₦airaland Forum

dayokanu:
Emmatok,

The wife is the one to blame here. She is an adult and the MIL told her to leave her husbands house she left.

But at the moment due to the age of the child, you cant separate mother and child so its best to wait till the child is old enuff before he claims his child

I get you point, but what if  these cretins takes  the child to another state and the lady end up marring another man.

Cos i know that kind of  MIL might be pushing her daughter to marry another man.

Guess who suffers.The innocent child suffers .

And it might take years to locate them.

That is why he needs a court order to keep them within his range.

ronkebp:
Emmatok go and drink cold water, there is more to that story. IF late Titi's (the banker's) mother went and carried her daughter away from her husband's house she will still be alive today"".

Me, i support divorce 100%.

But these case is different, no proper divorce, no court arrangement, just disappear with the baby.

ABA, the is bad for the child health too, because the whole family will be under pressure.

Will they be able to do the naming openly?

ileobatojo:
Thank you o! The way I see it, this is basically a case of marital separation where the wife has moved back with her mother, simple.

Are you saying the MIL kidnapped the daughter against her own will? How did she do it? Did she tie her up? Drug her? Knock her unconscious with a baton? If the wife walked out of there on her own with her mother, then she chose to separate from her husband and live with her mother. Nothing illegal was done here. Could the MIL have influenced her decision? Yes, but the wife decided of her own free will to go live with her mother. OP needs to gain access to his wife and make amends with her.

The MIL and her daughter illegally took away that child. That is kidnapping and it is a crime.

The court only can decide who keeps the child/children in case on a proper divorce and not a runaway wife.

Do you know the MIL can be jail and the daughter forced to handover the child after weaning years.

Hope the-same woman won't come back begging, blaming the devil .

ronkebp:
Emmatok, nope!! am not being sentimental, just saying it as i perceive it, i don't know what the MIL has done that is so wrong !!! she is protecting her daughter and grandchild and that is wrong her daughter just put to bed, whose mum does not take care of her daughter after she puts to bed in Naija, they usually go to the daughter's home, but if the atmosphere in the home is not conducive, then she has every right to want to go with her daughter. Now!! her daughters' agreeing to go with her is a different case.

LOL,

She (MIL) has no right to take another mans child.

The child belongs to both parties (husband and wife) and not MIL.

If she is needed  they (husband and wife) will call on her, not her imposing herself.

And what the MIL did is shameful and totally wrong in all ramifications.

I tell you some father in-laws will not hesitate to send their daughter and the child back to her husband, cos it is bad and shameful to the family.

Now the MIL is gradually turning the innocent child to a Bastard(A child whose birth lacks legal legitimacy).

Shameless people.

This woman na thief o.

ronkebp:
Moreso, your wife just put to bed( or why is she in the hospital), you should be thinking about her well-being and the baby's not for you to be concerned about your MIL attitudes.  Who can take care of a child if not the mother? seriously? why are you angry that the her mother wants to take care of her daughter, do you know if she had complications during child birth, nope!!!! you are just bothered that she followed her mum home.

You don't need to be sentimental here.

The MIL is a criminal and she has not stake in that family.

The MIL can take her daughter if she want, but that child's custody should be decided in court.

ronkebp:
Innocent of whatever the family is accusing him of.

Whatever the the family is accusing him of does not justify their crime.

By the way did that family report those accusations to the police or Court?

It is only the court that can give anybody the right to take a child.

That mother and her daughter are criminals.

ronkebp:
HE CAN DO THE BOLDED ONLY IF HE IS INNOCENT.

And what crime did he comment.

You snatched my child and you asking if I am innocent.

Innocent of what?

smoothlips:
I hate rules, My girl friend has plenty of them,
"a boy friend should do this, "
"if u love me do dat"
" don't u know ur suppose to kiss me, hold me, yash me, "
the rules are KILLING ME!

[quote author=baby-boy link=topic=883914.msg10314130#msg10314130 date=1330691919]If it goes to court, who would they award the child?


Lets say they award the Child to the Hubby, Would the Lady be coming once a week to breat feed the child?

The guy should forget about the wife, but should be able to see his child

Custody over a child (no a baby) is not the case at the moment because best option would be the mother, yes they could throw the mother in law in prison for kidknapping but the child would always stay with the mum,

All the John McCain approach (send in NATO/ ECOMOG attitude) is not needed,[/quote]For me the man should just send his wife and MIL to jail.

There are alternatives to mothers breast-feeding.

dare2think:

A man with an unconditional love for his wife!

Their is noting like unconditional love in a relationship.

jennykadry:
Oh pleaseeee, read properly before replying my post.

This man when asked to go for a test, completely washed his hands off the issue because he had 3 kids to show for it, even told her, he had 3 kids to show for it making it look like the OP was the one with the problem. What kind of man does that anyways? what kind of man wouldn't want to support his wife even if she is the one with the problem?

Pleaseeeee. If you wanna argue with me, bring on a solid and intelligent argument not this petty ones you just raised.

HA HA,

You don dey VEX again abi.

What man will be running  around hospitals for fertility test after three Kids.

Or what pressure  can you mount on woman with threes kid.

If he dies today the young lady will go her way leaving the kids behind.Simple

If my sister or female friend goes into such relationship it is her cross.

She will need to tread softly.

Lexoria:
To all u guys saying he should go get his child,are u listening to urself?Who said its only his child,the wife also has a right to child too.Who breastfeeds the child when he gets the child,the guy?Even if he goes to court,based on the baby's age,custody will be awarded to the wife.
@OP,pls tell us the truth about this whole story,something is amiss

You  really don't know what you are talking about.

kidnapping is a crime irrespective of  who commits it.

@OP

Just get a lawyer sue both mother and daughter for kidnapping your son.

Get your child back, while they go to jail.

Simple.

hmm

jennykadry:
Ok28

Darling, no one is judging you but my dear, I think you went so far by marrying a man(love or no love)with so much baggage like someone said, you were 23 and definitely had a lot of options. Marrying a man your parents do not approve of is not right either, you cannot even share some of your burden or go to them for an advise because they warned you from the onset.

Yes, a lot of single men wih no kids have low Fluid count so its does not just happen to widowers but that kind of man should be married to woman in her 30s not a young 23 y old. Even some women in their 30s sef will turn him down if he approached them for a date.

What happened to his previous marriage? Did you do a proper investigation or just went by what he told you? You walked into this marriage wih both eyes open and even though the man is a j**k himself [/b]I still think you should take a  part blame . If this man had no kids maybe  he would be running around looking for a solution now, but he's got kids and believe me people on the outside will never know not having a child is his problem cos he has 3 kids to show for it. People are going to think, you are the one with the problem and not him. Yes we were all told not to let what people say about us affect us but come onnnn, there are times when we just can't help it and this is one of them times

I seriously and honestly wish you the best

This is the problem I have with you women.

[b]Why blame the man for the ladies problem.

As far as I am concerned the man has done noting wrong.

If a man is allowed to marry a women with (much baggage), why can't the woman do the-same.

You are already making her regret getting married to the man.

I have a feeling you want her to pull out.

It is her choice, let her work on the marriage and get her children.

mutter:
Now you know better
, and the kids loose another mum.

What a comment.

That is evil

hmm

chaircover:
At 20 this boy will probably live with you for the next 5 or so years before he gets married himself.

You have a choice; you can live like cat and mouse and gradually go mad from constant strife and erode your marriage or you can do what I do and that is to befried all my husbands aburos. I am so friendly with them that they will feel uncomfortable doing any wrong. Of course they are decent people to start with. They all have nicknames and I joke, play and tease them a lot and I tell you that they all more than happy to do things and bend backwards for me.

They tell me things that they wouldnt even tell their brother and I also seriously advise them. They are like my own brothers. They are not going anywhere so I have a choice on whether to embrace them and we live in peace and see them as welcome additions or I push them away and the day I need them they are not there for me too.

No one is perfect and there will be a few people that will drive you to distraction, but I came to understand that they are family and they are going no where just as a few people in my family probably drive my own husband cray too 

Please be wise. Whatever you sow in the early years of your marriage will be reaped later on.

I know of a girl in your situation whose husband was living with 3 kid siblings and she was married into the house. She took the "I am the wife and oga in this house" stance and the marriage broke up within 11 months. She was the one who moved out last last. The siblings and the husband have all remarried and living their lives while she is still looking for Mr Right all these years later.

Great .

I continually find the Ibo, Yoruba rivalry on Nairaland quite amusing, if occasionally quite trying.

Tribalism is not caused by the presence of tribes. It is the artificial foisting of different tribes together to suit the needs of colonialist exploitation that created tribalism, or the rivalry of different tribes within the same state.

But even without colonialism, given that these tribes shared common borders, assuming the white man never came, at some stage or the other these tribes would have collided as part of the normal process of expansion through trade, war and intermarriage. The forests and the Niger would not long have divided the Ibo s and Yoruba's even without interference from abroad.

Indeed both tribes were united by a common domination by the great Benin empire. Ekiti slaves and ibo slaves would have mingled and mixed in the Benin royal court long before the first Portuguese set sail for Africa.

I am Yoruba and never cease to wonder how these two great tribes, the most resourceful on the continent, if you doubt come abroad and I defy any one to point to any African in Europe or America, more resourceful, self confident and willing to look the white man in the eye than the Yoruba or Ibo, I wonder how these two powerful nations don't seem to realise that it is largely their childish quarrels that have prevented the evolution of a more progressive Nigeria

Let's not pretend there are no differences, but many of the differences are based on myths and misrepresented history. Lets look at a few of them. I will try and be as honest and objective as possible.


AWOLOWO AND HIS LEGACY

Undoubtedly the greatest Yoruba man of the last hundred years. His free education policy opened the doors of learning to millions of the downtrodden who would have been doomed to a life of ignorance without it. This cannot be denied. He introduced free education in the western region just 5 years after Clement Attlee did in Britain. Tens of thousands of other Nigerians from the poorer classes benefited from this policy. Infact oposition to Awolow's free education policy was class based with many middle and upper class people from all tribes objecting to their kids being taught in the same schools as the barefooted offspring of the poorer classes.


AWOLOWO AND TRIBALISM

[b]Yes he resorted to tribalism when it suited him and he used it opportunistically to seek political power. [/b]However so did other nationalist leaders such as Azikiwe. To be fair to both men, The power of the feudal north which the British inserted in Nigeria as a fifth column meant it was almost impossible to defectively mobilize people against the colonial rulers away from the locality the major nationalists were based.

AWOLOWO AND BIAFRA

[b]Fact Awolowo did betray Biafra. [/b]The Nigerian attack on Biafra was an act of aggression which Awolowo supported, by joining the federal cabinet of Gowon. I also believe in one Nigeria, as I believe that only the unity of Africa would lift us out of poverty and underdevelopment. But this has to be voluntary. Gowon's one Nigeria was built on the corpses of 30,000 Ibo men, women and children slaughtered by the feudal oligarchy in the North. The secession of Biafra was an act of self defense which was just and right at the time


THE YORUBA'S AND BIAFRA

If the truth be told, most ordinary Yoruba's did not initially support the attack on Biafra. it should not be forgotten that the struggle against the feudal Oligarchy in the north had been started by the masses of Yoruba land who rendered the western region ungovernable after Ahmadu Bello foisted the rotten Akintola on its people, without their struggle, Nzeogwu et al would not have found the will to stage the coup off January 1966. . Even Obasanjo a key ally of the northern elite admitted in his book, My command that there was no appetite amongst the ordinary Yoruba people for the North's war of aggression against Biafra in 1967 The attack on Ore changed this and I strongly feel lost Biafra the war.

However the attack of Biafran forces from the mid west turned the tables. Regardless of the  military benefits of the incursion it was politically suicidal. War must always serve political ends. The attack on the west by the Biafran army played into the north's hands by pushing the mass of the erstwhile ambivalent Yoruba people behind the federal war effort. Thousands of Yoruba’s subsequently joined the federal army against the east.

I firmly believe that if Biafra had not invaded the west, they would have won the civil war. Wars are not won by bullets but social support. Regardless of good intentions as the great French revolutionary Maximilian Robespierre once said, neutral people do not accept armed missionaries on their land . The arrival of armed Ibo soldiers on Yoruba land pushed the largely sympathetic mass of the Yoruba people behind awolow's opportunistic policy of supporting the federal assault on Biafra.


THE YORUBA'S NATURALLY HATE THE IBO'S

A myth. Apart from the usual banter, there is no record of Ibo's being physically attacked in the western region as they regularly are in the north. It is also a fact that the premier of the Western Region a Yoruba, Ladoke Akintola was killed by largely Ibo soldiers. The mass of the Yoruba people till this day have always supported that coup, even though Okpara the eastern region premier was not killed. There is a strong social democratic spirit amongst the ordinary yoruba man that places ideology and principle above parochial sentiment. the issue was not whether Akintola, a Yoruba was killed by Ibos,  while Okpara was spared  The issue for them was that Akintola was a reactionary and retrograde, Okpara, a progressive was not - the coup was seen as a progressive one so to them it was just natural that the conservatives should be dealt with while the progressives should be spared.

it is a fact that Kaduna Nzeogwu is as popular today in the west as he is in the east.


IBO INDUSTRY

A fact. the most productive people in Africa. If the Nigerian government had tapped the ingenuity of the ibo's which reached its height during the civil war, we would be well on our way to industrial greatness today. We used to laugh at ibo made at the same time as we made fun of China made. China is now the world's industrial power house. A missed opportunity

YORUBA EDUCATION AND POLITICAL AWARENESS

Not to be sniffed at. In England and the US the Yoruba;'s are by far and away the most educated Africans.  In Nigeria most Yoruba  homes would boast of at least one graduate. The level of enlightenment has made the Yoruba's the most politically conscious people in Nigeria. This is why the history of Nigeria really is the history of the struggle of the Yoruba lower classes. The revolt in the 60's put paid to the first republic. It was their uprising in the second republic that put paid to that corrupt regime. And without the June 12 struggles of the largely Yoruba masses in the south-west, the country will still be under military rule. This cannot be denied


YORUBA COWARDICE

Myth. A warlike people who have produced some pre colonial Nigeria greatest generals, such as Lagelu, Lishabi, Ogunmola, Oluyole, Ogedengbe etc are no cowards. In the colonial and post colonial era, the ruggedly individua  Ibo's have always produced the braver, more enterprising fighters, the bravest insurgents the  best civil right and trade union activists in Nigeria have always been from the east. But collectively, the Yorubas have always been in a class of their own. There is no other part of Nigeria where the mass of the people can be so easily roused in to action as in Yoruba land. The ordinary man in the west isALSO much less intimidated by power and money than their counterparts  are in the mercantile east or the fuedal north. No matter how rich you are in the south-west there are boundaries that cannot be crossed when dealing with the downtrodden. The ordinary people in the east and north are much more subservient.

NONSENSE.

Another Yoruba bashing tread .

armyofone:
joke aside, i agree talking to the hubby is important. hubby and wifey should be one and be in unison when there is problem.
no matter what, hubby should have listened to his wife, call brother aside and ask him to give her respect because it is her home not his.
then let brother know he won't tolerate bad behavior and must help in the house with certain work such as cleaning up after himself. it is simple way to deal with something but i guess
hubby has something else in mind.

This will be difficult if both bothers were loving together in SA before the older one got married.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

The marriage is too young for this.

And i have a feeling the brothers have been living together before you married the Senior.

i live abroad with my husband of 9months, and his younger brother (20yrs old) who is studying here.

So imposing your ideas on him will be difficult.

And it might be difficult for the senior to send his brother packing

projem:
DEAR NAIRALANDERS,
i live abroad with my husband of 9months, and his younger brother (20yrs old) who is studying here. the problem i have is this, this boy talks rudely, does not wash or clean anything, he prefers sleeping and waking up in mess and he doesn't care,we are not friends because he doesn't talk to me but he eats my food, i stopped dishing his food cos sometimes when you tell him his food is dished he will tell me he doesn't want to eat and he goes out to buy fast-food or something. he makes a mess of the dustbin and he doesn't  take it out. he leaves his plate unwashed when he eats, whenever he bathes the bathroom is always in a mess and i take my time to clean the house everyday. i was mad one day when i pepared a particular food for my husband which said he doesn't eat, i went to rest and by the time i was out he was eating the food and messed the kitchen up,God i was furious but i didn't say a word, i just made another meal for my husband. and he is used to eating more than 1 meat or if we have two left in the pot, he will just eat the whole thing. and lastly i hate the way he looks at me like he wants to know why i stand up, sit, walk or even stand. he doesn't knock when he want to come into our room, he is always behaving like shebi its my brothers money or stuff. im so fed up. LIVING WITH INLAWS HAS NEVER BEEN EASY ACCORDING TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY. i feel like going back to naija, cos i dont have any privacy here.
everyone that knows me knows i am a very nice person, i have tired to make friends with me but he is just too wierd for my liking,but i dont like when people cant put themselves in their place.

Whenever i tell my husband that his bro has done this or that he will tell me to keep quiet, and he doesn't correct him, he sees all these things too.

I think i needed to tell you my story because i am about explode. i have been bottling this up for a long time.

Women and their In-laws WAHALA.

You married the your husband and not the in-law, never expect your in-law to flow with you .

Tread carefully, because you will need your husband's support.

YOUR MARRIAGE IS TOO YOUNG TO BE FIGHTING YOUR IN-LAWS.

OmoPastor:
I say it again and i put it to you mr. poster; if you think what you are saying is right, go start a new ministry and never pay yourself with all that might work with you and lets see how far you will go in winning the world for Jesus

Why get angry over a question,

Preachers and Pastors do not need any salaries.

They feed and live off TITHE AND OFFERING that is enough.

OmoPastor:
@ mr goshen360
i do not know what is going through your mind by bringing up this topic but i think you should take this my candid advise: start your own ministry and do not pay yourself or anyone that works with you and lets see how far you will go in winning the world for Jesus  

Preachers are not to get salaries, but they expected to feed and live on the church.

TITHES ARE FOR THE LEVITES, it is not salary.

DaShyGuy:
OP, much as am ready to stick ma neck out and see u thru this, am afraid, u haven't appeared sincere to me.

Details u promised to send over 3 hours ago, am yet to get.  The questions i asked u in my response to ur mail, u didn't provide answers.

Am tempted to believe that this whole story might just be a hoax after-all. Or even if it's true, it might not be as serious as u made it look.

And yes, why don't u want the lecturer to know you've decided to take up the case against him? Why?

If u must come to equity, u must come with 'clean hands.' Think about it.

Seems you have been communicating with her.

But it will be wrong of her to give strangers her in info on NL. What if you are the lecturer  in questions.

She needs to get her infromation right before confronting the lecturer.

Or else the school will destroy her.

This is Nigeria for you.

[quote author=~Killz~ link=topic=880961.msg10290790#msg10290790 date=1330429229][color=#000030]
Another good point!
This story is FAKE O! How will a woman in the real world not want to get her husband involved in this? Is there something she's not saying?
What was the relationship between her and the lecturer in her earlier days at the university? Too many LOOPHOLES![/color][/quote]Well I disagree with you here, Involving an aggressive husband will destroy the case for her.

The school senate will protect their own unless it becomes embarrassing for them.

The best she can do is to gather enough evidence, get a good Lawyer and a Media man.

Hit them with a petition and a law suite.

If they don't act publish it in the press .

You are a woman, you will get sympathy.

HMM,

Dem wan use small Rwanda shine.

[quote author=haka_nai link=topic=880352.msg10280189#msg10280189 date=1330296298]^^^ Make sure that spirit follow for wanted list along side shekau.Atleast Kabiru is caught @50mil. .Guy you funny some how.
please abeg wear your thinking cap, save us the crap of an excuse.Why then do we have a national CAN chairman for Nigeria.Better still why e concern you if xtians have issues up north.Yet the same xtians are not xtians cos they from the North.Na so una sabi dodge back fire. You also know that the missile sent by oyedapo may have found a way into the camps of this guys too abi!!You find it unbelievable abi?What ever you do learn to be truthfull and accept blames.Nothing like northern or southern xtian.Xtian na xtian like wise muslims na muslims.[/quote]I see you jubilation all-over the tread because some able bodied Christian men(9) could not detonate.

Do you know a bomb went off the branch of the church in Jos and three people died with several injured.