₦airaland Forum

@OP
You don't deserve any of the two guys. You ditched the last one to go experiment with the world aka go sample other dyks - hey I'm not calling you a ho or smth. The current one dated you for two years and proposed, instead of accepting or refusing, you are considering your ex's proposal (aka ex's dyck again). But I'm a good mood right now and I wouldn't call you a slut or anything of the nature. The ex is dumb to come back. The current probably doesn't know what is going on else I doubt he will stick around for long.

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to advice you. My bad, I forgot. My advice is as follows: If you are ever in a jam btw two guys and can't choose, choose none of them. If any of them is the one for you, you wouldn't even be thinking about it.

I think you still need more experimentation or seeing whats out there in the world.

@Topic
I haven't read thru the thread yet, That was a mean thing for the guy to have done. If he wasn't in love et al, its ok no one can blame him for that. But rubbing salt to injury on past exes, flings etc is never a sign of maturity. Esp on sm1 who doesnt realise she is being dumped via fb.

What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. It was wrong and disrespectful of you to discuss intimate stuffs about your relationship with anybody. How would you feel if you were to hear a honest assessment of your weakness in the bedroom with a friend?

tell her you are only interested in sex. And only when you want it.

She's fair game. Nothing wrong with it at all.

I'm sure at no point did she tell you she was a virgin. You know what they say about assumptions - they make an a s s of u.
Your sexual libido don't match. That can be a problem. The red flag is where she threatens to go get it outside if you don't satisfy her. That should be enough to give her the boot. Seriously get rid of the girl.

On the bright side of things, you got your 100k worth of sex.

That's good news. It might not feel like that now but in future, you will learn to appreciate the lady in your life, as a result of this mistake of yours.
Of course that is assuming you are not a he goat that commits the same mistake no matter how many times he is punished for it.

I"m not trying to lay the blame on her. I was just looking at all the possibilties I could think of at the moment. Its not cool to blame the victim of a rape for the rape itself.
Its always a good thing, to avoid getting yourself in a situation like that. Funny thing is she doesn't even remember having sex with her bf, so I doubt she remembers being raped by the friend. Suffices to say, she probably was told she was raped later.
Personally, I think a lady shouldn't drink to the extent she doesn't remember having sex. Nothing good comes out of that.

3. There is no collusion anywhere. In that case, the couple are quite careless. The bf especially. You would think the guy will be at least protective of his drunk gf. If he leaves his drunk gf nude in the room, and leaves the door unlocked, what if anyone opens the door. The girl said she was tipsy, I wonder if she was too tipsy to know she was being raped? Why didn't she raise an alarm? All she needed was a single shout and others would hear, even her irresponsible bf.
Say the bf meant no evil, it would eat him deep inside that he couldn't protect his girl. And I intentionally leave out consequences to the friend cos that is not what this is about. Such guilt eventually eat in relationships that things will not be the same. Hence the beginning of the end of the relationship. It starts with little widrawals and then develops into fighting about little things. How will his friends, her friends, outsiders view him and the girl or their opinion of the truth? These things all add up.
Of course, there are some couples that can get through that kinda thing, but most don't.

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=658756.msg8248691#msg8248691 date=1304388803]Is it her fault that she got violated?[/quote]IMO, it could be the guy's fault or the lady's fault. In this story, its the guy's fault.

1. It could be a set up btw the bf and the friend. That will be irresponsible of the bf. For him to have agreed to such a deal, the relationship was over b4 the act itself. No guy is going to let his friend sleep with a girl he is serious about.

2. It could be an act of collision btw the friend and the girl. Less likely to be the case but a possibility. There are pointers that the girl in the story might not exactly a saint ( assuming she stored her bf's name with the a strange name like MUGU #4 etc). Unlikely tho, cos except the friend is extremely stupid, he wouldn't take a chance where everyone is. But it brings the question to mind, what gave him the audacity to do such a thing? with the bf and other friends lurking around?

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=658756.msg8248644#msg8248644 date=1304387811]Why?. Will you dump your partner if he/she got violated by your own friend?[/quote]It will be the beginning of the end of the relationship in most cases. I will break it down shortly.

That relationship was over the moment the friend slept with her. Whether it was intentional or not.

cool and nice

Come back for cool and nice advice when you learn to write in a cool and nice way.

Only royal heads of states were invited. No democratic head of state was invited.

Everybody kisses and tell. Dont let them tell you otherwise.

Video is hillarious.
@Topic
Nope. But I won't rule out casual sex.

The txt is from an old (possibly current) flame. But you got no proof there is anything going on!
Why are you going thru your bf's phone? Can you honestly say there are no suspicious txts on your phone?

It depends on your qualities. List your own qualities here and we will see what you need.

Depends, I got nothing to hide but some calls are too important for her to just pick up on a whim. Thats why I have voicemail.

After so many years, its hard to move on but dude, do you want to feel the way you are right now for the rest of your life? Your parents and her parents will not be the ones to live with the girl, you will. Their opinion doesnt really matter in this case.
Fact of the case is, the girl does not love you, and you are lucky that she has told you that in as little words. It is IMPOSSIBLE for any lady to force herself to love a guy. She is keeping you only cos the other guy is not serious with her. In as little words, you are the back up in case her relationship with the other guy fails. Do you think you deserve to be no 2 for the rest of your life?
You may be afraid of moving on, or wondering if you can do any better. I've been in similar shoes b4 and I learn't that it is hard to move on but its the best decision I ever made. But take that step and start loving yourself. You will find someone much more deserving of your love.

SexyDuby:
u planning 2 settle down wit a guy uve been having a distant r/ship wit? U hardly know him & besides, d guy's obviously seeing different babes & will make a decision among all of u. My dear, u better knw wat ure doin esp. if ure btw 25-30.

True. And your age doesn't really matter, don't waste your time with him no matter what. No matter how long you date a man long distance, you 've got to add a physical and local element to the relationship else you are just living in a dream.

I won't even start the relationship without smth as little as a kiss first. I test the chemistry first but thats me.
Maybe she is not comfortable with you yet. Just maybe.

OP
there are a lot of things you have to consider here:
1. Admit it to yourself: the only reason you are more interested in her is cos of competition, not some BS maturity. Nothing to be ashamed of, we have all been there b4. The real question there is, if she gives in to you, what is the guarantee you will not disrespect her again?

2. do you really love the girl? hv you considered the fact that the other guy might be better for her and treat her better than you?
3. with any girl of quality, you will always have competition. your actions so far show you are too weak to handle that for now. You continue storming off, you show weakness, and lose face.

4. The girl is not worth the effort. A girl who does not break up a dynsfuntional relationship ( or work it out) but chooses to double date you and a new guy is a serious RED FLAG. What will happen if you hv relationship probs another time? or when you graduate?

5. You say she is a virgin. Have you considered the possibility the other guy has deflowered her? If so, are you still willing to take her back? What is your limit on the kind of relationship that might exist btw the two of them b4 you break it off?

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]bottom line and the end.
[/color]

Not necessarily, don't forget that with the law of nature and era you are referring to, women were considered second class citizens and/or properties of the man. Makes sense since its he who pays the piper that dictates the tune.

^^^ If you ex doesn't like or care about your friend, its really none of your business. As a rule, don't involve yourself in other people's relationship probs. Let them sort that one out themselves. They are consenting adults and should be able to handle their biz.

Just so you know, personally I agree with you, I won't date a friends ex ( except under really exceptional circumstances). But that doesn't mean its wrong.

[quote author=Natasha,, link=topic=654707.msg8209335#msg8209335 date=1303847813]^^ Mine is not for any selfish reason in fact when my friends did it to each other I didn't like it either its not about them dating my own ex even when it wasn't my ex I still didn't like it[/quote]You can't expect your friends to have the same principles, honor codes or personality as you. And yes, you are still selfish since it is over with your ex. But I understand it leaves a bad taste in your mind.

ASk yourself this questions:
1. Do you want your friend to be happy? To find a man that will make her happy? You probably will answer yes to that tho it may not always be true

2. Since you and your ex are over, as former friends and/or lovers, do you wish him happiness in his future relationships - This is trickier cos you may wish him well, but you probably prefer you do way better than him in future relationships.
If that is the case, why do you have issues if it happens that your friend and ex find happiness with each other?

Most people don't like their friends dating their exes for selfish reasons. Consider it really, he is your ex, you have both decided there is no future btw you two. Don't be a dog in a manger and let someone else who thinks she can apppreciate him more (ie your friend) have it.
As long as your friend wasn't responsible or involved in for your breakup, and you guys are really done done, why not?

[quote author=Natasha,, link=topic=654707.msg8209259#msg8209259 date=1303846837]this was what happened to my friend after dating this guy she broke up with him and then his friend came up to her said he loved her one thing led to the other he bleeped her and dumped her like her x had planned it with his friend you needed to see how these two guys disgraced her they said her kitty stunk bad lolz [/quote]Maybe her kitty stank!
@ TOPIC
Yes I can but under special circumstances. I prefer not to go there tho.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]First of all >> parasitic? seriously?
I don't think that is fair. Dependent is more 'honorable' than parasitic.
Secondly, it's an internationally established law of nature that a man is the provider.
That's how it's been all over the world and for centuries my friend.
So why the questioning now? Seems like men who fuss are the ones who want to sit on their behinds
and do the house sitting/ being taken care of and financially sponsored.[/color]

By the same law of nature, a woman`s role to provide care, and is subject to the man`s authority and whims. In other terms, a woman`s role is in the kitchen.

What goes around comes back around