gammarays1:

Don't be too fast to cut her off

My advice

Build your finance while you're still with her, you don't need those iPhones and flashy stuffs now.
Invest in something reliable that'll be giving you money.
Things will change in the future, she might find someone else since she's capable.
You will find someone else too. That's nature.

Things might turn around for her too.
You need something that'll be generating money for you so you can take care of yourself in the future and possibly help her out financially if need be.

The relationship should be mutual and beneficial to both of you.

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it

Oluneutral:
If she's actually everything a man wants in a woman, why didn't her baby daddies wife her?


Ponder on the above and there lies your answer and subsequent decision.


From another angle, are you sure you're not a gold digger?

Her ex hubby was abusive she fled domestic violence in Malaysia and return back to Nigeria with her kids. I am not a gold digger neither do I have the intention to be.

Helpout12345:


Okay. Since you are adamant. Let us start like this.

How about you move in with her, live with her for 6 months to 1 year and come back to give us feedback.

I am scared to move in with her because my parents will disown me for good. they have told me to quit the relationship and forget about her , as I am typing this I am at her place but they think that I am at work. If they came to know that i am with her they will hate me.

LilMissFavvy:
Most of the NL guys here condemning your woman sit behind computers 24/7 looking for old foreign women to /scam'/marry. They will come here and condemned' your fresh 34yr old woman, yet travel out to marry*old*wrinkled' foreign women. Nigerian guys have *ruined* the image of Nigeria with their criminality*and*scamming*.

If this woman gives you financial help and peace of mind, and you feel you will not mock her age in future, then think about it. My only concern is that she already has two children,.....too many baggages. If you will not marry her, then don't give her hope, you can end the relationship so that she looks somewhere else.

Thanks so much for the advice I really appreciate it. I love her from the bottom of my heart , I will never mock her age , her children are not a problem too. I want to marry her in the future but my family are against her and I don't think it is a good thing for me to marry her without their blessings. She knows that my family hate her but she still love me and she want me to move in with her , I am in a dilemma

Richy4:


I'm sorry...No disrespect buddy but the more u use those phrase, the more I find it difficult to believe...Just quit convincing me my brother because I cannot believe you...

If and when all the financial goodies were gone.. no more iPhone or it's younger brother Techno,.. Are you really ready to stick with a 34 year old woman with 2 kids?... If yes.. why was this thread opened in the first place?

Even if you love her... you are 25... u have peers ... your mates/ friends....They might start by teasing you on how you were dating an older lady...when u get home, u might start looking at her using the wrong lens.., They will convince and confuse you to an extend you start doubting what u feel for her... Are you matured enough to deal with peer pressure and family members who might kick against it?...

You have not been tested yet...If u believe that what you feel for her is real and that it can withstand the test when it starts raining heavily on both of you... I might just believe you..

I will stick with her whether she support me or not because I love her from the bottom of my life , I know you will not believe me but I am very honest with you.

wunmi590:


But if truly you love her, you shouldn't have disclosed her real age to your parent...

Anyway, follow your mind..

I wanted to lie about her age because she doesn't look her age but she told me if I truly love her I should tell my parents the truth about her and I did as she said

Blessedmercy8:
If she didn't have children already, I'll say go ahead but with children? My son ( because I reach to born you) don't go there, Biko. She don go far.

Cut off now.

Thank you ma

Richy4:

Yes she does support me she bought me my first iPhone ever from tecno to iPhone 12 pro I am not after her money tough but I love her for real

Kirkman:
@championxxx; date her for one extra year and then make your final decision. But the only downside is that along the line of she meets someone more serious than you; she will port with that person. And besides have you studied all her flaws and character very well.
Analyse it from the angle of your parents side and also do your own personal analysis about her and compare.
Are they against her just because she's a single mother or are they seeing other things about her that you are too blind to see.
I wish you all the very best with your realatioship. Being a single mother isn't a death sentence, she might just have been unlucky with falling in love with the wrong person.

Thanks for the advice, my family are against the relationship because of the age difference it is not because she is a single mother, one of my sister was a single mother before she got married. they would have accepted her if she was younger than me.

TooMuchJuice:
1. An healthy age gap between two people should be no more than 8-years, with the man being older than the woman.
2. Single parents should only date themselves (a single mother should date a single father, and vice versa).
**If you're a single mother or father, you've no business dating a single man or woman; find a single parent
like yourself to date.

As for you, OP, just be honest and say you're only with her for money/what you're getting out of her.
If she were poor/broke/not giving you money, you wouldn't be with her, because she's
not only 11-years older than you, but she has two kids.

She's the one who needs to have sense and dump you with the quickness, as this isn't a love/love-based-relationship,
but she obviously won't, so... her wahala.

For your information she is 9 years older than I am and I am not a gigolo please

DaddyRochie1642:



Oga better listen to your family to avoid weeping and gnashing of teeth

Noted thanks

Rhozabeth:
To be honest, sense is far from you! because an older lady gave u sex and u think that's where the world ends. Better wake up, you have your life ahead of you, don't let someone that has almost finished hers hold u down!

It has nothing to do with the sex or the money she is giving me, she has everything a man need in a woman. That's why I love her a lot

SocialJustice:
Water down the relationship and continue enjoying her. You can't turn your back on your support system. The lady you're dying for can switch at any time, family hardly switch. Just leave the relationship as is. No need for long term commitment. You could damn your family and be with her but will you be happy with your decision 10-20 years from now?

Thanks for the advice you are right , that's the reason why I came here to seek for advices first because I didn't want to act fast then regret it later

Moh247:
Continue dating her but make sure you don't get her pregnant at 25 you still have 4 to 5 years to date and enjoy your life before the rigors of marriage, so use the 4 to 5 years to enjoy your lover

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it

I am dating a 34 years old single mother of two girls , she is a business woman and I am a bar tender. She support me financially I don't lack anything and I truly love her for real not because of what she is giving me but I love her for who she is. She is the first woman I have ever slept with in my entire life and I want to spend the rest of my life with her but my parents are against the relationship because of the age difference even my siblings doesn't want to hear anything about her they say i should quittherelationship. But I love her so much she asked me to move in with her and I don't want to disobey my parents. I am torn between the woman I love and my family what should I do or whom should I choose, I know that it is not a competition family should alway come first but I think my happiness also matter. By the way the relationship is 9 months. Please admin do not push my post to the front page because I don't want immature advice I need mature advice?

Stay in Lagos

Wow your story sound similar to mine.

Here is the link https://www.nairaland.com/5997364/having-issues-brothers-wife-two

This is very sad

Crazy pple all over the world

So many things,like foodstuffs and toiletries

Sad

U Don Bleep yash finish na ..... Why u no go become devoted werey

The matter weak me. Person wey no even know price for indomie wan run home she neva know say na Nigeria she be, we dey run dey still come back

delugadou:

baba, before you make any move abeg call your mom and tell her what you are suffering. also call your sisters too. add small pepper to the story. tell them that your sister in-law wants to kill you. u are starving in ur brothers house. don't be ashamed to cry on the phone. your mom and sisters will then call the bitch & give her the warning of her life. ur people will then be calling her every week. she go fear.

Don't leave for the village in a hurry. even if your bro doesn't want to settle u again, use the time to make good friends around town and in church. then one day, u will secure accommodation & leave in style.

since she feels she is wise, show her that 2 can play the game.

Thank you for your advice I will do as you said

flyingpig:
bro what state is your wife's brother from

She is from imo state

1StopRudeness:


I’ve seen this before....u can notice ur brother is not saying anything to all ur complain...rather he said if u live elsewhere other than his house he will disown you....someone uve been serving since 15years old....all of a sudden.. it’s no settlement that will be ur punishment for trying to live elsewhere...it’s not like u said you are not working for him again...
.. he and the wife planned it.... he doesn’t want to settle you anymore.... he’s only pretending to neutral in the matter while using the wife as the protagonist to torment so u can leave.....
since he has warned you... you won’t get any settlement....
Leave now and count ur losses...forget the settlement and go with the experience you have gained....becos that is what will eventually happen weda U leave by urself or the wife and sister successfully kill you....

Btw.... let me ask you.....is he ur real brother,as in sibling ?? Or the brother ..we are from the same village or compound...??

Thanks I agree with you because he promised to settle me when I am 25 years old with a huge amount of money to start up my own business and then he changed his mind that he has had spent a lot of money during his wedding and building his house that he don’t think he will be able to settle me again in 2 years time that I should wait when I am 28-30 he will give me double of the amount he promised me . But the way things are going I don’t think I will get anything from him I can only leave for the village I don’t have any trusted friend to stay with in Abuja I also don’t have any money to rent my own place , village is my only option . Yes he is my blood brother we are 5 in total 2 boys and 3 girls he is our first born and I am the last

Fhemmmy:


OK, but if they are watching TV at that time of the day, no cleaning of the house and i guess your brother and the wife would still be sleeping too, then, there is more to this story than what we are reading . . . .If they are watching TV at 5am in the morning, your brother and the wife needs to have a heart to heart discussion.

They were doing all this to frustrate me I think she brought them to the house with a mission to frustrate me so I can leave , the funny part is they don’t come to clean only to watch tv and making all kind of noises to disturb my sleep and if I am awake they will go back to their room to sleep till noon. These girls has never help around the house when I am around , I do everything mopping , sweeping , washing dishes when they around pressing phone my brother doesn’t say anything to them. I asked him if he is right for me to do all these chores when we have his wife sisters at home , he said before he married I was the one doing it and why am now I complaining , I told because it doesn’t sound right for me to be doing chores when the girls are busy pressing phone, anyway there is more but not everything is good to say on social media. If he refuse renting a place for me I think I will go back to the village because I am short tempered I don’t want to stay in the same house with that mannerless small girl because I don’t want to do something stupid that will land me to prison for life . I prefer to be in the village than staying somewhere where I am not comfortable

Fhemmmy:


This was at what time of the day?

They used to come to the parlour at 5-6 am , I usually get up at 7-8 during lockdown

Ejenavi18:
Why are your sister in-laws living with you guys?
Don't they have parents?

They have parents also living in Abuja I think she carry them to the house because she wanted me to leave the house that is why they had been treating me bad

Squillaci:

Does your bro not pay you for managing his shop.

No he doesn’t pay me any salary but he provide for my needs he buys me clothes , foods , airtime sometimes he give me 5k ,3k but no more than that

bjprodint:
from my small pikin brain i think your brother is to be blamed.he should have never allowed his wife move in with his sisters.he should have lived only with you and his wife,then rent you an apartment when you finish serving him.

Thanks ma I agree with you, I think the reason why his wife carry his sisters to the house is because she wanted me out that is why they had been treating me bad so I can leave the house for them

I am 23 years old guy I ave been staying with my brother in Abuja for the past 8 years , I help him with his shop and his house , everything was fine till he got married his wife carry his two sisters to the house 24 and 19 years old , he said I should leave my room for them I didn’t argue I let them have the room while I am sleeping in the parlour , during lockdown this girl will wake and come to the parlour to watch tv to disturb my sleep , I complained to my brother he said I should keep calm he will speak to his wife which he never does and these girls kept disturbing me meanwhile the older girl stopped but the younger one carry on and I told her to stop disturbing me she has a phone she can press her phone in their room , she insulted me and told me to go and marry I got angry and ask her to leave she said I should do my worst and I landed a thunder slap in her face she held me by my neck screaming when my bro and wife came his wife started hitting me on my back I had to leave the house and went outside to cool down , my brother followed me and said I didn’t do well by hitting his wife sister he said I should go and apologise to his wife and sister , I refuse and asked him why he didn’t stop them when I was complaining bitterly about them but he waited for me to take matter to my own hand now he blamed me he said I should apologise which I did to his wife but not to the girl but that small girl was expecting me to knelt down and beg her , I told her she will wait for eternity.

Since the incidence his wife stopped talking to me , she ordered her sister’s to stop giving me food , the older girl used to dish food for me sometimes when she is not around but I told her to stop because I don’t want her to be in trouble with her sister and I didn’t report to my brother, it’s not a big deal for me I buy foods and eat at work and I only go home to sleep , 2 weeks ago I came home to see my mattress outside in the rain soaking wet , I was confused because it was supposed to be inside the girl room that’s where I keep it and they always bring it for me when is time for me to sleep so how come it was outside in the rain , I asked them they both denied they didn’t take it out and I suspected my brother wife or her youngest sister were the one who did it because they didn’t want me in the house anymore , I told my brother he said I should sleep on the sofa and in the morning I will get a new mattress in his shop but the wife get angry that I will damaged her sofa she wanted me to sleep on the floor with a wrapper but my brother refuse and I slept on the sofa , the next day I spoke with my brother I told him because I am not wanted in his house I don’t have peace of mind there , I want him to rent a self cont for me closer to the shop so It will be easier for me to get to work he refuse saying when he has a bigger house why would I go and leave alone , he said he provide all my needs and the rest the way his wife and sisters are treating me it doesn’t matter that he will never allow me and I told him I want to go back to the village , he said if I leave his house he will disown me and I will not longer be his brother , for 3 days now he stopped talking to me even if I greet him he won’t reply I feel hurt. I love my brother I want to serve him but I don’t want to stay in his house . I don’t know if I did something wrong by asking him to rent a room for me to be living alone? Am confuse please advice me