₦airaland Forum

Plead:
Will knowing all that prevent the woman from misbehaving during marriage?

Just curious...

Absolutely NO, no matter how careful you are, you can fall for their traps, the only way to be free is for God to guide and protect you.

Ginaz:
Hmmm na wa o. It is well my brother . But on the other hand, you can catch her by promising her mouth watering deals, you have been with her for a long time and Should know her weak spots. .

Before she comes , you can meet a medical personnel to teach you how to take swap for dna test. You don’t need to move the baby to the hospital as you think. Hairs can be taken or tooth brush smeared with spittle from the baby’s mouth. Blood can be taken too.

Since you guys chats on WhatsApp occasionally, you have a chance to convince her to come with the baby to visit you.

That’s an option if you look at it .

Wow!!!
So easy, I was thinking conducting DNA test requires penetrating the bone marrow and some sort of rocket science like that. Thanks for the information, I will try work on that.

Shortyy:
In my tribe, you don't marry a woman without knowing everything about her. From the last generation to her current generation. How they behave in their house, how they relate with members if their community. Every thing about her, you must know before going further for introduction.

But some woke people think this is a waste of time, they go and marry anyone they meet without knowing the kind of family they came from or how genuine their intentions are.

Now look at the consequences.

You're absolutely right dear, but lesson learnt the hard way.

Teerach:
Firstly, if you have families, most especially sisters (which I doubt), get them involved.
Try and get a DNA test done on your boy. But if she refuses you access, just relax, and trust God. Life is too short to be involved in drama. She'll come around when she gets tired of being dramatic.

Waiting for God and relaxing is a good option but I'm really tired of seeing myself as irresponsible father but I see two sides to it, one, if the boy became successful in life, he'll have been brainwashed with negativity about me and if on the other hand turned something else, he may never forgive me. I'm just confused

Ginaz:
First thing I think you should do, you should try any possible means to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child.

As for punishment, that can come later . Let’s finish one first .

God bless you my sister for your advice, I'm very ready to do a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the child but I can only do that if I know their new home. Someone hint me that she's working with multi choice DSTV as call center agent. I'm working on knowing there address maybe to get her arrested from there.

I got married to this lady on 3rd December 2016 in Jos, plateau state. We were both staying together until she decided to absconds from my house on May 29th 2019. She gave birth to 'our son' on 1st February 2018.
Although I can term the marriage as marriage of convinience where both of us are never happy staying together and I became the happiest man on earth the day she left even though she stole a lot of my properties while I was away for work including my ATM card and withdrawing every money from my bank account.
I reported it to her mother and her mother was threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter. Meanwhile, her dad is late even before we got married. I never knew that her mom 'rented' people to stand in for her late father claiming they are her father's family members not knowing that her father's people have since cut off the relationship between them since the issues of inheritance came in because her mom doesn't want to share a dime with them.

Fast forward to few months ago, although she don't pick my calls but we do chat occasionally on whatshapp where she has been telling me that her 'son' is not mine. The last time she said that was the third time she will be saying that.
Now I really want to know the options I have, kindly assist with valuable information if you are in the know, a lawyer preferably.

Note:

She is now in Lagos with her mother and I really don't know the exact place. When I visited Jos where the marriage took place, I found out that they've sold their house there which is now a hospital.

I really want to know if truly I'm not responsible for the birth of the boy and if he's truly my son, I can't continue to trust him on her.
If otherwise he's not mine, I believe there should be a form of punishment for infedelity while under marriage contract. Besides, I think I deserve to be fully compensated for all the time we were together, the money she stole, the care I gave her, the nursing of her pregnancy, the monies I do transfer to her mother and siblings, the monies I spent in marrying her, her clothing and shelter while we were together etc.

Kindly advise, criticisms are also welcome.

Thanks.

Hmmmmmm I should have create a thread for this, but I'm still considering my options. I am or was married with one lady and she absconds from my house, stealing everything she could carried along with her including my ATM card and withdrawing all the money in the account and still left with our son of three years old. It's been more than one year since this happened. Her mother is threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter and she is now telling me that the boy is not mine. I had it from good authority that she is with her mum in Lagos while I'm staying at Abuja. The marriage was contracted in Jos, plateau state. Her dad is late and her mother has since sold the house where the marriage took place. I really need to get my son back as soon as possible.

I am a living testimony of what the op wrote. Since more than a year ago, my wife took away my child away from me and has been denying me access to him.
In fact, for more than a year now, I don't know her whereabouts, her mother is busy threatening me with jail terms if I don't produce her daughter. Although we do chat occasionally on whatshapp but she has vowed not to ever let me see him again.
She stole my ATM card and withdrew everything from my account before she left.
I've really been taught a lesson from this woman who was a single mom before I married her, beware of marrying single mothers most of them are worst than a snake.

Everyone is equal before the law but some are more equal than others. Immediately this looters imposed ban on inter state movements on us but are now flaunting the rules for baseless politicking that will only benefit less than 500 people. Sometimes I wonder why coronavirus is being easy on this people. God knows that we are very weak to engage in acts of revolution, our surest hope and bet is on coronavirus to finish them all just like the Abba Kyari way.

Kwasu!!!! My Alma mater. The University For Community Development.

2111988347

I. M. A

UBA
Jazakhallah khair

2111988347

I. M. A

UBA

2111988347
I. M. A


UBA

Salamu Alaikum Wa Ramatullahi Warabarakatuhu,

This question has been on my mind since few weeks ago due to the lock down amidst the coronavirus pandemic. I was to get my nikkah done on 12th April, 2020. But as a law abiding citizen, my family, my spouse's family and I had to reschedule the ceremony indefinitely but with the easing of the lock down from Monday 4th May, 2020, is it permissible to have the ceremony done without going against the tenets of the Islamic doctrine. It's going to be a very simple ceremony attended by just a handful of persons from both families.
Jazakhallah.

We are in trouble in this part of the world, May God heal the world.

The Government did what had to be done but that useless professor without value and dignity put us in this mess.
He should be dealt with mercilessly.

TonyeBarcanista:
Baba, na you cause your problem!

Mr Bacarnista, I'm really happy to see your comments on my post just like I appreciate all other comments most especially comments from Oga Sanchez.

You see, life has a way of educating people but my regrets is that I didn't learn from others and that's one of the main reasons aside from my child that I'm missing why I'm bringing this piece to the public so that people can learn from my experience.

On the contrary to what someone said, I think I'm certainly not the ugly, hopeless or someone with low self esteem like he puts it. I'm tall, huge, bold and ladies are flocking around me most especially now that no woman is with me in the house.

Lesson learned the hard way!!!

genq:
So, you went ahead and married her despite this? You must either be:

1. A low quality male; perhaps unattractive, overweight or effeminate - basically a dude with no options.

2. A desperate f0ol with very low self esteem.

3. An extremely slow/ret@rded male who lacks hope and foresight.

Or perhaps all of the above. Tueh!

Thanks so much for your opinions at least you said something, some people are reading without commenting but if you are in someone else's situation, you will probably act like someone else.

crackkhaus:
Tell us exactly why you married her after everything she told you, tell us quickly.

https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/stargate.gif

Quickly...

Well, although you may not understand but I made a covenant with God while I was praying one night when I was very poor and had no hope that if God can give me a sustainable source of income which is more than enough to take care of my own feeding, I promised to get married. When I thought the prayers was answered was when I traveled out and that was the exact time that my ex broke up with me and she was the only one available at the time.
Yes, I was naive to trust someone I met on social media, it was a mistake all single guys should learn from. Take note!!!
Again, she was hopeless and considering taking her own life, in fact she only confided in me cos we met online and she thought we will never meet. I MARRIED HER OUT OF PITY.

To also answer the guy that suggests I must be an angel that had no faults whatsoever, the truth is, we started having problems when she woke me up in the middle of the night one day asking me to promise her she will be the only wife I'm going to marry, without thinking twice knowing full well that she's got spiritual companions and I don't know if they are around to witness my response, I vehemently told her that I can marry as many as I want since our religion allowed that.

Also, immediately we got married, she gave me her two SIM cards and requested I get her another Sim cards without pressuring her to it, this won my heart that she doesn't have the mindset to cheat on me. I was wrong....

Last year was when I got to know she has boyfriend, what I don't know is if she's been sleeping with them.
Among her boyfriend is or was my landlord whom I have his phone number and who never knew her as my wife, the day she packed out was when I knew because the man posted her pictures on his whatshapp status with some heartbreaking words and when I confronted him he apologized that she was the one who called him and offered him the chance for them to date but they are yet to go down.

Secondly, there was a guy she do call her uncle, he works at the ministry of interior in Abuja where we stays but was not present when we had our wedding. She'd once told me that the man is her mother's younger brother which I believed but when she travelled, she left one of her SIM card and I slot it in a phone one day to get a phone number from it, I was so surprised to see numerous messages from this man saying he loves her and some romantic words, I held my calm until she came back cos I don't want to cause another quarrel while she's with her mother.
When I asked her to tell me the relationship between Mr Dapo of the ministry of interior, she maintained her earlier stance that he's her uncle, then I asked if he's her father younger brother or mother, she replied her mother then I laughed and said have you forgotten that your mother is from Ogun state and Dapo is from Ibadan in Oyo state and she was short of words.

So I ordered that I will change her SIM card which she replied by telling me "them no born your mother well to change my SIM card" as usual people came to settle us and that I think is the reason she packed out. Aside that, until she ran out of the house, we had no other quarrels but she told her mum that I slapped her which is far from the truth.

Sanchez01:
The head is off already. All that is left is 'had I known'. The signs were there, you saw it but you ignored and thought she'd change for you.

At this point, it is safe to see yourself as a sperm donor. Her family seems messed up but love didn't make you see this until marriage opened your eyes.

Perhaps you send your family to meet her mother and request for your child or you go the legal way. In the end, you'll have to spend to pursue this if you desperately want the child.

Hmmmm at the bolded.
It's really an unfortunate situation to find oneself in I must confess, if not that she has a baby for me whom I named after my dad and the apple of my eyes, I will have press a criminal charge on her for stealing my ATM card and money, at least this can't be denied because I believe the ATM machine she withdrew from will have snapped her.

My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

I was out of the country few years ago and lost my three years old relationship in the process because of fear that I may not return in time.
While I was there, I met this woman (my baby mama) on facebook. We started dating online and everything looks perfect, although she had a child in her teenage years, it wasn't a problem for me since it was out of wedlock. One day she told me something weird about herself :
1. That she is a regular sickler (if there's any English word like that but not a sickle cell patient. That her house is like a hospital with different kinds of drugs cos of the ailment.
2. That she normally collapsed and it could happen at anytime.
3. That she has spiritual companions that the soothsayers has confirmed to be the reason why she can't get a husband and that any man she always has used to run from her cos of her bad characters to the extent of her mother urging one rich octogenarian to please marry her, although she rejected him.
4. That there's nobody she can't insults including her husband's family.
Then I promised her marriage if she can promise me she won't insult my family and she did.

When I came back to Nigeria 4 years ago, she came to picked me up at the airport and I used that opportunity to see her family and few months later against all odds, I married her according to the Islamic doctrine.

That was the greatest mistakes of my life and I'm still regretting, she made my whole life a living hell, chased away my family members from me, in fact at a point nine of her own family members were staying with us with the excuse of the insecurity in Jos where her mum resides. Her dad is late.

There's no peace in the house, we quarrel every other day that I was already having a high bp at a time. I reported to her mum, grandma and great grandma yet no changes.
She washes only her clothes without mine, cook for herself alone and always cursing me at every opportunity, she equally deny me sex also.

She travelled to Jos a month before she packed out of my house, immediately she came back, she intensified on the punishment she normally met out at me like her family had advised her.
On Wednesday, 29th May, 2019, during Ramadan fasting period, immediately we ate at dawn, she took her bath and our baby and demanded I gave her money to plait her hair we I did, I never knew that she had stolen my ATM card, at about 3pm, I saw debit alerts from my bank, she is the only one who knows my atm pin, I called her and she didn't pick up my calls ever since.
Please nairalanders, I am missing my child who will be two years on 1/2/2020.
She is 28 years old, her younger sister is also with her their mother with her child too.
The mother has three grandchildren and looking after all of them when their fathers are still alive. She's been away from home since 8 months ago, although we do chat occasionally but she won't tell me her whereabouts. I know we can't continue with the relationship because her mom called my dad that they are coming to pack her remaining loads in the house which is not a problem but they don't want to let me see or have my child back. Her mum kept threatening me to provide her child or go to jail .
PS
Although I'm not rich but what I'm earning was enough to take care of her and the baby even though she contribute nothing to the family.

Please advise.

This is expected owing to the outcry of last week's blunder.
However, I still think it will have been much easier for Tambuwal election to be void than that of Ihedioha.
Fourth position later coming first is still a mystery to me.

AbuTwins:
Question

I was in a converstation with a follower of the sufi way of islam and that person asked me what did i think about praying at the graves, or about religious scholars interceding during the day of judgement. i told that person that praying to someones grave is shirk and no one can interceed except the prophet. and i wanted to know what was the ruling of the people of knowledge on this matter and where can i look for proof ?

Answer

Praise be to Allaah.

1 – The issue of praying at graves

Praying at graves is of two types:

The first type is praying to the occupant of the grave. This is major shirk which puts a person beyond the pale of Islam, because prayer is an act of worship, and it is not permissible to do any act of worship to anyone other than Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:36]

“Verily, Allaah forgives not (the sin of) setting up partners (in worship) with Him, but He forgives whom He wills, sins other than that, and whoever sets up partners in worship with Allaah, has indeed strayed far away”

[al-Nisa’ 4:116]

The second type is praying to Allaah in the graveyard. This covers a number of issues:

1 – Praying the funeral (janaazah) prayer at the graveside, which is permissible.

Example: if a person dies and you are not able to offer the funeral prayer for him in the mosque, then it is permissible for you to offer the prayer for him after he is buried.

The evidence for this is that this is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that a black man or a black woman used to clean the mosque, and he (or she) died. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked about him and they said, “He died.” He said, “Why did you not tell me? Show me to his grave (or her grave).” So he went to the grave and offered the funeral prayer. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 458; Muslim, 956).

2 – Praying the funeral prayer in the graveyard, which is permissible

Example: a person dies and you are not able to offer the funeral prayer for him in the mosque, so you go to the graveyard and offer the prayer there before he is buried.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “It is permissible to offer the funeral prayer for the deceased inside the graveyard just as it is permissible to offer the funeral prayer for him after he is buried, because it was proven that a woman used to clean the mosque and she died. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked about her and they said, ‘She died.’ He said, ‘Why did you not tell me? Show me to her grave.’ So they showed him and he offered the prayer for her, then he said, ‘These graves are filled with darkness for their occupants, but Allaah illuminates them by my prayer over them.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 956.)

From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 8/392

3 – Praying in the graveyard – apart from the funeral (janaazah) prayer – this prayer is invalid and does not count, whether it is an obligatory prayer or a naafil prayer.

The evidence for that is as follows:

(i)The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “All the earth is a mosque apart from the graveyards and bathrooms.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 317; Ibn Maajah, 745; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 606).

(ii)The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “May Allaah curse the Jews and the Christians, for they have taken the graves of their Prophets as places of worship.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 435; Muslim, 529).

(iii)Praying in graveyards may be a means that leads to worshipping the graves, or to imitating those who worship graves. Hence, because the kaafirs used to prostrate to the sun as it was rising and setting, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to pray when the sun is rising or setting, lest that be taken as a means that leads to worshipping the sun instead of Allaah, or to resembling the kuffaar.

4 – Praying towards the graveyard, which is haraam, according to the correct opinion.

Example: you pray with a graveyard or grave in the direction of your qiblah, but you are not praying in the graveyard, rather you are praying on some other ground that is close to the graveyard, with no wall or barrier between you and it.

The evidence for this being haraam:

(i)It was narrated that Abu Marthad al-Ghanawi said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not sit on graves, or pray towards them.” (Narrated by Muslim, 972). This indicates that it is haraam to pray towards graveyards or towards graves or towards a single grave.

(ii)The reason why it is not allowed to pray towards a graveyard is the same as the reason why it is not allowed to pray towards a grave. So long as a person is facing towards the grave or graveyard in such a way that it may be said that he is praying towards it, then this comes under the prohibition, and if it comes under the prohibition then it is not valid, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Do not pray …” The prohibition here is on praying, so if a person prays towards a grave, he is combining obedience and disobedience, and it is not possible to draw closer to Allaah in such a manner.

Note: If there is a wall between you and the graveyard, then the basic principle is that it is acceptable to pray in this case and it is not prohibited. Similarly, if there is a street or a considerable distance which would mean that you cannot be regarded as praying towards the graves, then this is acceptable. And Allaah knows best.

See al-Mughni, 1/403; al-Sharh al-Mumti’ by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/232.

2 – The issue of intercession

You were mistaken when you said that no one will intercede on the Day of Resurrection except the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Rather the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will intercede and so will others among the believers.

But we will add here an issue that was not mentioned there, which is that there are conditions attached to intercession:

1 – Permission must be granted by Allaah to the intercessor to intercede.

2 – Allaah must approve of the one for whom intercession is to be made.

The evidence for these two conditions is the verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And there are many angels in the heavens, whose intercession will avail nothing except after Allaah has given leave for whom He wills and is pleased with”

[al-Najm 53:26]

“and they cannot intercede except for him with whom He is pleased”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:28]

As for the imaginary intercession which the idol-worshippers think their gods perform for them, this is an invalid intercession, for Allaah does not permit intercession unless He is pleased both with the intercessor and those for whom intercession is made.

See al-Qawl al-Mufeed Sharh Kitaab al-Tawheed by Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 336-337.

The fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the believers will intercede does not justify asking them to intercede, as some people do when they ask the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to intercede for them even after his death.

Source: Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

IslamQA

Jazakhallah

MrSuama:
Officer, the matter of professional courses depends on some factors like the corps you applied to. For example engineering related corps will require an applicant to be registered engineer, education corps will require an applicant to be duely registered by TRCN. Note, the following corps require one professional certification or the other:
Signal corps, intelligence corps, electrical and mechanical engineer corps, finance corps and public relations.
About the difference between SSC and DSSC, on paper SSC cadets are trained to be combatants while DSSC are trained to take up official roles like working in the hospitals, signals, finance department, schools etc. But in reality, every soldier is likely to be sent to the war front.

Officially, I have given up before the battle even begin, I applied for finance, I studied business administration and DSSC fa.
I can't chop slaps and still be sent home for nothing

enesi009:
what did u study

Business Administration and I applied for Finance

TRINITY1993:
What is your course of study bro, you can read through the application page for DSSC and SSC requirements and see the one your course of study fits into properly

I studied Busines Administration and a applied for Finance........ I've forgotten the suffix jare

MrSuama:
Abiodunasala made it to SSC course 45 training.

Good afternoon bro,
I've been following your comments of late and I must commend your efforts, may God make this your time to be commissioned into NA.
Please, I made a mistake in my application, I applied for DSSC instead of SSC, of course I don't really know the difference up till now but something kept telling me that DSSC is for professionals in their field and SSC is for regular graduate, can you please put me through and also to know if my application could still be considered because I'm just a graduate without any professional certificate.
Thanks

Please add me to the group 08033760246

Secondly, please guys what's the difference between DSSC and SSC because I'm losing confidence in my application, I'm just a graduate without any professional certificate, am I qualified for the DSSC? That's what I applied for though

God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria