₦airaland Forum

He laid his hands on me and started casting and binding twisting my head in several directions. He then handed me to another pastor who did the same thing in the name of prayers.

It is only a large head that can feel this. He wanted to shift the circumference of your Jupiter without recourse to. Sorry for that, Edward.

But no bi you go meet ordinary mere man to undo your masturbation?

Masturbation wey only mah stopping to watch porn fit cure.

Baba, try dey masturdate.


Free all these pastors interested in anything that has offering and tithe attached. You no carry money go, you want make e attend you. Why e no go fracture your oesophagus?

Anything about Nigeria is a killjoy.

femi4:
Election is coming.....you will see them buying roasted plantain (BOLI) and groundnuts, frying akara now and in the coming days

Thank you for this.

Don't mind dem idiots.

Raalsalghul:
There is nothing beautiful about marriage.

It's just another business of life transaction people go into - and in recent times with a high probability of failure.

You better stop writing all these feel-good nonsense about marriage: absolutely nothing special about that institution.

Your opinion, your life.

My life is beautiful.

jumpmasta:
That’s your bloody business . But remember , they are dying for you in the NE so that you can sit here and blab rubbish

I have been in the NA. You cannot tell me no bloody nada!

Keep assuming!

Have a nice century!

By the way, if I wear this polo, when they prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, will goodness and mercy tag the rod and thy staff to follow me?

jumpmasta:
In Your naivety and cluelessness , you refused to read all the several offenses she committed .

I will never support the NA for anything.

optimusprime2:
But wait, Lets be serious here...

if you are told to select an individual who has the mental capacity to Manage Nigeria adequately between;

1- Kingsley Moghalu
2- Tinubu
3- Atiku Abubakar

Who would you select?

None.

One point I picked from the interview. Davido said: “na wetin we dey film you dey see.”

Davido bi like: “yo, bro, I am rich. You are not popular.” Na wa o.


The speed Davido switches from American accent to Naija is the same speed MTN 30gb finishes faster than Iya Basira’s fufu smell on my hands.

Personnel must have served for three years before he/she can qualify for marriage.

But ishi ukwu, she was not getting married naw. She was only engaged! Many reasons I will never advise my enemy to join the NA. Of course she knew the rules. When has engagement turned her into a wife! What if they planned to wait until after three years? But I see some US soldiers display such affections and they are loved. What should be done to the soldiers videoing too? Aren't they as guilty as she is...unprofessionally taking pictures? Or is another oga who wanted to shine congo angry that a potential teagirl has been lost to a “bloody civilian” corper? Una never tire to dey use personnels?

Why una like to kill person joy and only remember rules and regulations on good matters with so much zeal and a yearn to doom it? Was there not rules of engagement during the Lekki night?

Teni is ungrateful.


She should be thanking stars Shizzy let things slide. Her career would have been so fcked.

Little wonder Case seems to be the best of all.


The Stem says it all. She never knew he kept record! She even used his sig “shizzy, for your case o” before running to another producer.


How little things hurt.

I read his tweet to her why she did it.
Her response was rude...of course, she felt she was a celeb now!


It was no underrating! Shizzy was producing it as little as they were paying him.

All they do is drink!

They can do anything for the electoral campaign. Na now you remember Buhari don finish Naija because 2023 is close again baa? You come carry cameraman go buy groundnut you no go chop? Even the face of the poor woman shows she didn't approve of what they were about using her to do politically.


See en head like bicycle seat.

Dreal1247:
Unfortunately, your virtue, time, seed and future is being mortgaged. Marine blood bank is always opened to harvest whatsoever that comes out of the masturbation. You must wage spiritual warfare against them by genuinely giving your life to Christ Jesus.

How you guys compose this trash amuses me tho.

Zukwanuike.

She doesn't count...neither do any pastor.

That message came because you responded thank you to her love messages, or in line.


The best you can do for your life and your beautiful wife is snub that spiritual nonsense of an ex for life!

diogo23:
So because he have her , he should marry a girl he didn't have a single love for? What do you think will happen in future if he marry such a girl? Not every relationship end in marriage

No, that's not my point. He should have left her long ago if he didn't want her.

kolaish:
Giving it to a beggar is simply a work of charity, it is never a tithe. The bible says you should take it to the house of God. That's a very simple instruction. Are you sure you are a Christian? A good Christian should not be struggling with where to pay his tithe. It's not your business how a tithe is been used, it's God's business. If the priest/pastor like, let him eat it alone. Remember what happened to Eli's children when they treated God's sacrifice with contempt, they were killed in war. Always let the Bible be your guide as a Christian.

Na Omo dem use brainwash you.

Sb in the auditorium was watching her leaked tape.


View that picture again.

₦4m.

Chai.

Abi is it only me Polaris Bank is turning ₦10k to ₦9,946?

and I have been calling her that ending the relationship doesn't mean we've become enemy that we can still be friends after that but she didn't pick.

You are an enemy to her happiness. You are a special kind of sorrow.

To be sincere I want to get married to someone I love not someone I will be managing, because marriage is a long journey.

Am I surprised? Not at all...after having her, you now realise you want a new body you'll love....translating nacking to love. After four years of tripling her body count, you want to leave her for someone else so you can begin to look for another person’s daughter to manhandle?

Just that I need to let her know my stands that I am no longer in relationship before it's too late for her to get a perfect man.

After four years?
After four years of turning her up and down on bed?
After four years of depriving her the room of accepting another suitor?
After four years of deceiving her?

Mehn..make una girls too dey get sense. Some men are alive to reck your lives. They breathe to doom you! Be wise!


You think this is redpillism? You are a kidult! Your argument reeks of immaturity but all you yearn is receive accolades from Nairaland redpills! Keep deceiving yourself, a lot of them are married!


You Biodun,


The devil will be wondering who sent you!


Lalasticlala, come and see your fellow Nigerian.

Unu zukwanuike.

Every time women this, women that.

ABIODUN105:
No that God is merciless. If Adam had apologize to God he wouldn't have died rather he was busy blaming eve for is actions

That's your argument?

Kalatium:
It was a test

Why did they later died from a test? Why do we also die?

It was a parable, oga.

Carry your four corner head dey read well.

- Was Abraham alive then?
- Can a tip of water at one's finger quench thirst?
- Can fire burn the spirit?

ABSURDITIES

Briefly, in this illustration we first read of a rich man clothed in purple and fine linen who lived in magnificence and of a beggar named Lazarus who sat at his gate, full of ulcers, and who craved the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table. Each in course of time died. Lazarus was taken by angels to recline upon Abraham’s bosom whereas the rich man was buried, and in Hades suffered torment and from which place he saw Lazarus.—Luke 16:19-23, NW.

Note here that not one word is said about Lazarus’ having been a good man, about his having had faith and proving it by works; both of which are indispensable to gaining everlasting life. (Heb. 11:6; Jas. 2:14-26) When are mere wretchedness, poverty and disease a guarantee of salvation?

Neither is there a word about the rich man’s having been wicked. By what kind of reasoning and by what principles of justice can it be maintained that simply because a man enjoyed the good things of this life to the full for threescore years and ten he must suffer the agonies of a burning hell for billions times billions of years, yes, for eternity? Even fallen, imperfect man appreciates that justice requires that “the punishment fit the crime,” and certainly God is more just than man. Abraham, David, Solomon, Joseph of Arimathea, all had great wealth; does that fact doom them to eternal torment?

Further, Jesus in his arguments with the Jewish clergy evinced a fine sense of logic, second to none. Would he give such a dire warning on the wages of sin and not even mention sin, or tell of the rewards of faith and obedience and not even mention them? Had Jesus meant to warn his listeners about eternal torment he certainly would have stressed these points; but he did nothing of the kind.

Not only that, but we read that Lazarus was carried off to Abraham’s bosom. Are all those gaining salvation reclining on Abraham’s bosom? If we grant that this expression is a figure of speech, why insist that what befell the rich man be taken literally? It simply does not make sense to take one part of the account literally and another parallel part figuratively.

Further note that this is the only place in the Scriptures where consciousness and suffering are associated with Hades. Nor will it do to claim that before Jesus’ death Hades had two compartments, one for the good and the other for the wicked, and that after he died for man’s sin then the good went to heaven, for at the time Jesus spoke this illustration he had not yet died. That Hades is used figuratively is apparent from Revelation 6:8, 9, where Hades is shown as riding horseback, and also at Revelation 20:14, where Hades is shown—not as being the lake of fire—but as being itself cast into the lake of fire.

UNSCRIPTURAL

Making Jesus’ words regarding the rich man and Lazarus literal becomes even more untenable when compared with what the rest of God’s Word has to say regarding the penalty of sin and the condition of the dead. Adam was not warned of eternal torment, and upon sinning was simply and plainly told: “Dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Gen. 3:19; 2:17, NW) Nor did Jehovah God say, “Your body will return to the dust”; no, but YOU, Adam, will do so. There is no mistaking the plain testimony of the Scriptures: “The wages sin pays is death.”—Rom. 6:23, NW.

And what is death, the state or condition of the dead—conscious suffering or conscious bliss? No! Man dies as the beast; the dead know not anything; there is no consciousness in Sheol (Hebrew equivalent for Hades). Man’s “breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.” David prayed for God to spare his life lest “I go hence, and be [yes, exist] no more.” Peter likened the wicked to brute beasts that perish. Brute beasts are not tormented after death.—Ps. 146:4; 39:13; Eccl. 3:19-21; 9:5, 10; 2 Pet. 2:12, NW.

Besides, are we not assured that there will be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and the unjust? Why a resurrection if at death man receives his eternal reward? (Acts 24:15; John 5:28, 29, NW) When the brother of Mary and Martha, Jesus’ friend Lazarus, died, did Jesus comfort those women by assuring them that Lazarus was not dead? No, but with the assurance that he would rise from the dead. His sisters knew that he would “rise in the resurrection on the last day.” And when Jesus called him forth, did he call Lazarus down from Abraham’s bosom, from limbo or from a burning hell? No, but from the grave. Incidentally, had Lazarus been conscious in any such place we may be certain he would have told all his friends about the remarkable experience he had, for he had been dead four days. His very silence on this point is strong circumstantial evidence that he was unconscious.—John 11:22-44, NW.

Besides, how could we account for Abraham’s being in heaven in view of Jesus’ words: “No man has ascended into heaven but he that descended from heaven, the Son of man”? And did not Peter on the day of Pentecost point out to his listeners that David “both deceased and was buried and his tomb is among us to this day. Actually David did not ascend to the heavens”? (John 3:13; Acts 2:29, 34, NW) None of God’s servants had a heavenly reward held out to them before the coming of Christ Jesus; that is why his apostles even after his resurrection were looking to an earthly kingdom.—Ps. 45:16; Acts 1:6-8.

Returning to the illustration: it next tells us of the rich man’s calling “Father Abraham” to send Lazarus to give him relief by a drop of water on the tip of his finger, upon which Abraham reminds him of the good things he enjoyed in his lifetime as compared with what Lazarus had; besides, there is a great chasm between, which makes it impossible for anyone to cross from one place to the other. The rich man then requests that Lazarus be sent to warn his five brothers, but he is told that they have Moses and the Prophets and that if they would not listen to these they would not listen to one raised from the dead.—Luke 16:24-31, NW.

According to the Scriptures heaven and Hades (Sheol) are at opposite extremes. (Ps. 139:8; Luke 10:15) Could we imagine those in one place seeing those in the other and carrying on a conversation? And were the rich man in a burning hell would he ask for just a drop of water to cool his tongue? How much relief would that bring? Would it last to reach him? Could anyone get anywhere near a burning hell with just a drop of water? Obviously this is a figure of speech even as is Abraham’s bosom, yes, and as are all the rest of Jesus’ words on that occasion.


MEANING OF THE ILLUSTRATION

Since we cannot escape the conclusion that Jesus’ words regarding the rich man and Lazarus are an illustration, what do they illustrate, what is their meaning? In brief they tell of the change in the relative positions of two classes of people due to the preaching of the truth, both in Jesus’ day and in ours.

The rich man well pictures the Jewish clergy who were well provided for with spiritual provision; who considered themselves children of the kingdom, clothed in purple; who were very self-righteous, wearing fine linen; and who were proud of being Abraham’s offspring.—Rom. 3:1, 2; Matt. 8:12; 23:27, 28; Rev. 19:8; Matt. 3:9, NW.

The beggar Lazarus, whose name means “God is helper,” well pictures the Jewish common people, who were despised by the clergy, who because of neglect were spiritually sick and were hungering and thirsting for righteousness, and who appreciated their need of the Great Physician, Christ Jesus.—John 7:49; Matt. 5:6; Mark 2:17, NW.

The death of the rich man and of Lazarus pictured a change taking place in the relative positions of these two classes. That this should be so should not surprise us, for time and again the Scriptures speak of persons as dying or having died though still alive, meaning thereby that a change has taken place in their lives. (See 1 Corinthians 11:30; Colossians 3:3; 1 Timothy 5:6; Jude 12.) The preaching by Jesus that exposed the hypocrisy, greed and false teaching of the Jewish clergy caused a change to take place in their lives. (Matt. 23; Luke 16:14; Matt. 15:1-9) From a state of self-satisfied and luxurious ease they were brought into a state of torment; such torment that they had no peace until they had put the Son of God to death.—Matt. 21:45, 46.

Those pictured by Lazarus, the Jewish common people of faith toward God, likewise experienced a change in their condition due to the preaching of Jesus, to become the spiritual remnant of Jewry. Even as their name “Lazarus” indicates, they were helped, comforted of God and given the hope of God’s heavenly kingdom. Yes, the poor and spiritually sick harlots and tax collectors were entering the kingdom of God and were receiving God’s favor, as pictured by reclining upon Abraham’s bosom. The heavy burdens the Pharisees had placed upon them were being removed, and they became themselves part of the “seed of Abraham” in whom all the families of the earth are to bless themselves.—Matt. 11:6; 21:31; Gal. 3:7, 26; Matt. 23:4; 11:28-30, NW.

And the great chasm between the two classes? This pictures Jehovah’s righteous judgments, which cannot be changed. The religious leaders as a class had fixed their destiny by sinning against the holy spirit, for which there is no forgiveness; and their plea to have their torment eased, even in the slightest, by diminishing the preaching of the truth, was not to be complied with.—Mark 3:29; Acts 5:27-32, NW.

The five brothers of the rich man well picture the associates of the Jewish clergy who manifested the same spirit as the Pharisees. These, refusing to believe in Jesus, showed thereby that they actually were not taking heed to what Moses and the Prophets had said. And that they would not believe even if one rose from the dead was borne out when Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha, did actually rise from the dead.—John 7:47, 48; 5:46, 47; 12:10, 11.


Jesus was merely illustrating a change of circumstances in comparison to the Pharisees of then who first heard the Word but misused it, and how the common man who never did had the opportunity more recently and were the bearers.

It will take you aeons of years to understand that no matter how you try to instill fear in people with hell fire, you only misuse verses the more to explain what isn't there.

It seems you only serve God for the fear of not being roasted forever in hell fire...not even because you love him.

If hell fire was that real, why didn't Adam and Eve, the first sinners, go to hell fire?

Doesn't it still mean living forever if they have to burn in fire to time indefinite?

So the devil who deceived Eve, God is now working with him to torment the same people he deceived in hell fire?

I just hope you aren't confusing Lazarus, Jesus' friend, with that of the rich man. Besides, where did the emtombed Lazarus go when he died before Jesus resurrected him? Heaven or hell fire? Neither of them! He simply died. Becasue it is crazy to think he went to heaven and Jesus brought him back on earth to suffer.

Lol.

Dear modern day Pharisee, zukwanuike.

ABIODUN105:
Because God is a merciful God

But they later died, does it mean he became merciless?

Why didn't they die at the spot when they ate the fruit?

So why didn't they die immediately after eating it?

but since she's under me she needs to report to me every evening....

I can imagine how you have lost your ”sir” tag, she now calls you Chuks directly yet flirting about with another guy who doesn't need to “pray to God” to get her.

But since I was yet to ask her out i said nothing...along the line she started given me attitude and i just immediately distant my self from her

The dating didn'tast and she came back trying to mend things

Dating? When did you date here? Or you were dating her in your mind unknown to even we your readers? Or you meant the dating between she and the other person?

She latter won my heart but whenever i request for hangout she do always give one excuses or the order

In your house?

..lately, she started having an affair with another guy in my work place

I was expecting it. I guess she needs sb who will be rough on her and not dancing to her every tunes.

She is done with you, Mr Chuks.

The problem here is i can't control my feelings for her anymore

You can, bro. Don't deceive yourself. You are only feeling this way because you feel you have a competitor, the new guy, and you want to be the trophy getter.

Lol. It is not worth it.

Free the democracy of a girl make she dey woodpeck.

i work am scared of being set up cos my work place is a devil's kingdom...

Set up for what? Hope this isn't paranoia?

Anyways, focus on work. Let democracy go...one day, another girl will surely value you.

I think the main person who needs to be given anything is the beggar rather than the other rich beggar who uses subtle means to extort it from you with the threat of you roasting in hell fire as a spirit when you die.

Do not pastors tell you to ask God for protection and guidance while they themselves use security personnel after your tithes and offerings have accumulated billions upon billions for them?

You give your tithes and offerings in secret but they tweet their giveback to the world...that is if they even give because last time I checked, they tell you to pray to God for your needs.

They are always telling you God told them to do this and do that...however, every pastor says different things “from God.”

They preach prosperity! Jesus preached God's Kingdom.

Before you intend arguing with me, explain to me what rashidi yekeni yamaha Kawa totoyota susuki means.

With the number of churches in Nigeria alone, one would think it is the most peaceful region. You can see up to twelve different churches in a two storey in Nigeria shouting differently and you are wondering why they will not tell you it is God that called them? Simply! You are vulnerable to be deceived when you hear God! The format has enriched many billionaires of the world!

You will see them hampering on offering from the “old testament” yet leaving Paul's account on voluntary giving?

Brothers,

They give you what you want to hear: miracles magic, fake testimonies, and “God says” since it brings quick responses.

Some of their fleet of cars, and private jets can feed the whole country for years. I mean three-square meals.

Ever wondered why every pastor you can think of is a billionaire? Simple! You pray to God for money and give to them who thank God for bringing people like you!

You, yes you, you respect your pastor even more than the God you claim to serve. The only respect you have for him is writing the “G” in capital letters!

I promise you, I won't respond to you.

Ok, my good brother, I will teach you how.

Now, let's dive into the main business.

so [b]my bestie[/b]advised me to be the funny guy with her

Dear Legend of the Seeker, I think there is everything wrong with your circle. I don't do no bestie thing! But sha, let's continue.

av been playing along with this advice but later she told me she has someone

Okay, brother. Let's continue.

pls guys I want to get her back cos she's like the most cutest gal I've ever been attracted to in my life

Bro, the first thing to do is to begin to look healthy.

Buy beans go cook am ontop gas. Please have a clock around you. You must also have taken your bath recently. Please be on towel while cooking the beans. The trick works like magic. Once it is exactly one hour three minutes after, with the speed like lightening, carry the pot down, remove the towel and sit on the gas burner ...idi iberibe. Human beings dey think how to do reasonable things this December, your goal in life na to catch crush wey don crash.

Lalasticlala

While I was watching the video in my attempt to see a “beautiful” Beyonce-type orange seller who could be making these boys fight, I saw a mid-age woman relaxed and peeling her balls watching as two Lagos leftover loafers entertain the crowd with their high level of ne'erdowellism..

From this end, I could perceive the smell that would be oozing out from their armpits. Armpit that is done. Their body inko? Body wey done overwork standing in the sun in the park extorting owo park from drivers....and their wide smelly mouths that haven't seen a toothpaste or mouthwash for maybe half a month but has maintained a routine of eating rice ₦150, kpomo ₦400, beans ₦50, daily...and orange ₦200.

What about their sagged boxers? I had to dim my eyes to capture the running tag on it: Calvin Klein has turned to Avin Klei while the other letters have already worn out due to the brown colour sweat coming from their faces down to the bum, and to their legs.

Well, it is nice these neerdowells remember to lick oranges, sha...at least, it will enable them trek properly to Bet 9ja shops where they do their vigils after consuming oranges on credit.


Wasn't Achebe right when he said things were no longer at ease? Anyways, I am still available for Turnitin-friendly research writing services.