₦airaland Forum

lawani:
It is not only thanks for purity but an acknowledgement that you are taking somebody away from the clan to go and be increasing your own population. No women no next generation. It is also the reason the bride price is shared to the extended family. It is to kind of compensate them for the loss. It is one of Earth's cultures and we should not be preaching against it. All cultures that are not harmful should be preserved. One thing that can also be done is to get people that will prostrate on contract. If a King is getting married for instance he will not prostrate by himself

Its seriously easy to prove you men wrong on this
Thats how I got my first wifes father sent to prison over it because its fraud

You are using misrepresentation to get an advantage over someone else

lawani:
It is not only thanks for purity but an acknowledgement that you are taking somebody away from the clan to go and be increasing your own population. No women no next generation. It is also the reason the bride price is shared to the extended family. It is to kind of compensate them for the loss. It is one of Earth's cultures and we should not be preaching against it. All cultures that are not harmful should be preserved. One thing that can also be done is to get people that will prostrate on contract. If a King is getting married for instance he will not prostrate by himself

Fella, fib about it all you want
The truth is the truth and your people do nothing but twist history and misrepresent it

If you cannot do the white cloth tradition you have no right expecting prostration or any part of your particular traditions

lawani:
What he does not understand is that Yoruba show excessive respect for age. All cultures respect age but Yoruba is excessive. Unless an old person shows self as not worthy the person will be respected in Yoruba land. I don't have a problem with that at all as age is not easy to come by. As a Yoruba you bow down or prostrate to greet random elders and relatives then how much more to someone as old as your father who is giving you a wife?. That is the issue. You may be exempted in some cases but most people just do it even when they are elderly. Remember in Yoruba land a wife is a huge gift because all her children belongs to the husband's family. I don't agree with Fenrir that it is a bad culture. If you don't agree with it you can be excused

And no, a father does not own his children, they are people not property

Daughters have been sexually assaulted by the fathers throughout all tribes histories and alot during covid lockdown because of that attitude

Its a father's responsibility to raise their children and once 21 years old they are free to do whatever they want regardless of what the father says

lawani:
What he does not understand is that Yoruba show excessive respect for age. All cultures respect age but Yoruba is excessive. Unless an old person shows self as not worthy the person will be respected in Yoruba land. I don't have a problem with that at all as age is not easy to come by. As a Yoruba you bow down or prostrate to greet random elders and relatives then how much more to someone as old as your father who is giving you a wife?. That is the issue. You may be exempted in some cases but most people just do it even when they are elderly. Remember in Yoruba land a wife is a huge gift because all her children belongs to the husband's family. I don't agree with Fenrir that it is a bad culture. If you don't agree with it you can be excused

Fella, I understand but what you don't understand that those men no right to disrespect people and demand it is done when it is offensive to most cultures in the world

I never its an outright culture but is narcissistic to manipulate and lie about it

Actually get off your backside and do a very very deep dive into the origins of the culture

1) was never about begging, it was never about respect, it was thanks for purity

2) it was never yoruba originally to return the bride price, they started doing that around the 1970s after the civil war

3) they absolutely no right to go around saying who is exempt and who isnt

4) the only they can automatically demand it and expect it is from their own people for their own people

5) they do not value humility and respect if the second a man says no to it they immediately start insulting him and calling him worthless and all the names under the sun and not automatically just drop it

6) respect earns respect its that simple, if an old yoruba only sees a husband for his daughter as worth marrying her by if he will get on his stomach or not then he should make sure his daughter only marries a yoruba man

7) the majority of them will actively try and destroy a relationship if a man is not willing to do it, how can a person get to the age to of 50+ and have the arrogance to judge people in such a petty manner

They are not humble or respectful men because of how they act as soon as the word no about is said, look at that topic about edo boy that agreed to do a full traditional wedding and no one actually told him what it in involved, and the second he learned about it he was sickened by it and respectfully said hes not doing it, how did that family treat him?

There are a few tribes that will not do it for yoruba if they can respect them saying no, then they can respect everyone saying no

shaybebaby:
You are not one of us. So you get to dip.

As for the bolded, it means NOTHING to me because it is not of my culture.

But I dont get to shit on it for that reason even though I find it bizarre that a man should be defined by that.

Now by my standards, you are coming across slightly unhinged and a bit hysterical for a man , or woman for that matter. Like someone with unresolved issues.

But that is not my problem. And for that reason, I wish you all the best and healing from whatever it is that ails you. One thing it is not, is the Nigerian culture however regressive it may be at times.

Ails me?
Lady im happily married man, there are over 230 million of you, do you really think all women care about that nonsense? Or do you think that are there are millions that just want a happy marriage not caring how it starts?

shaybebaby:
You are not one of us. So you get to dip.

As for the bolded, it means NOTHING to me because it is not of my culture.

But I dont get to shit on it for that reason even though I find it bizarre that a man should be defined by that.

Now by my standards, you are coming across slightly unhinged and a bit hysterical for a man , or woman for that matter. Like someone with unresolved issues.

But that is not my problem. And for that reason, I wish you all the best and healing from whatever it is that ails you. One thing it is not, is the Nigerian culture however regressive it may be at times.

Exactly my traditions mean nothing to you
Just like yours mean nothing to me

But to me prostration and kneeling to a family is an act of submission and highly forbidden its an insult not respect, if any man expects me to do either then he better be able to force me to do it by over powering me

If you cannot marry a man proudly as yourself and him proudly as himself blending cultures

The best parts yours and the best parts of his automatically removing anything that offends either of you

Leave that man alone because you truly do not want the marriage you just want the wedding and no more

uuzba:
Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.
You can't escape that. Live by war, die by war.
Probably, "all Nigerian weak men" (as you say) are just avoiding wasting their lives.

To be honest im starting to think I might be immoral

Been shot over 18 times
Stabbed nearly just as many
Survived a helicopter crash after it was shot down and nearly got had my intestines removed by the propeller

Heck, I got stabbed in lagos last year by the brother of an ex because I refused to prostrate and walked away from her years ago well, over a decade ago but he held that grudge like it was keeping him alive

I walked away with a few stitches but he woke up in icu and getting arrested

uuzba:
Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.
You can't escape that. Live by war, die by war.
Probably, "all Nigerian weak men" (as you say) are just avoiding wasting their lives.

Live fast, die young and leave a fairly good looking corpse

No guts no glory

Who wants to live forever? I dont

Id rather go out swinging in 1 last glorious battle on my terms than waste away of old age in a death bed

shaybebaby:
True,in terms of the Nigerian constitution modelled after a system of government that is not African.

We do however, have customary laws (as established by our forefathers) and in some states, Sharia laws which are faith based.

Will there be friction having those 3 frameworks at play at the same time? Yes.

But just because you have lost touch with your customs ( which you are obviously nostalgically harkening back to with your YouTube links) does not mean you get to decide how, why and what relevance it is should be to us.

Not that I disagree with your sentiment as to its relevant in this day and age,however as much as you are allowed your opinions,it is NOT in your place to judge our affairs because you are NOT one of us nor have you earned the right.

How have I lost touch with my traditions and culture? I did everything my ancestors said I had to do to earn them

Went to war and proved im a man worthy of the name

You have lost touch with yours
In a traditional wedding in Nigeria for all tribes in 2025 all of the families of the women get everything those traditions are for and a lot more

No groom gets the 1 thing your ancestors they are for in any tribe

The pride of meeting a woman as a virgin and marrying her as a virgin

Harp on about it all you want its a 1 sided vow now
Do you really think your African ancestors made traditions where a woman can freely sleep with any man or men and those men never married her

Never had to ask the family for permission to access her body

Never had to thank the family for access to her body

Yet a potential husband has to beg and grovel to the family to be her 2nd or 3rd or 100th man? A lot of the time raising the kids of men before him that she never married? To the point that the fathers of a runs girls demand prostration as well?

No, just no, your traditions for 2 things only

1) the thank the family for a Virgin bride

2) so Nigerian men can marry multiple women

I dont want a virgin and never did
I can only have 1 wife

So why would I do it?

shaybebaby:
True,in terms of the Nigerian constitution modelled after a system of government that is not African.

We do however, have customary laws (as established by our forefathers) and in some states, Sharia laws which are faith based.

Will there be friction having those 3 frameworks at play at the same time? Yes.

But just because you have lost touch with your customs ( which you are obviously nostalgically harkening back to with your YouTube links) does not mean you get to decide how, why and what relevance it is should be to us.

Not that I disagree with your sentiment as to its relevant in this day and age,however as much as you are allowed your opinions,it is NOT in your place to judge our affairs because you are NOT one of us nor have you earned the right.

But customary law in cap M6 LFN is only relevant IF a couple freely choose that kind of wedding without coercion and they are still free to reject any specific traditions they dont want to do

shaybebaby:
Your opinion. But it begs the question, why are you on this forum?

To tell them you think they are weak?

To challenge them to a duel?

To let us know you married a Nigerian woman?

That you are ex-service?

That your ancestors are vikings and you are proud of them?

That you feel superior to Africans/ Nigerians?

What exactly is your purpose? State it so you can be at peace.

3814 cultures in this world
Everyone has traditions and culture but only Nigerian are so narcissistic and arrogant that they demand everyone in the world automatically submit and adhere to theirs

When Nigerian men come to Europe or America, do they ever do our traditions?

And do not say white weddings, thats a religious act if you are Christian its yours and Christianity was forced onto us like the British forced it on you

Your bible literally tells you where Christianity comes from and it wasn't us

shaybebaby:
Your opinion. But it begs the question, why are you on this forum?

To tell them you think they are weak?

To challenge them to a duel?

To let us know you married a Nigerian woman?

That you are ex-service?

That your ancestors are vikings and you are proud of them?

That you feel superior to Africans/ Nigerians?

What exactly is your purpose? State it so you can be at peace.

Ive always loved Nigeria, I was emancipated at 13 and made into a legal man at 13

Where i lived with a Nigerian single mother
I was paying my rent at 13
Doing the household maintenance for her

My first trip to Nigeria was when I was 17 to actually learn about your cultures

Unlike you like lot I can name all 371 tribes

Ill admit that watching your weddings they are quite beautiful but I have the right to say to any part i dont want to do and its culturally narcissistic for you to scream and throw a tantrum saying everyone has to do it

Telling me to kneel to your fathers or prostrate for them or wear a Nigerian outfit to marry a woman is basically them declaring an act of war

I have just stood up when meeting the familys and made the brothers, cousins, uncles and father's go nite nite on the floor for just suggesting it

Ive also made many a very fair offer
They want me to kneel to them or prostrate to them they all step outside and see if they can make me

Ive also stood up and dropped my trousers and told them to kiss my ring, a humiliation for a humiliation

shaybebaby:
In Nigeria?

Yes, in Nigeria

The law is cap M6 LFN
The marriage act, it clearly says a family cannot dictate anything at all

The couple can freely choose to reject all or some traditions

A woman even has the legal right to sit her man down privately without her family involved and telling him what her bride price is for her giving her hand in marriage, then her accept it on her behalf and do whatever she wants with it

Sorry but its ridiculous that you as a country believe that a family can dictate how legal adult lives their lives

Even that nonsense about the brides family owning the children if the bride price isnt paid is exactly that, its nonsense

If the family even attempted to take the children thats kidnapping under Nigerian law

Grandparents and extended family have zero rights over children unless

1) the mother and father give permission

Or

2) there is a court order

Once you are 21, no permission needed, no consent needed and you can marry how you want
Traditions are a social expectation not a legal obligation or legal requirement

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I08nE2aKaLM?si=TfFD3xm662plAaCV

You really think a culture with this mindset at that time would have shown you any mercy or kindness at all?

shaybebaby:
I hate to say this, but it is the men in those families that dictate those terms. The very structures they uphold ends up biting them in the butt.
As a woman, to kick against this is to be ostracised, invalidated, shunned and mocked. You will be termed as "born throway", iyawo nylon bag etc.

I sense that your experience with your wife during the lead up to the wedding probably soured you a little bit and I dont blame you. Context is everything.

Appreciating a rich cultural history is one thing but if the person who is bringing it doesnt understand the nuances, how can they explain / showcase it to someone who is experiencing it for the first time.

Am I right your being on this platform is an attempt to better understand the people who shaped your wife? If yes, that's brilliant. You will not always like what you read but atleast you are willing to understand better. And that i think, will further strengthen your union.

The men dont dictate anything its just simply most of you know the law of your country or choose to break it willingly

A couple can freely choose to ignore all of it under the law but your fathers brainwash you with the word mandatory, its not mandatory

And I sent the father of my first wife to prison over traditions

All I had to do was record his nonsense and take straight to a solicitor and married her anyway

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5Pk3BHGZ_I?si=e6Nx_g91Cflad0fu

What the British did was down right civilised in comparison to what my actual ancestors would have done if they could have made it to Africa

And you seem to forget the Portuguese started the whole colonialism thing the British actually came to the party late they were just most successful at it and they were the ones that ended it as well

shaybebaby:
Oh I know that but it seems the men on here ( and maybe women too) have forgotten that fact. Not their fault, we lost a lot of our identity with colonisation and matter of fact, the idea of submission and all that jazz is an import from the British empire where women were viewed as property, and also Christian missionaries were used to extend Britain's soft power and shape the minds of the colonised so they were easier to exploit and control.

I mean where did the titles like Iyaloja in yoruba land come from if not from the fact that women were not sitting at home but participating in commerce? Even Madame Tinubu made her wealth from slave trading, what of Queen Amina?

So I know my history. But we are discussing what gives today in Nigeria which is a legacy from back then.

Whilst those who brought those ideologies back then (the west) have moved on today.

Summary, average Nigerian is still mentally enslaved hence why we are here. And a simple journey to times before the enslaver arrived will reveal to them the source of the ideas they are propagating today.

No one actually came specifically to enslave anyone at all originally and enslavement was never about race and please learn real history

The Islamic slave trade in Africa was just as bad and lasted longer and took more people

Whites were originally just exploring and saw what you were already doing to your own people and accepted a deal your ancestors made with them

Whos worse? The seller or the buyer and it wasn't all whites it was more like 10% of our ancestors

My ancestors specifically vikings it would have been so much worse if they had gotten here

Clairvoyancy:
It's well with you my brother

Not your brother

shaybebaby:
I see no lies being told.

The operative word and key difference between the west and africa is choice.

West: both people agree and must agree because otherwise we have issues of coercive control, financial abuse, loss of personal freedoms etc..which we know are unlawful with legal protections in place to mitigate against negative/ exploitative outcomes which are rife in places like Africa.

Would you be kind enough to explain the single life of an independent woman whilst married?

I happen to have friends who are SAHM wives whilst their men provide financially for the entire family. An issue of childcare really,as it is expensive and therefore the decision was made for purely economic reasons. Why outsource when the cost is roughly equivalent to the wife's entire income?

So wife stays at home, kids get one hands on parent at all times, but the man recognises that she is an adult and therefore needs a break, adult time and mental stimulation with her peers so she gets to have time with her girls every now and then without the pressures of kids and familial responsibilities. Girls weekend, night at the pub. And so does the guy, golfing trips, concerts with the boys.
But also they have family trips, holidays with the kids and lastly, they have just the 2 of us time ( no kids in tow) when they can arrange childcare.

So is this different to your observations?

My observations are that majority of marriages here start off with betrayal

You put your man in second place to your families expecting him to grovel and beg using the words "traditions and culture" forgetting that when those traditions started all grooms got something that very few families today offer so its not traditions its humiliation rituals

So the women in this country are just as bad in that aspect

You start your marriages off putting your man in second place to irrelevant people and then expect him to put you first in life and marriage after

But you forget betrayal earns betrayal not reward

Vulcan24:
You see the downfall of men is man ! Can you see how you turn an idiot into a genius with your seemingly more idiotic views?!! A student who cannot think of her future intelligently !!

This is absolute rubbish! Students must have a positive view and plan for their future and also what they intend to achieve with the education they are receiving! In her case there's no impact whatsoever she's in school and you are embellishing that dumb replies

That is definition of student
Getting a better education for a better potential future

Did anyone even bother to ask what she is studying?
Maybe be its childcare to hypothetically be a better mother in the future

Why would she just sit on her backside while waiting for husband she wants, when she could possibly be learning the skills needed to potentially be the mother she might just want to be

Vulcan24:
You lack knowledge of family life even from the onset

Women are hard farmers pre colonial and post independent in the rural areas, they provide education and support for the children.

Men only provide shelter, name , protection and carryon with family legacies, the women can tap from that resources. It is western to think men are the supermen in the relationship

No, we dont fella
The average one of us is completely satisfied with a happy, healthy and safe family

When you say western you are thinking American and British but you not thinking about Northern European or eastern European

Clairvoyancy:
Bro, I'm done with you since.... You have issues with comprehension.... Go fix that first... Be safe 👍

Nope, no problem
Go for a woman that actually wants the same as you and leave any woman that doesn't alone

If a woman only wants to be a full time mother and wife then let her find a man that wants that as well, you dont need to push people to be more than they want to be

Support = good
Pressure = bad

shaybebaby:
Seems I touched nerve by attempting to engage in non-biased discourse and clarifying that the words submit and submission are the same in every context, including marriage.

However no where did I give my personal to you in our discourse. That said, I am aligned with your belief in equality and human rights for all creed and colour, man, woman, child.

Shall I call you feminist by the same token?

Side note: thank you for your service to and on behalf of humanity.

No, lady in Nigeria and Africa submit and submissive mean the same thing in marriage but to most of the world a man only gets a submissive housewife if.....

1) they both want it
And
2) the man is capable of sustaining the housewife lifestyle

Its extremely rare now in Europen countries and America and Australia for a man to get a housewife

Most women just dont want it
They want the best of both

They want to be independent women AND have a fully traditional man in the sense of the male roles or providing and protecting

They want to be married and live a single life at the same time, like Nigerian men want to be married and single at the same time

Clairvoyancy:
Then it means you don't even know what your arguments are.... You just arguing blindly....


And as for your question, I already gave you your answer... You don't need to be the lady's mouthpiece.... Moreover, I stated it clearly, "if she's willing", which means, I already saw what I wanted in her, but I believe she can do more, and it's not a must, which is why I said that.... So, I don't think your question should be necessary honestly...

Hey bob, you're the one thats proven you are so arrogant and narcissistic you think other people should change what they want in life to suit your needs and wants instead of getting off your backside and looking for that female husband of your dreams, its not hard to find someone who's goals align with yours in Nigeria, heck its not hard in Africa in general and you dont need flash cash to do it, just be better a better man than everyone else around

Why do you think men like me travel to Africa and Asia to find love and marriage? Because most women in Europe and America now have the same "best of both" attitude as you do bob

shaybebaby:
What does joy, peace and good wife mean to you?

I mean what does that look like in practice everyday?

Look at wolves for that answer
A male wolf will never cheat
He knows all his pups are his
He does his duty to his family without question and doesn't need to ask what his mate brings to the relationship
When hes too old to hunt his adult pups will hunt for him
His pack would fight and die for him
When his mate dies the majority of the time he will grieve for 6 months to 1 year and the majority of the time follow her

Sometimes the animal kingdom is more human than humans are

What that wolf has is peace

shaybebaby:
Isn't that just describing the same thing?
One a verb, the other an adjective but still respect to the same scenario -Marriage.

And brings to mind a power imbalance, one party being obedient to the other. Like in parent child dynamic " Listen to me because I am your parent and I know best" rather than one of mutual respect.

Lady dont take your feminist attitude out on me, im not Nigerian and dont have that mindset

I refused to submit to Nigerian traditions to marry a woman, I believe in equality and human rights

And have fought for my beliefs, actually taking bullets in my stomach in war zones for it so people have the right to live however they want

Kaido:
This right here is the reason I always tell men that marriage is war. If you ain't built for the war, sign a deal with a woman...you get the child after you pay her off.

🤣 show me the nigerian man that could mentally cope in a war? With this passenger princess mindset?

Lady I served in Afghanistan for nearly a decade
1 night in that war and a Nigerian would be crying himself to sleep

mysticwarrior:
Bring your mind down kobo, I mentioned you because your talked about "our Great grand mothers and grandmothers" why you come suddenly switch to Great grand fathers? I am not understanding, could you please, kindly help me to understand.

You sent this to the wrong fella
My ancestors took what they want not beg and grovel for it

My viking ancestors were survival of the fittest