₦airaland Forum

toba, are u done talking about love, lust and obsession thot u had more in stock

bhusayor:
Oya, tighten your oja o and hasten the search for your ideal man. I wan con chop amala and gbegiri.

hahaha! not to worry nah! and na Ibadan d correct amala dey!!!!!!!!!!!

toba:
Why u won kobalize me like this nah?

U already know her nowwwwwwwww

how i go know when its Mukina u'r obsessed with, bhusayor u go die for, and tanmiz u av missn. Infact, d girl on your profile is d one u go marry

If u tell me now though, I will know for sure whom u are talkn about.

hallo every1. .can c d mood is quite light except from one or two quarters.

what do i av to say? hmmn!!!!! its good to be in love ooo. the wedding I attended was bamn! girl is truly in love nd guy lookn so happy.

I wish them the best of matrimonials.

mukina2:
Tunji,
as long as its within forum rules brother

Jaybee is a mod as well, so am sure he will only do whats permitted within the forum rules.

deols
tatafo go wedding jor . .when will i be invited for yours

@bold, which language be dat one??

u'd be invited specially ehn! My dear darln MUKINA is gettn a special invite InshaAllah. not to worry, it is happening soooooooooooon!

who is d person? I might b able to help

of cos u can. at least u can wink at dem

me av bn smiling to myself. I even thought i Wldnt comment

I av a weddn to attend. A classmate is gettn married

Ibeg nor delete anyfn until I come bak sista MUKi, na beg i dey beg o.

now reclining to continue watching as fns unfold. Am particularly likn d coversation between bros JB and Maclatunji

let d flow continue***

hello bhus, nice avn u around

toba:
Yes its not healthy but Love too is unfair and people get obsessive cos of the unfairness of LOve.

are u saying ur loved ones av to be d victims of d 'supposed love?'

Obsession is BS,(borrowing ur term). An obsessed person needs help from a psychologist or preferably a psychiatrist.But, many Nigerians would term seeing one as being psycho(or mental) and they end up being violent.

hmmn! thanks for d laffffffsssssssss. lol

awaitn ur definitions Mr. toba. I dont like de kind of suspense sha

toba:
ok.

this would be in relation to LOVE Obsession and Lust and how they synonymously used plus sacrifices and over looking of Partners deficiencies

Bring it on o jare. i want to hear what all of those mean according to you.

maclatunji:
P.S: Answer this question sincerely and don't give us the "I don't know response." After you respond, I will tell you some things I have noticed about you and I will leave others to say whether or not they agree with me.

you are taking things personally. we all have moved past that I thought, suit yourself though, not my problem. And how many times have I answered a question with an 'i donno response'

No one can make me say anything if I dont want to say it. So, I decide not to answer your question. You can say whatever you want to say about me. na today? and who says I care??

this housewife issue is very important. During the lifetime of the prophet women took part in the battle field as nurses, nursing the wounded. In this era, many Muslim women die in the house because they dont want to be seen by male doctors and truthfully, we have few Muslim women in this field to take care of them.I wont like to be examined by a male doctor too and we need to put our future in our own hands. If all of these women are kept in the house, we have more to lose than to gain.

Actually, psychologists av realised that children need certain care but this care doesnt necessarily av to be from their mothers. what are day cares for?

THere is something called human development too. the woman cant get that from just being in the house

what about the economic nature of the world. Now, u wonder if they can provide quality care, education and all for their children let alone pay the woman salary.

I know men who keep their wives at home but are running helter-skelter to get their daughters d best jobs available. it is more rooted in selfishness than the need to keep the home(as I av seen).

Yeah! we can be friends but not bosom friends. I cant share my secrets with you. The reason for this is, if u love some1 u definitely would want them to do what you do. U as a christian would want me to be like you. knowing my secret would further help u lure me into your religion.

maclatunji:
By the way, how do you know you really love someone? It is very rare to love someone truly- I think most of the time we love a person's attributes and not they themselves. Hence, if those attributes disappear, the love dies as well.

I totally disagree with this. How can u love someone's attributes and say dat is y u love dem. u can like someone's attributes and this attribute is not secluded to them. If someone is articulate and dat is d attribute u like, are there no other articulate pple? will u fall in love wv all of dem for that reason? definitely not. what u love in people is a totality of their being.

when you av fallen in love is not when u are thinking and she'snt whom i want but I love her. it is when every other thing doesnt matter. U see an ugly person and their lover calls them the most beautiful on earth. ow do u c dat? many pple term infatuation to mean love.

if those attributes disappear? i cant believe any1 is saying dat. except that u fall in love on d move. Those attributes disappear because u ddnt know d person.

it probably is a typical case of infatuation. I would expect anyone to know whom they are dealing with, even do some research on them before professing love. You wonder why there are increased incidences of divorce. people c others peripherally without understanding them and then lie to themselves that they are in love.

I think I wld be falling in love with everything- his physical attributes, family, lineage,hobbies and all. .They say my list is exclusive but certain important things must be in place and that is how i think it should be.

bhusayor:
Hmnn, tunji, would you really want to forgo some of the qualities cos you feel the person loves you and won't hurt you or because you want to and feel it is wat you can accept\tolerate forever?I ask this question because if somethings happen along the line, you don't end up saying 'I did this cos of her' see wat I got in return and wish you had not compromised. I op u understand my question.

maclatunji:
@bhusayor, you seem to be taking the discussion back. Let us look at it: I just saw a quote- it roughly states that "we ignore those that adore us and adore those that ignore us." Looking at it further:, is there anybody that does not have flaws? Even those that we love have flaws, it is only that we believe we can handle it or are willing to tolerate them.

I think both of you make sense. Bhusayor is saying make compromises but not the ones u'll regret later. maclatunji is saying they will only be worthwhile if he can tolerate them especially if she has other things like great affection for him.

My own point is, some people think they can tolerate certain things until reality dawns on them. Imagine a man who marries a very intelligent woman with a good job. He loves her carriage, loves that she is fearless, loves the way she speaks. He knows also of her tight schedules but thinks d oda things override that. they get married and after two years, wahala starts. he thinks she stays too late at work and dat is bad for their one yr old child. Now, he wants her to stay back and become a housewife. he starts to forget that all d things he liked in her were because of her job. the carriage was due to good money, he sees her as articulate because her job requires that. Regrets start to set in if she decides not to quit the job.

If she quits the job and after a while he doesnt fancy her anymore, because she prolly has become fat in d house(unlike d slim figure he admire), she might start to regret too. OH why did she marry him in d first place and then y quit her job, bla bla bla.

POINT IS, love with your eyes wide open. there is still no big deal in having a partner with ALL the important qualities u want. It can happen- believe!!!! 

olawalebab:
Please, is it possible for a lady to get her ideal man in our society (Africa), where people consider it a taboo for a lady to woo a man? That's why i always respect a ladies who is submissive.

I so much dont get d relationship btw gettn an ideal man, wooing and submissiveness. I think u mean a woman even after seein an ideal man may not be able to woo him and u think not being able to means being submissive and u like dat? pls clarify.

many women wont do the woo But i tell u women are manipulative in ways and usually av a way of getting wat dey want. Putting themselves in d same environment as d 'ideal man' is one way of doing that and with social networking, things are even easier. Mature guys can already sense things and if they like her would make it seem they'd liked her long before her steps.

being submissive is a discussion for another time. I would really like to know what u mean by submissiveness, who should be submissive, why and how.

olawalebab:
But It's easier for man than woman to get that 'ideal' or 'dream' partner.

it becomes easy for a man only if the woman feels d same way about him. It is annoying, especially as seen in nija men to think they av d right to whoever they want. Once she is not in to them , they start all kinds of things.

Bitterly though, many nija men are immature. the one reason I wouldnt date any1 is immaturity. they expect respect unduly and are too quick to let u know dey are older dan u. In fact, if u need to keep reminding som1 of how old u are or ow rich or whatever u thnk uv got, then u ar unsure of urself and totally immature.(not directed at u, olawalebabs)

bhusayor:
IMO, you can't always get what you want. your ideal man may not see you as his own ideal woman. For example, I meet someone who  possesses the qualities of my ideal man, but the guy thinks I do not possess all the qualities he wants in his ideal woman. No headway! Ideal man lost. Search continues.Different people wv their preferences. So finding the 'right' partner who has your qualities n sees his qualities in you too is a task on its own.

Its good to set a standard for oneself,as such, you know what you want and go for it. Its then left to one to know which qualities are priorities and which can be compromised. Most often, the physical attributes are compromised. I, for example want someone at least two inches taller than I am,that doesn't mean someone with the same height is disqualified if he possesses other attributes that top my list. However I think we all should weigh our options well before compromising,so one doesnt end up with regrets.

In your friend's case, I'm surprised she went for something totally different from wat she wanted? That's serious! At times, desperation makes people settle for less. May we never experience that.

Not sure I answered all d questions, so after submitting this, wud re-check.

I totally agree with you. my friend's case is wv d excuse dat love overrides every oda thing

toba:
more than 60% of single posters on Nl dont really know the true meaning of Love.

I have said it countless times. Love is beyond the lips service 'i love u' u are my all in all' etc. it involves a lot of sacrifices, endurance and perseverance.

I thought i can use this thread to educate our upcoming wives to be by breaking this down, but the way pple carry 'my religion says no' has prevented us from dealing with the love subject.

I said it once and would say it again. LOVE LUST AND OBSESSION are synonymously used and could mean the same thing depending on the way u define them.

U must first be obsessed, lust before falling in love. all join together.

If u love someone, u must be able to reason beyond man made religious differnces and deal with the fellow as a human being that has blood and not as someone thats inferior to u.

I feel like educating pple on this subject, but time again is the koko.

Love knows no barrier(unconditional love) obsession can make u do nasty things same way love can make u do crazy things. Not forgetting Lust as well.

More to come later

bring it on and letsee what it is all about

thank you all for the responses. I actually had my own answers in mind But I wanted you all to answer first.

There is nothing like Mr/Mr.s perfect and so, d most important thing is to prioritize. We all know what the priorities are. As for me, the looks come into that. Am not saying, he has got to be perfectly handsome, I just need to be OK wv it. So is d height. taller is it, but will take my height- definitely not shorter.

I think, answering the second question, that people dont totally forget about these things, they bury it somewhere in their mind and when they have problems in the future, they start saying stuffs like, and I had better people oo.bla bla bla which I thnk is wrong. You av to be ready to fore go all, b4 settling wv any1.

It would be worthwhile if that person is true to you, when in the course of the relationship, your trust remains, you have been able to keep loving him and there is no hurt from either side. Other benefits of the union, like your children and probably financial benefits too. That is when you recline, relaxed that you didnt fore go things for nothing.

@ All,

Many of us have list of wants, like d ones in d first few pages of this thread. But in reality, many settle for much less than they actually wanted

for example, I have a friend who is with someone almost a total opposite of what she has always wanted. He wears glasses unlike her dream man. they have the same profession unlike she wanted and so many other things. But b4 u evn ask her what, she's ready to lecture u on how all of those things dont really matter when love comes into the picture.

Does any1 think this is when d common saying, love is blind comes into effect.

Also, do they not matter for real or do pple just put those things in their subconscious

cld the d thought of those missing characteristics resurface at some point in the relationship

Are these compromises eventually worthwhile

[quote author=isale_ggan link=topic=751801.msg9510757#msg9510757 date=1320810623]Wow![/quote]i hope u dont mind me askn. are u a Muslim?

i wont be there But I wish all of u well

hmmmn! nice thread. I am still avn my own eid o. Eid is for three days in Islam abi. when am done, I might be here to discuss it.  
eh! bhus bhus! i need ur attention outta here

bhusayor, I need ur attention on FB plssssssss. ASAP too.

There is no excuse for wickedness. If you love some1, u let them go when they are not ready to reciprocate it. obsession is what becomes violent.

I think I should make it known that I keep no grudge against any1. many of us are only virtual to each other. having such grudges to me is a waste of time and a waste of quality space on my precious mind.

olawalebab:
the problem is multi facet, the home, government and the social institution (religion, school) have a role to play, am not supporting the action of the guy, but have you find out what the girl also did? What type of upbringing did the girl have? Is there any course or subject on MORAL EDUCATION? is there any reward or punishment for such action from the government? these are some of the pertinent questions that need to be answer to get to the root of the problem. All in all,the action of the guy need to be condemn and punish.

I agree with you on that. but i also c dat many Nigerians are always wanting revenge. they always want to show the other person what they are capable of doing. they dont ever want to accept no for an answer and any1 who says no to dem automatically becomes an enemy. If for example, u av always givn some people sugar, d day u dont give dem is when you become stingy! and they start waiting for the day when they'll also not give you what u ask of them.

There is something I do though, others might want to emulate. When a friend does something bad to me, I dont reply immediately(I always have at the back of my mind somthn dat reminds m of d good time we av shared. I let the thought of d good time over ride whatever is happening at d moment. My silence works for me cos it helps m reflect on the action I'll b taking b4 taking them and there might therefore be no regrets.

the man who poured acid on whom he wld av claimed he loved got it wrong. I doubt dat u do dat 2 som1 u love. u dont hurt dem in anyway. I hope d girl recovers sha and the guy severely punished for the acts.

hmmn okay!

mukina2:
@deols and co
i wish this thread could go back to how it started  

should i clean out the last few pages?

I didnt like that u deleted some posts earlier So I guess some peeps might not like u deleting it now. the purpose of this thread is for single Muslims to learn. Others can learn from our good deeds as well as the bad we might av done

@ Bhusayor, d most important thing I am going to say here is to YOU. Rememba asking me to keep quiet on some occasions?? Am askn u to do same for Allah's sake plssssssss.

@ALl(each can tell which is meant for dem, I guess)

I can c emotions flying all over the place. Am sure many reasonable pple can tell that most of it are not noble.

Respect is earned and not by cheap words

OYe OMo to N SunKun, o de ye Iya e to n re(d crying child has his reasons and the mother begging him to stop has her reasons too)

finally, if any1 thinks dey can make threats, let them know there are others who can put them exactly where they belong

I think I have said enoff. . .Our singles talk can continue as we agreed earlier on. .

EID MUbarak!!!!!!!!!!

[size=15pt]TAQABALALLAHU mINNA WA MINKUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/size]

@BetaThings, thank you so much for that. I enjoyed reading it and learnt a lot too. I didnt know of the condition regarding the person who slaughters it. Alhamdulillah now.

I av observed my own eid prayers and here it is very early. between 7 and 8 a.m

In Nigeria, it is usually around 9 & 10 as u said. I pray Allah rewards us all and spares our lives to c more of today!!!!!!

gotta go av some fun!!!!!!!!!!!