₦airaland Forum

He sounds plain dangerous. Please be careful Leila - your husband is not normal. Most of us would have kicked him out after the first time but for goodness sake DON'T give him any more chances if anything like it happens again. Most women who have been murdered were killed by their violent husbands/boyfriends.

I think it's wrong, for many reasons, but I understand it is the usual practise in your culture.

You should all understand that it is very unusual world-wide - the vast majority of men in the world are NOT circumcised and I can assure you they are not all walking around injuring themselves horribly or suffering because they have a foreskin. Only about 15% of men in the world are circumcised. So, although it seems normal and essential to you because you have grown up with it, it isn't actually a necessary thing to do.

Personally I think that circumcised ones look a bit deformed - that is not how God made them!

And it does have various negative effects on your sex life, which you won't believe me if I tell you because who wants to admit their sex-life has suffered because of something they can't do anything about, but it really does. The foreskin DOES have a number of purposes.

Are you getting accomodation through the university? That might help.

I'd say you need at least £500 a month to cover basic shared accomodation rent, food and services bills like electricity etc. But that's a bare minimum, and only if you can find cheap accomodation.

Here are the latest guidelines on student visas, from the Home Office

http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/documents/idischapter3/section1.pdf?view=Binary

You need to check that the college is on the Register of Education and Training Providers
and that your course meets the other requirements.
If not, it's not worth applying.
If it meets these requirements, you could apply, but whether or not you'll be successful depends on a lot of things, including your financial situation.

I think it's probably the fact that you had her name engraved on the Ipod that caused the trouble - it's the sort of thing you do for a girlfriend or wife, certainly not something you do for a kid.

Also, these are not cheap. Do you know what the parents bought her? If you bought her a 'better' present than they did, they are naturally hurt. No parent wants to be outdone. I didn't have much money when my son was young and I would have hated it if someone else had just come along and bought him something expensive and made my own gifts look like rubbish.

Or perhaps she had asked for one and they said no, they didn't think she was old enough/another reason she couldn't have one? You've not bought a normal small gift for a friend's child - you've gone overboard. They either think you are trying to outdo them or that your intentions towards their daughter are something they are not comfortable with.

You shouldn't buy children expensive or personalised gifts without clearing it with the parents first - it's just bad manners.

Speak to the parents. Find out why they didn't like the gift, then apologise.

Everyone is an atheist. It's just that those of us who say we are atheists disbelieve in one more god than you do.

Christians - Do you believe in the Greek god Zeus? Do you believe in the Hindu god Vishnu? Of course not. You are an atheist with regards to these gods. Your god is no different to us or to you or the believers in other gods.

The Greeks could 'prove' that Zeus existed and would think everyone else was wrong. The hindus can 'prove' that Vishnu exists. They would use the same arguments that you do. I bet you still wouldn't believe in Zeus or Vishnu even though someone told you they know they exist.

We are the same. We don't believe in all gods. You don't believe in all the hundreds or thousands of gods other people believe in either, but make an exception for one of them.

I think it's fine to make love before your wedding,

, as long as it doesn't make you late for the ceremony!

My boyfriend is addicted to custard

Do you believe it is normal for Nigerian men to hit their wives? You think it is part of his culture so you allow it? Am I guessing right? You think he doesn't know any better? Open your eyes girl and kick that violent good-for-nothing out! Some Nigerian men think that way but not most (some ignorant European men think that way too, it doesn't mean it's normal or acceptable).

IT's strange that you see his reluctance to discuss his culture as a problem but don't object to his getting violent with you? That's a problem, a big one, not his wanting to keep his culture to himself. Is he often violent?

Anyway, on your first issue, maybe he doesn't want to discuss his culture because:
a) he has a new life now with you in a new country and doesn't want to keep looking back all the time. In any case, surely it's down to him to learn and adapt to the culture he lives in, rather than you trying to turn yourself into a pretend Igbo woman?
b) Perhaps he suspects that you see him as 'exotic Igbo man' rather than 'man'. Are you more attracted to him or his 'exotic-ness'? No-one wants to be in a relationship just to give the other person a bit of a thrill.

You seem to think you need to become a substitute Igbo woman for him and that will make him love you more. If he wanted an Igbo woman he would have married one. He married you.In a mixed culture relationship it helps to have a certain amount of understanding about each other's cultures, but I think the culture that you are both living in is the one that takes priority. Mr N is Yoruba, but I don't try to turn myself into a Yoruba woman. We eat some Yoruba food occassionally; we have a ton of plantain in the freezer and I cook up do-do a couple of times a week, and I've been known to make chin-chin and puff puff at times, but 95% of what we eat is English. Why not? We live in England. He loves the 'treat' of going to a friend's house or a cafe for real Yoruba cooking, but he doesn't expect me to start cooking that way. If I did, it wouldn't make him love me more, as he already loves me! If we moved to Nigeria I would eat Nigerian food 95% of the time.

Thank you!

A post graduate diploma is not the same thing as a Masters Degree.

Three terms at £1500 a term, so the total fee is £4500. Sounds a little more reasonable but be sure that the school and the qualification are worth it. There are lots of 'post graduate diplomas' that aren't worth having. IS it a recognised qualification and accredited course?

Tell us the school and the course.

Leila - it depends on the man. Some Nigerian men are bone idle in the house. Some do a lot. Same as any other group of men (but I think most of them try not to do much).

Is there anywhere in the world where is it considered good to kill for money rituals, commit adultery, be AvARICIOUS, take bribes, kill your husband to inherit his wealth?

what a strange statement.

Only a very weak person has to resort to violence. Who could respect a person like that? If you use violence, then the other person will lose all respect for you.

I'm so sorry for you and I hope you find a way to resolve all this.

The bible may say 'obey your parents' but you are expected to use your own common sense in this. If a parent told you to do something illegal or immoral - would you do it? Of course not.

Parents are only human and make mistakes as much as anyone else. If their only reasons are his age and tribe then they are just prejudiced and not seeing him as an individual, or judging him as an individual. That makes their judgement worthless on this issue.

I think that writer just doesn't like Nigerian men. In his opinion Nigerian men can't get it right no matter what they do. If they are traditional, they are wrong. If they are 'westernised', they are wrong.

Why so much brick in London? I'd never really thought about it before but what else are we supposed to use for things like houses? Stone is too expensive for ordinary buildings and wooden construction was banned for centuries (may still be for all I know) after the Great Fire of London in 1666. London had large areas destroyed over several days: it is estimated that it destroyed the homes of 70,000 of the City's ca. 80,000 inhabitants. After that, all building had to be in stone or brick.

Of course, concrete, glass, steel etc is used in most new office buildings etc these days.

naijacutee, lol that would have been pretty exotic catfood, wouldn't it! .

They've probably just bunged a few bits of rabbit in there.

I've eaten beef, pork, lamb, mutton, chicken, turkey, goose, peacock, fish, goat,

and the UK's versions of bush meat, which we call 'game' : rabbit, venison (deer), pigeon, pheasant

So what about men who wear robes and dresses? In my culture no man would want to wear any such thing - they are 'women's clothing - but that doesn't mean that men elsewhere in the world where it is cultural for them to wear this type of garment are wearing women's clothing. Some of these things are designed and meant for men. same with trousers, some are designed for men and some are designed for women.

Coopers Hill near Gloucester. Everyone is climbing up it for the annual Cheese rolling race.

Courtyard in Hampton Court Palace

oops

Salisbury Cathedral

Festival in Kent

What about men who wear tight trousers that 'advertise' what they've got. Are they going to be banned as well?

because the word 'wine' means wine - an alcoholic drink made from fermented fruit, usually grape. And don't start on that 'wine' doesn't really mean 'wine' in the bible rubbish.

From Mirriam-Webster dictionary
1 a : the alcoholic fermented juice of fresh grapes used as a beverage b : wine or a substitute used in Christian communion services
2 : the alcoholic usually fermented juice of a plant product (as a fruit) used as a beverage <blackberry wine>

Didn't Jesus make wine? Doesn't Paul advise 'take a little wine'?

If Christians shouldn't drink alcohol so as not to damage/pollute their bodies, there's a lot of other stuff they should give up as well. Fatty food makes you obese and unhealthy, sugary food does the same, plus rots your teeth and can lead to diabetes etc etc,

moderate alcohol actually has a lot of health benefits.

Oh well, as you are both adults, you don't need your parents blessing.

It's nice to have though. Do you know why they are saying no?

1. Not my business

2. I'd have to cry because for a woman to urge me to take another wife it must mean she can't stand me any more!

How old are you both? Just finished school but old enough to marry might mean you are both teenagers? In which case your parents are right - you are not a real adult yet and you should wait until you have finished growing up. If he loves you then he won't mind waiting a bit longer.

If you both really are adults, then it's not down to your parents. Also, it's not down to us and it's worrying that you ask for our approval if you can't get your parents approval. This does show that you are not really mature enough to be considering marriage just yet.