₦airaland Forum

nijanigga: Nigeria is a failure.so soccer alone cant save us.

I know what u mean. But, we have to have HOPE. if not, we are all sunk. We have to raise our game in all sectors of our national life. Our potentials are lying waste, forlorn! We can't continue like this.

davo3286: It is true what they say- talk is really cheap!

Please, answer this: can you manage your own self let alone a group of men?

For the sake of argument let me indulge u a bit. So if I cannot manage my life but I see a doctor who shows gross incompetence in handling of patients under his care, I shouldn't call him incompetent or tell people he's no good? Because talk is cheap? Common!

Emmysteve: MUMU you go and replace him na. Ediots keeps hating while Keshi keeps breaking new record. I am ready for any bastard that doesn't want Nigeria success.

Let's be nice while we debate. It's only a debate and it's only a game. And heal your heart too while you are at it. There's a lot of pain there, you know.

ClintonNzedimma: Dude, Keshi should stay.He has brought up young players, our problem @ d mundial was mainly inexperience.....any interferrence into wat keshi is building could be catastrophic or good but that is wat we dnt knw

Story. Who chose the inexperienced team? Friend the buck stops with Keshi, the Big Boss. Was expecting u to defend his tactical/technical competence.

I think Nigeria should use this transition period to find a great coach who can fit into our system.

I have issues with Keshi. Keshi is not tactically savvy. Yes, he has won us the Nation's Cup, but we shouldn't allow that to cloud our judgement. His team has no shape, his team lacks basic organization (they are all over the place). The commentators were even alarmed and made fun at how poorly organized we were. His substitutions and choices are mediocre (remember Reuben Gabriel for Onazi). What of his choices of players to the WC? How can an ambitious coach go to the World Cup without a bench? And yes, he sacrifices merit (remember Chigozie Agbim, etc). His awareness and proactiveness is low. France hounded us for all of 25 minutes before they scored without a reaction from Keshi. Save for Enyeama it would have been another tale. Lastly, Keshi has poor man-management skills.

I believe we had a bad World Cup. If the Ref had allowed Dzeko's goal maybe we wouldn't have qualified for the 2nd round. 1 draw, 1 ref assisted win, 2 losses and a bad team is not good enough 4 me. Keshi should not be rewarded for his mediocrity.

What's our vision for our team? Where are we going? These questions should inform our decisions not sympathy or emotional interest.

We house a quarter of all black people on earth. We are a giant. We are the hope of Africa. Let's raise our standards. Africa is looking up to us.

My submission

I think Nigeria should use this period to find a world class coach who can fit into our system.

I have issues with Keshi. Keshi is not tactically savvy. Yes, he has won us the Nation's Cup, but we shouldn't allow that to cloud our judgement. His team has no shape, his team lacks basic organization (they are all over the place).

(Sorry guys, I have to create a new thread for these thoughts on Keshi)

calddon: akpiri na akpo mu nku - my throat is calling me firewood.

Means: I'm thirsty

DeeMain: As a friend of the Nation of Brazil, I advise the parking of the bus as damage control tactic. Anthing else will lead to a historical carnage! This German side are not here to play.

I said it but they won't listen! Now see...

6-0!

This is Man's inhumanity to man!

Where are the damn activists when you need them?

We wanted to watch a game not a massacre!

As a friend of the Nation of Brazil, I advise the parking of the bus as damage control tactic. Anthing else will lead to a historical carnage! This German side are not here to play.

It beats me why people can't see anything good with Fellaini. He gives the Belgians options. He may not be the most skillful Belgian player but he marks well, dominates aerial battles, flicks and generally creates problems for defenders.

Abeg free the guy peeps!

ocephraim: Hehehehe.. This got me laughing out loud

Na so things be o. Lol

Ceasar1: Agreed.
You - United?

Ex Gunner! Searching for a club. Lol

halmeyd: januzaj in diz game? Tank God say una no be wilmort

Your opinion bruv. I think Belgium is missing some creativity he can provide in this came. And no, I'm not a Man U fan.

experimentist: Look at dis one, Messi wey is going home tomorrow.. Wake up man..

Hahaha! See bad belle. It is allowed bruv.

Ceasar1: He plays the Same wing with Mirallas, Maybe the coach doesn't want to risk that.

I agree. But the boy is versatile and could fit in many areas. At least he should have played some part in this World cup.

Messi's getting more fluid and back to his elements. Pray he gets there. At his best, Messi will set this World cup ablaze. What a player!

Ceasar1: Would love to see JANUZAJ playing.

Me too. Just wonder how some coaches think sometimes. Mtcheeew!

Argentina oppressing Belgium! Chai!! See Nkali!

Argentina, looking like they are ready to lift this World Cup. They are very organized and keep their shape.

Have been off Nairaland for a while but had to respond to this.

The problem u described must have a psychological root. The mind and the body are inseparable.
Our minds are a product of our experiences in life.

Probable Causes:

1. Negative childhood programming towards love or towards sex especially by very strict parents/caregivers could be culprit.

2. An earlier physical/emotional or sexual abuse or traumatic event could be a cause

3. A dysfunctional family background were there wz little or no love, safety or nurturing could also be responsible.

Selah.

Where is our sense of outrage as a people? Where is our sense of right and wrong? Where is our sense of shame? Where are our values Which way Nigeria? How can we even contemplate condoning this heist?? Shouldn't some people who have put us into this sorry pass be languishing in jails Are we not being Boko Harammed because they stole what belonged to their children's generation? As Nairaland is, so is Nigeria. Tufiakwa!!!!!

rman:
Deemain, you raised some serious points in your post below. I can relate personaly to all the traits u explained
Will u please explain the possible solution for someone that exhibits almost all the traits u described below?
[b][/b]

My suggestions for you are:

1.Acknowledge the effect of the past on you and learn to love yourself and pamper yourself.  

2. Heal your traumatic memories and your past - write about it in a journal, or talk about it to trusted others (this is called Carthasis) . It can help if you can see a life coach, a therapist or a psychologist in your area.

3. Forgive whoever hurt you. Free yourself from all resentments and pains and frustrations - Remember they might be unconscious and u may be in denial that you have such issues or that you harbour such pains or trauma.

4. Use affirmations or confessions (christain affirmations) to condition new habits, control your sabotaging behaviours and learn new behaviours. You can google afffirmations to learn how to use them.  Repeated affirmations work because, they work on our subconscious thoughts and therefore recondition the subconscious which leads to a change in behaviour.

5. Humble yourself by asking friends , colleagues, or your life coach to give u honest feedbacks on your behaviours to enable u make the much needed change. U need these feedback because u are not probably aware of many of these sabotaging behaviours.


if you are still having issues making the much needed changes, then contact the professionals i mentioned earlier.

Cheers.


[quote author=jonex70 link=topic]@jonex70 (m)
lagos,nigeria

« #158 on: Yesterday at 11:03:44 PM »
@Deemain, I don't have low esteem problem trust me when I say that. About my parent and upbringing u may have some point there. I have few friend buit I only want to meet people or want to see u only if I invite u.I can cope with anybody and can also leave with any type of humanbeing. I have never seen anyone that has ever met me and don't like me. I can intaract with anybody if I want to no matter your class or level. Matter of fact some people think its a priviledge to talk with me because they know I don't talk with people and wen I eventual do its gonna be sensesible one.I can also joke a lot if am in the mood. I hate party and am still thinking of joininh jehova witness because I like their life style and it suit me well. I help people at my own detriment not because I don't value myself but because I can always get another one.I can't just stand people suferring.I can give in anyway just to help not just money and I can turn violent to help someone if I feel the person is been cheated.I hate fake people and I like feedom and like people to do wat they like and not because someone want them to do it. I can't stand low self esteem people.ii can keep quiet for 72 hours without saying a word and still finish off Nigeria. Mind you am not a violent person but very intelligent according to people. I also watch a lot of inteligent movie and I like to learn from people mistake.am very imform and. Stay kin torch with happening in world 24 hours. I don't have good relationship with my parennt like u said but that never affect me. Infact they party too much and I don't like that about them but we are not enemy but we hadly see. So waiting for your reply but don't use most of the foul language you use in your first comment.[/quote]I understand my language may appear foul to u in a public forum but I came in because you asked for help and I needed to be direct with u because of lack of time. My apologies to u. However, since u agree with the parents part of my submission, then that would have affected ur self image, even though you may be unaware of it. My above suggestion will help u.

rman:
Deemain, you raised some serious points in your post below. I can relate personaly to all the traits u explained
Will u please explain the possible solution for someone that exhibits almost all the traits u described below?
[b][/b]

My suggestions for you are:

1.Acknowledge the effect of the past on you and learn to love yourself and pamper yourself.  

2. Heal your traumatic memories and your past - write about it in a journal, or talk about it to trusted others (this is called Carthasis) . It can help if you can see a life coach, a therapist or a psychologist in your area.

3. Forgive whoever hurt you. Free yourself from all resentments and pains and frustrations - Remember they might be unconscious and u may be in denial that you have such issues or that you harbour such pains or trauma.

4. Use affirmations or confessions (christain affirmations) to condition new habits, control your sabotaging behaviours and learn new behaviours. You can google afffirmations to learn how to use them.  Repeated affirmations work because, they work on our subconscious thoughts and therefore recondition the subconscious which leads to a change in behaviour.

5. Humble yourself by asking friends , colleagues, or your life coach to give u honest feedbacks on your behaviours to enable u make the much needed change. U need these feedback because u are not probably aware of many of these sabotaging behaviours.


if you are still having issues making the much needed changes, then contact the professionals i mentioned earlier.

Cheers.


[quote author=jonex70 link=topic]@jonex70 (m)
lagos,nigeria

« #158 on: Yesterday at 11:03:44 PM »
@Deemain, I don't have low esteem problem trust me when I say that. About my parent and upbringing u may have some point there. I have few friend buit I only want to meet people or want to see u only if I invite u.I can cope with anybody and can also leave with any type of humanbeing. I have never seen anyone that has ever met me and don't like me. I can intaract with anybody if I want to no matter your class or level. Matter of fact some people think its a priviledge to talk with me because they know I don't talk with people and wen I eventual do its gonna be sensesible one.I can also joke a lot if am in the mood. I hate party and am still thinking of joininh jehova witness because I like their life style and it suit me well. I help people at my own detriment not because I don't value myself but because I can always get another one.I can't just stand people suferring.I can give in anyway just to help not just money and I can turn violent to help someone if I feel the person is been cheated.I hate fake people and I like feedom and like people to do wat they like and not because someone want them to do it. I can't stand low self esteem people.ii can keep quiet for 72 hours without saying a word and still finish off Nigeria. Mind you am not a violent person but very intelligent according to people. I also watch a lot of inteligent movie and I like to learn from people mistake.am very imform and. Stay kin torch with happening in world 24 hours. I don't have good relationship with my parennt like u said but that never affect me. Infact they party too much and I don't like that about them but we are not enemy but we hadly see. So waiting for your reply but don't use most of the foul language you use in your first comment. [/b]


[b]I understand my language may appear foul to u in a public forum but I came in because you asked for help and I needed to be direct with u because of lack of time. My apologies to u. However, since u agree with the parents part of my submission, then that would have affected ur self image, even though you may be unaware of it. My above suggestion will help u. [/quote]

jonex70:
Reading people comment about this post has really made me feel relieved. Before now I only use check on nairaland to laugh wen I need to be and don't have any post of my own here. I don't really talk to people because I don't think anyone will understand me because[b] I think too much[/b]. I select almost everything I do very carefully I can even screen anything.I feel lonely sometime but still I don't want anybody to invade my privacy. I like to be alone inside if I don't have anything to do.another part to me is that[b] I easyly pity people even to my own detriment[/b]. Am poor but will still give my last kobo to help even someone that is rich if I feel the person need it that moment. Is all these part of been introvert or I have problem?

@Jonex70, you belong to the extreme part of the introversion continuum which I say have serious issues that need to be dealt with (see my earlier post in this thread). From the bolded part of your statement, what u describe is textbook low self-esteem for the introverted personality. Your self-image ( the image you have of yourself) is probably poor. You probably do not value yourself much. My guess is that you come from a dysfunctional home or that you had bad experiences in your childhood or adolescence that conditioned you that way. How was your relationship between you and your parents? What was your upbringing like? From the answers you give to these, u will find the root cause of your self-image issues. You do not love yourself enough to take care of yourself but feel compelled to take care of others. You cannot give what u do not have. To give love, u must have it in yourself in abundance.

Playing the martyr, by sacrificing your needs and desires in order to satisfy others is a recipe for a lot of pain and frustration in the long term,  Secondly, you seem to have a rigid boundary, not wanting anybody to invade your privacy is symptomatic of self-image issues. Normal people have boundaries that are a bit flexible, I'll need a feedback from u on my comment before I can proffer solutions.

Let’s not get it twisted ooo, even though I do not want to be a kill-joy in this great thread, I believe, for many not to get a wrong impression, that there needs to be a balance of opinion.

Introversion, like extroversion, is a continuum. Anything at or near the extreme end of introversion is bad. Anyone, who is to too introverted, shy, too withdrawn from society or worries too much, is lying on an edge that’s close to an unhappy sociopath, and is a veritable candidate for psychological –emotional problems and depressive tendencies. We are social animals. The extreme case is therefore a sign that something is wrong.

Someone asked is it nature or nurture? The answer is both. Nature sets the template but nurture builds the super-structure. If many people complain that there is something wrong with you, there probably is (not always the case though). Our world mirrors our homes. First within (the home), then without (the world).What was your upbringing like? Did you feel safe at home? Did you feel loved at home? Did your parents or caregivers encourage or kill your self-esteem? Or where you shouted down and deflated when you wanted to speak out. Was it safer to be alone by yourself or was there always conflict when you mingled with your siblings? These circumstances may have negatively programmed or conditioned your introversion. Yes, your introversion may have been negatively polluted by the agents of your socialization. You are not your authentic self.

If you come from a family that fed and built your self-esteem, you are amongst the lucky introverts, who are deep, creative, are good conversationalists, and are not prone to depressive episodes, or sociopath tendencies. You are at or near your authentic best.

If you do not come from such a family, you probably have these good characteristics inter-mingled with or suppressed by toxic characteristics.

Just my 2 kobo.

By the way, great job Kobojunkie.

ng\So Nigerians are getting wiser now. When 4 Igbo officers and I Yoruba man hatched a coup in 1966, the entire Igbo nation was accused of planning the coup and a pogrom was unleashed on the Igbos that eventually led to 2-3 million Igbo deaths. Today, Boko Haram is unleashing terror and bombing churches and some people are saying it's not muslims, it's not the north. Good logic, except that the same clear analysis was not and has not been given to events events that led to the war and the aftermath.

I will love for those who made this mindless logic, and continues to make them to acknowledge that what was done to the Igbos was most unfair, unjust and an undeserved holocaust. Let's start from this forum and tell ourselves the truth and apologize to the Igbos to kick start the process to national healing.

To heal this nation and save it from the brink, we need to heal the past.

madjune:
Though i luv his music but i think in matters like this, he should keep his mouth shut or take a transatlantic flight to JERRY SPRINGER LIVE SHOW.

chlowi:
does he realise that some fins are better left unsaid naaaaaaaaaa nwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooo

chlowi:
does he realise that some fins are better left unsaid naaaaaaaaaa nwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooo

Please, google the word ''Carthasis'' and find the meaning before you diss this fine young man. Yes, he is healing himself by speaking out and two, he is alerting the world of what happens out there and people should be careful and protect their children. Because of his star power people will listen to him. And yes, some, like you guys, will criticise him. Such is life.

Ask women and men who were abused in childhood what their life is like and u will hear what sounds like '' hell".  Rape or abuse of any kind (sexual, physical, verbal)  of a child has a reverberating ripple effect  that devastates and ruins the life of the grown adult. Rape shatters all the assumptions on which the invincibility of the human soul is built, namely, that before you have access to me, I must let you in. It's a disconcerting place to be.

Let's educate ourselves before we spew rubbish pls.

It's from Isaiah 41: 10

"Fear not; for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yea, I will help you; yea, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness''


Atula egwu gi kam nonyere
Atula egwu gi kam nonyere ("Fear not; for I am with you)
Elela anya gburugburu n'ujo (be not dismayed; literal translation: do not look around in panic or fear)
Nihi na mu onwem bu Chineke gi-o (For I am your God)
Ga agba gi ume ( I will strengthen you)
M ge nyere gi aka ( I will help you
M ge dobe gi nso (I will keep you close, or I will keep you holy)
M geji aka nri nke ezi omume o kwagide gi (I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness)

Fi[color=#990000]rst of all, i love myself. i understand what it means to love your self before u can love any body else. one quick question for you, you dont think anyone can achieve all these by having a man or a woman by their side?[/color]

It's normal for a man or a woman to want to get married, look for love, connection, happiness - those are values and needs that are very normal. Everyone needs it. My only issue is '' a little desperate''. It's normal to want these. What isn't a good sign is the '''desperate'' part. A relationship is a power transaction. There's probably a power deficit within u. The danger in it is that if your partner has the power in your relationship, then he may manipulate or mess with you. Besides, that little desperation, may transform into neediness in the relationship proper. This can pollute your relationship. Solve that power deficit issue. I think u are almost there. Do the project me stuff and u will be Ok.

its ok to feel this way, majority of the response i got from females made me understand that its normal to feel a lil desperate some times especially when u are leaving that adolescent stage, that does not mean i let desperation cloud your sense of reasoning.

It's not Ok. It's the reason, most of these women made the mistakes they made in their lives.



there is suppose to be a viod. its very normal. i cant possibly fill up every void i have in my heart. thats why even a man with all the money of this world cant be happy if he has no wife, children or love from family,
as a human being i crave happiness, i want to be able to fall in love with a man a build a family with him, thats a void money cannot buy, its a void "a families love" can not fill, its a void education can not buy either. its just very normal to feel this way as a human being.

No one can fill your void! Momentarily yes. After a while, it becomes a burden, a job. No one want's that. Marriage should be about giving not receiving. It's the cause of so much conflicts in relationships. L.C.M : Fill ur void yourself, and you will be a powerful giver in your marriage. A woman like that is irresistible. Priceless! Every man wants that. U have him at the palm of your hand. The same goes for men too.

Nnemdi, ur response ''I'm feeling desperate, not that am acting desperate" struck a cord in me. This is not a diss. I'm serious.

My advice is: That feeling is a disaster in waiting. It's a time bomb. Kill that feeling. Take some time off for yourself. I usually call it ''project me''. Sort yourself out. Find urself, who u truly are, your beliefs, values, needs, temperament, behavioural patters, attitudes, goals, dreams, purpose. Then after u have done this. LOVE yourself. What I mean is: fill yourself with so much love that it overflows, diffuses, emits, from all over u. The word is ''Love urself die!" . Do affirmations, nfesstions and engage in coactivities that are in resonance with loving urself. Bottom line is : that feeling must vanish.

I have read ur posts and I feel u are an intelligent and mature girl. But it takes more than that. Many good and intelligent men and women have made Richter scale shattering mistakes because of this little feeling of ''desperation''. The implication of the that ''little desperate feeling'' is dire. It means there is a void somewhere, which u can't place ur hand on and which u need someone to fill. That's where d danger lies! In marriage, it's a no no! For marriage to work 1+1 =1. The meaning is that you must first be ''1'' . 1 is a whole number. That is: not needy, not desperate, whole. It's a synonym of the injunction : Love thy neighbour as thyself. Loving thyself is key. Love does not feel '' a little desperate'',

I repeat: do '' project me'' achieve growth in other areas of your life, achieve other goals while u are at it. Grow in confidence and love. Then u will be ready. U will see more clearly and your decisions on your Mr RIGHT will be more like it and the likelihood of heartache in marriage itself will have been minimized.

Just my 2 kobo to u. Best wishes.


















Only when that feeling has vanished can u conclude that you are ready for marriage. Only when u have enough of love on ur inside to give out will u say u are ready for marriaage!.