my pastor has confirmed it to me
and as it stands, i dey fear am
i dont want to even see har again.
please help me

up congo

AKPAN bought a new mobile phone. He sent a message to everyone on his phone book.
The message reads: My mobile number has changed; earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is Nokia 6610. Please take note!

In a conversation
AKPAN : I am proud because my son is in Medical College
Friend: Really? What is he studying?
AKPAN: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

Akpan visits his Doctor :
AKPAN: Doctor, in my dreams I play football every night.
DOCTOR: Take these drugs and you will be okay.
AKPAN: Can I take it tomorrow? Tonight is the final game.

Akpan and his wife :
AKPAN: If tomorrow I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I will stay with my sister but if I die will you remarry? AKPAN: No, I will also stay with your sister.

AKPAN: People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know?
AKPAN: When I went to the park today, everybody said, oh GOD, you have come again.

AKPAN comes back to his car and finds a note saying “parking fine” He writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for the compliment”

How do you recognise Akpan in school? He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher cleans the board.

Once AKPAN was walking, he had a glove in one hand and none on the other hand. So a man asked him why he did so. He replied: The weather forecast announced that on one hand, it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot

AKPAN: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race; the winner will get the cup.
AKPAN: If only the winner will get the Cup, why are the others running?

In a classroom:
Teacher: “I killed a person. Convert this sentence into future tense”
AKPAN: The future tense is “You will go to jail”

AKPAN told his servant: “Go and water the plants!” Servant: “It is already raining”
AKPAN: “So what? Take an umbrella and go”

CFCfan: LMAO @ BUSHY-ANUS

why

Lagusta: Bushy my man, since last year, you neva find your jeep??

no oo

Chanchit: So na ashewo u wan marry..? Abi no be inside club she dey so..?

i said serious replies, please

please be serious.

one is 3 months and th e other is 2 months. i love both of them but my christoian faith doesnt permit me to marry two.what do i do?

i visit the religion section because of pagan 9aija and goshen.
romance section because of mr cork and 190, sports section because of cfcfan, jokes section because of bunmiogus an d bin gbagbo, sexuality section because of adaobi.
so who brings you to nairaland??

What do you prefer, A RICH MAN OR A HANDSOME MAN

Be sincere

This little girl who attends church with me always asks if she can pay me a visit. i am often reluctant because she is so young.i asked her last sunday what she was coming to do in my house and she said she was coming to help me with household chores, and wash for me. especially wash my "boxer" shorts for me. What is this little girl up to? and what do i do?

vaginA

lol

is this true?
if a woman doesnt love you, she doesnt love your money?
and if she loves you she loves your money?
i wan know.
women only.

when dis boy go recover?

PretiEbony: Bush fowl!!!

GAY MAN

swtdarling: pls seun.my nairaland doesnt show smiley anymore.i use opera mini.pls what can be done about it.thanks

press the shift key continuously for 2 weeks

you meet this rich guy and he proposes to you only for you to smell a terrible odour coming through his mouth, nostrils and ears. will u accept him?

PretiEbony: Mtschew!!!

hey you, shut up!!!!!!!!

i was using nairaland last night and i dont know what i pressed, or touched, and all icons became small. very small and i cant see even a word again. what do i do?
i use the mozilla firefox. please how do i enlarge the words on nl.
help me now

so how about if a company gave you this offer? break up with partner and win that.
will you do it?
why?

she called me after two years of break up and arranged for us to meet.
she asked me to be calling he r afterwards.
i later sent her text mesage that i still love her.
she called me back and told me NO, she was married.
but went on to ask me why i love her?
and why i had not told her long ago.
she however told me to call me back.
i called her, she said she was at church and will call me after church.
i text her again and wrote i still love her.
she immediately called me back, but i didnt answer the call.
some 10 minutes later, i called and she didnt answer.
i called her 5 times then she picked.
she was angry and asked why i was disturbinng her with calls, she warned me not to txt her again and hanged up.
ever since she has not called me again.
why was she so angry all of a sudden?
can i call her again?
can she love me again?

Ogbodavies: @op,check maza maza lastma office

sure?

Valiantvaliant: BUSHY-ANUS

VALIANTVALIANT

i wish my sweerie prettiEbony a mary christmas and a joseph new year

skales: King of jokes section u are Bushy Anus

Nothing do u my King

NPJC don reach Holywood

No lele

Joke of the week 

thank you jare skales baba, how far

i broke up with this chick 5 years.
But she called me on the phone last week and said she wanted to see me.
she called me repeatedly afterwards asking how i was doing and all that.
She said she had a gift for me.
But for six days now, i have not heard from her again.
she hasnt even called me.
should i call her?
what is she up to?

Xymc...:
Is it now a crime to be a celebrity? ,you no wan see us for 2013,u wan mek we die?? *joins Bunmi in the action*

for ya mind