miss.terious:
Morning, peoples. Steph, hope say una never finish food
Ella, how far?

I dey o,cold is doin its normal

Even if dem knack u monday hammer hold d cheque and phn tight,sori abt ur bad day anyway

stefikal:

good night it is oooo

Gud mrnin nko

Shey na hustle hold u so Kingz,hp all is well sha,we wana knw wt happened to Banji

Stef,d fowl isnt innocent na,it ws caught in d act of 'attempted stealing'

tnx a lot Dammy

Mimi I see u

Rili nyc

Am k wit wateva he tnks is d best option

A saying goes that,'nwata rie ife o na amuru anya oraru ura'(if a child eats that which keeps him awake,he falls asleep).From the 1st day I set my eyes on the big headed boy,I kept thinking of strategies that could help in feeling the head,it even gave me sleepless nights.

Therefore,when we were picked as couples,I knew my days of thinking and worrying were over,I was finally gona touch the gigantic head.

Before the play could kick off,we chose the names we were to be addressed with in the play.I chose Ify,Vitalis-Emeka,and many others.Aidan was the main director as he wasn't participating in the play,everyother person was also a director.

My big headed husband encountered a problem choosing his name.The names he chose were all rejected as they were already taken.As a dutiful wife,I saved his neck by giving him the beautiful name,'Edward'.

Giving the name,I was expecting all hell to let loose,but surprisingly, nothing happened.My brothers who knew the motive behind the name stared at me like they were gona tell.I pleaded with my eyes,though I knew they wouldn't forget it just like that.

As the play was in progress,I touched the head at intervals.It was meaty,and heavy just by mere touch,which meant the boy had a big burden sitting on his shoulders.The play came to an abrupt end when one of us refused to obey his 'mother',they started fighting.A man who was passing dispersed us,both the fighters and the spectators.

On getting home everywhere was quiet as usual,we took our lunch,and I slept with my dust-coated feet.

The next day,my granny told us that we should learn how to cook,not even on the stove,but with firewood.Aidan,who knew that the responsibility would fall on him started sulking.My granny who had brought out her true colours after we settled in the village,took us to the open kitchen.Not minding Aidan's gloomy face,went ahead to show how the firewood was lit.Aidan who was expecting to be pampered or relieved of the duty,not knowing that our time of grace and pampering were over,was surprised.

Instead of using the stove,my granny said firewood did the cooking better.Maybe she wanted us to pass through the village and the village to pass through us too.Aidan who never crossed the kitchen at home was to be the chief chef,and we were the assistants.For starters,we prepared half cooked yam,using almost the whole kerosene just to keep the fire burning.

After cooking our wonderful breakfast,we all denied ever being hungry,waiting for Mama to leave for her shop so that we could go food hunting inside the house.

At a point the war raging inside my tummy became unbearable,my face started getting clouded.Aidan,on seeing my face knew what was next.

'You better hold back those tears,because if Mama stays back because you are crying and we manage to get something to eat,a drop won't get to you'

Losing breakfast completely meant I was gona die before the sun sets.To avoid 'had I known',I lay down on the floor killing innocent ants and changing their route.After the wait,Mama left,immediately the gate was locked,we set the kettle on fire in preparation for tea.

Fowls from the neighbouring compound that enters our house whenever the gate was opened came over to the kitchen.Try as I may,I didnt succeed in chasing them away.They continued moving about the kitchen area expectantly.

Aidan brought the beverages to the kitchen.Shared the bread among us.While I was still sulking that my bread was the smallest,a hen dived the bread and off she went.I was too surprised to cry,my avengeful spirit took over immediately.Another fowl paid for the sin of the other,just as it was trying to follow the footsteps of the former fowl,I grabbed the kettle with its hotness and all and threw it at the fowl.The fowl became naked instanta,all the feathers at the back region shrinked,it ran like a possessed fowl out of the compound.

The ever soft Vitalis started crying,the water for tea was no more,the water that took several hours of fanning and pouring of kero to boil was no more.Aidan was confused,he didnt know whether to beat me or cry.

In anger,he pushed me and unfortunately I fell on the tin of milk knocking it over,spilling half the content.With the speed of light,the crying Vitalis rushed the milk,nobody wanted to be left out so we all licked it up.

The scramble for milk over,I remembered that I was pushed and started crying,Aidan and Vita begged me all they could but I refused,saying that I would report them.

How foolish I was to think of ever reporting them

Stef na so o

I go brng nkwobi 4 una,I no go everly 4gt una,very very gr8fl 4 d understndn and best wishes

Emmm,gud day y'all

I get one kind excuse lyk dt,I neva chop,packing 4 2mr,we'll b goin to d village,updates myt cme late 2day

MORE EXCUSES
Travelling to d village means my phne wl b down most of the tym,ntwk wahala too(I no fit climb tree)and most tyms I'l b busy attendn to visitors,but I'l always make out tym to cm update

I do hp u guys understnd my plight,Oga rock go dey help keep d thread lively

love y'all





This 1 na letter without letterhead or even address

Madam as una dey drag dt popcorn,if e fall,na rat go hlp una chop am,4 here,na oga rattus be d cleaner o

Afta all d repentance uduak,choi,shey I call u bad boy

Chai am gona miss ds,biko,mk una share d goodies wt me o,d winners

U do hv a way wt wrds Foxy

lemme b readn,tl I remember mine

LogoDWhiz:
Strongly supported.. Really interesting.. ASAP please... Thanks...

yea,supported

stefikal:

Ify na fine name now...upon say d name get variety: Ifeoma, Ifechi, Ifeyinwa, Ifeanyi, Ifenna, and even calabar name Ifiok

tnks...I'm glad u guyz loved d last update

I lyk ppl answerin Ify,I 4 say y I lyk u stef,cm lyk miss terious too,na nw I knw

Madam speaker: hmm....finally,i don reach the last page. choi!!!,only me na latecomerzz.
Ella et Rock...pls,is dere still seat for me?...lemme go and buy superglue to glue my yansh to d seat.

As madam,u go sit 4 front

D way all dese hospitals dey tk pesin lyf play eh,d tn dey vex me well well

Ppl wey dey ans ify na no nonsense ppl,dem dey fyn too

ehee,I luv ds last update

stefikal: Why everybody dey tlk Beryl....is she not in d village

she took d nxt available flight to town,stef c'mon dts nt impossible na

rock eh,dt guy 4 give u 1 blow,10akpus(wts dt tn u guys call a lump)


mimi whr u go since,even buoye

wizy welcm to d crew

Waitn

Make u update 1st

Good mrnin

hp una dey see dis harmattan

Glad u r bak

Cnt wait

Hear him out,make sure osagie wnt make d mistake of goin bak to Sandra even if its 4 dia wellbeing,d tn b say omoye go dey tnk say osagie no love am again sef

Amina wahala

At last

01emek: Now the big headed boy came into the story

stefikal: Beryl make d big head no wound you oooo

I fear ooo

The rock5555: Beryl no break person head o, am sure that big dude head is going down.

Make una no vex for our lack of updates oo, am sure say Ella go do xmas shopping

as for me na long story, i upload this evening for my thread only for spam bot to dash me two correct bans and hide my update, mynd no even answer me sef.

My vibe don die this night, abeg bear with us. Make we see how tomorow go be.

Yours faithfully, co-writer

i dey 'talkless' nw

You know that feeling when you are caught doing something bad,its worse when you are caught unawares even if you intend owning up afterwards,being caught throws you into confusion.

That was what happened to me,when I heard somebody shout 'Jesus',my heart flew out of my mouth.I became disorganised that I even forgot where the lid was.I couldn't think up my next line of action.My brain which was malfunctioning couldn't make out the owner of the voice.My hand white with milk hung in midair,to lick the remnants wasn't an option.

'Beryylll,hmmm,haaa,ehee ehehe,Iyaf catch you today,I'll tell mama for you'.No other person could make such an utterance if not Vitalis.My heart which was doing a marathon,reduced it to a jog.

Licking my fingers,with a mischievous glint in my eyes,'I'll tell mummy you called somebody 'Ike'(buttocks).

That was enough to shut him up for a year,because in my family,uttering vulgar words attracted very gross punishment.

So that it won't appear that he has given up or that he was scared,he said,'oya give me my own milk,if not I'll tell mama'.

Without further arguements,I handed over the tin to him and went outside,he later joined me at the 'mini zoo'.

Few minutes later,we were called inside.Looking at mama's face she wasn't smiling at all.'what happened to the milk in this tin eh?

We both went dumb,we were both guilty,so nobody could report the other.

'Unu adago ogbi okwia'(you both have gone dumb right),mama's voice was rising.Vitalis,out of fear told her we were both the culprits.Immediately he made the confession,I started getting ready to cry because I knew the next thing to follow was a slap or a knock.

Surprisingly,we weren't beaten,Mama only prepared watery tea for us,making Aidan's own as conc as possible.

When we were through with the morning rituals,my granny who I learnt had a shop,left for her shop,my granddad who stays inside his 'obi'(apartment) almost everytime,was inside as usual.I went to the goat pen with the little bread remaining from my morning share.I became the goats' choir mistress,if I lifted the bread up,the goats would follow the direction.When I got tired of that,I took a bite and fed the goats,they almost bit my fingers.

While I was still busy doing my business,Aidan came along carrying a football,'Go and tell Papa that we want to go out and play',knowing fully well that I wasn't to benefit from that,I ignored him,'Beryl na,see if you tell Papa you'll be the goalkeeper'.I immediately ran to deliver the message.

Back home I've always been the advocate,whenever my brothers wanted my dad to do something for them or whenever they wanted to visit somebody,because my tears solved problems.

We went to the small field not too far from our house,there were many kids there engaged in different kinds of play,my brothers went to join the boys in playing football.I went to the place where some girls were playing 'game start'(a kind of game played by as many number of people as possible,but even number,with one group running against the other)I sat and watched them,all of a sudden a fight started.One thing about this game is that it hardly ends on good terms.When the fighters were separated they refused to go back to the game.Instead they said we should 'play house'(kind of play where kids pretend to act out family life)

We were assigned different characters,I was to be a mother,while Vitalis was to be my husband.I refused being my bro's wife because whenever I wronged any of my brothers,they took it out on me if we were to play house.

The big headed boy was chosen to be my husband

Jst keep postn ma'am,dey'l stll comment