₦airaland Forum

Seventeen:
I just de imagine say na woman marry her late husbands best friend even if na one year after the husbands death...... Cheiiiii, nairaland would have literally bn on fire. Most of the guyz saying the man did nothing wrong and has moved on will be the ppl insulting and reignin unthinkable abuses on the woman had it bn d other way round. How can any one say ds is ok... A man or even a woman is free to remarry but there is such a thing as decency and respect. 4months and to ur wives best friend (for d man) or ur best friends husband (for the lady) is certainly not ok.
D guy no try at all at all and for the so called beauty queen/friend/fiancee.. I have no words to even discribe her lack of decency, dignity, selfworth and value.. Cos if she had even but a little of any, she wont agree to this engagement at least not four months after her 'so called best friend death. Unless of course like many hv said, that foul play is involved. When my very close friend/ tailor died two years ago.. It took me a very very long time to even drive past her former street.. Then i am seriously wondering hw ds babe is so comfortable with all this if she was indeed a friend of d dead lady talk more of close friend. Na wa oooo

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

chccho:
Bit for real I wonder how woke and GEJ feel about this guy ?

AmakaDNBStories:
OP, talk true, you have issues with your girl in Abj and you resigned and ran back home.
Now you guys have settled and you want to run back again.
Hmmmmmm.
Hmmmmm.

rigarmortis:
You are right bro, i am going through the same thing, but abuja is soooooooo addictive. I can close by 5. Chill and hangout till 11 and get gome by 11,15

Impossible in lagos, though i got side hustles that are almots impossible to run in abuja but easy in lagos


Its the double wammy bro

400billionman:
Poster, your problem is not getting a job, you already have one. You said you want to own and run your own business and out of boredom, you resigned a good job in Abuja. Now you are back to Lagos, with a job but staying with parents.

Most comments here aint addressing your root problem. Guy, if you had a lady who you loved dearly in Abuja, you would not have left that job. You would have started a business which she will manage and you now work out your resignation gradually as the business grows.

Only someone who has experienced your situation will understand. I have seen a guy in his early 30s who even had a house, two businesses but boredom once made him want to sell everything to relocate abroad.

But for timely advice.

Nah BOREDOM be your problem, go and marry.

emwye:
Hmm...
You resigned and you still get entitlements Thats a crazy concept.

kenny987:
It is quite untrue that no one tried to revive them till Buhari stepped in. Mindtwister is actually right. We cannot keep celebrating mediocrity and half measures when we have d capacity to operate optimally but for short sightedness and corruption from decades past. I honestly hope these repairs are the real deal that will last an appreciably long time otherwise it amounts to throwing away good money after bad.

MindTwister:
A government must have a blueprint from whence it operates. It is not enough to administer serious units of our life wire via deadlines. Serious governments run as a system of interdependent parts and the reductionist approach taken by this APC led administration is only fit for governments in the 1920s/30s where everything worked mechanically. How can you draw efficiency from providing cut off dates? Efficiency is built within the core of a unit, the core of a system, and the reason why this strategy will fail is because, rather than deal with the core issues of inefficient management and probably dead wood facilities, we are encouraging cosmetic interventions designed to retain jobs and to give a semblance of things working.

2015, the year of the great deception is over. We agree that we have been mugged electorally. Can we allow 2016 to be different a bit please? No drama, no pictures, no international trips, no media trials just work, work, work.

After that Buhari our man can get a boo...coz even his boo....

Sixfootah:
yeah, shallow_mind cos your line of argument and logic therein, is simply basic and solely based on the narrative out there which is one-sided and pro Nigerian govt. But, for whatever reason, you chose to go with it and ignore/ fail to look at the cause of the agitation. I don't want to speculate, but I think, IT MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH WHERE YOU COME FROM OR YOU'RE SIMPLY PLAYING TO THE GALLERY. There's absolutely nothing to be proud of today's Nigeria...

derespect:
Wish u success in your life's endeavors.
Bros, I no go mind if you fit put me for ur position in ur place of work here in Lagos if u don dey go back to Abj ooo. I need a job!

Danielomisco:
First of all,u need to ask yourself where do u see urself raising ur family?which environment wud u prefer they grow? Then secondly,critically analyse future prospects of the job ur about accepting like is there Job security?good pay?career long? And so on.
On personal terms tho,i think Abuja is more Ideal coupledd with the fact that ur back in ur father's house in long doesn't speak good of ur hussle.Think sharp tho,God bless!

AyeeIdris:
Thank you oooo. Somebody with sense. you cannot get your C of O without settling all taxes. The second bit of your argument.... I don't know oooo

Samscoz:
My Advice 4 U Is To Accept D Job Save N Then Establish Ur Business.Stop Changing Location Every Now N Then Its Not Healthy.