₦airaland Forum

Guykhena: @op your post is an excuse sinners use to justify themselves

It never is, but the question is, is the teaching of hell fire sound and real when placed side by side with the Bible or Qua-ran?

oyems2003: Repent before the reality of Hell's existence dawn on u.

On what authority are you speaking?

Amastermovic: @op until u wan chop bread na then u go no sey oven dey :::until u die b4 u go knw sey hell dey:::I pray none of us experience it o:::no be by mouth or religion by ur mind hearth soul whats d diff self like dis jawe

Are you talking out of experience?

iamSi: www.nairaland.com/1584175/hellfire-it-part-divine-justice

Making sense.

OP, you are making a serious sense. More grease bro!
Hell fire sh*t, hell fire fart. Most people are puppets. They can't seek the truth for themselves, they like being spoon fed.

Here's the fact. Happy reading

A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over."

It was not revealed what grade the student got.

The last time I saw this list it was entitled: "Federal Executive Wankers Council". Didn't know it meant something else.

Mr.T Anonymous:
Ekeroyal,longest time,where have you been

My dear bro., the journey of life has been quite a journey. I'm planing to get single again, should you know anybody who could be my partner with no strings attached except when needed, kindly contact me.

Hope you're doing good as well. I missed you bro.

swtchicgurl: eke! i miss dis section o!

Hi Switch, :* been a while. I missed all the unbridled fun in here. Hope to be more frequent this days. Hope you're doing good.

NEWS ON THE MOVE

[size=14pt]BIN GBAGBO IN POLICE NET FOR SUCKING IYA AKPORS' B.REAS.T.[/size]

THINGS I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off..
(Honey, I'm home . What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......) Something Men already know

Because When You Decide That It Is the Right Time It Might Be Too Late- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle..


Don't delay billy! I am using this wonderful opportunity, no period, no duration.....in fact this nairaland to say a hearty welcome to me and myself.

How are you peep doing in here? Where's Bin Wiener(the cuntable Prof.)

mencade5: accountant royal...abusite

Hi bro, am not an accountant and not an abusite.

DanoskyZ: Beloved colleagues, pls I need urgent answers. What will happen to a corper if he/she misses cds 2wice in a month?

If you're a 'he' you'll go to lake of fire but if you're a 'she' you'll go to hell fire.

Be warned!

Ajibel: I'm already in a super-extraordinary r/ship. No need for this

Are you sure?

Long time bro, how's life treating you?

solomityo: God pls help me in my PPA. The principal is jst using them to make money for himself. I cant even describe wat is happening in this skool. Only 2corpers as teachers in d skool. D principal collect money frm d students n yet doesn't want to employ teachers cos d skool is jst like a church hall. God i'm thinkin of doing clearance corper cos i cant bear d agony in my mind tat this children tat wants education is not getting it and i dont know wat it wil be to report d skool to d right authorities. God direct my path

What school is it? Just leave the details here and the concerned authorities would pay an unplanned visit. Meanwhile, just do your best and be sure to reap a great reward.

Kudos!

Greetings to all Landlords & Landladys

Dessydanointed: Please how much does accomodation cost in Enugu?

>>+self contain+<<

Are you serious?

If yes, just let me know. I have got a 3BHK in a very cossy area of Enugu, so you have no need to worry. Just hit me up when you are ready.









Don't forget to bring broker's fee along.

Dessydanointed: Please anyone serving in enugu now. How good is their toilet and bathroom in camp?

You'll get 5 star toilet and bathroom. Just don't bother. If you also inquire properly, you'd get a private restroom. Trust me, if you're not in Enugu camp, you're ........

I has dead in this place.

booqee: wicked man!
so you follow me come dis thread?? Cos i no understand wetin you dey find ere. You wan serve two times??

I take that for a complement.

Patience is the key.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When your partner is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you are 'spit roasting' a woman.

28: When shopping, a man may not use a basket. He must proceed to balance the items he is carrying as skillfully as possible, trying not to drop them. Reaching the checkout without dropping an item is a moment of pride and honour.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

booqee:
@famousguy. I dey hail u too o. You scarce for here.

@payneleex. I'm back in lagos.

@m'corazon. So you've seen season 3, ehn ehn.. I knew those dat said it ended in season one were wrong. Even if i had the pirated copy and was incomplete, the worst dat could happen is it ending in season two. What i watched is too long for just one season.

@anonimus. No team for real. My dad has been asking me to make up my mind so he'll runz it on time. He want me to be in lagos but i'm like no, live in lagos and serve in lagos?? No way. I like knowing new places, so far its safe and comfy..and i don't know where i want, tho i know where i don't want.

Come to Jigawa, I'd make sure you're okay.

When you are serving in a university and you meet students that are too dull to do their tests properly, can't spell things correctly and cause of your kindness they want to 'over do' in the exam hall. What would you do?

Honest suggestions only.

swtchicgurl: still funny tho' i've read it b4.

Ok dear. So you're still around, missed you.

booqee: you're a fool too! [b]Dog yansh! [/b]

Hello NLanders, It's another Super Sunday and we've got Otooro in the mix. Make sure you learn from him.


Otooro was in church today and I bet it was damn hilarious. While the prayers were on the following ensued.

Pastor: There's a man here........
Otooro: (shouts from the congregation) It's me

Pastor: I repeat, there's a man here...
Otooro: It's me and my family(still shouting)

Pastor: I am very sure there's a man here..
Otooro: Man of God it's definitely me, YES Lord!

Pastor: They have been sucking your blood for five years.
Otooro: AH!! It can't be me.

*The people standing by him started moving away from him, he takes to his heels*



Moral: Listen before you "claim it"

olu16: i decided to ask on here since u guys have been there, cant be asking fellow novices like me... anyway thanks for making me laugh

You're welcome buddy. Laughter is the best medicine.... you know.

olu16: Hi guys .. I.m a prospective batch b corper... pls i need shopping tips the white t shirts and shorts(female). how much should i budget for each one and where is the best market to shop in lagos. im considering buying a lot because i'm not sure washing will be possible while on camp(heard the bathrooms are really bad) or are there people u can pay to wash for you ?
thanks...

Ok I will help you

1. If you want "tips", join the Nigeria Police Force and make sure you're sent to a good highway.

2. Go to Onitsha market, if you really want a good one or since you said Lagos, to to Alaba.

3. How much you budget for depends on what exactly you want. If you want CK, Wrangler, Black,......and the like carry $10 -15 for each. Else you could go get five(5) yards of white cloth and start cutting and joining them. Your mates are doing it.

4. In camp you must wash for yourself, "no option". In fact it's part of the sure. So brace up and start practising now.

5. Who told you bathrooms are bad? Don't ever mention that again or you both will be arrested for Blasphemy. You'd get a 5 Star apartment. Just pray you guys are mixed as in males & Females in you apartment (I promise it's gonna be classic)

6. Finally, you don't need to thank me. It's my pleasure.




Now go and look for the thread which reads "NYSC Batch B 2013 House".





Good morning all Landlords and Landladys here. Respect!!