₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Lawd have mercy!

And I take it she's not the first wife, neither was she in any gainful employment?

Every comment of hers was: "His houses, his businesses, his responsibilities to pay the kids fees, his this...his that...."

So what did this woman bring / contribute to the marriage? [/quote]she wanted the life of an african wife so she got treated like one! for all you know, this woman could be well educated up to university level but she preferred handouts from her husband instead of working and making her own income! all her life she had no savings, no properties, no automobiles......it serves her right!

this is a big lesson for all naija women looking for cash cows to pay their life bills. the husband who loves today might hate tomorrow and when that happens, what are the wives going to fall back on? the mind boggles.....

ileobatojo: Ok I see your reply here. But please humor me for 1 more minute. What if the man has no job and can't afford a maid?

why did he marry?
if he had a job before marriage and he suddenly lost his job then i expect a reasonable wife to bear the burden for a while until the man can stand on his feet! i'd do the same too!

afrobaby: @coogar, am sorry if I stepped on the part of Ʊ that pains Ʊ most, its just that dis forum has not given us the opportunity to know guys who are financially sound and those who are broke-ass, all the same, forgive me to say, the fact that Ʊ are poor and afraid that Ʊ may never meet A̶̲̥̅̊ lady that will marry A̶̲̥̅̊ poor rat like Ʊ is not my prob. The fact that every lady desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ financially stable and responsible man(which makes Ʊ wonder if Ʊ will ever find A̶̲̥̅̊ lady to bear ur responsibilty for Ʊ) is annoying to Ʊ, go to HEL.L.
The way Ʊ talk, (naija men, lmao, I believe Ʊ are britiko or american man, abi), shows Ʊ live below $10 A̶̲̥̅̊ day and earnestly desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who can help Ʊ step_up, wish Ʊ luck, what Ʊ will get is A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who add prostitution to her work just to be able to provide for Ʊ or even steal from her place of work,. We are satisfied with our naija men, this naija men which Ʊ so talk abt like nothing are far better off than Ʊ, naija men who can tell dia wife to stop working and set up A̶̲̥̅̊ very good business for Ʊ, wait dia and b looking for A̶̲̥̅̊ woman who will set up business for Ʊ, I use to think ladies are d ones called Gold diggers, now I have A̶̲̥̅̊ different view.
Broke ass, sorry, Ʊ hear, wonder ow old Ʊ b self, am happy I fell in love and married A̶̲̥̅̊. Financially stable guy and not A̶̲̥̅̊ broke ass like Ʊ, wonder how ur marraige would b, dear, I will pay school fees, Ʊ pay house rent, lwkmd,
Dis will b the last time I will respond to ur post cos poverty to me is contagious, don't want to contact it from Ʊ jare.

Anyway, just catching ma fun, I love internet, I gbadun nairaland jare, I don't give A̶̲̥̅̊ shyte

after displaying an acute poverty of intelligence, you now want to divorce the same poverty that has been your breath all your life? i laugh in boko haram. any tool can come online and boast they have the richest man as a hubby - whereas the last time you tasted fried rice was last christmas - keep deceiving yourself that you live a life of opulence!

i don't need to look at my partner's pocket to afford whatever i want - one of the reasons i went to school, studied hard and be what i am today. unlike you, i don't drag my self respect in the murky waters. you have traded your dignity for a blackberry bold. how are we sure your husband does not treat you like shyte? you came here talking a good game even when your fellow women are saying the mentality of demanding from your husband stinks - cheiii, enough educated illiterates in nigeria!

when i close my eyes - i see you as one old haggard hawk tying ankara wrapper with a thin chewing stick and saliva foaming in your mouth while waiting for your turn by a community borehole - you are so poor in spirit, rainbow appears to you in black and white!

ileobatojo: Nice deflection, now will you please answer the question directly?

i have answered you, ma'am.

Kobojunkie: It should also mean the male share the house work as well. No ducking in that either.

i will hire au pair to do my own share of the house chores!

mirob: If my son or brother is still leaving in my house while working at that age still not contributing no matter how small †̥☹ †ђξ upkeep of his so called fiancee, I will call him †̥☹ order and if he refuses †̥☹ change and †ђξ fiancee started complaining I will tell †ђξ lady †̥☹ follow her mind even if it maens dumping his sorry a.ss.

maybe your son is putting the funds in another woman's bosom!

ileobatojo: Lol! What do you have to say of the hypocrisy of many naija men including here on NL who hold on to the traditional roles of women in the home as if their lives depended on it but suddenly become modernized when it comes to sharing the financial responsibility? Cos you know, God forbid the blasphemous, disrespectful abomination that daily household duties should be divided equally but when it comes to money matters it should be 50:50. Abi?

nope
the logic is simple enough----if a woman wants me to pay her life bills, she should be ready to be submissive like her great grandmother did. every little expense in the house shall be taken care of by me and me only but then i will rule absolutely. my decision(logical or illogical) is final!

on the other hand, if she wants the responsibilities to be 50-50, then the power sharing shall be 50-50. it means seeking her counsel before making any decision as we are partners. there can be no master-slave relationship!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Exactly! And for him to find someone. . .she needs to let him go!!!![/quote]sooner than later, she would let go or the dude himself would dIscover the chic is just taking him on a carousel trip!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]She should let him go, so he can find someone who loves him in spite of his flaws. This does not mean she can'tfind someone who loves her, I don't believe that at all. I believe there is someone out there who is going to look past what others might think are a BIG NO NO in you and just think you are the best thing since sliced bread.[/quote]of course, there's always someone out there who would be blind to her flaws but 2 things are working against that as we speak - her age and the environment she dwells. at 30, her options are a tad limited to divorcees, babyfathers, widowers and polygamists! how many young men would marry a 30 yr-old woman? this is not chicago - this is africa where superstitions reign supreme! before you know it, they would tie her situation to something ridiculous(spiritual husband, sins of her forefathers, teenage abortion, etc)

Haven't you ever come across a couple and you sit there thinking. . .what the hell does he see in her/she in him?! Yep, that's what I am talking about, all this fear mongering of grabbing whatever you have now because you are this or thus is just that. . . .fear mongering!!

she's 30, sisikill!
the female graduates of nigerian private universities have priced her ilk out of the husband market! some 10 yrs ago, it's perfectly normal.....these days, there are younger girls that are richer, more submissive and less demanding.....do the math, this is no fear mongering.....

ritchboy: Abeg, I don't see a big enough gulf in Arsenal/United squad at the moment to suggest Arsenal can't rival United this year.

Rooney-RvP
Welbeck-Podolski
Hernandez-Giroud
Nani-Cazorla
Valencia-Gervinho
Young-Walcott
Kagawa-Wilshere
Scholes-Arteta
Carrick-Song
Cleverley-Rosicky
Anderson-Diaby
Rafael-Sagna
Rio-Koscielny
Vidic-Vermaelen
Evra-Gibbs
De Gea-Szczesny

etc

It's neck n neck, Debo/Coogar are just taking the piss as usual. Only City's squad can stand out.

it's also neck and neck when the score-line was 8-2 last season with united even having a younger age difference than arsenal on the night! it's not about names, ritchboy - it's about getting the very best out of what you have got! calculate the difference in points between arsenal and man utd since 2005/6 season and get back to me.....neck and neck my white arse!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Don't move a muscle ooh! :p

I'm not concerned about the girl here (sorry if that sounds cold), it is the poor dude I am concerned about.[/quote]the poor dude will find someone else who loves him. life is about winners and losers.
the last job you got and celebrated, someone else cried about the same job and mourned it for weeks!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Dude that's a topic for another day. [/quote]i wait patiently....

So are you saying go ahead and marry the guy. . .even though she doesn't love him and she isn't sexually attracted to him?

How is that fair to the guy?

how many women actually married who they truly love? abeggi - you'd find out that more often than not - majority of the women out there married what was available when they were "ready"......you think it's easy to find mutual love in this world of sin? sisikill, you should know better. let this woman marry what's available to her right now - love would find them later! if she waits till she finds someone she loves, there's no guarantee that man would love her, is there? she might have to wait till age 49 before she finds the perfect partner!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]At the end of the day, everyone defines love in their own way.[/quote]how do you define love?

as per the age thing, one has to be realistic. a woman at 30 has limited options. this does not mean she should be unhappy but she should have it at the back of her mind that she might not get what she wants.

there are plenty of younger women in nigeria with better income and less demanding. at 30, she should be less choosy and be ready to compromise a little bit. she has lost some huge portion of her bargaining power - that's the hard truth you should be telling her!

afrobaby: I guess Ʊ av A̶̲̥̅̊ prob wit ur sight, if not, I wonder y Ʊ wud respond to my post when it was specifically meant for sisi_kills, wonder what type of person Ʊ are, in africa, we can someone like you amebo, aproko,

you're a troglodyte!
i am amebo because I responded to a comment on a public forum? what's the essence of having a forum in the first place? where you can only speak to yourself? some of you naija women don't have enough wisdom!

Abeg, make some people just keep quiet here jare, make I hear word.. Some believe NL is where they come to act scripts or something, dey say A̶̲̥̅̊ totally different thing from what they will do, haba, hypocrites.

act scripts? you are being taught to have some sorta self-respect for yourself and it's nollywood to you? no wonder naija men treat you fools like sanitary pads when you cannot stop acting like a calabar housemaid to him. your parents paid through their noses to send you to school so you can be independent, fend for yourself so that men would put you in a high pedestal but you want to trade your self worth cos of your gluttony? shame!

Some peeps make it look as if marital abuse and infidelity do not happen in developed nations, abegi, which part of the developed nation do Ʊ live sef,

of course it does - even more than it happens in nigeria. in developed countries, a man can bring another woman home and send his wife to sleep on the couch. husbands openly slap their wives in public for fun, husbands marry more than 4 wives and pack them in one flat like sardines. hell, husbands can send their wives packing after turning her into a punchbag and he is the sole decision maker who can keep the children!!!
when God was distributing intelligence in heaven, you were on a leave of absence!

Proud to be an african woman and love being dat

proud to be a used sanitary pad describes you aptly!

The mentality and manner of expression of lazy, irresponsible and poor men dey different sha, dey complain about everything, haba, can see so many of dem on dis forum

corporate beggar!
better go and find a good paying job and stop looking for cash cows to pay your life bills.
your spouse is not your biological father. let him give out of his own free will, do not demand like its your right - that's the message! it's women like you who sleep with their bosses cos he's more financially buoyant than your husband cos your love is tied with the number of digits in a man's account balance!

chaircover: Now I know why some of those master/slave stories and stories of abuse that sound so difficult to believe on this family section actually happen. Many women have sold their birthright for a measly 12 inches of fake tangled Brazilian hair or N500 MTN credit and then wonder why their boyfriends dont let them touch their phones, talk to them anyhow, slap them around and expect them at 9 months pregnant to be pounding yam.

One even came on NL and was asking what was more expensive to maintain? a girlfriend or a car. Imagine a man comparing a woman to a box of metal that depreciates with every passing second.

So these days Love=Paying for my hair at the salon abi. That is why many end up marrying criminals; cos all they care abut is the money.

we are so trying to get women to stand up for themselves; to be their own individual, to have self respect, use their education . . heck they even call us names such as the cabal and here we have women justifying the reasons why they expect a boyfriend to pick up their bills. One was even in shock that her sister was paying the school fees for her OWN child. . . .HER OWN CHILD O!!! SMH.

it's a culture clash!
a babe once told me she would find it difficult to marry a nigerian man that has never travelled out of nigeria because of the archaic and crude way they handle women. i think it's also the same with the men. its becoming increasingly difficult for me to even consider a naija babe with no exposure of how things should be done.

ifebosco: please can somebody advise all the churches and mosques in nigeria to use hiden video camaras in the entrance and outside,
it will help for future investigation in crime like this.please it is not costly

for only 100euros which is 22,000naira you can have two.the instulation is very easy and if conected to internet it will help to save the recorderd images if somebody tries to burn down the building the videos will be save.

please send this massage around.let´s see if we can stop this barbaric act

the cctv cameras get the first volley of shots in that case.... what do you take nigerians for?

[quote author=Efemena_xy]On the contrary, you're actually agreeing with my post about her attitude.

Basically, anyone who agrees to be treated like what you say (outlined in bold), is in for a shyte relationship. A master-slave relationship.

Pls O! Make una help me out here naw! What does dudu osun mean?? [/quote]designed for the stubborn african skin...
[img]http://www.shea.pl/files/dudu2.jpg[/img]

Kobojunkie: Really? You should come see those women here in our church. with all their stella pomade and dudu osun, they look like they need a makeover and they need it fast. Abeg, that is not pampering. That is Africa.

it's pampering abeg - your standard is just too high for them!

[quote author=Efemena_xy] na which wan come be dudu osun??
Come, Cooger - how you take know every single item detail of their needs?

What aren't you telling us, man?? [/quote]i see things, hear things, read things

Kobojunkie: Spoilt like a Naija full housewife? Where??

where every of her needs would be met....hair, phone credits, sanitary pads, stella pomade, dudu osun, expenses for soup and yam tubers, etc. isn't that spoiling?
this is africa!

chaircover: Some of us women like giving out mixed messages. The poster was very quick to talk about her financial prowess, she talked about how comfortable she is, her salary and in the same vein goes on to complain that the guy may not be be able to provide for her because he didnt pick up a 2k hair bill.

You think she wouldn't have made her financial clout crystal clear to the man. He is not a fool and most probably feels that he will be insulting her by paying a petty N2k towards her hair when she earns a whopping God knows what.

Like sisi Kill, I still dont understand the need for men to be financially responsible for their girlfriends. If you want to buy me a gift, then fine but I dont go expecting him to pay for my nails, phone credit, hair or handout. That is my parents responsibility. This is one of the reasons why we have so many master/slave relationships around. Me I dont know again o!

chaircover, you know!
the sole reason naija men behave the way they do is because of what the women make them do. she has a good job but she wants to be spoilt like a naija full housewife. i say amen to that.

afrobaby: @sisi_kills, I stand to b corrected but I must tell Ʊ dat the moment A̶̲̥̅̊ man sees the qualities of A̶̲̥̅̊ wife he wants in Ʊ,he starts to see Ʊ as his responsibility. A̶̲̥̅̊ man who wants to marry Ʊ and Ʊ have never cooked for him once whether in his house or urs, everytime he says let's eat,Ʊ say let's go out and eat, what do Ʊ think the man would think,am I sure dis lady will make A̶̲̥̅̊ good wife, yet, we kknow wife is not just meant to b A̶̲̥̅̊ cook. Dia ar ways to test sense of responsibility in A̶̲̥̅̊ man/woman, while I was still dating my hubby, every month, he gives me A̶̲̥̅̊ certain amount of money to get anything for myself, ofcourse, he knows how much I collect as salry,he knows I don't even spend half of my salary in A̶̲̥̅̊ month but he showed me that while courting that he can provide for me in his own little way,dis is africa. And do Ʊ think I don't reciprocate too, I did, I made sure I got him boxers, singlet, powder etc, does things I know may easily skip his mind every month, dat is how I feel A̶̲̥̅̊ courtship, not boyfriend/girlfriend relationship should be..
@op, if Ʊ feel within ur heart that he may not b what Ʊ really want in A̶̲̥̅̊ man, pls let him go, urs will come o. God is never too late,just pray but pls bear in mind, dia is no perfect man outthere o, Ʊ make out the perfection in him.

lmao @ this is africa
when the men treat you like african women should be treated, why do you then compare yourselves to women of the developed nations and start screaming marital abuse and infidelity?

SamAfrik: Months back less than 10 pple were killed in France by an extremist & dt nation brought d killer down. Now thousands have been killed in Nigeria and we are yet 2 rise as one (xtians&muslims) for justice.
Clearly Nigerians are nt thinking rite.

oh please, the ring leader of this attack has been arrested few days ago....
the nigerian police swung into action immediately after this incident and a woman was arrested alongside the ring leader of this evil gang!


https://africanspotlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Picture-65.png

nateevs: Go ya side.

nateevs, how ready are you for the season? can you give a thorough assessment of your squad yet? the strength and the weakness? the prediction where chelsea would finish in 2013?

chelseabmw: for friendly una dey defend champions league na wetin una go do?

chelsea fans would always be chelsea fans - so from that picture, you were able to deduce united were ultra defensive? that picture coulda been taken few seconds after a barcelona set piece where players must defend their goal---

you guys baffle me - 1025's idiocy is like a plague chelski fans are catching fast right now!

bebe4u: My virtual friends, i am posting this because i ant to share the burden i have in my life right now and i seek for honest answer and advice in which ever way. please keep it polite anyone could be in a similar situation and we could all learn from it at the end of the day.

I am 30years of age female working in the oil & gas sector and very comfortable financially. How ever i have been in a platonic relationship with a guy who is currently working in a bank but i am better off financially. He never hid his intention that he loves me and would want to take things to the next level but i have always maintain my stand of us not rushing things while trying to sort out my real feelings for him. He asked me to marry him recently and i accepted. The burden i have in my heart now is 1- I am not in love with him and also not sexually attracted to him. By that i mean im not crazily in love but i like him as a friend. 2- I have concerns about our financial obligation in the sense that i fear he might not provide for me the way a husband should for is wife. i am a traditional person where i believe a man should always provide for his wife no matter how small, im willing to support him but through the three years we have been friends he hasnt provided in the least of money for my salon session. i feel he is just taking advantage of the fact that i can afford it, so i feel differently. He currently lives with his family and younger brother. i talked to him one day and said he should get a house of his own but till date he hasnt and havent made any real effort at that yet he talks about facilitating meeting my parents et al. Question is what are the pros and cons of going ahead to marry this young man or should i just call it off as i have been tempted to several times. BTW he is 35yrs of age, has been working in the bank for 6 yrs as an employee. As we all know the presure young ladies face in the society about being single by 30years. Please respond with your candid advice. i will appreciate while i keep praying as most of you will end up saying to me. Thank you.

leave him alone, you don't deserve him.....
go and find aristos who would light up your life with irrelevances and frivolities....that's what you deserve. it's now clear why there are many chics of your age group single and lonely. Jesus would bring the salon session money providers to you guys soon.....before rapture!

arrant nonsense!



[quote author=Sisi_Kill]2000k? I'm sorry but this is even worse.

It's no wonder some men think they can treat a woman like rubbish, when we go around begging for kobo kobo.

Sis, use your money for your personal upkeep abeg. . that's why you are working. Again, I'm sorry oh but until a man marries you (even then sef) you are NOT is responsibilities. I mean I thought the whole reason how parents sent us to school get was so we could get good jobs and not have to depend on a man for money for sanitary pad.

Would it be nice if these men doled out the cash on us? Of course. . .who can say no to money but the sense of entitlement, this HE MUSTO DO IT, IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY, is just a HUGE turn off (and this is coming from a female oh).

Having said that, I think him not giving you wash and set money is the least of the issue here. . .you don't love him and you aren't attracted to him. What kinda marriage do you hope to have? [/quote]i am glad you have seen this......you often wonder why naija men treat their women like crap - this is another evidence! she works, makes good income and yet she still expects the man to buy maxipads and her tylenol. if the man demands the services required from a full housewife, she would flip the script and claim she's a working class woman! what are the odds that this babe is an "ijebu" woman like you soon to join the association of goat investors? lol!

[quote author=A-town]250 is more than the average salary of most graduates and a lot of them are "okay" and don't live with their parents. Of course, the more the merrier but 250 is still okay oo. You may not get to live in posh areas but you'll still be okay naw[/quote]define "okay"?

Donxavier: 150k/per month as an entry grad trainee isn't bad at all. As one rises the ladder the money increases. Let's not despise little beginnings. Even if not grad trainee, if you earn this and live prudently in a couple of years one would be different.

how do you intend to pay rent, utilities, transport, etc with 150k/month?

[quote author=A-town]Point of correction. You only need a million if you want to maintain the standard of living abroad.
In the real sense, you should be "OKAY" if you make anything from 250k a month.[/quote]250k a month? maybe if you intend staying with your parents....otherwise 250k is still small.

how can hell be any worse than nigeria with all these ugly incidents?

debosky: Agree completely - very few Utd fans are really excited by this move, knowing they have bigger problems elsewhere. However, for Fergie to be interested, he would clearly be a very good addition that strengthens Utd.

fergie is an opportunist. more like that annoying pest of a guy that wants to take advantage of a woman in a troubled relationship.
without van persie's statement, would fergie even make any bid at all?

Some Arsenal fans are still living in 2005 - the last time Arsenal posed a credible threat to Utd. Fergie wanting to 'weaken' Arsenal indeed. The same Fergie that weakened Arsenal by selling Cashley to Chelski, selling half our squad to Citeh and selling Cesc for peanuts last summer.

i wonder o....the rivalry between united and arsenal ended when fergie sold silvestre to wenger.

The issue is an Arsenal/RVP issue - if Arsenal kept RVP happy he'd have signed a new deal and Utd wouldn't be interested in even bidding.

but van persie should be happy as we speak....wenger has brought in quality players in podolski, cazorla and giroud...it's time wenger and van persie end their boyfriend-girlfriend rift!

kommy: Bros, are you part of those to be deported?? #justasking#

i am not but i am sure your pedophilic uncle is getting deported cos he is a serial sex offender!

united had 48% possession in that match in comparison to chelsea's 28% in both legs of the champions league tie.

Billyonaire: Why do they have to build prisons. They should just deport them to our existing Prison. Abi our prison don overfull ?

the criminals are using the human right technicality to avoid deportation. the technicality is that nigerian prisons are inhumane and keeping the criminals in britain after they have served their jail terms is costing the british millions of pounds. so, they want to build prisons for deportees so that excuse would be completely removed. these days, they actually do bribe the criminals with cash before they agree to be deported!

proudly9ja: ^^^^
@coogar...yh right! I can see you drooling at a RVP | Rooney partnership!
With Hernandez, Welbeck on the bench

drooling? what can van persie do that berbatov cannot? i have no problem with the attack department of man utd. we have the perfect blend of strikers and wingers that are top drawer in the league - my problem is the central midfield and the left back position where evra has no deputy(fabio is on loan to qpr)...

But seriously, I still maintain selling RVP to United will weaken our side (which I suspect Fergie is trying to do). For the first time in many years, we have a realistic side that can fight for the title and rather than keep the team as a unit, we want to sell our best player from last season. And not just sell him, we want to sell him to our rivals. Makes no sense!

why would fergie set out to weaken arsenal? arsenal stopped being united's rival since 07/08 season. man city is fergie's worry. chelsea would be up there too but i have a sneaky feeling di matteo is 80 seconds away from getting sacked - he won't complete this season.