you shouldn't. Because he was willing to side with his family against his own child.

I wish you the best.

Beautiful piece/ rant , the bold very well said.

@OP: you have the antecedents of women left like this who picked up and are doing extremely well in their middle ages.

I don't know your tribe, however Onegai's picture is a very common one in Yoruba land and almost every time, the woman comes out tops if she can re-direct her focus to building herself.

It would be rough, lonely, sex starved, filled with 'I coulda shoulda', however, you have the spirit backing thousands of women who have faced the same fate and succeeded.

Some with new husbands, some alone.

folake4u:


Only the stubborn at heart survive in Nigeria.

Honestly, I agree even outside this convo.

You hear things that makes one sadly amazed.

I watched the Maidugri flood with tears. How can a delegate not see the damage less than a week to the collapse of the dam?

At what point do our leaders Say 'No, I can't go past this level of evil or depravity?'

Onegai:


Happy new years to you too.

Glad to be alive, trust you're doing well too.

We are doing well, thanks 😊

asala1:


I believe the free market price is still more expensive than what PMS is been sold in Nigeria. I agree that Nigeria don’t have business with subsidy but removing it will be severe and will increase as our currency continue to devaluate.

Our rulers never do anything for our benefit.

If the masses benefit, it is just a byproduct.

Anyways, this post has aged.

Dangote has sold to NNPC and has refused to say how much he sold it though refuted NNPC's claims.

NNPC has claimed that Dangote's fuel is not 'enough ' therefore needs to import more I.e. continue paying/receiving subsidy

Nigeria' story is headache inducing.

This match is a true reflection of how life can be.

You work so hard and at the edge of success; it fails aka unprofitable hardwork.

You work so hard, it seems it is not working and at the last minute, it is your chance and you succeed.

It is well.

Slymontee:
Referee of course! Red card was at 8th minute of added time (in the first half) that was officially 6 minutes. Man City goal at the 8th minute of added time that was officially 7minutes. I don't want to talk about how undeserving the second yellow and red were!

I agree with you.

High level summary: You people need to import so you would continue receiving subsidy abi?

Carry on.

lexy2014:


Who are the "we"?


Which monopoly is to be avoided when the same nnpc that u blindly support has already monopolised supply?


On one hand you support nnpc for being single buyer because you claim "It makes perfect business sense to be the offtaker" and yet you say monopoly should be avoided.

Sycophancy won't let you see how you are contradicting yourself

Do you think it is easy to support this govt?

Leave him alone, he is already having migraine from cooking sense out of nonsense.

asala1:


NNPC still pays subsidy on PMS. Only a cra.zy person will buy directly from Dangote when you can buy it at a subsidized rate from NNPC.

Then why the drama?

Why don't you let it be a free market and let the crazy ones buy from Dangote?

Abi is it NNPC's craziness or their money?

Flangelo12:

What they mean is that they won't make enough profit.

What is the need for subsidy (their cash cow) if they are selling the crude in Nigeria, refined locally and then sold in Naira?

Any job that depends on physical attributes like artists, actors, athletes, entertainers, sports etc must take extra care of their bodies; it is their major asset.

Sonnobax15:

Ok..

So long it came out from the mouth of a woman,no problem......So nobody should insult us when we say over 90% of these modern day actresses are into oloshoism ....Cuz their colleague has just proven that to us as a fact.

Let me you lack comprehension without telling me you lack comprehension.

folake4u:


Yes oh.

Stubborn Flakky

folake4u:


Kai, Buka.

We no longer use the term "masturbation" for females. The word is so heavy and old school.

We call it "DJ" or "DJing" now. You can search it online.

The old school one we all know is the traditional type, while the use of vibrators is the "modern" type.

I say make I tell you as GenZ education.

Toor, well noted ma'am

This puts a spin on DJ Cuppy

Vibrators have been as long as time na.

I thought nuhu/nuru messages with semi demi happy endings are the in-thing.

pocohantas:


Maybe the body of your post gave the impression of that . But if you explained and they chose to hold on to one narrative, you can't be blamed.

Please can I have the link to the thread?
Maybe I commented sef.

My sister, I said nectar can be lost GRADUALLY......

Didn't know that virginity could be lost in bits.

I have since learnt that NLers would read what they want to read.

https://www.nairaland.com/6489141/sister-please-reserve-nectar-him

Gerrard59:

That said, with this revelation, I hope everyone agrees that it is hard to find a financially comfortable man who practices strict monogamy aka does not cheat, especially as he ages. Whether home or abroad, it is HARD.

Good luck to women looking for a pin in a haystack.

I believe there are a lot of men who are financially comfortable and do not cheat.

A lot of men (doesn't mean much more aren't cheating sha).

30% of financially comfortable men are still a lot

folake4u:


Generally, experience is the best teacher.

So listening to people who've lived their lives to the fullest and also one's self will determine if the advice will be well received or rejected.

Lol. Thankfully, I cannot relate to the "mouse-like-wife" situation. Mo stubborn.

True.

Lol! @ mo stubborn.

Devil's advocate here:

If we are A OK with the OP sleeping with married men, what is the grouse with cheating husbands?

They are not in the pay grade to cheat?

pocohantas:


If truly most men won't sleep with married women, there would have been no measures put in place by same men to ensure their wives don't cheat. From magun to swearing oaths in some cultures. Or is it the DNA cries? MILF?

I want to believe it is just to make women think they are undesirable as they age/marry. Which is only applicable to women who they have used gruesome-virtuousness to suck all her nectar or the ones that let go. If you are an attractive married woman. Preferably the one whose husband is flexing and giving peace of mind, men will approach you. Heavy men, because the younger ones won't have mind to put body.

I said that same thing On.egaì said about a month back and some were arguing with me. I laugh!!!

@ bold:

Nice to read.

Reminds me of a thread I opened talking about women keeping their nectar and some peeps twisted their knickers insisting I was talking about virginity.

I wish the OP was here to provide feedback on what she did.

Going back to the man seemed not to be an option for her.

I would never encourage sleeping with a married man
I would tilt towards masturbation (as creative as possible) or re-marriage depending on the particulars of the divorce.

folake4u:



Lol Buka, why are you laughing?

The way you said it is funny ni.

Generally, it is good to know the outcome you want per instance to determine the advise taken.

However, if there is one thing they get, it is that men need the carrot and stick approach to rate you. That's why our mother's/the church's wrong teaching on a mouse-like wife never works. Be a mouse, and you are seen as a beast of burden , 'loved' for the service you provide.

But again, I think it also applies to women.

folake4u:


Lol see .

I love listening to older women (female OGs) who have lived. Their advice is ALWAYS solid. I learn from their experiences in life.

@ bold:

Onegai:
Truth is, Nigeria is a poor country and you can't expect Poverty-Capital of the world to produce morally acceptable social mores.

So Marriage here is like War and Survival. Not Love.

Then you guys get to country that isn't in Survival mode and your spouse can actually afford a living. And you're not ready mentally for the mindset shift you need to go from War to Peace.

It's the same way someone brought up in Mushin will always be hungrier than someone brought up in Park view Estate. You can't blame them, Mushin was rough but now they have to adjust to Ikoyi.

And yes, some women do abuse the system abroad and make frivolous reports.

Stop fighting yourselves. You're now equals. Start thinking less like Lord-And-Servant and more like CEO-And-CFO. Both of you integral to each other's success.

And for those thinking marrying from another race is the solution, hoooo boyyyy!

Listen, Oyinbo people think they're God's gift to humanity. They read the Bible and believe that the chosen Israelites are Caucasian (hey, they're at the top of food chain racially).

Which means, no matter how much they love you, they will always look down on you.

And the day you forget yourself and presume to think you're on the same level as Tiffany, your pretty oyinbo wife, is the day she will remind you that you're a black monkey in her subconscious. She will love your little biracial babies yet remove them from you, lest they be tainted by your negritude.

Just go and ask your brothers married to them why they're they submissive spouse and are shooting videos all over TikTok, "My oyinbo wife tries Egusi soup for the first time!"


Think I'm lying? Go ask on Twitter what happened between Paul Graham and Nigerians. Man complained about using verbose language that sounds like AI, we challenged him and the superiority that flowed out of him, mehnnnn.

Every race has their wahala. But you're Black, which means that nobody respects you in the general scheme of things, save for another Black person. And then you now add in country and Ethnicity and you then see how disdainful other African countries are of you (they're only marrying you in the US/UK because Finance, Finance, Finance. Nigerians are usually the richest Africans subgroup in the diaspora).

Manage your expectations, Love your husband, love your wife. You're her CEO, she's your CFO. You both need to be on point to succeed.

Wow!

Happy new years!

Where have you been?

cyprus000:

This goes to accentuate how low you lot have degenerated, both home and abroad.

https://www.nairaland.com/8208811/uk-police-advise-nigerian-women

Don't confuse me with the women in your family.

SlavaUkraini:


Any woman that cannot live with her mother in law under one roof is not fit to be a wife...

Especially if the mother-in-law is not the troublesome type.

Such a woman can poison the husband.

Better divorce her and marry another and if you cannot see another that can tolerate your mother, ..... remain single.

There are a lot of clowns 🤡 on this thread.

NoToPile:



Very very hilarious.

Longest time.