₦airaland Forum

cruchenutii:
selflessmaya I agree with you 100%. No one wants to marry a Single mother, Including me.

16 years old doesn't know Nada ! She needs guidance. Please abort the baby & Move on.

Abeg, ignore anything that cococandy says, she is Drama queen of Texas lol

Lastly, that 27 years old guy should be arrested and Detained. 16 years is a minor. These are the kind of reasons why America is a better place. He would have been charged to court by now .

@bold is the only part of your post that makes slight sense

At for the rest , why not join the queue for those will hold her down while you people perform the forced abortion.

And oh. We are forcing her to do it so that asshole men like you (among whom one has already raped her) will find her marriageable in future.
At what point does she have autonomy over her body? Before she was raped or after? I guess never.

slowpoke.

Empty long post

Why don’t you volunteer to hold her down for the forced abortion?

selflessmaya:
blah blah blah, keep it moving. i'm done addressing u. learn or dont. see if i care lol


1. the guy didn't say he would marry her yet but knowing a 16 yr old whose parents have yelled at for getting pregnant, her only consolation in keeping this pregnancy is that she thinks she'll be marrying and having a baby and the idea of being a wife and a mommy is oh-so-cute to her, she will dress her baby in fine clothes and play with it all day long and they'll be soooo cute, this is as far as her idea of motherhood goes, she has never in her mind considered what actually goes into being a mother, the possiblility that the child could die one night, that it could be born with a deformity, all these dark thoughts adults have to sometimes think of, her mind hasn't even gone there. she just knows if this baby is cute, the baby will look fly in her facebook slay photos. a 16 yr old is a child!
2. false, except you're talking of street girls, the average 16 yr old who gets pregnant will not know what to do, first thing she'll do is to tell the person responsible, if he offers a way, then she might follow but to know a place in the back of her mind, lie-lie, except u're talking of the lil thots who are over-exposed. i'm not 16 and if i had to have an abortion right now in nigeria, i wouldn't know what to do, all i have are a lot of doctor friends, without them i will be confused, teenagers can only hustle their abortions if they're in an environment where they know who can help, like UNI or at home but knows many girls that can have such info. a 16 yr old who can get an abortion done solo is fu<ked up.
3. NO!! I STAND BY THIS. NO ONE HERE IS THE SAME AS WHEN THEY WERE 16, every year u live teaches u and changes u. A 16 YEAR OLD ISN'T STUPID BUT ISN'T ALSO OLD-ENOUGH TO MAKE LIFE-CHANGING DECISIONS.
4. the chances of finishing school reduce significantly with parenthood whether u admit it or not, many of us had parents who went back to school, ask them to tell u if they think their parent's school experience was easier compared to a single free person or if it was relatively harder, the only point you're gonna try to make with this is she should leave the kid at home, in that case, you're removing the child out of the picture so even u know that she cant raise that child and function normally.
5. you're assuming she'll be better off having the kid, what if they cut up her vag and belly during childbirth and the child is born cripple and the man starts beating her and cheating on her and she has 1 million deep stretch marks and 3 times her former size with millions of self-esteem issues, sees her mates, flying abroad for masters and she's stuck pushing her baby's wheel chair and after a hard knock life, she commits suicide. the point still remains that she can have as many kids as she wants when she's grown and ready but she can never get back her life and value to judgmental society if she walks down the i had a baby at 16 route.
6. abortion is illegal but many clinics in nigeria do it, u just have to know someone ...
families have forced girls who dont want babies to have babies, i think we can all agree that a girl who was talked into terminating a pregnancy & enjoying her youth will have less regrets than the one who was forced to live with her mistake.



this!! me too, that was my first time ever having to deal with an abortion. i have heard of it but i always made it out as this huge process in my head. i was super nice that day. i was expecting to walk her down the stairs of the clinic slowly with her hands on my shoulder and tears flowing.. i wasnt expecting us to burst out of the place and her to drag me to a nearby park to make snapchats of her with dog ear filter.

ask all these men here if they'll marry a single mother, they'll shout god forbid but they wont try to use the same logic while advising ppl. ask them if u can dash them a dog now, they'll start considering space in their house, cost of taking care of it, but for a human being that has 100 times more requirement, they'll want to force it on anyone that isn't them cos they'll never try to put themselves in others' shoes.

even if ppl got pregnant cos of carelessness, yes, they should have been careful but they weren't, should they suffer and bring in an extra to suffer too? ppl get lung cancer, they've been chain-smokers for years, they still get treatment even though they caused their woes, ppl get drunk and drive, have accident, burst their head, someone sews them up, 17 stitches! even though they did it to themselves, so why shouldn't ppl be able to halt an unwanted pregnancy without nosy ppl talking sh!t, we should really override the desires of ppl who are already here for someone who has a potential to be here? how stupid!

in 2017, why write a letter when u can just call on whatsapp? why subject yourself to certain hardships if you can find a solution, a child is a huge responsibility, if ppl cant take care of it, let them get rid of it before it forms. a safe abortion has its perks, it removes a huge burden from ppl, it leaves no clues in the body and there are no future repercussions. yes, it's expected that they feel sad maybe that night, no one dreams from childhood of having an abortion so there's a slight feeling of "unplanned sadness" but it's gone once they wake up the next day and feel like their old selves, if a girl that got an abortion has holiday in the next 3 months, when she drops from the okada and walks into her home, she'll be so glad she didnt show up knocked up, all the life she has ahead of her, when she meets a good man who she knows would never date a single mom, when she makes something of her life, she'll forever be thankful for that abortion.

1 out of 3 women will have at least one abortion in her lifetime, so out all these 100s of ppl talking sh!t, it's very safe to say that at least 5-6 of these ppl have had sisters who have had abortions, and roughly the same amount will marry and have kids with a woman who has had an abortion and roughly the same amount will have daughters who will have an abortion at some point. the topic is very hushed, no one will ever know.
the hypocrisy that goes with this runs so deep to a point where i can say a 9 yr old was raped by 6 men and she's pregnant and ppl will still say "keep the baby"... they really throw reason out of the window, u'd place a sub-human creature over the feelings and desires of an actual human? just to be self-righteous? some will allow an abortion only in the case where the woman has been utterly disgraced & violated then they may show sympathy. so if they support the abortion then, what difference does it make if a not-so-humiliated woman wants to help herself too?
they'll say give it up for adoption if u dont want. oya ask them,, how many of them have adopted or have plans to adopt in the future and you'll hear sweet silence, some even make fun of those who adopt, how many of them will let their child marry a single mother? none! some will not marry or allow their child to marry a child from a broken home where the parents married and seperated, talk more of a child from an unwed mother who had him at 16... they will rather die! lets not forget those who are quick to point out( i saw this once on NL on an adoption topic ) be it in an orphanage, in a dustbin or in your house, a bastard is still a bastard. nigerians are mean, those listening to them and their gospel haff enter one chance, same bible said thou shall not fornicate, how many of them here quoting bible are virgins or married as virgins and where is the receipt?

TimeMod3:
Many could guess how stupid you are. Who knows if I must have been talking to a kid herself.
Listen, whether or not she keeps the baby, it's not her decision to make even though she has a choice.

At 16, where were you & what was your priority? let's see if you weren't pregnant too.

Keep contradicting yourself
Mumu

Unnecessary long story.
The best they can do is tell her in all the ways possible how it could affect her negatively. Then the actual decision to open her legs and have the baby aborted is up to her. Nobody can force her to.

The only other option going by your tone would be to tie her down and forcibly abort the fetus.
Yapping so much about pro choice but not sounding like it are we?

selflessmaya:
actually it will, that's the whole point of an abortion, to make a pregnant woman not pregnant again.



who says he should drug her and abort the pregnancy? do u honestly think a 16 year old wouldnt wish to not be pregnant? if u want to throw around pro-choice, if the sister does have the kid, is she capable of raising it without his contributions? she really has no choice and is very dependent on what the potential caretakers of the child will decide. if nigerian families can beat a pregnant girl and talk hell into her about how the pregnancy will go, then a family can save the beating and be as level headed as possible and talk to a 16 yr old CHILD about why they feel an abortion is the best course and get her to see reason. most pregnant 16 yr old nigerians will pray for a family that can even let them have that option so let's not pretend nigeria is the uk where teenagers "wanna keep the baby".
if OP wants the pregnancy to stay, it will stay whether she likes it or not, if he wants it gone, it will be gone too, if he wants her married at 16, she has no choice. in nigerian society, the pro-choice ish does not exist for most women and i'm not stupid enough to delude myself like most ppl here. families mostly make the decision and for once a man is here trying to make what any sensible person knows is the right choice, a choice that most ppl who feel trapped like his sister would secretly want. and we should leave it to his kid sister? in this country? where she gets no choice in the first place? he could have married her off, he could let her have the pregnancy as a punishment but he's considering letting her walk scottfree from all this, i am a huge advocate of pro-choice and how a woman should have sole decision but sometimes i have to remember i'm dealing with nigerians and head straight to the point. my main argument with abortion is it's a woman's body, choice etc. but this is an important issue and this is no time to start trying to state laws of feminism.
the case is simple: a girl who gets no choice in most families has a brother who wants to give her an option that most girls in her shoes would kill to have. if she's getting this option cos he wants to save face, not cos it's her body etc, it's none of my business, it still benefits everybody, a 16 yr old will be more grateful in 4 yrs time if she terminates this pregnancy than if she keeps it. 95% of women who have had a safe abortion dont regret it, they're thankful for that chance of escape everyday.



u must be high on some narcotic if u think i'll argue with someone who just compared a 16yr old child to a 27yr old adult. why didnt u also say, it's not such a big deal if a 20 yr old man has sex with a 9 yr old, it's same 11 yr difference. you're the idiot and it shows . lol

So they should drug her and abort the pregnancy? Are you people okay?

selflessmaya:
dude, take this advice and run with it. get your sister a safe abortion, test her for stds and warn her seriously about unprotected sex and let her carry on with her life, she's only 16 years old, do not let your 16 year old sister marry a dude that is almost 30 that had the guts to sleep with her without protection, exposing her to potential stds and who eventually got her pregnant. ignore all these ppl here, life is not black and white. not every pregnancy is a blessing. yes, your instincts are right to tell you that this pregnancy will cause your sister & family a lot of future unhappiness, either by sentencing her to the drama of early single motherhood or trapping her in an early unhappy marriage.

all this can be over in just 15 minutes for god's sake, don't let strangers on the internet convince u to drag it out for the next 9 months and be stuck with an unwanted child for the rest of its life. a lot could go wrong for your family. your mom's insensitivity is common with ppl of her times, ignore her. your sister could contact vvf, she could die at childbirth, she could carry this to full term and have to get ceserean section to extract a stillborn after all the stress (i know a girl this happened to, married for belle, gave birth to a still born, stuck with a god-awful c-section scar, got a divorce shortly after) and let's not even talk of the psychological trauma & embarassment if she does have the kid, do u really want to raise that one sister that never goes away, that has had a hard life, that has 2 failed marriages and 4 kids from 3 different fathers, who has to come live in your house every 3 months cos of her endless woes? this is how it starts, u are on the right track.

tell whoever cares to ask, she suffered a miscarriage or she wasnt pregnant, it's common for girls her age to miss periods, fullstop. u can have your sister back where she was, writing jamb in march and going to get a life, do the right thing. pretentious nigerians have ruined so many lives with their illogical opinions, ask yourself which advice will benefit u more 5 months from now, your teenage sister totting around a full gut of child or her as she's always been standing on a line to buy jamb form. think!! sometimes ppl have to make very tough decisions, choose your sister & family stability over this unwanted issue that everyone is trying to convince u is a blessing, yet u & i both know it isnt a blessing and those trying to convince u it is a blessing also know it's a lie cos none of them will wish to be in your shoes.

i'm pro-choice but even i know that most life choices are restricted from minors cos they cant quite grasp consequence, that's why they dont marry, vote, perform sex-change surgery, anything life-altering is best left to a guardian with good intentions. the abortion has nothing to do with the 27 yr old perv, it's not his decision. this is primarily your sister's decision but she's too young to decide this tbh and since you're thinking rightly, do the right thing. follow your instincts, terminate the pregnancy.

TimeMod3:
Really? It's the decision of a 16yr old to make?
Goosh! I thought I've seen enough dummies.
And I hope you ain't a mother yet cos if you're, I have a message for your children.

Why don’t you tie her down and forcefully abort the baby since it’s not her decision to make.

Very stupid thing.

shekauvsbuhari:
this looks more like a relationship gone sour. "The man collected ALL my properties" part makes it sound so.

Or maybe they are thugs who rob people and rape women.

NOC1:
You've not stated how he raped you all I am seeing here is relationship gone sour.

Tactical blackmail to get the normal lady sympathetic Favour in sexual related cases.

Maybe she was taken the man for a fool, collecting goodies from him and keep on postponing pay back time. Every worker is hoping for his wages at the end of the day, people should know that there is nothing like free gift, for every gift a price is attached to it.

you’re obviously a rapist

tosyne2much:
I believe there are some hidden truths in this one-sided story

When will ladies ever admit they actually had sex because they wanted it and stop blaming it on men for coercing them into it

I’m sure if someone was raped, they know the difference. you think people are stupid that they can’t tell when they have been raped or if they had consensual sex?

Papiikush:
I do not trust her story. Women are always too forward to play the victim card because they are certain the society will defend them.

Let a hear the man's side of the story.

And this is why many women who get raped don’t talk about it. Because of people like you

Idiots

saraki2019:
this one on trouser
with no headtie or veil
with er head open and body expose still dey complain of rape?
what did she expect?
when you left your food open what do you expect
flies off cousese
ladies close your shit to avoid flies

GogobiriLalas:
Sorry as a rule I never trust a woman's tale...there's always an emotionally diabolical motive to it.

It’s her decision to make. Not yours. Not your parents. Not the guy’s. No one but her.
All you can do is advise her.

Dummy

Donjazzy12:
So says the closet lesbian married to a man! You know what I find stupid is you in the (according to you) loving relationship with a husband but you are encouraging other ladies to be lesbians! That is stupidity. It is either you are using your marriage as a front to surreptitiously engage in lesbian activities thus you find yourself conflicted when homosexual related topics are raised or you derive pleasure in leading people astray. So which one is it?

Very stupid post

Donjazzy12:
You call yourself a Christian, you claim that you have abundance of love in your family, you claim your husband loves you, husband not wife. You claim that you love God. Yet you are the biggest anchor for homosexuals and lesbians in Nairaland.

Please help me understand. Is it possible to love God and be a christian while vehemently promoting and supporting a lifestyle that God totally abhors?

Do you know that all of us will lie down in death one day. How will you defend your actions before God without Nairaland homosexual supporters to support you?

Anytime a homosexual related thread is created, you rush in to support it, is it possible that you are a closet lesbian who was forced to marry a man maybe because of parental pressure.?

And if homosexuality is so good and your conscience supports it are you inculcating the same values to your kids?


Aside Nairaland, remember that you will face judgement for anybody you decieved.

You certainly don’t deserve the title of doctor or your license

IamaNigerianGuy:
Your mum (God bless her) did not die from cancer caused by perversion.
I have seen one other case of anal cancer in a gay man in my time as a doctor, trust me it is not pretty. Nature never intended this gay rubbish and punishes it severely. It's like smoking 10 packs a day or doing drugs, then asking 'what went wrong?' when cancer or AIDS strikes.
Freedom of choice is a gift that must be exercised with responsibility. That animal added nothing to the world. Good riddance.

I’m glad I didn’t see that before it scrapped.

This type of hateful ignorance makes me itch.

Exciton:
Hehehe. It seems you never checked Aljazeera comment section before they pulled the plug on it. Easily the most hateful I've seen! However, Nairaland surely boasts the most ignorant community on the internet.

Most of the idi0ts on this thread simply accept the bloggers implicit suggestions based on confirmation bias without bothering to read up on the cancer type. If they did, then they'd know that loads of heterosexuals get HPV in their lifetime, that only a small percentage of people who ever have HPV gets cancer (the guy was simply unlucky) and that it's a leading cause of cervical cancer.

Lmao

How old are you OP?

Tamass:
We all have our flaws..no one can deny that, but this a foul act and shld be condemned..thats just it. I assume u saw the thread where it stated that yahaya bello's son developed cerebral palsy nt even cancer but people sympathised with him, and wished him well... so your comment doesn't add up

Oh please . Buzz off
Judge Judy

trustyshoess:
Before you come here to type up nonsense, realise that a human like yourself just lost his life. Regardless of your opinion about his lifestyle, respect the dead please. Cancer can affect anyone regardless of age, race, tribe, sexual orientation etc

Most Nigerians on nairaland are a particularly despicable breed of human beings. The worst on earth. I have never seen anything like it anywhere before.
I’ve never met anyone like them in real life. So basically they hide their foulness in real life and come to vomit the evil in them on NL because they think it’s anonymous.

muriunited:
May the Almighty God Punish anybody who write RIP for this
Idiot, and thunder should locate the person, IJN, because all the people that chose to live this life so call gay man to man, May My Good Lord set their Punish them from this world to the eternity. AMEN.

Your God sounds like an idiot

All these self righteous assholes on this thread think they are immune to any of these kind of illnesses because they are heterosexual?
Then again what do I know?

Slaveman343:
Lol some white women are pathetic. How would they think that if an African man would want to pick a proper wife he would pick them over African women.

African men are not brainwashed black American men na.

You’re an idiot. No condemnation for the wickedness of this man in question.

He’s an idiot

Let’s hope he rots in hell

ayorhmeeday:
you people givin seemingly ''rational'' explanations to this rather strange happening, should ask ursef...
how did a ''terrestial'' animal get to a height that's like 12-16ft??
doesn't that tell u that ''the powers that be'' av a hand in this

dummy

remexy:
Nigerians are a paranoid bunch. When we were younger some people went and spent the whole holidays at their grand parents, uncles or aunties place. No biggy. Just say you don't like your mother in law. Simply. May God not make u have grand kids who u won't have access to because ur daughter's husband feels it's not okay. I say this because you haven't given a good reason for ur bias... Manipulative in ur relationship with ur wife is different... That's her being a parent wanting what she feels is best for her daughter. Now u want to punish her for dat by putting a time limit on time spent with her grand child.

don’t mind him. He thinks we are idiots.
Beating around the bush without actually saying what the MIL did wrong.

Gender bias? Go take your meds.

Talking about gender bias did you even read your own comment? Projecting your thoughts on others.

Acidosis:
As usual, you can never make any reasonable comment without some high levels of gender bias.

I know exactly what you and your co-horts would do if you notice an extreme closeness between your MIL and your husband and same measure of closeness between your MIL and your only child of 2 years.

Grandma wants to bond with my child because she bonded with her grandmom.. What kind of excuse is that? Such can only come from a highly manipulative person.

Well why not say what it is before asking for people’s opinions.
I’m sure most people including me will see no problems with kids spending a night or two at their grandparents’ unless there is a solid reason not to.
So far you have given no reason except to say you went through stuff.

Until then,

Mudley313:
My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

Are you sure you’re okay?
When we are looking for who will take the kids away even if it’s for 5 minutes so we can have some peace.
Mtchew
Say what you know.
Many of us spent many many nights at our grandmas’ and our african moms were fine with that.

Acidosis:
If the request came from your mom, would she accept that arrangement? I'm almost certain the answer is NO (following the level of disgust most wives have for their mother in laws), but that's by the way...

Just follow your instincts. Your child is still too young for that kind of bonding. Say YES to the arrangement whenever you're comfortable with it and don't be bothered.

I think some posters ommitted the part where you narrated her extreme closeness with her daughter (your wife). I'm almost sure again that if that extreme closeness was between you and your mother, so many ill words must have filled this thread already.

If that all-night request came from your African mom, trust me, it won't go down well with over 95% of Nigerian wives.

If I were in your condition, I will follow my instincts. She's only 2.5, when she grows a little older, she can spend her holiday wherever.

So your child will never spend the night at her grandma’s house. How sad.
It’s the highlight of every kid’s childhood.

majekdom2:
why use her as an example when you do not know her personal life. No, I did not miss your point, your point was some guy wasted her time and I am like No, you cant say that

sigh

majekdom2:
you just said maybe some guy wasted her time in her 20's. My point is we all have life goals... and what should come with this goals is happiness.

She was just an example as I don’t know anything about her personal life.
And you missed my point.