₦airaland Forum

joella1: To cut a long story short, it was the best 6months of my "Experience".. I could have kept it going cos I felt zero guilt but I knew it wasn't the best way to start marital life so I let my other guy go(he was very sad about it but couldn't help it)
The sex with my man never improved and I still went ahead to marry him cos I had given my word and he is a solid and dependable sweet soul... I didn't hold the sexual trickery against him cos I was street smart enough to realise that he had to do what he had to do..
The crux of the matter is that the few minutes has gradually over the years declined to 20-30 seconds 2-3x a month.. And it never happens more than once at a time.... He has sought all the help available and nothing WORKS..

I'm seriously considering HELPING MYSELF

P.S--My old flame(married 2years ago) is still very interested!!

I can bet my all that you haven't tried everything. Trust me on this. What have you tried? Can you list them?

His problem would be psychological: childhood trauma, emotional pain, fear-ridden dysfunctional home, past issues or trauma around the opposite sex, etc. Mind and body are inseperable. Issues and anxieties in the mind show up in the body as dysfunctions or diseases. A good therapist will sort him out.

PM me if you want to talk more on this or need a good therapist.

snazzylove: @DEEMAIN, it takes a responsible and sane person to really understand my post, and u have proven to be such. God bless you.

Many thanks. God bless you too my sister. Nothing do you.

babygirlfl: This thread is not the best place for her to give such advice. MizzD explained it perfectly her at the bolded

While there may be some validity in your point from a woman's point of view, you conveniently forgot to mention that the same post you quoted and all the others were filled with devious misrepresentations of snazzylove's arguments just so she can be crucified. Where is the love? Why the rage? Was it deserved?

I just want you to know she didn't deserve the kind of harsh criticism she got here. It's why I set out to puncture holes in their logic. And this is my point: Say NO to cyber bullying.


Truce. I'm out.

One love!

MizzD: When we women don't have our backs, you men would be the first to scream "women are their own worst enemies". What women are trying to make snazzy understand is she can judge marriages\pregnancies by her own standards which she seem to be emphasizing in her posts.

If this thread were to be a general light -hearted thread- the kinda threads jenny opens to talk about the marriage, sexx, libido, pregnancy, I mean threads not directed to anyone in particular, but just for married folks to share experience and advice, then her post would have been appropriate, but in here, that point of hers doesn't sound sensitive enough. In a way, it could make the Op think maybe she's not doing enough and that is why he hubby is cheating which is not meant to be so. What if she has been advised to keep away from sexx (irrespective of the position) for some time (eg those with placenta previa), is she supposed to force herself to do it and harm herself and her baby, JUST because she thinks she has a sexually Hungry man by her side who would go get it somewhere else if she doesn't?

No matter the libido, I believe a man's first priority is the health and saftey of the wife and baby, not how his intimate desires will be fulfilled.

For a lady who is placed on bed rest for 6months to her delivery, is it justified for the hubby to sleep around since he can't have it? Is marriage ALL about sex??

Assuming a man came here to tell us he just underwent prostrate cancer surgery or hernia or whatever and is trying to heal properly before sexx or even work, and then finds our his wife is about to go and have sexx with another man. Is it sensitive enough for someone to ask if he has been taking care of himself enough to look sexxy for his wife? if he has been managing to have sexx with her irrespective of the condition, or if he still provides financially for the home? And say all of these could have pushed the woman to another man's bed just within months.

Let's even assume the man is hale and hearty and he reads about his wife going to have sex with another guy while he would be home, will you as a guy ask if he has been keeping sexxy enough for his wife, if he shapes his beards weekly, if he goes 10 rounds and makes her climax 50times? if all his boxers are sparkling clean, if he still manages to give her a head the days he's too tired to have sexx?

The earlier we all stop making excuses for cheats, the better. There's a reason it is called marriage-it is for better and for worse, in health and sickness.

This kinda mentality makes victims of cheat think it is always their fault no matter how fit and 'foxy' in bed they are. They will always think they'll never be good enough.

Cut out the feminism crap, this talk is not good for any victim of cheating irrespective of the gender.

You all are imputing meaning into her post. Let the prejudice go and you can see her point. She didn't say or infer a pregnant woman must have sex with her husband. Read her again! She said understand what he may be going through too and do whatever you can to show you care. Try to ignite love or loving communication however you can. Let him know your pains and that you understand his. Love is possible without sex.

When a partner is sick or incapacitaed for a long time the other partner is affected too. In fact there's counselling or therapy for those affected by a loved one's illness in developed climes. Whether it's the man or woman, it's trauma for the affected too and if the sick one understands this psychology he or she can help ameliorate things. And It's the point she's making and she's being lynched.

As per siding cheats, it's still you interpreting wrongly. I didn't and neither did she and nobody should.

babyosisi: I said women
The worst thing a woman can do to another woman is blame her or insinuate she had a hand in her husband's infidelity
You are a typical man
I don't expect you to understand that

A pregnant woman finds evidence of an impending rendezvous with her husband and a mistress and someone wants to lecture her on keeping herself attractive and satisfying her man
What nonsense

Is snazzylove a man?

Read her posts again. This time without prejudice. She covered all grounds. in fact, the point about pregnant women and sex or female attractiveness was an addendum on succeeding at home.

She came hard on the man and leaned heavily on the woman's side. Guess the spectacle of feminism wouldn't allow her attackers see that. I say she is balanced and didn't deserve the vituperations she got in this thread.

Here's her post:

snazzylove: Sincerely I wonder the type of marriage our 'dear sisters' go into these days.

@OP, did you marry your father or your old school teacher that you cannot talk to?
Was he the one that trained you in school or taking care of your parents and siblings that you cannot express how you feel about something he is doing or about to do?

It really baffles me the level of relationship and communication between couples in our modern day marriages. "Marriage is not to be Managed" what happens to friendship, trust, mutual respect, values, morals, openeess, selflesness, d list is endless.

I cannot have a clear evidence, looking at me korokoro, that my dear hussy is about to cheat /phuck anoda woman and I will fold my hands and watch him do it then we come back and talk about it. TUFIAKWA!!! May the gods forbid. Whatever it will take me to stop dat from happening I will do it. For Christs sake we are talking about your hussy here, the supposed father of your kid(s), not some dude you are dating.

I read some comments here and I simply laff, not just becos they are funny, but I marvel at the level of ignorance. Dat man took you to the alter and vow b4 God and men to Love and Cherish you and to be FAITHFUL to you, till death do you part, and here some ignoramus are asking you why you are snooping on your husbands phone. Are you too suppose to have privacy? His privacy should equally be your privacy cos two of you are now one.

But if he must cheat, IF HE MUST CHEAT, why should he leave traces on his phone, that is the height of disrespect and it shows Clearly he does not value the marriage institution neither does he understand the meaning of the vow (convenant) that he made to you and to God and to himself.

Am writing this with so much passion that am finding it difficult to stop.

@OP, I cannot advice you, not that I don't have any advice, but what works for me maybe disastrous in your case. The only thing I wuill tell you is this: you know that man more than anybody on NL, you dated him(probably), you married him. If he is doing this now, he must have done or was doing it when you were courting, but for whatever reason you chose to turn a blind bat. Since he has already gone on the trip , unfortunately, when he comes back deal with it the best way you can. You know how and when best to talk to him, do that in a way that will appeal to his conscience.

Finally, you said you are preggy, are you sure you are not d one pushing him into the hands of that lady, by always being 'sick' in the name of pregnancy. ( We ladies do that a lot). Have you been up and doing in carrying out your conjugal duties? Even when it seems you are 'dying'.

One advice, even when you are feeling so terrible that you cannot do it, don't push him away, cuddle him, bring him close, let him feel warmth do whatever you can for him, if you can give him a job, help him self-service, bear the discomfort once in a while and give him a good phuck. He will always aprreciate you that despite your condition you are still meeting up with his demands (even if not 100%) THAT HAS BEEN MY SECRET. Once dat tension is eased off, most men comes back to their senses.

Food FOR THOUGHT!
MEN ARE LIKE BABIES, FEED THEM, CARE AND LOVE THEM, AND WHEN THEY WANT TO 'PLAY' MAKE THEIR 'TOYS' AVAILABLE, you will have them wrapped around your pretty little fingers .

Best regards!

babyosisi: I am glad at least 4 other women called her out on it
I don't expect you to get it

And majority doesn't mean right. Fact. Sometimes democracy's majority inflict regret on the people with their wrong perceptions and choices.

babyosisi: I don't know why I seem to be picking on you here but most of your posts are very annoying
Stop!
There are actually women who are sick most of the pregnancy in case you don't know and some are placed on bed rest
The few days of respite they have,sex is the last thing on their minds
If your husband will not consider the well being of his baby and the mother above his se.xual needs them it is on him
There are husbands that will wait
There are a bunch of other things a couple can do besides sex
Do you that?

Madam, on the contrary, I think snazzylove's views are the most balanced of the lot. No contest for me! She thinks like a woman and at the same time has a good map of men's world.

You all are going on with inane generalities like "a man who will cheat on you wll cheat on you." Bullcrap! All generalizations are fallacies. While it's true for some men, many have been pushed into infidelity by their wives' intolerables, excesses and insensitivities. Fact. Ditto for some women's infidelity because of husband's.... It's all the same psychology.

Love understands the other and gives and does whatever it will take to succeed in the relationship. It's called succeeding in relationships with emotional intelligence and has got nothing to do with the rampant selfish feminism or righteous 'male-ism' that is ubiquitously destroying homes in this age.

UrbanMystique: yeah typical christians..

jesus watched him suffer and almost shit his bony ass to death, science came to the rescue, he gave thanks to jesus. smh

Pally, science has no cure yet for Ebola! Haven't you heard that! An experimental drug is just blind testing. There is no single proven scientific evidence anywhere that any drug can cure Ebola yet.

People have been surviving Ebola in Africa since the 70s. Somehow, people with a certain kind of strong immunity beat the disease.

He gives God praise because even scientific research has proven that prayers and having a strong belief that you'll be healed can boost the immune system and get you healed. Read about the placebo effect.

The spiritual controls the physical. Ask Einstein. E = mc2

So sad!

Was my doctor many years ago at First Consultant. Always in charge. A choleric. Very driven.

May her soul R.I.P

[quote[b][/b] author=lofty900][/b]religion does not solve every single problem. if only we can understand this, the world will be a better place. by the way it's [b]criticizing. thank u[/quote]Thanks for ferreting that out. Smart you. You see, criticize and criticise(Britian), actually are two correct spellings of the same word bruv.

In your omni-wisdom, where in my statement did I say it does? Where is your logic? What argument are you addressing?Who's playing the drums you are dancing to?

lofty900: [size=15pt]nigerians always religious in times of trouble. na wa o ![/size]

We haff heard!

Religious? Naa.Christ-like Christian lifestyle? Yea.

What about a smart option for her from you instead of criticising what you don't understand?

Genuinely give your life to Christ and become committed to your church/fellowship in school. Start serving in various capacities there.
Tell him of your new status. Bid him bye respectfully but with all seriousness.

Let your pastor/leaders know about the situation. If they are bold and mature , and filled with the Spirit, they'd talk to him and he'll listen.

Learn to pray violently. Violent situations demands violent response.
Just praying and speaking the word about the situation will work just fine.

Police case may or may not escalate things. Don't rule it out though. No violence or verbal abuse from your side. Never.

konjakonja: If you're from Ngwa clan you should know about iko "awara". He was born and brought up in Arochukwu only for him to claim recently that his late father hailed from Isiala-Ngwa. If the elders in the so called Ngwa village has verified his claims and accepted him as a true Ngwa blood, then I stand indifference bro.

Ok o, if what you say is true, we await his proofs

Chucks234 my heart goes out to you, man. May the fullness of God's grace comfort you and your family, grace upon grace IJN.

RIP Brave one!

jusRadical: Please, is it GEJ that calls for back up for the army?

Is it GEJ that assigns soldiers to duties?

Is it GEJ that plans war strategy?

Is it GEJ that gives bullets to soldiers?

My friend GEJ has his shortcomings but do not commit suicide because of your hatred for him.

You did not blame your father's commandant (or whatever). You did not blame chief of army staff. You did not blame the army generals but you are blaming GEJ for the number of bullets given to your father. Did GEJ tell your father's superiors not to give him enough bullets?

Get real my friend.

GEJ is the Commander in Chief. Is this sentence too difficult for you to understand? The buck stops at his table, not the generals!

The rot and corruption in the military is just a microcosm of the larger rot and corruption in the society and all our institutions. And yes, that's GEJ's number one job function: making sure our forces are enabled and able to protect lives and properties to which he's sworn. When will he fix the military? When will he fix corruption?

A nation is being crumbled on its knees by mindless corruption and the President is living in denial, playing the ostrich, spewing inane trash like "Ordinary stealing people are calling corruption," and doing nothing to stem this viral odium. Of course, it's ordinary stealing that's going on in the military. Mtcheeew.

Abeg, this thread dey make me vex.

konjakonja: His ngwaness is not pure. He says he is an ngwaman but I see him as an arochukwu man.

Pure and impure Ngwa kwa. Pls, explain further. Is he not from Isiala Ngwa?

Na wah o, you go fear for 'racial' discrimination na!

onyfrank: 4rm Umuru in isiala ngwa!

Thanks. So, why are some folks here talking as if he's not an Ngwa man? Or are some people more Ngwa than the others?

Please, where is Otti from?

Yes, Abia needs a credible technocrat and good leader like a dying man needs oxygen.

Alex Otti seems to be the one!

16 wasted years of the corrupt and clueless Orjis no bi beans. Chai!! God help His own state!

TheIROKO: MAYBE HE CAME TO NIGERIA WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE HAS EBOLA BUT URINATING ON THE MEDICAL STAFF TREATING HIM AFTER HE WAS TOLD HE HAS EBOLA WAS NOT ONLY WICKED BUT ALSO MISCHIEVOUS.

If this incident, as widely reported, is true. If it was deliberate. If. I agree.

A Latin maxim: audi alteram partem, is one of the most cherished principles of natural law. It means don't judge a case till you've heard the other side. It's common sense.

While I understand the outrage in Nigeria, I think we need more investigative information to ascertain what really happened. Dr Sawyer is dead and cannot speak for himself now.
We should not take the Liberian Government for their word. While it's apparent that Dr Sawyer's intentions and behaviours were suspicious, the cousin raised pertinent questions that should warrant answers by the Liberian Government and further digging by us.

If investigative journalists dug maybe they'd get to the whole truth and find that there's enough blame to go round.
Perhaps the man will be allowed a little dignity in death therefrom. Perhaps.

Oluwaseytiano: In order to work in the UK, most citizens from
outside Switzerland and the European Economic
Area – the EU plus Norway, Iceland and
Liechtenstein – are required to meet a certain
number of criteria that take into account their
skills, their financial position, their personal
circumstances and various other aspects of their
lives, ostensibly to make sure they won’t be
more trouble than they’re worth.
Footballers are no different, only they apply
through their prospective clubs, who act as
‘sponsors’ for the duration of the desired visa. In
England, the criteria (which are very similar to
those in Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales)
are as follows: the club must be a member of the
Premier League or the Football League; the player
must compete only for clubs in those leagues; the
player must have participated – if available – in at
least 75 per cent of his national team’s senior
competitive internationals during the last two
years; that national team must be in the top 70 of
the Fifa rankings when averaged over two years.
There is no such bureaucracy in Italy, Spain,
France, Germany, Russia, the Netherlands or – as
far as I can tell – any other league in Europe.
Essentially, Britain’s immigration laws prevent
talented youngsters from outside Europe getting
their break in this country. For example, Hugo
Sánchez, Mexico’s greatest ever footballer, joined
Atlético Madrid; Ronaldo opted for PSV; Gabriel
Batistuta went to Fiorentina; Javier Zanetti chose
Inter. Not a single mercurial American has started
his European career in the UK.
That’s not to say there are no young players
from outside Europe in the Premier League – far
from it. Arsenal have quite a few on their books,
including Joel Campbell, Wellington Silva,
Denilson and Ryo Miyaichi. With the exception of
Denilson, they all failed, initially at least, to get UK
work permits. As a result, Arsenal were forced to
loan them to clubs across Europe. Denilson and
Miyaichi have since gained visas, but Campbell
and Wellington Silva are currently seconded in
Spain, at Real Betis and Alcoyano respectively.
There are loads of other examples of players
whose transfers have been delayed or cancelled
due to work permit problems: Argentinian
forward Sebastián Leto didn’t play a single
competitive match for Liverpool in his two years
with the club because his Italian passport was
revoked; Jason Scotland was unable to re-sign for
Dundee United in 2005, having fallen out of
international favour (though St Johnstone
managed to get a permit weeks later); São Paolo
youngster Henrique’s proposed move to QPR in
January was cancelled when he failed to get a
visa.
That’s why the exceptional young talents of this
world don’t move to England. Sporting reasons
play a part, but the fact they might struggle to
secure a work permit doesn’t help. Take
Alexandre Pato: the then uncapped Brazilian starlet
was able to register, and play, for Milan as soon
as the first transfer window opened following his
18th birthday. If he had signed for Arsenal, say,
he would probably have been shipped off to
somewhere like Celta Vigo or Levante. Of course,
there’s no harm in loaning a player out for
experience, but real superstars aren’t interested in
that kind of deal. And why should they be?
In fairness to the system, players don’t always
need to meet the criteria for international
appearances. If a work permit application is
rejected, clubs can appeal to a panel – consisting
of FA, PFA and league reps, as well as three ex-
pros and managers – who consider whether the
player is “of the highest calibre” and will
“contribute significantly to the development of the
game at the top level in England”. Pato might
have qualified in this way, but his passage would
not have been assured.

You sabi dis game bruv. No contest. Oshe!

Kanwulia: LWKMD!!!
Is this s joke?
Na wetin I dey read so?
So these women nor dey use dem fingers 'mast--ur--bate'?
Abi nor be to shout 'oooooo aaaaaaah'. . . .SQUEEEEEEEEZE BOBBY AND "CLITO" weh-weh. . . .SMELL MY FINGERS PUT FOR MOUTH . . . .then wear pant go sleep be the main tin?
I sabi dat wan well well o!
YEYE WOMEN!
Shioooooor!!!!







Na which kain LOCAL women be all these?

You, Kanwulia, are indeed the craziest of 'em all! What a woman!

Lyoncrescent: I don't support runs. When I have my own daughter, I won't want her to engage in runs but let's face the facts.

If you want to play holy you had better make heaven because the runs girl isn't any better or worse than someone who isn't holy. Sin is Sin. That being said, all the runs girls I knew back in university were the first to get married and most cases to rich men. Most of them even go to the US to give birth. Most of the runs girls I know who manage to graduate often tap into their connections either with an old chief or a young corporate executive to get good jobs. Some even do businesses sef.

And few of these runs girls actually get to turn a new leaf when they get married by not being adulterous. These are my own personal experiences with these runs girls o. The girl that doesn't do runs had better be a born again christian and make heaven because sin na sin. If u have sex with one boyfriend for 4 years both of u drinking garri, while runs babe lodges at eko hotel everyother weekend with a different bobo,sin na sin.

Rubbish!

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - Newton's law of motion. It's also called the law of opposites. Everything has an opposite side. Every behaviour/action is a seed that has a harvest. Every behaviour or action is an act of creation. The bible puts it this way: "Give and it will come back to you..."

The more sin you do, the more harm you do unto yourself. You destroy, encumber and poison your body, mind and spirit through repeated sexual immorality/sin.

Se*x is a spiritual exercise. The more people you engage in sex with, the more likely you'll become contaminated with toxic spiritual material and energy. You may become multi-soul-tied, 'many souled.' You may lose yourself and essence from such promiscuity. Many have. Men and women. Walking wounded. Living dead.

ISP1KSDATROOF: Actually, your people, the Ibos (and to a lesser, but just as crazier extent, the Northerners) are the ones that've been beating the war drums in your country since 1970. They have been itching for a round 2, just since after the Nigeria/Biafra war was over. They might not have done the "requests" in physical terms like the North is want to do through butchers, murders and maimings, but theyve been very vocal in their desire to "destroy" Nigeria if they cannot get Biafra. This is not a hidden fact, and to deny this as truth is to proclaim yourself a non-credible person.

Really? So from 1970 to the present the Igbos "have been very vocal in their desire to "destroy" Nigeria if they cannot get Biafra"? Chronicler of Nigerian history I salute you! Please can you list historical support to back up this dangerous assertion?

How exactly have they been gunning for war all this while? By going back and integrating with the same people that killed and hated them before and during the war? By embodying 'One Nigeria' and moving on with their lives and entrepreneurial spirit even after countless mass murders and destruction of sources of livelihood and properties in religious or ethnic riots? Or has MASSOB become representative of the entire Igbo?

The danger of your rhetoric is in its subtle ethnic profiling of a people as a blood-thirsty collective without proofs, the same narrative that led to the war.

The problem with Nigeria is that many are now disenchanted and can no longer see a compelling future. People have therefore gone back to primordial tribal instincts in order to self-preserve.

Nigeria is traumatized with ghastly wounds and wounded people with the Igbos bearing a sizable chunk of that wound. Our solutions lie in healing these wounds and strongholds from the past, not in denying them, finding creative and courageous ways to resolve the problems we now face as a nation, and creating a compelling vision of a preferrable and beautiful future.

vicky85: Who is talking? You that failed WAEC 3 times. Wrote JAMB 5 times and finally resulted to enter school on probation is now telling us you have an issue with Keshi...please, try and wash your Ass. You have no say here cos you are not an authority in Sport. You are not a player, not to talk of being a coach before. You think its local government chairman! Grow up and look for a job. Keshi is still the coach either you like it or not

God bless u! It's all there is to say.

Efetobere Sodje, the bandana tying defender

While we celebrate Raju, when are we going to celebrate our own freedom from the chains of tribalism, ethnocentricism, bad governance, corruption, mediocrity, underdevelopment, poverty, killings, wars in Africa?

Look around the rampant inhumanity in your environment, daily ethnic hate people spew everyday on NL or rants on twitter and vile sentiments in support of corrupt or ineffective leaders or politicians or friends...

Then look in a mirror and you'll find a Raju in shackles begging to be free from bondage.

Hypocrites.

donaremu: @Poster: I believe we had a bad World Cup. If the Ref had allowed Dzeko's goal maybe we wouldn't have qualified for the 2nd round. 1 draw, 1 ref assisted win, 2 losses and a bad team is not good enough 4 me. [b][/b]

Keshi deserves to stay if he like, he has proved to be our best local coach so far. He took an average team and turn it to be the best in Africa and second round slot at the world-cup, what else do you want?
If Dzeko's goal stands, then our goal against Iran too should stand.
If you think he is not tactical enough with his achievement, why not suggest that he should be sent on further training.

Further training? Hmmm. A wise man once told me you don't learn a new dance at old age.

hollandis: Nigerians and mediocrity ,just like horses and carriages

Glad to know you are back! Welcome back!

This time, show us more love o!

EagleScribes: @OP, could you please suggest at least three of your -"world class and tactical" coaches that you think can replace Keshi and excel under the same working conditions and salary. Can anyone in this forum suggest?

If you can't, there's no point for this debate

NB - I hope someone will say David Moyes and Roy Hodgson

These things are not rocket science. You can know a good coach from the consistency of his team's cohesion and tactical discipline, from the rigour his team shows in the keeping of the intended shape and structure, the adaptability of the team to changing conditions or surprises and his proactivity to read and change the course of the game to his team's advantage. The relationship he has with his players is fundamental too. The key word here is consistency.

Check these things out, you'll pick out such coaches easily.

ghananotnaija: Ghana does not look up to Nigeria.

Noted. I understand where u are coming from. One love.