₦airaland Forum

®~^Sly^~®:
Spot on!!
Lies would suit you best from what i can see here!
Why in the heck does she need to take permission

What if she says she's going to church and later head to another place? how would u know?
This aint the 1800s . . .i personally don't care about where my Gf is going. . .if she thinks i should be informed. . she would def'ly tell me
And same thing apply to me. . . . .

There is something they call ''Privacy'' no matter how it is. . .u can't know errthing 'bout your partner's move. . even her parents
Taking permission is lame. . .to me!. . .because life is very short. . and i Wanna enjoy errbit of it. . i don't need to give meself hypertension because of a girl.

Trust is the basis of any relationship. For all you care she can jump out a multi-rise building, its her choice Then what is love

Cadet:
lol

I go for the pocket first Then I go for the looks, then the character

A long way to go I must say

@Poster

The devil you know is better than the angel at the corner
Check the beautiful one, if you can live with her faults, I will say go for her, it cannot get any worse
The ugly one knows she is ugly, and to attract guys, she has to go the extra mile does not mean that that is her nature. When she don get wetin she want, then you go see the true person. On the contrary the beautiful one feels she does not have to do anything to please you, cos you should be tripping for her beauty

Cadet:
wetin you wan see
Your own view. As long as he does nothign with her, why waste my energy being jealous?

My dear you were not there with them, so how do you know
That is the crux of the matter

almondjoy:
I wonder when people will learn to concentrate on themselves and stop worrying about what others are doing especially if they are not married to the other person.  It just shows that life is actually very boring to be that needy.  Looking for someone to police about.

This is how people develop "abusive" natures.  The inability to respect others' privacies and choices in life. . .it has to be your way or no way. . .like you are a god or something?  I think if everyone was gainfully employed and happy with themselves. . .they would not pick a fight at every possible opportunity with others for enjoying themselves.

If ma husband or boyfriend did the same to me. . .I would not even flinch.  Yes!  That also means do "unto others".  Don't bother me with your pettiness and I would not bother you with mine!

EVEN IF WE ARE MARRIED!

Shikena!

Tell am say see where I dey go, does that take anything from you?
If anything happens to you GOD forbid and he is the known boyfriend in your house, he will be the first to be invited by the police

Nigerian police no dey even ask question self
It is guilty until proven innocent

Cadet:
I would happily tell him to enjoy himself Then when he gets home, na another show! JK o

Wetin man never see before

Cadet:
So just because he's being overly possessive, I have to allow it?

You would have to if and only if the tables were turned you will feel like he is right now(overly possessive)

I think the golden rule is to do unto others as you would want them to do to you

Would you be happy to call your man and he tells you he is at a birthday party of a girl you know has the hots for him

I thought the question is " should she have told him about the party or not"

It always starts out as harmless gestures, and believe you me it always never end that way

Frankly, girlie, if you had nothing to hide you would have told him. I have seen situations like this before. before you know it you begin to see so much faults in your boyfriend that you did not see before

Steroid101:
Answer: TEN MISTAKES MEN MAKE ON A FIRSTDATE

There are some "Don'ts" on a first date?1) Don't talk about politics or religion. She may not share the same view.
2) Don't check out ANY other females. Leave that waitress alone! FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON YOUR GIRL!
3) Don't talk about your past relationships. In fact, don't talk about yourself too much at all. Remember the golden role: keep the focus on HER!
4) Don't make any offensive jokes. Humor is good, until feelings get hurt. (Then its hilarious?just kidding!) Seriously, be FUNNY - just don't be offensive or rude.
5) Don't talk about your sexy kinks. Unless you know she's into the same stuff. (Like unless she tells you first and it happens to be the same thing you like?)
6) Don't get into ANY sort of argument with her. Seriously, it's going to ruin the whole evening.
7) Don't kiss her ass.
Don't tell her you love her. Don't even tell her you like her!
9) Don't be late on the first date. Don't show up an hour early and then wait for her either. BE ON TIME.
10) Don't act like this is your first date in your entire life. Try to play it cool!

For more ways to let her call immidiately after the first date check www.datingkeys..com/ .

Poster you were nt interesting in your date, that is why they never called back. Remember my dating rules, is not how much you like a girl or how much you spent on her but how much she likes. In fact you don't even need to spend too much money and time on a date. All you need is chemistry, read more in that blog, I can't explain more

Hell, what is left to talk about if I should not say any of those things above
You sure say u don try this your advise

@Almondjoy

It just hit me, she arranges with MEND through her mother, to abduct the husband. They place a ransom demand, and a time frame to pay. She refuses to pay, the man is killed. Nothing is traced to her, she remains in Ireland. Moves the child and mother in Nigeria to Ireland and they all leave happily ever after

On a more serious note

almondjoy:
Yes the other thread just focussed on joblessness and the relationship with being the head of the household, and nothing else. So I treated it as such. What we have here is a family situation for a woman who really has business away from her husband and family. Different situation here!

In both cases, the man was jobless, and the woman was the bread winner for the family.
In both cases, the man and the woman were married. As far as I can see, the only difference is that they were both staying together in one case while in the other, they are not. You seem to be more interested in preserving family in this case than in the other

almondjoy:
All those reference to praying fasting and tithing was just in jest to how typical Nigerians solve problems in general. Once again all you can write in form of solution is for this lady to "thread carefully"!

That was the solution you chose to see

almondjoy:
How if I may ask. . . what would you do if you were in her shoes is really what I am asking you and you cannot even answer that. Instead of playing "diplomat", just spit it out and say what you would do instead of sitting on the fence. That is even worse than no solution!

Make up your mind and tell me what you would do if you were in the woman's situation. I think that is what this thread is all about abi? Not speculations that lead to nowhere!

Just give it your last shot! Make it good this time without skirting around the subject and beating around the bush. Could you be decisive for once please!

Answer is in my previous post

almondjoy:
Oh, one more thing. . .just for the records. Whatever any man chooses to call himself is his business. . . head of the household or tail of the dog pound! Jobless or not. . . no man is the head of my household. . .I prefer to use the term partners!

Semantics
If you call a child's tricycle a car, does it automatically make it a car

A tricycle will always be a tricycle, and a car always a car. Each performing its unique function and adding to the whole. That the tricycle does not run as fast as the car does not make it any less important or the car superior

@Almondjoy

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family. Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent. Reason being that
When we are angry, we can say anything to hurt the others person, and I am feeling it is under these circumstance s that this was said (she must come back home or forget the marriage), a man trying to assert authority. If the woman chooses to be stubborn and says she will never come back, the situation will have moved from what it is to an affront on his ego. At this point with men, there is often no going back. On the other hand if she tells him that she will comply, then goes ahead to ask for a month leave from her employer, comes back to Nigeria. The man will definitely calm down knowing that she obeyed him first, before bringing her solution. That way his ego is intact and she can then suggest to him rationally what she thinks is the best way forward

I bet you in less than 4 weeks she will be on her way back to Ireland.

My sister how else do you want me to explain it again. When you read my post, you always seem to gloss over my solution above. Its like there is something you want to hear from me

Actually having a bottle of GULDER right now, wifey is watching a movie, I guess I will move over

I was not referring to you when I was talking about the logs and spec. What I was merely saying was that we all need to look inwards, understand ourselves, and it is only then we can understand others and live with them

As you can see in my last post, I am not really in support of this woman moving immediately to Nigeria but to thread carefully

almondjoy:
I saw that movie last year. I really could not get much of a solution from all you wrote up there. Please in some 2 sentences or less could you please share with us what this woman should do. You are so stuck at the "problem analysis" phase of this relationship. Solution please.

I would characterize you as one who likes to stew about problems thinking they would go away on their own, while sitting in one place to "fast, pray and pay tithes" hoping for a miracle without moving an inch from your bed! If the man could be convinced, I am sure he would not be giving an ultimatum.
Solutions please and stop dancing around the problem!

Thank you!

I asked when you saw the movie because your comments here and the one at the jobless head of house are really not in tandem. I was thinking probably that it was because of the movie

When we are angry, we can say anything to hurt the others person, and I am feeling it is under that circumstance that this was said, a man trying to assert authority. If the woman chooses to be stubborn and say never, it will have moved from that to an affront on his ego. At this point there is often no going back. On the other hand if she tell him that she will comply, then goes ahead to ask for a month leave from her employer, comes back to Nigeria. The man will definitely calm down knowing that she obeyed him. That way his ego is intact and she can then suggest to him rationally what she thinks is the best way forward

I bet you in less than 4 weeks she will be on her way back to Ireland.

I do not think that your characterization was anywhere near correct patience is actually a good virtue you know. I actually make reference to the bible because there is so much wisdom in it, but unfortunately most of my views are actually not in line with what most people believe (Preachers and followers alike). I believe in Karma, cause and effect but their views are twisted on the subject. Tithing from your perspective, I have not done since 1999. It goes beyond giving 10% of your income to the pastor the church, read the sermon on the mount

@Almondjoy

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family. Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent.

A relationship without finance, will be like driving a car witout oil. The car will carry you for a while, just before the engine knocks at which point there can be no damage control.

My question now is this, if the man is head bent on her comming back all along and she has been away for years, why has he been collecting money from her all these years for up keep, rent payment and the likes. I was just thinking aloud

There is really no need to take panadol (pain killers) for another man's headache

almondjoy:
All these are unfortunate, but if my husband were ever in this position I will not discard him just like that. I will just keep doing my part till we find a way out. At least work on the marriage till I see no hope. People go through worse things in life and still survive. What if the man became sick and could not work for life? Or if the reverse where the case? Would she like to be treated in the same manner? This woman does not even want to compromise. Which woman has not seen "unemployment" side of a spouse? 99% of women have seen this side because no condition is permanent. I encourage men to work and keep their families together. Women should do the same so when one person is down, the other can at least pick up the pieces and glue them back for a short while or for however long.

For people like you, I recommend you go and watch "The Pursuit of Happiness" starring Will Smith. I learned a very huge lesson from that movie!

I would really love to know when you saw the movie

Nobody has asked this woman to discard her husband, at least not me We are caught up between 2 issues, the moral issue and practical reality. People go through far less and do not survive; there are no absolutes in life. The good book says do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remove the log from your eyes before removing the log from your neighbours eyes all these laws are pointers for man to know thyself because there in lies liberation of freedom. If you are a doctor in a life threatening kidnapping situation, be a doctor in that situation and not RAMBO.

Compromise , we do not know what she has or has not done. True all women have seen the unemployment side of their spouse same situation, but all women do not handle the situation in the same manner why

A man lay at his sick bed seconds away from dying. In that instant he had flash backs from the day he was born, to his first day at school, his successes and failures, highs and lows and the events that led him to his sick bed. Critical decision moments of his life shown before him, the only regrets he had as he lay there were decisions that he did not take, because all those that he took led him to this point.

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family. Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent.

I would also like to know how you characterize people like me. I will look to see the movie though then we can talk some more about it

almondjoy:
Dalby, you are a man. If your wife was in this position, what would you wish her do? Ignore your requests to move back home while you guys live apart for another 3-5 years? All I saying is that she should at least reason with him so they can map out a plan to be together at least for a short while. She can always come back. If she tries and it doesn't work out, then the world will know that she at least tried. Unless the man is a menacing husband envious of her progress. What is she really afraid of? Her safety or insecurity of a jobless spouse?

In that case let him file for a divorce and let them both get on with their lives period. This is not a marriage but a sham. Sometimes men are motivated when they have their wives around them. He is probably very unmotivated now since this quest for Irish "residency" has rendered him a second class citizen in his own matrimonial home. If he does not have a job now, who says his luck cannot change when she visits or anytime from now? Then again we have children separated from their father. . . that is the one I just cannot tolerate! If she does not want to move back home, please let her give him his children abeg so she can remain single and prosperous in Ireland!

Period!

Frankly if na me I for bury my head in shame. I will not have the courage to ask her to come back knowing the role she plays in the running of the home. I would have intensified efforts at job hunting rather than get involved in an ego fight with my wife. If she comes back, family income becomes zero, no be death be that

I knew of someone that was jobless for 2 years, previously working in a bank. Things got so bad that he withdrew his 3 kids from school. The day he said he cried bitterly was the day he his son woke him up about a year down the road to say that he wants to go to school. He looked at himself a graduate not being able to afford education for his own child

Switcher:
Niggaz should get it straight that not all dates must turn into relationships. Boyz u gotta to make

dates part of your life as it facilitates hormonal balance in the body system. Men, after a date, does it really

matter who calls first? At times, both parties forget about it. Don't expect because u heavily spent on her

that she must call to thank you. You aint the first to spend such on her. As a matter of fact, she probably

goes on even better dates than yours.

Look niggazz, why even spend on girls on first date? Mami, I've got lotta ladies served. We gon' to split

the bill half ways. You aint ma "queen", we just chillin' together, we both had a nice time except you'll

frankly tell me you aint gat no dough. But if you feel classy or bossy, baby, no lie, we splitting halves.

You gotta prove your classiness right there with me and I'd have shown u your classiness aint mean no shit to me.

Really funny, split the bill with Nigerian babe!!! hehehehe
The greatest joke of the millennium

stillwater:
Get it into your head, it was just a date.

A very bold statement I must say, but does not mean you should loose all sense of courtesy

A guy does not notice that you are putting on a new dress, and you make so much fuss about, but its just a new dress

ndchucks:
Am a man whose wife denies sex most time not bcs she hate to have sex with me but bec she is not intrested in sex at all, no mater how intresting it is to have sex with me according to her. faithfulness, that i know very well that she is, could it be that it is her work that is distorbing her. she is also an extrovert,she doesn't even know how to show her anger. Do it even when my friends visits or outside the house, no mater where both of us is. she allways send me to an errand when i don't do it, she says i do not care, i am a rig worker imagine staying there for 2weeks,when i come back i will have nobody to lay my head on her shoulder,just bcs she is working,when she comes back she will say she is tired. whenever i come back i go to the kitchen by myself melt already prepared food which is in the freezers, i stay in the house all alone,don't have any friend again just bcs.of the way she react some times to them.and i love this woman so much. what will i do? i have tried talking to her,but come to realize that is part of her, that she can't change even if she tries . two years of mariage with a daughter. please suggestions. what will you do if you are in my shoes?

You guys are operating from total opposites. When you are around on your 2 weeks off, you have too much layback time. On her part she is busy as per work. When she gets back from work she is exhausted especially with Nigerian traffic. Apparently the only time you guys have is 2 weekends in a month which is totally not enough for you, remembering that you will be on the rig the next 2 weeks without sex. With you daughter running around the house during the day on those days (2 Saturdays and 2 Sundays) day time action is next to impossible.

I know you have talked with her, but call her again and talk about your sex life, identifying the limitations and possibilities, with each party meeting each other halfway.

Ladies can be funny. See their analysis of this case and compare it with the case on the " Confession leads to breakup of 6 year relationship" thread see link below

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-123396.0.html



same situation of cheating but tables turned

ahwuyen:
don't bother calling him. give him a breathing space. let him think over it. if he is truly born again and he is sure you are meant for him. he will forgive and forget. he will call u back. and if he doesnt call back forget about him. the two of are not meant for each other. keep on focusing on your future. that is not the end of the world.

This was not the suggestion I was expecting
A lady said she should have been more tactful with restitution, so I was asking her how she would have done it if she was in the situation

almondjoy:
Yes, only for a while to give them an opportunity to plan together as a family. Does she not miss him at all? The life she is living in Ireland is also in the 'unknown" department. Or is she sleeping in her bed with the Irish residence permit or with several Irish potatos in her underwear every night to "gum" body and soul? As a married woman, I am sure she could not have forgotten what "regular" sex feels like! Or is there someone else doing a fantastic job over there that she can't afford to leave?

Please be honest with us.

This guy has been at it, trying to get a job for years, with no light at the end of the tunnel. You say she needs to come down so they can fashion out a strategy on the way forward for the family At that point who will take care of all the responsibilities
This is actually a no win situation because the marriage you will be trying to protect by coming over, you will lose when the economic reality becomes apparent once in Nigeria.

LondonCool:
Get the guys picture (as a point of contact) and anoint it , then prophesy what you want to happen. The Bible (in the Book of Proverbs) says that the heart of man are in the hands of God and like the rivers of water he can turn to whichever direction he likes (paraphrased). Speak the word of God concerning your situation. If he is God's will for your life he will eventually run back to you. If he is not the one-then there is someone BETTER-whom God is preparing for you. There is the good, the perfect and the acceptable will of God.

The word of GOD says that GOD is not a partial GOD, and what a man sows that he shall reap

i can imagine exactly how u feel, but next time u should be more tactful with restitution.

Do you have any suggestions

They are better poised at being managers, with all the links they have locally and internationally. They actually have no business being show presenters

ifyalways:
Personally you MUST be atleast 5 solid years older than me They come with better experience in all things and handle things more maturedly. . .the older the better lol but not too old oooooooooooh sumtin like 5 to 8 years ahead of me.thank yousss

Its easier to use their head