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The feminine Language

Just like computer has Programming Languages such as c++, c#, python and many more, It's no surprise that woman speak in another language. Not in the sense that they don't speak the same human language with men but usually their messages are encrypted and until you can decode it, you will remain in a limbo.

They are subtle creatures, sneaky, devious, and say things in code, double entendre, parables, wordplay and covert communication. It's time for men to break the code of the fiminine language.

1. I'm not looking for a relationship right now.
TRANSLATED: I don't want a relationship WITH YOU. Don't even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I am saying that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.

A friend of mine a many years back fell in love with a particular girl, she is everything he could ever want in a woman according to him. He asked her out but she told him she is not up to 18 that her parents won't allow her date while underage cos she was just 17. Since my guy truly loves this babe he waited till she was 18.

He asked her out again but to his greatest shock she told him she already had a boyfriend at first he taught she was just giving an excuse till he saw evidence. He asked her how Long they have been dating and she said for over 7months. The guy got angry and left. So you see, the girl gave an excuse of not wanting a r/ship before 18 but went ahead and dated another guy. Welcome to the feminine language.

2. I think of you as a brother! -
Translated: I would consider sex with you to be incest. My Brother you are in the deepest pit in friendzone.

3. Have you had time to... Or When you get a chance...
Translated: Do this immediately, Stop what you're doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!

4. I'm not ready to settle down or I enjoy the single life!
Translated : I don't want to settle down with YOU. When ever she says she is not ready she is simply saying she is not ready for you in particular.

5. I need more space!
Translated: You're becoming undesirable and unattractive.
This is when you WALK AWAY. She might have found someone, she will only come back if things didn't work out between them.

6. I'm focusing on my 'career'.
Translated: My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious yet more exciting than you'll ever be.

7. Let's just give it some time or l et's not rush things
Translated: You're very low on my dating list. You're good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn't show up. You are just an option to her, if things don't work out with other guys then she may consider you.

8. I like you, but...
Translated: I don't like you at all. Whatever she says immediately she mention "but" , it negates everything she says earlier.

9. You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type of guy I'd marry!
Translsted: I am not sexually attracted to you. You're not fun to be with. But you are... 'nice'.

10. Let's Just Be Friends or I only like you as a friend
Translated: You'll never see me naked! I'm not attracted to you. You are in the dreaded friendzone. Even if you are dating her, you can still be in the friendzone.

11. I don't want to ruin our friendship.
Translated : Please continue to remain my girly friend. You are a shoulder i can cry on. She values the friendship. Females value male friendshipmore than relationship.

12. Honesty is very important to me.
Translated: Only tell me what I want to hear.

13. Can you call me back? I need to...(during phonecall)
Translated : I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day! Although there are exceptions.

During my high school days, i was going after this babe. I called her and we were talking i said something that made her laugh as i said another thing she didn’t get the joke she said she is kinda busy now that she would call me back. I knew there was a problem. I then try and see if she will call back but she didn't.

14. How about you give me YOUR number instead
Translated : I'll add it to my trophy collection of guy's phone numbers - pathetic guys who want me but I don't want them.
Most times she won't call you, she did it so you will stop disturbing her of phone numbers.

15. I'm not upset...
Translated: I'm upset.

16. Do you love me?(out of the blue)
Translated : I'm going to ask you for something difficult or expensive... Or what what i will say now may shock you

17. Am I fat? Or ugly?
Translated : Please tell me I'm beautiful.

18. I love men who take charge...
Translated : Pay the bill.

19. I'm not that type of girl.
Translated : Keep trying.


20. I'm not looking for anyone.
Translated : I'm not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.

21. We need to talk...
Translated : I need to complain!

22. I need to think about it.
Translated : Most times it means No.

23. We have an off and on relationship. Complicated r/ship
Translated : I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.

24. Where is this going?(esp in a relationship)
Translated : Are we getting married?

25. I feel like I've known you my entire life!
Translated : Bingo! She is attracted to you.

26. Do you have a girlfriend?
Translated : You are CUTE! Are you on the market?

27. Let’s go and eat
Translated : I am feeling hungry

28I don’t want a boyfriend now.
Translated : I don’t want YOU as my boyfriend.
EVERY woman is on a lookout for a man. It’s a life purpose.

29. My ex called me yesterday and was ...
Translated: I’m still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

30. It’s OK. There is nothing wrong
Translated: It’s NOT OK. Especially if she is moody. Everything is wrong.


Understanding the feminine language gives you an edge as you can screen women are interested in you, and YOU are not.
However , translating the feminine language IS NOT ENOUGH. We must be able to speak it back. To them, which brings us to

Speaking the feminine language ...

Jeez!
If you didn't post this i will never know.

Over the years i see how alot of guys rejoice when they collect a girls phone number, they will be bragging that the lady is feeling them often times it end up not going anywhere.

Phone numbers mean absolutely nothing unless you know what to do after (and even before) you get that number.
Here's the big secret.

Giving out a phone number means much less to women than it does to men. (Remember this and don't ever forget it!) Some Guys don't want to hear that, but it's absolutely true.

Most guys think that by giving you her number, a girl is saying that she'd be willing to date or sleep with you. Not true.

Or, that the girl is at least interested enough to "go out" with you, right?? Again, not true. Numbers often mean nothing to women. So, don't invest too much emotion into the act of receiving a number.

Some ladies give out their number because she wants to get rid of you or because it is the right thing to do because you ask or they just love the attention

Just think of it as the first yet important step. And that's it. (After all, you can't text or call a girl without having her number, right?
If she's having fun (whether you're the cause or not,) or is just in the right mood, she will give her number out if the guy seems harmless enough, i.e. he's not giving out the stalker or weird guy vibe.

Speechless

Hmmmm

So lets continue, shall we...

Personality

Having goodlooks, money or social status does not mean that you will never get heartbreak or some ladies wont ignore you or plah hard to get. This is where the nitty gitty is. Personality. After making a good first impression you need Personality
The more money/looks/success you have, the less attractive behavior you need. The less money/looks/success you have, the more attractive behavior you need.

Again, this kind of comes back to the concept of “game.” The idea of game is the idea that you can pick up any girl simply by your behavior, not by using social connections, wealth or good looks.
So if you’re short, or older, or not that good-looking, you can still theoretically attract any woman you want, it’s just going to take more attractive behavior.

Another way to think of this is that age, money and looks are universal demographics, and therefore lacking in any one of them is apt to cause extra friction everywhere.

But just because there’s friction, or just because there are less Receptive women is no excuse for not having success in the long run.
The vast majority of men who get hung up on looks and money get hung up on them because they’re using it as an excuse. It’s absolutely not a valid excuse. A guy who is good-looking or rich still has to work for his results, he just doesn’t have to work as hard as the next guy.


Being goodlooking and being rich is worth nothing if you don’t do something with it. You can be the richest guy in the world, but if you behave like a timid, negative and weak chump, then women will still be repelled.

And as we’ll discuss in the next chapter, anyone can be handsome and appear high-status if they put enough effort into it.So no excuses. And of course, status is ultimately determined by demographics.

A 23 year old bad boy who parties alot is going to have high status at a club and low status at a business-networking event .
A successful stock trader who wears expensive suits is going to have high status at his firm and little status at a festival or club.

Finally

Have You Ever heard of the principle of least interest?
The principle of least interest says that whoever has the least interest have the power in that relationship regardless of the person.
Lets apply this principle in dating.

As soon as a woman shows a man unlimited interest whatsoever, it usually isn’t long before his interest in her begins to dwindle.
It’s not by design, and it certainly doesn’t stem from an opposition to attention -- it’s just instinct.

People will forever want what they can’t have, and men are no different -- especially when it comes to the opposite gender-- which is why we'd much rather waste our time pursuing those who are out of our league or want nothing to do with us.

This notion is something formally identified as the “principle of least interest,” which pretty much grants the upper hand in any relationship to the one who gives the least amount of attention about it.

For instance, when she starts ignoring your texts -- it’ll only make you want to text her more often .
A few weeks back, however, when she was texting you three to four times throughout the morning, you were feeling yourself.

In theory, having a woman who’s transparent in her willingness to be together with you sounds like a novel idea. It almost sounds, dare I say, easy.

Two people being invested in a relationship, where both of them are mutually interested is the kind of sh*t you only see in fairy tales, rom-coms and telemundos. But rarely real life.

No, real-life relationships are meant to follow a push-pull motion, swaying back and forth with the momentum of whoever cares less.

And this is why, sometimes, I feel like humans are destined to be single: If relationships hinge on a principle of least interest, what’s the incentive of becoming invested in one in the first place?

Simple: We crave the torture. We want a challenge, however, the principle of least interest brings more than just a mere “challenge.”

Allow me to explain why the principle of least interest is really a fruitless cause and will likely only lead to a vicious cycle of interest and disinterest -- until someone finally taps out or finds someone new.


Phase 1: The meeting.
OK, so let’s say on Tuesday you meet a babe somewhere. At first glance, she seems great.
She’s got a pretty face, tells you all about this exciting career she’s following, even her friends seem pretty normal.
You take her number, and vow to call her within the week -- to “meet up,” maybe over “drinks or something.”


Phase 2: The first few moves.
Come Wednesday, you call her. No response. You think it’s a bit weird, but then again, you understand she’s probably super busy during the week, so you don’t pay it TOO much mind.
On thurday, you figure it’s the weekend, so you try her once more. Again, no reply.


Phase 3: The persistence.
Instead of taking a hint, like anyone with a modicum of common sense would do, and forgoing any further attempts with this chick -- it has only driven you nuts.
Now you’re not sure whether or not she gave you her real number in the first place.

You’re stifled, wondering why you’re not even worthy of a response, and there’s still part of you thinks she’s “just busy” with work.


Phase 4: Full-blown frenzy.
After a two days of plotting your next move, you text her morning, afternoon and nd night, too.
By this point, you’re on the cusp of obsession with this chick.

She replies, finally, but she’s hardly as enthusiastic as you would’ve hoped. And that stings like a dagger.
See, ignored texts are better than short texts -- at least that’s how I’ve always viewed them.


Phase 5: The fallback.
While ignored texts might simply be the result of carelessness or an overstocked message inbox -- short texts are deliberate; they’re cold .

For her to respond back with a “nmu” means she’s either teleported back to kindergarten or she’s just genuinely not into you.
So at that point, you diverge. You realize she’s not who you thought she was, and you fall back.


Phase 6: A sign of hope.
You don’t text her for a week, and what happens next simply blows your mind: The following Tuesday evening, around 6:45 pm, you feel a vibration in your pocket.
It’s your phone . You open up the text message and -- bam! -- it’s her: “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while.”


Phase 7: The vow to avoid.
HA, you think to yourself, “ Sure, she hasn’t heard from me in a while because she barely mustered up the ambition to reply to my last few texts – and the ones she did rarely exceeded four-to-seven-character responses. ”


Phase 8: The turn of the tide.
But now you’re smarter. You recognize how much of an impact this chick can have on your feelings, and you know better than to fall back into that rut.

You decide to turn the tables, so to speak, on her. Now it’s time for YOU to do the ignoring.


Phase 9: Frenzy on her end.
Next thing you know it, she’s blowing up your phone three to five times a day, like a mother does to her son during first year of college.

By the time you’ll actually decide to answer her, however, she’ll probably have lost interest in you.

But you try anyway (and start fresh at Phase Two).
Like I said, it’s nearly impossible to win. The best thing you can do is try to remain neutral with your emotions.
If you show a chick you’re too interested, it usually won’t be long before you drive her away.

If you play hard to get -- sometimes you play a little too hard, and it’s equally as ineffective.
It all comes down to moderation.

Twas just last year

Blackmoran:
In the dating scene men that plays game with women thinking they are smart, I laugh them..
Women are the master of manipulation and cunningness, and are instinctively good at it.

I remember when I was in secondary school there is this guy who has a small stature and can be easily bullied, what this guy lack in body he compensate with tricky.. He is always manipulating people around just to get them to favor and protect him...

Same with women what they lack in fitness and strength they have in tricky... Even feminist can't achieve there agenda without manipulating some group of men..

On the other side there manipulation skill is needed for them to survive, without it human race would have been in extinction , with woman manipulation skill they are able to protect and raise there offspring.. Though it sounds bitter but thats just the reality, it is what it is...

Very succinct
I like this

She is called "bond"
I never knew James Bond has a sister

patwilly:
This is the best piece on male-female relationship out there especially as it affects the dynamics of long term relationships (I.e marriage). A lot will read and pass but make no mistake, if you are wondering where it veered off track in your relationship, its because you basically neglected the principles of what the OP has discussed here.

I'm glad someone gets the message.
Cheers to you

There is alot of truth in what you are saying

Final Observations & Exceptions
In the sexual market place , average women are worth far more than average men. And that gives men a strong power advantage.

Describing Facts, not Bashing Genders
Finally, I am aware that this post might sound critical towards women.
And I want to make it clear that this is not a post -nor the to denigrate women -or men.
This is simply a description of how the dynamics of power evolve in most -but not all- relationships.

It can also happen that it’s the man who takes the judge role.
However, most of the times, in most relationships, the woman will (subconsciously) work to make him into a provider for her and the family.
There is no judgment in that, it’s simply how it is.
This is also not to say that men should avoid being providers.


But both men and women will always be better off once they are aware of relationship power dynamics and of the conscious and subconscious tools each gender use for relationship control .

The end

Why do Women Work to Control Men?
The question comes naturally to any inquisitive mind.
Why do women work so hard to control men and take the reins of the relationship?
It all goes back to biology, evolution, and male parental investment .
It’s a complex issue, but we’ll make it as brief as possible.
Male parental investment is the measure of how much males invest in their offspring.
Matt Ridley explains that in species where the male does not invest at all, the female only cares about his genes -partially conveyed by his looks-. She does not care about his resources, fidelity, or investment because she knows she can’t get them anyway.

In the animal kingdom, human men are around the middle of male parental investment. That means, in practice, that men invest in their children, but
not always , and not as much as women .

So here is why women want to control men:
women seek to control men because they can get resources from them, but since not all men will do so, women need to make sure their partners will help and provide.

We can speculate -remember: parts of evolutionary psychology is speculative- that women who were able to better control men’s resources and investment have been more successful over evolutionary time, had more children who survived and thrived, and spread their “controlling genes” far and wide.

And that’s why women’s techniques of compliance and control are today the norm, rather than the exception.
And even leaving evolutionary arguments aside, isn’t it just a more comfortable life for a rational female if she can control his man?

Of course it is.
A domesticated man makes for better-fed children, and for an easier life.

In the end, a woman’s work on a man is an act of domestication .

Relationship Prize Female Game
This is a good time for introducing the concept of “relationship prize”.

The female domestication of men is made all easier when she manages to position herself as the prize of the relationship (and he accepts that frame).
Then, he will not only naturally accept all the behavior and dynamics we discussed so far, but he will be happy to oblige.

On the other hand, men who don’t appreciate being the subordinate in the relationship should watch out for her maneuvers to become the “queen of the relationship”.
Even innocuous “jokes” about her being the queen can carry nefarious consequences.

If you ask most men, none of them would tell you they’re OK with being the subordinate in the relationship. But in spite many men resent subordination with words , they often accept it and go along with it with facts.
Why do so many men end up accepting the female’s frame of prize of the relationship?

Power dynamics help us understand why.
It’s actually relatively easy and natural for many women to frame themselves as the prize. In spite of hypergamy, couples often get together at around the same levels of value.

But since in the sexual marketplace women are the demand and men are the offer, the power differential is skewed on her side -not always, but often-.
Men do all the approaching and women just send out the signals . The prey-hunter dynamic further warps men’s mindset, who feel lucky and blessed once they can finally stop the chasing.

Thus, when men finally enter the relationship, they are already primed for accepting women’s demands.

Dealing With Tasking
Here is how to deal with tasking:
Think about what you can and cannot do
You’re not a boy anymore, and you should not aim to be one.
If you want a relationship, then you do need to change some of your habits, commit to something and compromise on something else.
But that doesn’t mean you should do all she wants you to do.
Think of what you can and cannot do, and make it clear. Communicate it well and assertively enforce your boundaries. Drama, nagging and tasking will drop to (near) zero.

Return to sender all her tasks
As we have seen for blaming, we now come full circle: all the tasks that are dear to her, but not to you, are her tasks.
You can approach it this way:
You : Wait a second. Do I want cheese on the pasta, or do you want cheese pasta? Because as far as I know, you want cheese on the pasta.

So why are you asking me to take care of it?
Basically it’s this: do what you agreed on and task her to do her own tasks. Then enforce those boundaries when she tries to unload her stuff on you.

Tasking

Tasking is at the core of how women control their men.
Drama, criticism, and nagging are the support tools to make sure that he will follow through on the tasks she deems important.

Many women will start tasking early on to test his mettle.
The more he executes her tasks, the more likely it is he will commit and invest. Thus, tasking also works early on as her screening tool for providers.
It can start innocently enough.
Or maybe you two are shopping and she hands you the cart telling you “hold this”.
Or it can take a while longer.

If you seem strong, independent, and rebellious enough sometimes tasking and shaming only starts in earnest when you fully commit to the relationship .
It might be surprising for some men to see their women’s demands increase dramatically when they pass a major commitment point such as “exclusivity”, “official status” or “marriage”.

What happens is that you were in charge in the beginning and she didn’t dare to take a judge position on you. Plus, you probably rebuked a few attempts at drama and tasking.

But that doesn’t mean she will stop trying to domesticate you. It simply means that the process is on hold.
Until when?

Until her power increases, which can happen after a key milestone such as commitment (see:
relationship phases of power ).
Some men, like the super-rich, extreme lover-types , and sky-high sexual market value , might never reach the point of tasking.

But 99% will.
So buckle up.

Here is an example of tasking + nagging during an argument.
Most of all, notice how her attitude, and how hard for him it is to resist. Her conviction and righteous attitude make her frame iron-solid, and it feels as if it’s a foregone conclusion that she is right and he is wrong .

It ends up looking like a mother/child dynamic (read transaction analysis for more), with the mother “knowing” what’s right to do and the man being the rebellious kid not living up to her righteous expectations:

He seems strong and independent, but he is not. He is reacting to her orders instead of the way she commands him, which escalates the argument in the wrong direction.
He should instead escalate the way she bosses him around. After he dealt with her aggression, he should then do the table his way if he promised. If not, he should get up in earnest and have an eye to eye conversation as “who wanted to organize the dinner”.

And if it was her, then he should tell her it’s her task -or, tell her he wants to help because he’s happy if she’s happy… As long as she learns to ask nicely and respectfully-.

The more he executes tasks, the more it becomes the norm
Cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957 ) dictates that the more he executes on her tasks, the more he will internalize that it’s the right thing to do.
And through back-rationalization (Eagleman, 2011 ), the more he executes, the more likely it is that he will rationalize his actions by telling himself that “she must be worth it”.

So, with tasks, she is also increasing her power and more effectively framing herself as “the prize” of the relationship.

Tasking + Drama + Shaming = He’s Owned

When a man resists or is slow in taking action, a woman can combine all the tools at once:
1. Drama, to make action seem more urgent and important
2. Shame, in the sense of “do something (or you’re not a real man)”
3. Tasking: go do it for f*ck sake!
The previous example we saw was a good example of this deadly female power cocktail:
Notice that drama in itself often includes shaming without needing any overt dig at masculinity.

This is because most men feel responsible for making her happy. They feel that “doing” things is their job. Even when “doing things” actually means “doing things for her “.
Not doing it, especially when she’s all emotional, is shameful for men. And women (unconsciously) leverage that.

Solution To Shaming
If women want to control men they should indeed use shame and enlarge the scope of “what it means to be a real man” and “what it means doing a good job as a male figure”.
And what if men want to be free and throw off the yoke?
Then you can completely discard the whole notion of “being a real man”. Bleep being a real man, why should you let anyone dictate what you should be and do? Be whatever you wanna be instead.
OR, men can come up with their own personal definition of what it means to be a man and only obey to their own standards.
women control relationships

Shaming
Shame is the superpower of the judge role .
Shame is a tool of psychological aggression and compliance.

Researcher Brene Brown says that shame leverages our need to be worthy of love and basic respect. Shame punishes us with scorn, isolation, and by stoking feelings of unworthiness.

When women use shame in a relationship, they attack something that every man feels deeply inside: what it (supposedly) means to be a man
.
Some of the most powerful attacks on manhood are:
* Unsuccessful
* Weak
* Impotent
* “Pvssy”

Here is an example of a woman, actually jealous, who wanted to hurt him and chooses “weak” as her weapon of choice:
The power of shame is compounded when, as it’s often the case, the whole society stands behind them -ie.: the whole society takes the judge position against him.

This is the case for weakness for example, as a man is not supposed to be weak. But it’s also the case of providing for the family, or protecting women.

Men internalize those values and beliefs, which allow women to push his manhood thumbscrews without even having to be too direct.
In relationships women can leverage shame to cage men into provider roles , potentially sabotaging his own goals and dream.

Here is an example:
She says it was fear that pushed her to corner him. Maybe. But also female pragmatism and domestication instincts, leveraging shame.
She didn’t even need to say “you’re not a real man if you don’t provide”. That was implied: he already had internalized that rule from society.

In some cases, it might be argued that it’s fair to shame some men: for example if children who need to be fed are involved. And some men might even deserve some shaming.

In that case, fair game.
However, women will often take an attitude that enlarges the scope of “what it means to be a man” to fit what they want and need .
So shaming becomes:

Her: I’m unhappy. Make me happy (or you’re not a real man)
Or
Her: Protect me and make me feel safe. Buy a house in the good part of town (or you’re not a real man)
Or
Her: Make me come (or you’re not a real man)

Notice that none of the above are wrong per se .

But they do are unhealthy and manipulative when they are not part of a balanced relationship of give and take .
So here is an example for you.

I love Tom Bylieu and he is one of the few motivational speakers I recommend people to follow.
I use this example though to show how his wife used shaming to corner him into being a better provider (taken from his interview with Tony Robbins):

Tom : I want to walk away from all this work I hate, it’s destroying me
Wife : I bet on you (= I bet on you to provide for me, don’t disappoint me!)
Tom : She bet on my relentlessness, so I had to find a way (to make money and make her wealthy)
Notice what his wife told him when he was tired of chasing money: “I bet on you”.

That’s shaming for not keeping his word (a purely male thing BTW: women don’t care nearly as much). And shaming for not providing for her.
And there he put his head down again to chase money for her.

I’d like to stress again that Tom is an amazing fella, and there is nothing inherently wrong with being a provider.
Being a high-quality provider in a healthy relationship does more good to society than being a player.

BUT there is a big difference between a high-quality provider, leader of the relationship and overall high-quality man , and a clueless guy who is being played and provides as the submissive party of the relationship.

How To Deal With Blaming

Here is how you handle blaming instead:
Her: OMG where is the butter?
Didn’t I tell you this morning to get the butter? I can’t believe you forgot it, it was such a simple task! You always do this!
(pause a few seconds, look at her)
You : I am not comfortable with your tone

You don’t address the perfunctory butter issue but, calm and collected, you go to the crux of the matter.

Her: What do you mean my tone, what are you talking about, you didn’t buy the bread!
You : That is the case indeed. I forgot the butter. But how does that give you the right to raise your voice and verbally assault me

By admitting that you did indeed made a mistake you protect yourself from further attacks.
And by making your criticism more specific -and more emotionally charged- you are now playing the same game and backing her against the corner.

Her: Assaulting you? I’m not assaulting you! I’m just saying you forgot the bread how can you say i did that
You : You are yelling at me with an aggressive facial expression for what’s a very, very minor issue. That’s verbal abuse in my book
As soon as you get her to admit that she overreacted and/or that aggression is not the way to deal with issues, you want to say something like this:

You : Look, I did forget the butter, my bad.
But to me it’s more important how we deal with issues. Because bread come and go, but how we deal with each other stays.
And blaming, yelling, finger pointing and any other nasty way of communicating are not what I consider good and healthy relationships.
And I want to have a healthy and respectful relationship with you because that’s how I treat you and I expect the same back.
(pause)
Do I make myself clear?

With that, you addressed the power dynamics: you are not a punching bag for her anger.
Now you can move to the root causes of this particular issue.

To get to the root causes of a situation like this, think about your priorities.
And if you realize that you don’t care about butter and you don’t want to spend your life shopping for butter, then assign the task of what it’s important to her back to her .
Tell her candidly that since you don’t care about butter, you will probably forget again in the future. And you will not take any responsibility for stocking up butter ever again.
From then on, what she cares about is what she takes responsibility for.

Good boy. Now you’re making mama proud

Blaming & Criticism
Blaming and criticism are verbal aggression tools to push men on the defensive.

And here is what he communicates when he defends:
1. Admits guilt
2. Confirm she’s in charge
3. Confirm he must serve her and make her happy

Most men , too dumbfounded by her attacks and emotional outbursts, react the following way when their women lash out on them:
1. Get defensive (bad)
2. Make excuses (terrible)
3. Try to fix the issue (bad: it doesn’t address the real issue, which is the aggressive delivery)
4. Fight her (soso, it looks over-reactive and doesn’t work when he’s wrong)
5. Ask her to calm down (bad)
6. Tries to understand the real issue (works on some instances, but doesn’t address the blaming issue)

Trying to understand and to uncover the real issue behind the complaint goes to the root of the problem.
It’s something that relationship researcher
Gottman calls “looking beyond the complaint”, and it works.

But that’s exactly the major flaw of this solution.
Gottman is an outstanding researcher on relationships, but not necessary on power dynamics.
The real issue indeed here is this: she is using verbal abuse and verbally coercive tactics to make him fall in line .
And that’s what a man should address first: the
way she approaches the issue -and only after he can deal with the issue-.

Imagine the following:
(Enters back home with two heavy bags and placed them on the kitchen table)
Him : here is the shopping, help me store it
(She starts going through the bags)

Her: OMG where is the butter! Didn’t I tell you this morning to get the butter? I can’t believe you forgot it, it was such a simple task! You always do this!

Since he indeed made a mistake, men often end up on the defensive there.

But the problem of defending is that he does not address the real issue, which is not the small mishap, but her aggressive tone.

Even more importantly, it confirms her frame of power : that he must serve her and execute her tasks (and do so properly)
Thats a nasty and aggressive way of communicating and it does nothing good to the relationship (a relationship where the man understands relationship power dynamics is a better relationship for both).

Drama & Nagging
Drama and nagging are compliance and behavioral changing tools for women.


Nagging
Nagging is a long term, semi-permanent behavioral changing tool.

It works in part through conditioning of reward and punishments ( behaviorism): do what I like, and you make me happy (and get the cookie); don’t do what I like, and you fall from my grace and get my nagging wrath.
Eventually, he internalizes the rules.

When that happens, nagging puts a “voice” in his head that makes him feel in the wrong when he doesn’t follow the rules – her rules-.

And, eventually, he does follow her rules:
Nagging sets the priority of what’s important . It says “change who you are”.
Just like water molds rocks over the years, so long term nagging is low-intensity pressure that, over time, sculpts the man just like she wants him.

Drama
While nagging is a long term behavioral modification tool, drama is concentrated, focused, laser beam compliance tool.

If nagging sets the priorities of what’s important,
drama sets the priorities of what’s urgent .
Nagging says “you’re not OK”, while drama says “what you are doing right now is not OK, move your ass now to change it”.

Here is a drama example:

The secret of drama are emotions. Women put a lot of emotions and passion into drama, and deliver it with a self-righteous attitude that screams “I’m right”.

Since men do not engage in drama and are not used to that over-emotional (and aggressive) type of communication, it’s even more effective in short-circuiting their brains so that they end up treating it as a real emergency. And they fail to see it for what it is: a compliance tool.

If you’re a guy reading and have been in a few relationships, just think about it: how often have you challenged her drama?
If you’re like most guys, rarely. Very rarely.
Most men take ownership of her drama and make it their top priority to fix it.

Nagging & Drama = Judge Power Tools
Both nagging and drama are punishment and compliance tools of the judge position.

They both say say “you are not doing your job” and “you are not being good enough”.

She (unconsciously) uses them to mold him to her liking.

This thread is long, however i tried as much as possible to be exact so you can understand.

In most relationships, it’s women who are the leaders.
They take charge and subjugate men by taking the judge role in the relationship. What does that mean?

It means that they take control of the frame of reference on what’s good or wrong, what’s proper and improper, and on what are the standards of behavior ( video example here ).
Men rarely challenge her frame, which basically means: they end up playing by her rules.

That’s from a big picture perspective, but the big picture is not the focus of this thread
The practical side is the focus of this thread
And to enforce her frame of reference in the day to day life, she uses the following compliance tools:

1. Drama & nagging (set the priorities of what’s important)
2. Blaming & criticism (browbeats him on the defensive)
3. Shaming (the compliance superpower)
With these three tools she becomes the relationship leader, which allows her to:
Task him (so he can provide for her and make her happy)

Iyiataata92:
Coulombs law states tha like charges repel while unlike charges attract.
So two beauties just can't go together.

Simple

Exactly what i wanted saying

The Drama- tactic Tool: Pandora’s Box
Boredom continues to plague hopeful couples every day. It’s boredom that forces them to break up, cheat, and even marry. Boredom is an intellectual cancer and is sure to develop once the honeymoon-phase is over if the correct measurements are not taken.

By adding a little drama and spice, women can make their relations passionate again. Women pick fights, go on random PMS trips, and question and nag in order to restrain relationships from becoming routine and dull. This is necessary for keeping things fiery, mysterious and exciting.

A guy once said to me, “You’re so irrational, and it’s so sexy,” so I’m positive that men (perhaps unknowingly) see the necessity of these emotional roller coasters and schizophrenic attacks just as much as we do. As long as they’re not too frequent and are followed by makeup sex, that is.

|Elite

Playing hard to get- tactic Tool: Good PR
Contrary to male belief, playing hard to get is actually not too easy for a girl, especially if she’s truly interested and afraid that the male suitor might end his chase after one wrong move.

But a woman who gives it up too easily (for a man she likes) knows that the price she’ll have to pay afterwards might be even bigger: no longer being the foremost topic of interest of her desired man.

Prudery is outdated, and I personally believe you can control a man with sex, rather than not giving it up at all. But even men agree that if the hunt is too easy, they’ll grow bored faster than a gold digger spends money.

It’s a slippery slope to deal with, but there’s a solution: if a woman gives “the impression” that she is hard to get and only dates A-guys, then she can sleep with the man of her choice when she personally feels like it.

By marketing herself like a superior product and building mystery around herself at the same time, she can create a vision that a guy who dates her is punching well beyond his weight class.

In his mind he’ll think that he just caught the perfect prey, and she doesn’t have to slam the door in her date’s face when, deep down inside, she just wanted to be carried into the bedroom.

The Hot Meal-tactic Tool: a steak, a stove and a sexy apron

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. As old as this statement is, it still rings true to this day. Once you provide a man with some good food, he will now associate you with the feeling of being fed and taken care of by his mother as a young boy.

A smart woman knows that a fed man is a happy man and vice versa, so a woman shouldn’t even dream of discussing any pressing topics or shopping suggestions before dinner is over and her man is comfortably leaning back in his chair with a content smile.

By serving him a great steak, remembering the right sauce and adding a bottle of wine, a man will soon be sweet as a teddy bear. That’s when she can move in the troops.

Damsel in distress-tactic Tool: A pair of big, blue eyes
Every man dreams of being a knight and stepping in to defend a young maiden from danger. By taking advantage of this universal fantasy, a woman can make a man handle some problems she’d rather avoid.

Having an inherent drive to protect and help at any given time, a special instinct will click in a man’s brain whenever he sees a desirable woman in distress.

Men like to help as this gives them a sense of being “needed”. So regardless if the problem is a flat tire, a light bulb that needs to be changed or protection from scumbags on a night out, there is always a guy with chivalrous aspirations to assist a helpless woman.

Men even take pride in teaching business and how to advance in a career, so a girl can basically enjoy a hot builder/mechanist/bodyguard/career coach free of charge, and all she needs to do is give him a pair of admiring eyes and a warm hug, stating that “she wouldn’t know what to do without him” in return.

Yes, I might be retarding equality between the genders by still applying the “Damsel in distress-tactic”, but I honestly think it’s for the best if we just let men be men in situations of this nature.

TACTICS
The cleavage -tactic Tool: A Wonder-bra
I have always wondered if the male obsession for breasts just comes from being well fed as babies. Has anyone ever conducted research pertaining to whether or not homosexual men were just bottle-fed?

Nonetheless, to the women who learned to use this body part to their advantage, I say: Great insight! Whether a woman is naturally gifted or needs some help, cleavage is always appreciated amongst men of all kinds.

It’s nearly impossible for a man not to drool just by thinking about a pair of breasts, to the point that they’ve banned cleavages from the workplace because it leaves them too distracted to actually do their jobs.

In other words, if a woman wants to distract her man from an uncomfortable issue, she just has to unbutton once (twice for very serious issues) and she should be in the clear in a matter of minutes. Think Kate Moss, though, rather than Ice-T’s wife, Coco.

Women are usually labelled as the weak vessel. They are fragile and are not Physically strong. One thing you should know is that they are both medically and Emotionally strong. Thats why they live longer than us.
Women are clever and creative creatures, and often outsmart their male partners in various situations in order to get what they want.

Female cunning surpasses male understanding any day.

Men rule the world, but as long women remain in control of the male mind, I will always believe the true master of the universe is secretly female. Men rule the world but women rule men. Beyonce knows this thats why she sang a song "who run the world? girls"



By catering to men’s deepest caveman-like instincts like physical force, pride, hunger, the will to hunt, the desire to provide and sexual urge, the possibilities can seem endless as to what women can make their men do for them.

Cc
Kalatium, omoburuku, chiunlimited, Icezikagu, PisciMan, COOL10, Tony142, frankman365,NorthPrince, Alfather,NewsNaija365, Silasloaded, Amiable231, shiffynaani, patoski39, just4fun, DaddyRochie1642, Emekaossai, Glamzwizard, jiggyniga, Eyoh01, Adasun, hardcore007, Glamzwizard

Snake thread spotted