₦airaland Forum

An experienced Accountant and a secretary with good computer skills are needed for urgent employment in Port Harcourt. Send cv to
sales@coagitsolution.com

This country is pathetic. Everywhere you go you are greeted with one anomaly or the other. And the target group is the youth, in the end when these ones start exhibiting greed perhaps in public offices, people won't understand it is related to the scarcity they experienced sometimes in the future.

I will continue to say it, most Nigerians are greedy and impatient because it never paid them in the past or they may have learned from the bitter experiences of others.

This isn't funny at all. Let the LA, ZI, SC, LG boss, councilors, etc and all those who need to be informed be reached.

3cycle:
I will send you a pm. A chemical engineer is in need of a job and he resides as Rumokoro.
Thanks

Hi friend,

Pls leave your no like the others have done.

Vacancy in Port Harcourt:

Title: Chemical Engineer

Desired course: Industrial chemistry, chemical engineering, etc

Minimum qualification: OND.

Qualified and interested candidates should send me a PM or even copy this message leaving their mobile and email. Sorry, pls I won't leave my mobile or email here.

Note: Candidate must be domiciled in Port Harcourt. Preferably around NTA road axis and its environs.

modified: Greetings friends, please note: this vacancy is no longer available. If anything new comes up, I would update this thread.

bingbagbo:
have u been released finally?

I just returned from Crimea. The boko haram pro-Russian fighters there are really gruesome. Please share your Sambisa experience with me. Let's have an intelligent "issue based" discussion on this thread.

I would be waiting before I go for my boxing campaign training. My campaign is kick starting soon, by the way.

Meanwhile, congratulations to you. Your Black Stars didn't come with anything but a silver medal. Ghana is growing.(I sincerely congratulate you.)

bingbagbo:
Gone are the days lols
the good old exciting days
where u all ar e my niggers
from bright, jackpot, donkollione, homar, sutoboy, bunmioguns, bushy, larride,....erm..... .....dani, booqee, ajibel, studio cfr, ekeroyal, araregem, element, olawalebabs, slimchi2k2, pretiebony, .....countless....charley represent yourself jhooooor

merry xmas to you alllllllllllllllllll

Who is calling me? Oh! Bin-Laden-Gbagbo. Where have you been all this years? My goodness, are you in Sambisa or Baga?

gcey2k:
Mind the information you give out in a public forum.

A blank document may allow you write the CBT but not the interview...This scholarship process is no joke... You are interviewed based on the course you submitted when applying. Let it not be that a blank document will be the hindrance after enough effort have been put in. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Getting admission in the UK is like reciting ABC... My advice is for one to try as much as possible to get admission in a course that can EASE your way to getting the award... after that one can change "n" number of times.

My friend slow down, don't take it personal. The young man got my info else he would have asked for further clarifications.

vansledge:
will nddc allow me to ryt d test without havin d admission (not uploading)? pls help a broda

You can scan a blank document and upload it in place of the admission letter and you are covered. The truth is once you get through the CBT and oral interview, you can change schools "n" number of times. So chill.

All the best to you and all others who would be applying and sitting for the exams by the way.

Suntemi:
Ekeroyal, Find my iPhone was enabled on the phone that's the reason you were able to track it from Apple's website. You don't need an app to set that up. It is under "Settings" already.

The dude that returned it may have tried unlocking it severely without success. He is also very brave, many people will not even try to ring you. Nobody wan end up for police net

No it wasn't enabled, I remember disabling it. I think the iCloud got activated when they kept fiddling with it.


Another area that also occurred to me was "numerology". I had a chat with an Indian friend and he said there was something about 28,7,28. Do we have numerologists in the house? Please what's your take?


As respects my safety, I wish I could meet those who were bothered about that, am a one man gang . I went alone for some reasons (it didn't mean no one was unaware of my whereabouts/location all through the exercise ), I knew my way around the area years back, I was there earlier than scheduled and did my own survey and ensured the location wasn't unnecessarily lonely. I won't be that stupid to throw caution to the wind. I thought of a whole lot of other things that could befall me, like kidnapping.

It's been a wave of interesting responses, have had some good laugh from most posts. Especially "idonbilivit", "sow a seed", "France sh*t", etc.

Honestly, safe for the unnecessary hardship that has enveloped Nigeria, brought about by some political cabal, Nigerians would have been better than they are. I can see there is likely a sign of light at the end of the tunnel.

This isn't to preach self-righteousness, but I can't remember stealing or picking anyone's stuff, no matter how attractive. Maybe I'm reaping some benefit.

As regards why my phone was returned, I'm not a religious fanatic. However, I think technology alone couldn't have returned my phone.

anishe:
Why carry Iphone enter taxi?

Lesson from the story: don't buy iphone if you have got no car of your own.

It is shame to enter cabu cabu with iphone.

I hate telling people this, but you should think twice before making this kind of comments on nairaland. Was there any part of the initial post that was meant to tell you how wealthy or poor I was? When you don't know people and you hear their story, try not letting the little kid in you show itself. Try paying attention to the subject matter or just try to be jovial or you can read and move on. Stop jumping the gun and be a better Nigerian.

DUNKA:
Picture of you unlocking d iphone or I don belevit

Besides the iPhone, no other phone got a (good) camera else I'd have put up a photo.

As regards those asking for sowing a seed on their heads, please leave your account details.

It's really a one in a million story.

Lost And Found My Stolen Phone After 7 Months

This may sound unreal to some persons but it is real and happened in Nigeria. It is about my iPhone 4S, I only bought it January 2014, a new one. The story is funny with a few lessons and inferences drawn from here and there. This is how it went.........

I lost my phone in a taxi in Port Harcourt on the 28th of April, 2014. It probably slipped out of my pocket. When I realized it, I quickly tried tracking the taxi driver but couldn't find him that evening. I waited for him around the route where he operates but couldn't find him. To make matters worst, the phone was offline as I had only returned from an island with very little Airtel signal, hence I couldn't call it. The next day I was to travel, but I couldn't go. I waited for him again around the route he operates and fortunately I found him but he simply told me, he didn't see my phone. I was crest fallen and started accepting the reality. That evening I told my better half who was far off, of my predicament and she simply said, am not convinced you lost that phone". I began to imagine if she was a prophet from God or she simply said it to calm me down.

I had so much information on the phone that I almost got it announced on radio, safe for the fact that such announcements can't be made. The next day I traveled and simply tried to forget the phone. I was so feeling bad because I didn't activate the iCloud or Lost iPhone app. But before I traveled, I logged into the apple portal with my account and left a message, "If you find this phone, it is lost. Simply call 080********. A reward awaits you". Then I relaxed. That weekend I suddenly tried calling the phone and it rang for six (6) times and nobody picked it. I sent two sms yet no response. At that point I was feeling even worse because somehow the iPhone is unlocked now, I thought. At this point, I had to forget it and bother my head with other issues. But one interesting decision I made was to stick to my Asha dual SIM phone I was using besides the iPhone until February 2015 when I would buy a new one.

On November 17, 2014 I was back in PHC again. Then came the mysterious call by about 21:38hrs on November 28, 2014. The caller introduced himself, though I didn't catch the name and it was seen as one of those trivial calls, until he asked "did you lose you iPhone recently?" I went ahead to give him details of where, when and how I last saw my iPhone. "call me tomorrow so I can direct you on where to come pick your iPhone", he added. That was it. I went there, met with about five young men and after about 20 minutes wait, another young man came with the iPhone. Behold, it was still fresh and clean. And I smartly inquired what really happened. I could decipher that the young man who called me intended to buy the iPhone but got frustrated when all efforts to unlock it proved abortive. So he decided it meant nothing than to return it to the owner. When I inserted a SIM, I accessed the iCloud server and immediately I entered my credentials, the iPhone was unlocked.

I know technology was at work, but at the same time I also feel there was hand of God. The point is, even if the fellow wasn't able to unlock it and got frustrated as the days went by, he could have as well decided to also crush it. But he didn't, instead he took the bold step by calling. He was surprised when I told him I didn't inform the Police and I also didn't come with any Police or something.

Meanwhile, my lost hope in Nigeria and Nigerians is gradually coming back. I simply didn't expect getting my iPhone back.

What do you think fellas?

So annoying. I first saw it first in Ilorin (Unilorin students) last year and it remained disgusting to me. I think Nigerian undergraduates and graduates should start reasoning. What a waste.

What will they tell the parents of this student? If my brother was the victim, I'd haunt and at least disfigure majority of those who brought this misery to me.


Plain classical nonsense.

A pity.

Meanwhile booked.

The Blonde joke to end all Blonde jokes

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively agitated.

"What does it look like?" Asked the blonde. The policewoman replied, "it's square and has your picture on it".

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

After having a look, the blonde officer then handed it back saying, "Ok you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

biodunid: Another MASSIVE payday for the FRSC 'stakeholders'! Have they already finished digesting all the billions made from new plate numbers and drivers licences? They will not stop milking us until we stop acting like cows. Does anyone know of another country where the police fail to do their work but insist on vehicle owners fitting expensive devices into their vehicles? We just keep setting new records for mumuness.

LMAO at the bold part.

Now the truth is those so-called stakeholders in FRSC don't even understand the dangers in putting speed limit in a bedeviled country like Nigeria. Imagine the following scenarios:
1. A family member needs medical attention at an odd hour in the night or wee hours and the car is limited to say 80KM/H when to get there on time wold required say 100KM/H or even 120KM/H (I can tell a couple of real life stories about this)

2. A traveler is being chased by criminals on a lonely high way.

Those making this recommendation or did I hear it is a law already, should go back to the "drawing board", that is, if they ever had any. The law doesn't make sense. It never happens anywhere in the world. SEEK THE PEOPLE'S OPINION

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback but she decided to tell him the truth.

"It's called sexual intercourse darling."

Little Akpors said "Oh OK" and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily

"Grandma it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Miriam's mum wants to talk to you."

The mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened ?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened.

I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip.

I get home... and guess what I found ?

Yes, your daughter, my wife , with a naked guy in our marital bed!

This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "

There is something very odd going on here.

My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation.

I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

" I told you there must be a simple explanation ..... she didn't receive your E-mail!"

runzlord: Were we great b4?

Please if you don't know what to say, you can save yourself the stress.

I am not a politician neither am I an activist. AM only a concerned Nigerian and a human with unadulterated blood flowing in my veins.

I sincerely think going back to the basics would help reunite this country and give everyone a better life. I have propounded some "concussion" that could help heal us and mend broken bridges -physically, mentally and emotionally. I wasn't able to be at the National confab venue but thank God am on "Nairaland Confab". Here we go.


1. Let the government reorganize our educational sector: This is what I mean, not everybody is able to pass through formal education especially at tertiary level. Hence, provision should be made for vocational colleges to carter for such ones and factories, workshops and the rest be built to absorb these ones when they're through and if they choose to be their own boss, adequate arrangement should be made to assist them. The government of Nigerian also needs to abolish the "survival by paper" syndrome and allow people earn a living by being skilled, so long as they can demonstrate it. O'Level exams should be looked into seriously. A person who cannot pass the exam should not be seen as a failure. A vocational college should absorb such ones if they demonstrate they can learn and develop a trade / skill. I have friends in the US and India who hardly read a single line of English but are living well because they have a skill. If Nigerians realise they can live well without university degrees, it would reduce the rush in our higher institutions and the fewer students we have in the classrooms, the better.


2. There should be no form of immunity for public office holders. If they don't do well, they face the consequences straight on. We must not wait for them to leave office before they are tried.

3. Job quota for Nigerians in multinational companies should be increased and multinationals must accept to train young Nigerian graduates. It is obtainable in other countries, India and China are doing well with this method. The only jobs foreigners should are those no Nigerian is capable of doing.

4. Employment system should be revamped. It is only in Nigeria where 90 percent of the jobs available are for experienced heads. This practice is a serious torn in the flesh of young Nigerian graduates who come out of institutions of Higher learning raw and are expected to bag 5 years working experience plus professional qualifications that is more expensive than all the fees they paid in during their undergraduate studies put together. Let companies employ and train. Instead let a bond be signed to protect such organizations to ensure the employee doesn't runaway with the training.

5. State governments especially should look at housing issues critically. Build low cost houses and let those they are meant for get it. Government should liaise with banks to make loans and or payment by installment available to low income earners.

6. No new government should focus on more than three sectors during his tenure except they have exceeded expectations. For example, a government may decide to take on housing, power and health and must stick to it until they expected result is achieved.

7. Local Government Identification letters should be abolished. Nigeria should have a unified Birth of certificate that should have all the necessary details identifying a newborn and with the help of a central database all data would be entered and maintained. A child born in a city should automatically be a native of that place regardless of where his parents are coming from so long as they are Nigerians. They hospital where they child is born should issue the birth certificate immediately after the baby is born. With this practice, there would be no need for age falsification, tribalism and the likes.

8. A professional school of all graduates should be put in place like we have for Law and Medical graduates. There should be business, secretarial, technological schools and the like.

9. Nigerians must learn to patronize made in Nigeria goods. I was surprised with what I saw when I made up my mind to look for made in Nigerian shoes and clothes. At first I never believed but they are real, they are good and even better than many of the trash we import from Asia and Europe. Trust me on this one.

10. Our textile factories should be reopened with immediate effect as a matter of fact. There are loads of textile mills in littered all over the country that have gone defunct. Let them start rolling.


I sincerely believe if we can start implementing these few lines of thoughts, some of our issues would be resolved.



What do you think fellas?

HOW TO PLUCK GROUNDNUT(Teach yourself free)
=====================================

1. Discover the groundnut tree.
2. Get a sickle, bag and ladder
3. Place the ladder at an appropriate location(at angle 90 degree, please use your protractor for accuracy)
4. Climb the ladder with the bag and sickle
5. Jump from the ladder to the groundnut tree branch
6. Harvest with the sickle
7. Jump back to the ladder and climb down
8. Pick the groundnuts into the bag
9. When you're done please visit a clinic with orthopedic and psychiatric departments.

Thank you

Greetings to all you boys and girls, young and old, men and women, mods and doms, animals and peoples and just whoever you think you are.

Please we have a scenario in our hand today and would appreciate your loving (sincere or insincere) contribution(s). The best answer wins a prize.

It is assumed that pregnancy is detachable, that is to say, if the woman is tired of carrying the baby or wants to do something and needs to be fast about it, she could detach it and give to anybody available. And whomever carries the womb would transfer at least a trait to the unborn child.

On this occasion, her hubby was absent and she was left with the gate man, the house-boy and house maid.

The gate man is in love with weed and alcohol, the house-boy is a fart capacitor and got a shapeless head and ogre-like look. While the house maid got serious issues with English, she's shaft headed and snores while sleeping. Mind you, these are only known traits.

These are known threats, please tell us your best bet and why.



Where's the gHana fagot binladen?