₦airaland Forum

Dyt:
swo because u jst land frm paris now mk we run?

no worry u hear, just send me ur house address, i will come and marry u, then when am going back to paris, i will take u along lollllzzzzzzz

blacksta:
She is forever a sweet 18 - she no dey age

haba blacksta, dats not a nice curse oooo

snthesis:
o boy biz go move well well- 2 customers already.

but Element pure water is not tasty o!
Efe send me your addy sharp sharp,one bag of pure water for u- u deserve it- u've being dry of late, u nid to get wet

sorry no mind me, i be village boy now, na yesterday i land for 9ja from paris. No be my fault ooo

and by d way b4 i forget, snthesis, am living in ikorodu, i dont mind if u can come along to sell ur tasty pure water. I swear u go sell well well, at least b4 u know it u fit become manufacturing company self.

blacksta, which one now, i offend u? abeg i no fit pack shitt oooo

well snthesis, av not really read ur jokes but i guess u'll really do well. I only guessed, its not yet guaranteed

blacksta, it get as it be for u ooo, encouragement no dey ur dictionary for once

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=496215.msg6563718#msg6563718 date=1281644455]Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot,
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

i love dat part[/quote]

i guess i still got a lot of work to do

thanks girl, but are u sayin dat my other jokes were dry

this are soo unbelieved, i will sacked that people that write these letter to my office

Little junior went to school one day and told his friend dat he wanted to know how to make money d easy way. His friend told him dat all adults all have a dark secret to keep so all he has to do is just to go to dem and tell dem dat "i know the whole truth". Junior was happy so he went home and when his mum came back, he told her "mum i know d whole truth", his mum was scared so she gave him 20$ and told him not to tell anyone, also when his dad came back, he told his dad "dad, i know the whole truth" his dad too was scared so he gave him 40$ and begged him not to tell anyone.
Little junior was feeling smart so he decided to do it to another person. When the mailman came to deliver their mails, junior went to d man and told him "i know the whole truth". The mailman just said, "Good, thank God u know the truth now, so come now and hug your FATHER!!!!"

[quote author=bashy_demy link=topic=492930.msg6532848#msg6532848 date=1281220670]Resemble Element himself[/quote]it be like say u don dey chop padlock for breakfast, who fine pass for me and ur momsi

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new s ex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds

There once was three guys who didn't have any money. or any food.

They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satiafied.

One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"

They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .

They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .

The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.

She took him into her barn and said to get started.

He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.

Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started f ucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started f ucking her with that one.

Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .

The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn

There was this lady and she really wanted to have s ex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a p enis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle p enis my vigina' and it will start having s ex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle p enis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled p enis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE p enis MY a ss"

One day a man and a woman were having sex and a bee flew up the womans hole

The man took the woman to the hospital.

The doctor said he was going to put some honey on the tip of his rod and lure the bee out.

The doctor begins to lure the bee out, and soon realises it's not working, so he begins thrusting his rod into this woman.

The man appears shocked and says "Doctor, what the hell do you think your doing".

The doctor replies "I couldn't lure it out, so I'm going to drown the b astard"

i still dey wonder, wetin d doctor wan use drown d b astard (u understand now) 

One day a guy noticed that he had a red ring around his manliness.

So he goes to the doctor and he gives the guy some cream and says, "If it doesn't work come back again tomorrow".

The guy went back to the doctor and said "The cream you gave me didn't work"!

So the doctor gave him a different cream and said "If that doesn't work come back again tomorrow".

So the next day the guy cam back and said "This stuff you gave doesn't work either".

So the doctor gave him some more cream and said "If the red ring is still there come back tomorrow".

The next day the guy came back and said "The cream you gave me worked what was it?"

So the doc. said "Nothing special,  It was just lip-stick remover".

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=492868.msg6529733#msg6529733 date=1281176218]All these new comedians for Nairaland don tire me.

Ebi like say them go start to write Comedian examine to post joke for this section.[/quote]guy abeg go sleep if u no say u no get work, how many u do wey people laugh (i mean human beings and not skunks)

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=492925.msg6529743#msg6529743 date=1281176329]This na joke or advice?? [/quote]u no knw say na d time table wey d useless husband do make d germ nab d man

dis are my own counters for d reasons
1. when d girl self na disgrace for public
2. how i go miss u when u urself be burden for house
3. why should i feel guilty when u are d cause of trouble when u just cant keep ur mouth shut
4. why shouldnt i brag about whom av slept with when u are a failure in bed
5. why shouldnt i criticise ur friends when u its dat d only thing u discuss with them is how to dry my pocket
6. why should i admit dat am jealous when i knw dat d man about to take u is about to fulfill my wishes
7. i dont feel threatened about ur intelligence, its just dat am scared dat the d business will crumble with ur ideas
8. well u really have to say no, since u are really after my money, d little skul boys dat hit ur hole outside d house is gud enough for u
9. why should u house train me, u women are enemies of progress
10. i av to abandon u now, as we men all knw, women are liabilities, as they grow bigger, ur expense will surely increase
11. for crying out loud, why wont i mind when u do all the driving, who wants TO DIE YOUNG!!!
12. why wont i step on it, when you women are a pain in the ass
13. i wont admit it dat am lost, so dat u wont figure out dat it is d right time to kill me to get my money
14. its a normal thing, which guy would want to be jobless, women are just daft
15. why wont i doubt kissing you, when am not too sure of what u used in brushing ur teeth

Please guys help us out ooo, dis women are just one of a kind

dis is d damn truth, abeg guys make una take heart, no be my fault too, as i dey post dis thing, na cry i too dey cry oooo

women are just not proper chai, dis is terrible

please make una see dis picture, which guy fit boast say e like woman pass dis bastard

thanks man

ah i no know oooooooooooo, abeg sting no swear for me, efemena am sooo sooo sorry, if i go about dey talk rubbish now, i fit end up dey pack shiit

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon.

When the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. So every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15.

This went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot.

The shot killed all the germs inside her except for three. These three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans.

One germ said, "I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot. I don't think the antibiotics will find me there".

A second exclaimed, "I am going to hide behind her right ear. I don't think they'll find me there."

The last germ said, "I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 guy pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!"

A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, "

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party.

Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump.

While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no tolet paper, You have wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you."

Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole.

All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers.

The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers.

[quote author=Efemena_xy link=topic=492868.msg6529467#msg6529467 date=1281172398]Really, Sting!!

c'mon, you're saying mothers show prefential treatment to their daughters?

And are biased towards their sons? - not true!

unless of course, you're sharing your experiences with us?? [/quote]Efemena, dats too wicked, chai sting, dis chick don fall ur hand for calvary oooo, dem talk say u dey ur momsi dey feel say anytime wey u don lock urself pass 3mins, na masturbate remain for u wey u dey do