₦airaland Forum

Arsenal will finish above the other London clubs. Make a note of it. This is there trophy they don't joke with it.

A good win anyway. The run-in is on!

COYG!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.


If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.
Advice: Go see your doctor.
(Women/Ladies Pls keep off)

larride: ^^^^^^ sharap dia, U̶̲̥̅̊
re a learner

If you're a Projan or Protron or Pronto (whatever in NL)#1stClassLearner

larride: This OP is a learner.

A typical example of a learner

You're a learner when you do any of the following:

1. Whenever you go to church, you empty your pocket to the pastor and when you get home you start complaining of extortion.#Look for God's phone number

2. When you earn $150/month as a manual labourer and you promise to buy a Blackberry Porche for a girl friend.#You need to suffer

3. You bought a military camouflage in Nigeria but wear it only in the night in your bedroom.#You must be feeding on poop

4. You're an irresponsible woman and whenever you husband beats you, you tell your neighbours you had a road accident.#The man should do it on the road next time

5. You have converted Facebook to your diary.

6. You own a degree yet you can't make a simple sentence without grammatical & spelling errors.

7. Your wife always beats you because you're unreasonable.

You know others? Feel free to add so we discover all learners now.

^^ got me cracking hard

Don't worry, you're an actress

lecturerdabo: Just brought my pencil and eraser!

Are you snoring while awake?

Okay, good boy now go to the children's room and tell the nanny to help you with you assignments.
Am busy now, and please don't comeback here.

lecturerdabo: What's your Point Bro?

Have you done your primary 2 assignments? Or you want your teacher to cane you in class tomorrow?
Now go get your pencil and eraser and leave this place.

Thank you

Welcome all ye men and menses, this thread is for us mainly, although the women & womenses can be allowed to have a peek.

Though it's posted in the jokes section, it's a serious matter. In fact more serious than you'e trying to imagine.

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
SIMPLE.

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...


PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

Seyixyz: On a sad note,we hav lost 4 corpers in an accident on dia way 2 Tsafe camp,Zamfara state..May dia souls find rest wit d Lord & we pray 4 God's speedy recovery on d injured lyin ryt nw @ Gusau Teachin Hospital

WTF!? Now this's sh*t. The main reason I hate NYSC.

May the family have the fortitude to bear such an indescribable loss.

Any platoon leaders yet? Raise your hands and be counted.

Ms kwin: I'm posted to yobe state, buh serzly can't wait for april 4th to get to d camp!!! Where were yu posted?

Looks like Nasarawa

ATTENTION PROSPECTIVE BATCH A 2013 CORPERS(yet to be deployed):

If you are yet to be deployed but is cleared by NYSC or originally deployed to Yobe or Borno. Take it easy, no tension
you'll be in camp either in Nasarawa or Benue states between April 4th - 25th, 2013.

(Obviously, going to be the most crowded camps. Be ready!)

Hmmmm, nice. I need him to send me a python in a box ASAP.

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely woman aged 70, decided she wanted to get married. She put an ad
in a local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened
the door to see a gray-haired gentle man with no arms nor legs sitting in
a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to
consider to you, are you? Just look at yourself....you have no legs" The
old man smiled, "Therefore I can't run around you!"

She snorted. "You have no hands either!" Again the man said "nor can I
beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
With that the old man gently leaned back, beamed a broad smile and said,
"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

‎2013 BATCH ‘A‘ POSTING
The 2013 Batch ‘A‘ Prospective Corps Members are advised to check their posting and collect their callup letters from Thursday 28th Feb. Foreign trained Nigerian graduates are to collect their own from the NYSC secretariats of their states of domicile as indicated during registration. Report to camps on time pls as NO late registration will be entertained. NYSC wishes you a hitch-free service year.

where's the joke?

Jezreel1759: Where u see pocket... Olodo, u must be Gay or TAY them dey stab d-ick for ur brain

So on point. He needs to send his brain to car wash.

Ok

Olodo 1: Op u no wise? Where pocket take dey get zip. Except in the 70s

@Olodo de 1st, don't get you. Recoil please

Is this a yoke?

PretiEbony: Lol...

Hi Pretie Bone, hope you don't have a dirty mind. Looks like you tried it out. Lol

Am sure you followed him. Please snap your face and paste it here. You nearly got killed.

realsammie: Guys!!!

Girls love surprises, suprise your girlfriend
this valentine...

introduce her to your real girlfriend.

ARE YOU FEELING BORED?
AND YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT TO DO?
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It's simple.. (Follow these steps)
1. Open your zip

2. Insert your hand

3. Slowly take out your .
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Pen & Paper from your bag and write:
"I love you Nigeria, Keshi and Super Eagles" 1000 times!! GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MINDs

DailyNews: it means that:

1. Your username reminds me of the first 2 market days in Igbo land: Eke and Orie, and that Burkinafaso = Aboki na asofa, which means Aboki go suffer today for Naija hand

Ok, now I know

^^So what is the meaning?

DonHummer: hehehe..dat dog looks lyk mukina...no ban me oo

Mr.T Anonymous:
Man: I am getting married. How would I know if my wife isa virgin?
Doc : Get a Virginity test kit.
Man: What's that?
Doc : Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of
Blue Paint and a hammer.
Man: What ? Are you mad?
Doc : Paint your right Ball Redand Left Ball Blue and as you remove your
underwear, if your wife says,'that's the
strangest pair of balls I've ever seen' Hit her head with the hammer !

The bomb, keep them coming.