Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and [b]he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. [/b]Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

I believe that he wouldn't want to raise kids in a self-contained apartment. He has to move to bigger apartment and obviously, the funds isn't available at the moment.
You need good money and environment to properly take care of a child and he wants to give them the BEST.

You said he's frustrating you just force him to have kids with no money to take care of them the way he wants and you will get to know the real frustration.

You berra stop fighting with him because he might be already frustrated with his current condition.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Oh baby, switch to gear two of the seduction rule.
Start buying highly seductive clothes,
whenever he's at home, put them on, dress hot like amala.
You get what am saying,
beauty lie in the eyes of the beholder,
his brain will reset...
And he will knack you and disobey that rule wey him dey follow,
and twins go come,
shikena...
Thank me larrer

Na only God fit deliver you for this one because many things are involve

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?

typical black man mentality...
never planing, always hoping.
shame on you with this comment.

A lot of ignoramus here don't know that once a woman hits 35, she's termed a geriatric in obstetrics.

Her risks gets higher with pregnancy at that age.

These are things that should have been discussed before marriage.

In my opinion, one child is enough if you both can get your finances together by evaluating your current financial situation.

Does any of you have HMO, does it cover pregnancy and delivery?

Can you buy okrika clothes rather than new ones, can you do exclusive breastfeeding for three months and do you have three months maternity leave?

Can you afford formula and daycare after the maternity leave?

These are questions you both should come together and address.

Factor in the price of diapers.

If you have lots of friends, talk to the closest so they can throw you a modest baby shower.

You can get gifts there.

The diapers I got from baby shower and naming ceremony, I'm still using them and haven't even touched the ones I bought.

I pray he listens. He can have kids anytime he wants, you're the one who has the clock to consider.

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

You sure say no be you be the husband she dey talk about?

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?

typical black man mentality...
never planing, always hoping.
shame on you with this comment.


as for the op, I'm sure you must guys talked about this before tying the knot.

it's impossible you'll say this topic never came up during courtship.

how long have you been married for?

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

Is he the owner of his life? If his dad was to wait for things to be right, will he be in this world? Why did he marry if he is not ready for family? Giving her a child can't stop him from pursuing his dreams. Besides, she is working and can take care of her child. At 32, she is not young again. Please let's be matured in our comments.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Move out give him space...he's stressed up at the moment don't take what he said to heart once he passes his exams he will come get you

007s:
My advise to you....

Stop discussing issue of Chid bearing for now..(say 1 to 3 month)

Anytime you do the do and oga release, try to get hold of the condom and empty the content where you prefer it to be.

You may consider switching to female condom, so you have control (over the condom after use), also you may consider punching tiny hole at the end of the condom.

Avoid wearing pants (inside your room) so you are always ready.

Lastly, if God finally answer your prayer, ensure 80% of child care expenses comes from you, cos na you plan to borne

Hmm I wouldn't advice this, I know a lady with a similar story, she got pregnant eventually and that was the end of the marriage. The husband barely looked at her all through the pregnancy, after she gave birth he walked out on her and the baby!

With proper planning and disciplined financial management, 170k monthly is enough to cater for a family with at least one child. If he knew he wasn't ready to bear children, why marry in the first place? Plus you are 32 so truly time is not on your side, I'll advise you draw out a proper plan on how both of you can manage 170k/month with one child and present it to him to see what he thinks, also if you both can add some side hustle as well to boost your income a little. But if he's still adamant, I wouldn't blame you if you left him for another guy who is ready

Kolawole2130:
We
have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Some of you guys ehn,I don't just understand,so what were you guys discussing when you were dating,or you were just catching cruise and didn't have time to plan your future together, how come you didn't know he is not ready to have kids after getting married, this is very weird I must say. this is the essence of courtship but many people think is to catch fun and pleasure.

Oyindidi:
Na only God go help you and your husband.

Oyin!

You're noticeably scarce.

cococandy:
I feel like you and your husband should have married partners who are interested in the same things that you are. Like he wants to wait, he should have found a woman willing to wait with him.
Since he’s not here and no one can talk to him according to you, what other advice can anyone give you except to either wait with him or divorce him?

when did you conceive your first child

Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

Say wetin happen?

I had my first son at the age of 25 when I was earning just 30k. I was living in a room apartment. I didn't give up. I didn't follow anybody's advice. I simply stuck to my very own advice.

Fast forward to today, I earn close to half a million and this was possible thorigh hard/smart work, and ofcourse professional certification courses. I got my first car at the age of 32 and I now live in a flat.

What works for me may not not for another man. And what works for another man may not work for me.

Kolawole2130 , I advise you have a heart-to-heart discussion with your partner. If at the end, he doesn't want to see reasons with you then if his decision is something you can go with, then go with it.

In this life, we one way or the other agree to disagree.

Baba wan blow before he starts making it. What if he starts making it when he's 50. How him wan take enjoy his children?

On my part, at 50, my children will probably be planning on having their own partner (tbis means I'll be on the verge of becoming a grand dad).

Biko talk to him. Look out for opportunities. You can also create opportunities for yourselves. No be until una do 9 to 5.

Both of you should think out of the box.

Good luck!

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

May the Lord bless men like your husband.
I like the man but he is foolish. Very foolish in fact! Why would he marry when he is not ready to reproduce ?

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Please do not get frustrated neither get mad at your husband, you have every power in you to seduce him to accept the union need (procreate) he may be clouded by so many things. " If you are always thinking about the wind, you will not plant seeds. If you are always watching the clouds, you will never pick any plants." Ecclesiastes 11:4. Don't get frustrated used positive subtle ways by trying to key in to what he wants. Cntd...

@ Kolawole2130
I am very sure u agreed with him before marriage thinking it was something u could handle, but now reality has set in, u are getting scared & shifting post which is only natural for a lady. U better open up to your people & inform his people the true situation of things, else u will be the one to take the whole blame in the long run.

I honestly think men who get married to young women with the hope of not having kids are selfish. If u don't intend to have kids, forget about marriage!!!! That way u will even have more time to plan your life, but do not tie down a young girl, postponing child bearing. The biological build of a man & woman are not the same, she will certainly get worried when she starts getting to certain age. Why do u think women rush into marriage? It is to start having kids on time!

zicoraads:

Oyin!

You're noticeably scarce.

I'm back

Hello pretty, everythinggirly.

What is your take to this?

Op: raising a child is not beans ooo. I will strongly suggest you allow the guy finish his exams. This same you will be the one complaining if the guy cannot meet up with bills after child birth. You said people around you are getting married. I wish you know that life is not a competition. 2 years isn't far, let the man navigate his future, kids will come when they should. Use this time n know urselves more.. that your 170k is nothing when a child comes into the equation. I was once told this same thing but I didn't know until I had my first child. I wish you the best.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Maybe there is something he knows, that he is not telling you. With what both of you earn, having a child shouldn't be much burden on your finances if the two off you plan well. People have started a controlled family with lesser pay. Just hope he is not hiding something from you anyway, like his fertility.

I'm sorry for what you are going through but I can't really fault your husband on this. I see what is happening as a result of not doing the needful in courtship. Courtship is a period of getting to know each other: Your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, expectation should be shared so you will know if you are truly compatible. I can see from your post that raising a family is important to you, if only you have discussed deeply. They are so many things to discuss in courtship e.g financial goals, spiritual goals, and even how to raise your family etc.
Since you have stated already that he doesn't listen to his parents, does he have anybody he respects like a mentor, friend etc that can talk to him and see if there can be a balance If so,pray and seek for that person but if he doesn't have, keep praying and ask God for his thought on the matter, if it is his will, let him bless your husband and change his mind. I understand that the present economy of Nigeria is frustrating and he might be considering the hardship of raising a child but you want children so there should be a balance. Marriage is not just about one person but two people. you both deserve to be happy; if just one person is happy that means it isn't love: love isn't selfish. And also don't look down at his plans to get a professional course,( there is nothing wrong with self improvement even you need it) that is not the problem here your priority and his is the problem cause they are different.
I pray that divorce will not be the option in this marriage.
And for people in courtship always utilise courtship period, don't just go about eating meatpie and ice cream or saying things that don't really matter. Do well to talk your hearts out, share ideas and don't take any of the words you hear for granted thinking he or she is just joking. Words matter.
God bless your marriage.

Fiscus105:



You haven't married ooo

Be on look out.

Meanwhile, are you not having sex? What happens to several sex you had in the past?

I guess ur man is sterile and dnt want you to know about it.


My candid advise, report him to his people and threatening him for divorce if he refuses to follow u for medical check up.

Ur time is ticking second by second and closer to menopause.

You should have let her respond to this question before popping ur crude advise

Ur husband is hiding something...report him to his family members or divorce him......

All this small children saying your husband is wise for not bringing children to suffer, why get married if you don't want kid/kids? Just to be fuc...king the woman only?

Madam don't waste Ur time with such man..... look deep, Nd you may be shocked that Ur husband is a gay fuc..king another man.

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

Good comment, BUT Madam is right too

The woman is 32 years old. BY the time she reaches 35, it could become difficult to have kids...due to something called PMS

And please, while IVF Is there...it costs money, and it may take many cycles before you get successful.

And even if she is successful...pregnancy over 35 can be very difficult. (Any woman reading this, once you pass 35 and you are pregnant, please please and please register for ANC On time.)

Best time to have children is the twenties. Once you pass the number 30, for a female, it becomes increasingly difficult.

The woman wants to have her kids now, while there is still time, and while it is still safe for her health. She is right to worry.

One of my aunts counts herself lucky that she had her last kid at 35, because after that, that is when she had PMS. Well WELL. Had she waited to have kids.

MisterGrace:



How can you be thinking in this manner in this age and time?

Where did you grow up?

Putting yourself under unnecessary pressure in the name of having children.

Don't push this young couple into poverty and pressure.

My question is, why did the man marry when he knew he is not ready to train children in the next 5 years?

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

The husband is wise but there should be common sense added to wisdom. That is to say, given the state of Nigeria today, who says his professional certificates can land him a better job than that of 100k? Since this outcome is not guaranteed or even likely, he should not forgo having children since the opportunity cost is higher.

His wife is 32 - it is a medical fact that her biologicial clock is ticking. Childbearing will get riskier and more prone to complications.

A joint income of 170 k, meanwhile, is enough to raise a child provided they continue to spend wisely.

Raalsalghul:


Swears down: very focused dude.

Focused my ass. If he was that focused he should have waited before tying somebody down. I guess he got married due to family pressure, which in itself is a very selfish thing to do.

OP, you are at the receiving end, las las, this is not to your benefit.

Man is very selfish, why marry?

I like that man already!!! The only mistake you guys made was that you didn't discuss all these plans right before marriage.

He can never succumb to pressure from either you or the family. The ball is in your court.

You are 32, he is 35 when he finally makes the money at 38 he will go for 23 year old girl from the village. Either you leave him now or you make him impregnate you. At 32 and 35 respectively what should be you guys priority now is having children even if it's just one. I don't trust your husband, I don't think money alone is his excuses.