₦airaland Forum

I didn't change mine, it wasn't an issue for us. Did he change his?

Wow!! Congratulations OP, it's very good you updated this thread. Please go for a reliable method this time.

Whatever you see bedding another 's husband /wife, take am as you see am. I feel nothing for the girl but these women are razz mehnn.

I won't have a problem with not being born, oblivion is bliss. Since we are here already, the best we can do is enjoy it till our stay is over.

Your pains just began.

damiso:
Its really hard o I aint gonna even lie

I read this article on differences between a 'kind' and 'nice' person and I thought about this thread.

See below:


A lot of people are attached to the idea of being “nice.” It’s not so easy for these individuals to let go of their need to be nice, or to appreciate how different it is from being kind.

This distinction is important, however, because these two ways of being lead to very different outcomes in one’s personal and professional life.

It will be easier to understand the difference between “nice” and “kind” if we focus on the opposing motivations behind each way of being.

The nice person is externally motivated. He’s driven by the need for other people’s approval and validation; he craves acceptance and is fearful of rejection.

The kind person is internally motivated. She has good self-esteem and isn’t looking for approval. She’s less concerned about what others might think of her and more interested in doing the right thing. Her compassion comes from an overflowing of her positive self-regard and not from the need to please.

The kind person respects herself as much as she respects others. She’s naturally helpful and generous, except when doing so might cause her harm. She lives in a state of balance, being as kind to herself as she is to others. She makes a positive contribution to her family, company and community, but never at her own expense.

The nice person is out of balance in his quest for external validation. Thinking that this is how he’ll find what he wants, he puts the needs of others ahead of his own needs. He keeps trying to please until he becomes exhausted and aggravated.

The nice person avoids confrontation for fear of upsetting anyone. He has trouble saying “No,” and rarely asks directly for what he wants. Fearing rejection, he can’t express any angry feelings that arise.

The kind person, on the other hand, isn’t afraid of confrontation. She’s able to speak her mind clearly, directly and respectfully, so people know where she stands but aren’t likely to take offense.

If someone gets angry at her because she’s asserted herself or rejects her because she’s setting a limit, she doesn’t take it personally.

The nice person can’t be authentic, because he’s too preoccupied with being a pleaser. The longer he continues to be “nice,” however, the more alienated he becomes from himself and others. He can lose touch with his true needs, feelings and opinions, and his relationships lack intimacy or fulfillment.

Even if he does win some degree of approval, the nice person knows, deep down, that the other person doesn’t see or accept him for who he really is. He can never make a real connection.

The kind person is genuine and sincere. She doesn’t need to pretend to be anyone else. If someone dislikes her or disapproves of her, she doesn’t feel diminished in any way.

The kind person welcomes constructive criticism. Her good self-regard motivates her to constantly be learning and evolving. Her ability to accept feedback means that her performance at work is always improving, and that she’s able to grow as a friend and a spouse.

The nice person is uncomfortable with feedback. His low self-esteem makes external criticism feel particularly hurtful. He has a harder time taking in valuable information about how he might improve his performance at work or how he could be a better spouse or friend.

The kind person sets good limits with others, and because she doesn’t allow herself to be mistreated, she’s cheerful, easy-going and approachable. She trusts herself to take care of herself in her personal and professional relationships, so she feels at ease with other people and her heart is open.

The nice person can’t set good limits. In his attempt to gain approval and avoid rejection, he allows people to exploit and mistreat him. This makes him angry, bitter, and cynical toward others.

The nice person’s attempts to please often result in his feeling hurt. His mistrust toward others grows, as does his shame for putting up with disrespect. His heart becomes closed, so while his behaviour is outwardly “nice,” he actually feels disappointed and resentful.

The truth is that people admire the kind person and look down on the nice person. We look up to those who have confidence and good self-esteem and tend to dismiss as “weak,” or “needy,” those who appear to be trying too hard to please.

When things don’t go the way he’d hoped, the nice person doesn’t know what to do with his growing anger. He might stuff down his resentment with alcohol, drugs or food, or it could leak out as passive-aggressive behaviour. Sometimes he’ll have an angry outburst, which embarrasses him so much that he represses his anger even more.

So, while the kind person can be relaxed and loving, authentic and meaningfully connected to others, the nice person is often anxious, angry, alienated and isolated; possibly even suffering from an addiction.

The solution for the nice person is simple: he must stop looking outside himself for love and approval.

Once he takes responsibility for his own self-worth, he’ll start working on developing his own positive self-regard. When he begins to love and accept himself, he’ll be able to let go of needing to please, and he’ll notice that interestingly, others are responding to him better.

A positive spiral is created, whereby he’s in charge of his self-worth, he’s treated with more respect, his anger diminishes, his feelings of trust and connection with others increase and his self-esteem improves even more.

Eventually, without even thinking about it, he’ll shift from being nice to being kind.



https://www./why-you-need-stop-being-nice-start-kind-marcia-sirota

Very explicit, being nice must be a terrible place to be. All those bottle up emotions, it's torture. .I like this write up and thanks for sharing.

Penaldo:
Though her alternative was good but her attitude spoilt it

Exactly.

Empire, Tyrant, Game of Thrones, Pillars of the Earth, they are filled with suspense.

Davido be like " wasn't me! " but nah Davido my eyes dey seeooo . People no get shame these days mehn...

bukatyne:
Lols especially @ the switch gender part Why na?

I so agree with the bold

On a second thought, maybe because we were very young and grew together. I can't imagine learning bout a new guy at 25 with all the scary things that matter to people.

I will make a fine man , I love the freedom that comes with manhood too. I can't bear to struggle with womanhood /motherhood in my next life jare. He said he must marry me in his next life,i made it clear that it can only be possible If he is coming as a woman or a gay man .


As for the part in bold , he is a lot like me and there is connection on several levels. I don't believe I can stay married for 2 months if I married someone else.

She is a beautiful girl,with or without make up.

Richiy:
I totally agree with byvan03.

How you certain people act towards you strongly determines how you react.

Take transfer of aggression for instance, someone might just come across an angry person and become angry too. That angry person will still go ahead and make other people uncomfortable if not angry.

Emotions are like communicable diseases. They can be caught!

Thanks dear

Henycymama:
Lolz, or u haven't seen such lips bfor??
well, dear that's her natural lips ...
n derez nothing we can do about it, *chuckles*

That is not Angela's lip colour.

Henycymama:
did you skip that part the op noted that ,that's her natural lips? or you actually didn't believe it is?

It is not her natural lips.

You are an adult now, chart the course of your life and don't let another's mistake define you.

Sometimes you stoop to conquer, if your brother is your only hope for now better humble yourself and apologise. It's not easy catering for responsibilities created by another person, money is hard to come by. Your parents brought you here not him, the least you can do is to be humble and get what you want.

damiso:
let me share this personal story..

I generally see myself as a happy go lucky person and I can genuinely say that I cant think of one human being in this world that I hate. I could dislike your behaviour but I try not to waste my energy hating. I am happy when good things happen to others and try not to dwell too much on the negative aspect of other people behaviour.

A couple of months ago, a friend told me about something that she was about to do. In all honesty, said friend could be extravagant and tends to sometime spend above her means. I asked if she really needed this thing and if she felt it was a priority at this time and she did not listen to me and went ahead to get it. A few months down the line she ran into financial trouble and confided in me. I tried not to rub it in at the time and tried to be a supportive friend but you know what in my heart I felt justified In my heart I was saying 'when you don't listen to people nko ntoor see yourself now ' I said all the right things in front of her but my heart was saying something else( justified or not). Along the line I have shared those same thoughts in a non confrontational way but at the very moment when she was saying it my the natural human instinct of feeling 'right' came into play. At that point I appeared like a 'good' friend but my heart was saying otherwise. I have eventually shared what was in my heart but it cannot the change the fact that her 'perception' at that time was very different from what my heart was saying at the time.

That's why my sincere prayer is to be pure in heart. Even more so than what people 'percieve' me to be.

Damiso I don't know if I responded to this before but I read it once again. This story is so like everyday human heart. Do you think humans can really defeat that " I told you so " part of us? E go hard mehn...

postmann:
Did you see that I was talking with the OP and she quoted me directly with some rude, derogatory remarks? Was that not an attack on my personality?

If you saw that, how does your sense of judgment function?

Thanks, my sense of judgement is intact. Have a nice day.

Mindfulness:
I was quite provocative.

Lol, the posts were quite very amusing and true.

postmann:
Are you by any chance referring to me?
If yes, did you bother to read how it all started?

I need your reply!

Sure I was following the thread before it degenerated to finger fights. Yes, my reference was for the parties concerned and particularly you because you took it up a notch . The personal attacks doesn't improve the thread at all. One person needs to caution the other and not indulge.

Some people really can't make a point without attacking another 's personality, after they claim women are emotional.

Master slave relationship from where you are sitting, it doesn't apply to all marriages.

That face has make up on it, the lips too.

If this is possible, we won't be seeing all these cheating husband thread here and there.

stteejax:
that one na harsh death o

Harsh enough for a cheating / lying bast*ard, that's why I think is better the man stays away from home and make peace before returning.

stteejax:
lol..funny..na still ur house sha..u no go eat that day be that..food poisoning is real

People should learn to go for separation or divorce than disgrace themselves. Marriage is not by force. Food poison is better, stabbing while asleep is real too.

She looks great!

stteejax:
are u telling me you would leave your home? Like forever

I will make sure am forgiven before I enter that house.

Returning home to where? Only a mad man will return home. It's safer to disappear from there .

Dsegsam:
Thank you this is really helpful...am so scared to even show her this comment about having her kids through cs
It's well

It's not that bad, even people without fibroid nor complications birth through CS. Tell her there is nothing to miss about natural delivery. My buddy has two kids now via CS and she is glad that she doesn't have to face labour. Just adhere to doctors instructions, so sorry for what she has to go through.

If you can impact knowledge, think of a teaching job, preferably secondary school. That way you can balance family life and work.

Yes,its not unusual because a very close person to me has been dealing with this since early 20s. In this case they operated on her but her kids will all have come through CS. It can grow back even after surgery.