A lot of people don’t see it as a big deal because it has worked for them. But remember, that not every thing works for everyone. So instead of starting your married life that way, I advise you just leave and stay away from your parents.

Like you said, discuss with your wife and hear what she has to say. It’s no problem discussing how you want to run your home. Visiting without informing your host is a no no. So since it’s family, talk to your wife and I pray God gives you grace to come to a peaceful conclusion.

Are you for real?�
Do have a great day.

Pells:
Estherqueen50 come let's start making babies

Interested

Good evening Maam,

Since you have spoken to him and he isn't planning on stopping communications with his ex, I will advise you seek help from someone your husband respects or takes counsel from.
I wont advise you calling the girl, Its your husband who needs to stop calling her.
Also pray for your marriage, the devil is after marriages so as a family you need to be prayerful

May the good lord watch over your home.

Good morning

Its so obvious from your post what the problem is. Ma'am this is not courtship but marriage. You say your husband does not respect you,that may be valid but have you asked yourself if you respect your husband too? he asked you not to make a particular food that he doesn't like it and you insist because of your children. Your husband is not supposed to eat a particular food because your children love it but your children are supposed to adapt because of your husband.
You respect and honor your husband not your children. If you don't want to cook two different dishes then cook the one he wants. If you cant even give him the kind of food he wants because he eats it outside then that's not good enough. How sure are you that he even enjoys the one you make. Maybe he prefers the one he eats outside which you should have communicated with him respectfully how he actually likes it. Ma'am, marriage is service, you are there to serve another not to seek validation.
Marriage works because of effort not because any human is perfect. Do your part and you will be surprised how he will turn around. everyone is equal but there is hierarchy in marriage , respect that hierarchy .If it was courtship then I would have understood but this is marriage. Please work on your marriage
May your marriage be blessed.

Good morning,

Your post suggested you guys never truly courted. These are things that have should have been trashed out in courtship regardless of who or what you think the person is or represents. Courtship is interview stage, if you had done the needful you would have known what you can tolerate and what you cant and also how compatible you are with a person. It doesn't necessarily need to end in marriage.

Back to your worries, since its equally your fault as much as it is hers then you don't need to end your marriage or love her less. Marriage is more than our feelings and desires, Its commitment, its a vow. You vowed you will love her in good and bad times, its barely months and you are already drawing back. I have seen men that are not virgins marry women that her and vice versa. Work on your marriage, everyone has their own shortcomings, you might have been a virgin but if we should ask her what she doesn't like about you, she will certainly have something to say.

The devil is just giving you reasons in order for him to destroy your marriage , don't let him. Love your wife unconditionally and work on your marriage. And you at the end will obtain favor from the Lord. God bless your new home, be blessed forever.

Happy Sunday to you. Sorry I can't post my phone number in public. Thank you, have a great day.

Eleyigidgan:
give me your number

I am very happy it went well for you sir.
Be blessed forever.

Mykbillz:
thor=Favfables1 post=113071584]

Chief....
You messed up big time by cheating on your wife, but I'm guessing you know that already, cause from your post, I can assume that you love your wife, you're ready to own up to your mistakes and make things work, that, I must say is commendable....

If I were in your shoes...
I would go her room and I'll tell my wife "I know that I have messed up big time and I'm really sorry, I can't change what has happened in times past, but I'm willing to be better, I'm willing to put in the effort to make us work, all I ask is for an opportunity to do so, if you feel the same way, I promise XYZ, but if you don't, then maybe we shouldn't be together anymore, lemme know your decision by tomorrow"...

If you think kneeling down will help, please do ... But after that walk away...

Her response will prompt your next step...
If she agrees, then be sure to keep your promises, but if she doesn't, please walk away before she cuts off your d.i.ck in your sleep ...



So yesterday I decided to pick out the gems from the trash from all the advice and trash talks.
I had to Admit my wrong because when you’re married and know you have a good woman, it’s a huge loss to bear knowing that how hard it is In this instagram generation.

So yesterday after going out with her elder sister and chilling I got home and just like Favfables, Estherqueen suggested, I made a move on her and just like the first night we spent , I had to eat her up, and it felt wonderful cos I gave my A1 , knowing she loved every bit of my magic and wasn’t receptive in any way.
This morning, I knelt and started begging , I literally allowed her expressed her feelings and she poured how pained she felt knowing the sacrifices she’s made for me and even recounted how she’s been hit on but she would shun away anything that would even hurt me because she consider how I would feel over any action of hers, I understood her pains because I know how I’ve hurt her.
For those asking what I did, well I cheated , not that I had sexual relationship with anyone , but I’m a club owner in Dubai and as such sometimes it hard to keep some females away from texting explicitly in a bid to get your attention and she saw some raunchy text on my phone with a female and it’s something she’ has complained about before even before we got married. On top of that I let’s a friend who’s extremely romantically interested in me and would do anything to be sexually involved with me, visit our apartment while she was at work and she felt really disappointed especially as prior the visit , we exchanged text where I mentioned I would have eat her up if she dared visit me, although I didn’t cross that line and she saw where the said girl mentioned that she surprised how much I still stay to my wife despite how much funny I can get via text with others and don’t want any sexual relationship with anyone aside my wife.

The text and previous differences made her want to leave, since she claimed that if I could let her in when she’s at work , I can as well sleep with her and not disclose it.

Cut long story short, I did the magic last night, this morning, after apologies, she mentioned she’s unhappy but didn’t want to leave, but still willing to work things out.

If we both maintain open access to each other phones.
That I don’t ever cheat or even come close to it .
That I reduce my attention and time spent in the club.

Good morning.
If I understood by your words, she once loved you.
If she once loved you she can still be won over( since we are talking about marriage here)
You only need to start doing those things you did before to woo or that won her heart.

Be humble enough to ask her for forgiveness, If she doesn't respond, involve her mentors or those she holds in high regard.

And the last but not the least, seek God and pray to him concerning your marriage " the heart of the king is in the hand of God"

And when she forgives you, be delibrate about working on your relationship. And do not dishonor ya marriage anymore.

Thank you very much for taking time to explain
I think you quite misinterpreted what I said. I wasnt saying that her instinct aint right , cause I believe in the instinct of a woman: I am one myself and I know how accurate it can be most of the time.
I was only saying that there is need for communication cause from what I deduced from the post, they just met.
I was saying since Its still new why not communicate atleast nobody looses anything from doing that and if he isnt able to convince her otherwise then she can move on.

Trust you are having a great day? and once again thank you.

Married2Crypto:
someone @sanmel was saying d Op shuld trust her intuition, and that she is most likely right about him being married, of which i agreed. buh your view @Estherqueen50 was far different. You were advising d Op to make room for him for the benefits of doubt? And not to believe in making assumptions yet and that assumption won't help her on this, unless she ain't really interested in the relationship. you said in quote in your subsequent post that you always tell people assumption is the lowest level of ignorance? how is that when it is a woman's given instinctive feeling or right to make assumptions. And if she don't assume anything buh choose to let things ride along for the benefit of the doubt, she will perhaps be setting herself up for pure deceit and gullibility. It is basically left for d Op'secret admirer or lover to say or do anything humanly possible to woo or convince her beyond reasonable doubts about his true intentions with her, and it is only by her faking being uninterested and making further assumptions of him and enquiring under the guise of that assumptions can truly make him want to reveal the other side or secrets attached to him like luggage with time, and all for the efforts that his intentions with her were true from the onset. If i am personally married and i really like you as a woman, then if given the chance to make things right with you, by you being a second wife to me or be the woman i leave my loveless marriage for isn't a bad decision. After all, we are all looking for true happiness and peace of the mind. Right!

Good morning. Trust you had a goodnight rest?
I dont really get what you are saying. please can you explain?

Married2Crypto:
senuu ire! with d sixth sense philosophy. It seems to me, u like being fed with way too much stuff dat is likely wrapped up with lies and deceit. Having an Instinct for just about anything esp. when it comes to relationship matters is key and your best form of defensive mechanism to shield your heart, mind, body & soul from d ugly realities of life. Instinct begets assumptions! There's no time for a young & fertile woman to give in completely to a secret admirer (given d fact you guys haven't seen eachother physically before) or go with the flow of hearty conversation while some side of him or attached to him still lurk in da dark. Doing things for the benefit of the doubt without having any prior instinctive projection is ill-advised. If he were more serious abt u, he 'll bring it all on d table. no BS!

I am someone who strongly believes in a woman's sixth sense.
But the truth is that they is also need for due diligence too. There should always be room to give people the benefits of doubt, but not in an ignorant way.

There is this thing called communication and it's a measure requirement for any healthy relationship. I am of the opinion that after you have done your observation, you should also have communicated your feelings too.

Let's take for instance when he asked you what time will be good to call you, you can also ask him the same since you also want to call him sometimes.

I believe the problem here is that you have not really gotten to know him as much as is required: that's the confusion.

For me, when am in doubt, I take my time to ask questions even if it's not too direct, I also pray for Gods leading and direction

I believe assumption won't help you on this unless you ain't really interested in the relationship. I always tell people "assumption is the lowest level of ignorance"

So the key word is "Communication" have you expressed all these to him? What was his reaction?

And I also do not undermine your sixth sense. You are a woman and I also believe in ya wisdom.

Lol, it's fine. If that's all he has, he is welcome to his lot. Have a great day.

Wawelexy:


pls dont mind that keypad scientist, always going on and off beat.

Yes I would love to hear the truth.
Have a nice day.

MufasaLion:
[s][/s]

Trash. Would you like a physician to tell you this if you had an ailment or disabilities?

Good evening,
I guess you are bittered because of your what you see as a weakness or disability. It's all good.

I remember a time just like you I was also a chronic stamerer, I had to hit my leg on the floor to even utter a single word. But today I talk very fast that people think am rapping.

And you know it disappeared And I didn't know how it happened. I only knew I was serving God with so much zeal.

Haven't you read that the grace of God is sufficient and His power is made perfect in weakness. You just need to remember this and ignore every other negativity.

You might not have supportive parents like I do. But we have a God that loves us even in our weakness and he is the best person to reach out to and tell of your heartaches

Stop trying to analyze God and his love. His ways are higher than ours and his thought above ours.

He is committed to healing us if we are committed to believing him. He healed me many years ago and I know that what he makes happen to one, he also makes happen to all.

Focus on your life, have a plan for your life. I know of people with worse disabilities than yours and they are doing great for themselves and being recognized all over the world

Stop making excuses. Start doing the needful. Nothing can limit you unless you let it.

Just to let you know, you are loved, you are blessed and highly favored and I believe in you and the progress you will make.

I deduced from the post that your girlfriend is pretty young but I may be wrong.

All I see here are young adults who can't control their emotions.

Funny how we Nigerians want to subscribe to the lifestyle of the western world when we don't have the capacity to take everything in

The use of endearment for everybody now is now the in things. People now use endearment for even strangers they meet on the way. No more sacredness to it

Gentle men/Ladies now use it to confuse their partners and double date. Cause a girl and guy can be using e.g "dearest" ," love" for different people and say they are just friends.

First of all, you guys are young ( if I guessed correctly) and are not even ready for a relationship yet. The both of you can't control your emotions.

Focus on what is important now, romantic relationship is not one of them. Improve yourself and achieve your goals and if you have done all these already and ready for marriage, you can just prayerful seek for the woman of your dreams.

Your fear is one of the reason God commanded the marriage bed to be undefiled.
Because God knows how important trust is needed in a relationship.
But because humans are right in our own eyes we do what pleases us.

Imagine we have a society everyone waits to get married before they have sex and also stick to one. What bliss! It means one of the major problems of broken homes and marriages wouldn't even exist.

You don't need to fear I believe you can start afresh by being delibrate about living a Godly life and also leading your wife and children in that direction.

If You and your family becomes genuinely saved then you have nothing to fear.
Don't fear so that what you fear will not come upon you. Ask God for mercy for what youve done in your past and invite him into your home. A man is but limited and can fail but with the help of the Holy spirit your marriage can work out.

I believe things will work out with Jesus at the centre of it, cause He is the custodian of marriage.

Be blessed.

New year resolution is just what we say in a passing while being emotional about starting a new year.
Change doesn't happen in a day it's a gradual process and that's why you need to forgive yourself for failing.

The truth is that no human changes by mere confession, you must be delibrate and and intentional. The scripture says "and Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself....." And the truth is that Daniel worked so hard to achieve that while still depending on God with constant prayers and the word.

No man can change himself in a day, you need help. To achieve this; you need to be accountable for every decision you make, since you have failed why not examine yourself to know when you got it wrong. E.g You can ask yourself, was it when I allowed a girl I've slept with before to come to my house in the first place? With this you can know what to do when such situation comes to play again and then you will be able to change the overall situation.

It isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it, just involve Jesus and be determined. Also set boundaries. The scripture says all things are lawful but not all things are expedient.Learn to set boundaries with the opposite sex. It has worked for me all my life and I know with the help of God and your determination it will help you too.

Just to let you know, You are loved, you are indispensable, I believe in you.

It's funny when I hear that not indulging in fornication makes one a simp. If being a simp will save your soul, why not proudly be a simp which you are not . Because it takes a lot of self control and determination to flee from sexual immorality. But it's so unfortunate this generation got it twisted. Calling real men simps because they choose to be respectful and obedient to Godly principle.
Back to your question, taking up such offer is just heading for the part of destruction, you got nothing to benefit from that, except for the pleasure you feel you would derive at the moment and you have a lot to loose.
May our destiny never be shortchanged on the altar of temporal pleasure.
Have a beautiful year.

I'm sorry to hear this but never regret being born in a family that birthed you. How they live their lives is entirely up to them and how you live your own is up to you. For the fact their marriage is a disaster to you does not mean yours will be. You can from the experience vow to have a loving and blissful home or become like them it's a thing of choice. So you must be delibrate and intentional about your achieving it.
With your write-up I presumed you are staying with your parents, I don't know how old you are but for you to be worried about a relationship with the one you love and even marriage in the picture makes me believe you aint a kid or teenager so what are your plans of leaving your parents house. I don't know if I misunderstood but your dad have an issue of proximity. So why not leave your parents house, cater for yourself or are you planning on getting married and still leaving with them? If no, what are your plans. You need to start by being independent and responsible before you start considering marriage. If not just leave the idea and work on yourself.
I believe in you and I know the cycle won't repeat itself if you decide to. So really think about this carefully and loom for a way out of the ugly situation.
God bless.

I'm sorry for what you are going through but I can't really fault your husband on this. I see what is happening as a result of not doing the needful in courtship. Courtship is a period of getting to know each other: Your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, expectation should be shared so you will know if you are truly compatible. I can see from your post that raising a family is important to you, if only you have discussed deeply. They are so many things to discuss in courtship e.g financial goals, spiritual goals, and even how to raise your family etc.
Since you have stated already that he doesn't listen to his parents, does he have anybody he respects like a mentor, friend etc that can talk to him and see if there can be a balance If so,pray and seek for that person but if he doesn't have, keep praying and ask God for his thought on the matter, if it is his will, let him bless your husband and change his mind. I understand that the present economy of Nigeria is frustrating and he might be considering the hardship of raising a child but you want children so there should be a balance. Marriage is not just about one person but two people. you both deserve to be happy; if just one person is happy that means it isn't love: love isn't selfish. And also don't look down at his plans to get a professional course,( there is nothing wrong with self improvement even you need it) that is not the problem here your priority and his is the problem cause they are different.
I pray that divorce will not be the option in this marriage.
And for people in courtship always utilise courtship period, don't just go about eating meatpie and ice cream or saying things that don't really matter. Do well to talk your hearts out, share ideas and don't take any of the words you hear for granted thinking he or she is just joking. Words matter.
God bless your marriage.

I said thank you. Thanks.

Heathrow44:




Do u like the letter I wrote t u

Good morning,
Yes I'm not perfect
Just doing my part by speaking about what I believe and convinced about.
I live the rest to the righteous judge. Who is going to enter the kingdom is up to him.
Have a blessed day.

Heathrow44:


Are u an evangelist spreading the gospel of the Lord to the doomed people of nairaland? Everytime religion religion but Jesus said verily verily I say unto u, " not all who call me by my name shall enter the kingdom of God"

Good morning,
Thank you
And yes that's me
Have a nice day.[quote author=Heathrow44 post=108894915][/quote]

I understand your point. Like you said there no crime asking anyone for sex ( that's your belief)
On the other hand, my belief is against sex outside marriage. So I think the difference in belief is the problem we have here. So it's fine. �

walkingshadow911:


how does asking someone out for sex becomes a crime?

to think you lot do gave sex to your man on request make it more difficult for me to understand again o.

this gender ehn, the world would have been a better place without you i swears.

which kind mental fvckery is this

Wow! Just saw this now.
I understand you so I cant be hurt by your words. You have spoken based on your experience, believes and mindset. So I it's fine. I only pray we all get to experience and meet great people and most importantly have an encounter with Jesus. Be blessed forever.

JohnOkolo:



You're a born fool and a disguided cunt. Least you can do is provide warmth and emotional comfort. What has her smelly pussy achieved for her this whole year, if they're not acquainted to one another she won't be invited.

Men should always endeavor to go out with ladies you are sexually active with, even a overused pussy will be saying Men can do anything to Bleep. What did your father do to Bleep your Mama madam talk stupid

Nope reside in Lagos State. Sorry for the late reply.

sageb:


Succinctly said
Do you reside in Delta state?

I know at this stage you ain't looking for advice but letting out your hurt. It's fine. We all want to have something beautiful and worthwhile with the one we love but the truth is that as far as good things happen, bad things do too. Its just that sometimes we ain't just ready.
I thank God you came to know of her reality before you got married. That is the essence of our prayer, that God should break us out of wrong relationships, reveal to us things we never knew about our intended that would have made our lives miserable. So I think God loves you very much to have revealed this to you. But it isn't for you to see everyone as the same or see ya self as someone incapable of Making the right choice. But I will strongly advice that this serve as a lesson to us . We need to be faithful to God first, before we talk about being faithful to others or wanting same from them. He has said flee from fornication and we think it doesn't matter but the truth is if someone can comfortably cheat God with you. Who told you they can't cheat on you with another.
Just to remind you " You are loved, you are indispensable, you are perfect, blessed and highly favored. I wish you the best.

For me I have never tried to commit suicide . Not that I have not gone through any hard time but anytime I pass through difficulties I say to myself "Esther, the same way the good times came and was replaced by the bad times so also this bad times will pass, yes it will pass" And after praying and even shedding tears I get ready for the next big thing.
The truth is that they is nothing you are passing through that others haven't experienced but you can win if only you can stop seeing your bad experience and start seeing Jesus and the amazing and beautiful life you want to live. You can be a part of something bigger. Incase no one have told you these" You are loved, indispensable, blessed and highly favored". They all pass, it will pass too

The only thing I observed that he doesn't see you in the picture when it comes to marriage even though he is not ready now, even when he is ready you won't be the one.
You know one thing about guys, there are so clear about what they want . If they even give you mixed signals it means they don't take you seriously but in this case he is not even giving you mixed signals. He said to you" when I'm married, my wife will be my responsibility" if you were the one he will tell clearly that when he gets married to you, you will be his responsibility. He even asked you if you want to marry as if he doesn't know you love him, he is actually using a reverse psychology on you and applying most of the manipulative ideas he might have learned on you. A guy who loves you will reassure even if it means everyday that they love you not calculating when last he told you so. He just wants to make you crave for it and the truth is that you are already booked.
If you just want a casual relationship you want to enjoy for a moment you can choose to continue but I tell you if your goal is that you have seen the man of your dreams then you are mistaken, he doesn't see you as such. He doesn't hate you , neither does he love you, he is attracted to you and you will do for the moment.
Learn not to discard warning signals and do the right things that needs to be done in a relationship if you know what I mean.
And take out time to position yourself for a person that will love you to come to you.
Thank you. God bless.

ngoziwrites:
So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.

It's almost 2 months since we have been together.

He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.


I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.

He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.


Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.

Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility"
I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.

He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!

So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.

If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.

We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such.

About two weeks ago, I wanted to even surprise him with gifts. I asked for his account number and office/home address. (He picked me up the last time I traveled to see him, so I don't know the address". Well, he didn't give me these details. He said when it's time I will have them.


Two days ago, he said a friend's younger brother is getting married. He laughed and said people just dey marry. He has once asked me "You dey find husband?" jokingly-

I would like to settle before 27. Is it bad that I am thinking this way? If he says he is looking to get married in 2-3 years, i think it's a bit far. 2023 is still fine. But the problem is he doesn't really sound like marriage is on his mind. He will be 32 next year April too.

We vibe a lot. But he says I love you sparingly. Sometimes I say it and he doesn't respond, he will say tomorrow I will tell u or no, I told u yesterday.

But we are really really cool. I like him a lot and he likes me but I think I like him more. He gives me attention, I don't have to ask.

If I was 23, I won't have a problem waiting 3-4 years. But since I am ready mentally, financially, I am looking for someone who wants it within 6 months to 1 year. I can still try to do 2 years if I get someone great.

I will start with the title of this "My life is not in shape".
The truth is that if something is not in shape we try to fix it to be in shape. Be it our clothes, shoes etc why? Because there is a beauty we need to see.

Sometimes things are not in shape in our lives because we ignore it, too lazy to work on it, or we feel like it doesn't matter; like the case of you knowing how much you spend on tramadol daily but refuse to quit because of reason best known to you. It means it doesn't really matter to you.

Apart from God we are the most important stakeholder in our own life, all God help us to do is to give us strength and direction when we involve him.

You have to examine yourself, intentionally work to put things inorder in your own life.
Your girlfriend infidelity is not the problem. You are the problem. The truth is that no mater how smart we play, we attract what we are to ourselves nomatter the deception.

I believe in you, I believe you can heal, I believe your life can take shape, you just have to work in letting go of things that are Killing you. Sometimes the truth is that we are already dead even if we are still breathing.

I believe you can truly live. Life is not far from you, embrace Jesus, embrace the God kind of life, learn of him, allow him help you win over your addictions and poor choices.

You are an Overcomer, thats who you are, tramadol and immorality have no power over you. Go and meet with Jesus. Thank you for sharing and God bless.

Omokrireno:
I'm a student, i run my expenses without a single contribution from anyone.

The thing is, i am into drugs, tramadol and it takes money from me, about 4k daily. I can't even stop it for reasons best known to me. I also have a serious girlfriend that thought i have graduated because i lied to her when we started dating thinking it would be a one day fling.

Plus, she stays with me in school too. That's an extra on my expenses.

Currently i feel loosed because i suspect she is cheating on me where she is now. Being far away for like a month now, plus she doesn't want to come over until God knows when....

Same girl have had 7 abortions for her ex boyfriend that lives in the same town with her, where she is now... She had a pretty ugly past, lies upon lies, she even slept with her married boss at one time.

She just want me to trust her blindly. I don't know what to do. I feel like i have no one in my life and that i am all alone. I don't feel hooked with her at all but still, i feel like i have a loosed life.

Whenever she is around, things become very tough for me, everything suddenly freezes strangely. She even attested to it. Whenever she is not around, things start working well for me. I'm not being superstitious, like i said, she attested to it.

I don't know, maybe i am just depressed or something.