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“Doctor say Him go dey paralyzed for Two months” Flow was almost crying, “And after him don well, make him stop to dey smoke igboh!”

“Man! Stop to dey smoke igboh?” I was shocked, “Is that possible?”

“Yes it is possible! If person like me go stop to dey smoke igboh, then anybody go fit stop” Flow officially announced his retirement.

“Make una no worry, Man my man go well and him go soon continue to dey smoke” Brainbox was sure.

“Abeg make we dey go house jor!” Since madness, Snow had changed to being subtle and oftentimes he rarely speaks; was there still drops of madness in his medulla Oblongata?


Seated close to me in my newly acquired Volkwagen Bora was Brainbox rather unsteady as I zoomed leaving UPTH.


“Oboy I go meet Iya, she give me love portion wey I go use for Funke Brother Wale sister, she go love me die!” Flow's ambition.

“Flow nwannem so you still dey go meet that Iya wey make me mad?”

“Oboy no be she make you mad, na you make yourself mad, you no dey follow instructions!”





Few days later, we were at 1759 drinking.

“Brainbox! See the food here, I buy am for Kilimanjaro, if you reach there give Funke, if she chop am naso she go dey love me” Flow was sure it would work.

Brainbox opened the plate inside the fancy bag to reveal the Fried rice and Chicken it contained; next to it was a plate of Ice cream.

“You mix the love portion for the Ice cream too?” I had to ask.

“You be mumu oh, how person go mix love portion for Ice cream?” Snow cursed.




One hour later, and we were still at the bar.

“Fllow! Flow! Flow!!” Brainbox was panting.

“Wetin happen!!”

“As As As As…….. I reach them Funke house…. Naso… naso…...…”

“Naso wetin, talk na!” I fired.

“Naso I com give the girl the food…..…..” He was catching his breath gradually.

“Ehen……. Wetin com happen?”

“Naso the girl look wetin dey inside, as she open the food, nahim nahim…...…”

“Ehen!!”

“Nahim Brother Wale com come outside, com ask her wetin be that, the girl com tell am say na Rice and Ice cream”

“Ehen wetin com happen?” I was curious.

“nahim the girl com tell Brother Wale say make him chop the Fried Rice and Chicken, say she go lick the ice-cream say she no dey hungry”

“Ehen Brother Wale chop the food?”

“Yes ooh! Him chop am! As him dey chop am, I stand observe him eye, e get as him eye com dey do round-round”


“Yawa! Yawa don gas!!!” I almost fell of my seat.

Just then, Flow's phone rang. It was Brother Wale calling.

Doomsday.

Year Two Thousand and Seventeen came with good tidings.

I had received my thirteenth month salary.

I was thinking of committing murder and leaving to occupy another inhabitant. I was thinking of killing Man.

I was thinking of either paralyzing him or killing him, or both.

But what will be said of me after the act.

Woe betide me.



Flow sat close to me that evening frowning.

“Guy wetin dey happen to my barbing salon sef? e dey fold small small” I lamented.

“Even me sef, my boutique don close, I no know wetin cause am, my boys don thief all my money finish” Flow said.

Since Iya-gate we all owned businesses. What business did Brainbox and Man own? You will ask.

Well they rented a shop and opened OK gaming centre, everything about them wasn’t really Okay.

Boys playing game there always got arrested by the Police twice weekly, especially on Sundays.






“Knock! Knock! Mbok open the door!” It was Mfon knocking on my door.

Mfon! Big fat Mfon!

“Come in!” I opened.

Mrs. Frumpy Mfon wore a haggard shoe into my living room.

“sweeddat!” She seduced her father not me.

“Darling!” I had to – just because of what I had in mind.

“Kissing me na!” She gestured, closing her eyes and positioning her lips.

I kissed, yes you heard me right, I kissed; holding my saliva from flowing down my throat, save I died.

“Baby I want you to do me a favour!” I swallowed, but I didn’t die; my heart died.

“What is it? I will do anything for you, you know I rov you” She sat on my laps.

“I rov you too!” I almost said.

“Talk na, what is it?” She pecked me slightly.

I brought out the chemical from underneath my bed and said; “You see this chemical, I want you to put it in Man’s palmwine when we come to drink this evening!”

“What is it?” She asked.

“What is it?” I thought of a right answer, “It is his drugs, He has Brain problem, and his doctor who is my friend said I should mix it with his palmwine”

“He has brain problem? What kind of brain problem?” She asked.

“Brain tumor, he has Brain tumor” I answered smartly, “And if he doesn’t take his drugs mixed with palmwine he will die in Two weeks”

“Die! Why did he refuse to take his drugs in the first place?” She needed to know.

“Why? Because, Because, He said the drug is very bitter”

There was silence in the room for a while before she said;
“Okay I will help you put it in his drink, but on one condition”

“Condition! What condition?” I was ready.

“You will f’’uck me for Three hours” She announced.

“Three Hours? Is too much na!!” I shouted, “What if I die?”

“You will not die! Are you not a man?”

“Man? I am not a man ooh!” I almost said.

Silence was again in the room as I thought.

I thought of the stench her “Thing” would produce.

I thought of how her “Thing” would contain me; I might as well drown in it.

I thought of the lengthiest I had lasted in bed.

I thought of the headlines in the dallies the previous day: “AYOMIDE 34 DIES AFTER HAVING S’EX WITH HIS WIFE FOR TWO HOURS”

Mine wasn’t two hours but three; what might be left of me might as well be my skeletal structure.
“EMMANUEL OKOLI 31 DIES HAVING S'EX WITH MFON A PALMWINE SELLER”





We were 2 hours left when she asked me to suck.

“Suck what?”

“If you don’t do it, I will not put the drugs in his food!”

"Not food ooh, drink! palmwine!" I corrected her.

“Okay palmwine, I will do it only if you suck me for One hour, Suck it! In fact, lick it dry!” She repeated, “Suck it!”

To the soak away my lips went.

It was sweeter than I expected; sugary and somewhat peppery.


I was sucking for 30 minutes when her tap gushed full geared on my face.

Then I was blind.



Mfon had left for thirty minutes then I reminisce the words of Iya when she gave me the mixture; “Mix it with his palmwine to render him paralyzed, if you pour any other drink into the cup mixed with palmwine and this liquid, he will die!”



I had forgotten to instruct Mfon.

“Whatever happens! I promise not to allow my friend die” I assured myself.

Thank God it was a dry well.


“wetin be time?” Was Flow’s first question.

A look at my wrist showed it was 18:55, Five minutes to Eight.

“How! How? How we go take bring back that blood?” Flow sat on the flow crying.

I dragged him up and he pulled back himself to the ground.

I pitied him.

“Guy no worry, them dey go bring the bag come!” I assured.

“Who? Na only God go fit bring back that bag!” Yes indeed it was God’s intervention as I saw the guy coming towards where we stood with the bag.
“Shebi I tell you say him no go run, say him go bring the bag for you” The guy with the ladder reminded me.









Christmas was in a week when my doorbell blast.

“Who be that!” I hide the poison underneath the bed.

“It is me!” I heard from the other side.

“Who be you?” The voice sounded like Chinwe’s.

“Chinwe!” I was right.

“Wetin this girl come do for my house?”

I reluctantly opened the door and she dilly dallied for a while.

Her perfume sent Nostalgic feeling down my spine. I wished she was still mine. But No, she was married; married to very wealthy man.

She swiftly sneaked in and sat.

“Hahahaha! Emmanuel Okoli, you haven’t changed a bit” She muttered.

Then an accidental fart came drum-sounding.

“Look at your house! Dirty and unkept, you are even farting in my presence!” She said, “Disgusting!”

My fart was never disgusting to her in the beginning.

In the beginning it wasn’t so.



“To what do I owe this visit?”

“Nothing! I just came to say hello to the one I once loved, is it a crime?”

“Yes it is! I don't want to see you!”

“You don’t want to see me, but I want to see you, and that is what matters!” She was too close for comfort.

Is it a set up?

I was bare chested and sweating, She was caressing, and then kissing.

My volcano was erupting.


“But you are married?”

“I am married, but I still want you!”

Was I dreaming?

“Me that you said cannot perform?” I thought.

“Did your friends give you the Fifty Thousand Naira I gave them to give you?”

“Fifty thousand Naira! You gave them Fifty thousand Naira!” I was shocked.

Man! Oh Man! Brainbox and Man! You both deserved to be poisoned.

“Didn’t they give you the money?” She said while taking her hands to handle my volcano.

“No………. Yes………….. No………..I mean Yes” my volcano was controlling my brain.

“I gave you the money because I still want you, I still love you but my father want me to marry that his friend’s son” She pushed me to the bed; i was lighter than feather and fell like a log of wood.


Kissing her tasted salty.

Salty that turned bitter when my phone rang.

It was Omo love my lover.

Why was she calling? Was it office stuff? Since our relationship was rocky the past few weeks since she caught me with Vido the Philipino kissing in her office, i was always so scared of her calls.


“You you you don’t need to pick that call at all!” Chinwe grabbed my phone and put it off.

Chinwe had taken off my short and started blow jobbing when I heard a knock on my neighbour’s door.

Little did I know my ears deceived me.

I was carried away; the job was way sweeter than Omowunmi’s; she sometime leaves my pen in blisters due to her uncontrollable 32 teeth.

Light overshadowed the darkness in the room as my door opened.

“Omo love!”

Action film.

As Omowunmi raged towards me, I counted One to Five before my head hit the wall so hard that I heard a voice read the Two times table.

A headbutt to my chest brought the Moon and the Sun revolving around my head. I was not sure Choristers were sonorously singing “We wish you a merry Christmas………… We wish you a merry Christmas……………. We wish you a merry Christmas…………,and a happy new year!” in the room that evening.

An Uppercut stated Pythagoras Theory in my head.

Omowunmi kicked my volcano hard and I was epileptic on the floor.

“See what you have done to him now!” I wasn’t sure Chinwe said that, “You have killed him!”

“So you? You still have mouth to talk” I wasn’t sure who said that.

After a thundering sound, there was a loud scream all of a sudden, I looked up to see Man, Brainbox and Snow standing by my n’aked body laughing while Flow separated the fight.


“Emma your blockus small sha” I heard the voice of Man. Just as i lie on the floor, i saw his poison glittering.

skubido:
Hmmmmm



OP tanks for the update

Thank you too.

Dear Nairaland, I need this book to hit front page, i promise to update regularly.

I promise.

Or so i thought

“Mama! My brother don fall inside well!” I cried to the elderly woman that owned the kiosk.

“Eyaaah!!” Another set of guys smoking pitied me.

“No worry! I get ladder, make I go bring am!” One of the guys offered.

“Thank you! God go bless you!” I prayed.

“Yes! God don already bless me, but I go collect money from you, no be free” His palm was outstretched.

“I go give you na!” I brought out my wallet and offered him 500 Naira.

“You dey alright? How you go give me 500 Naira make I go bring ladder wey you go use comot your friend for inside well? Na insult na! Infact I no dey go again” He sat.

“Sorry na! So how much you want make I give you?” I needed to know.

“Oboy if you no bring 2 kay, leave am!” He said.

“2 kay? 2 kay too much na!” I searched my wallet.

In my wallet was contained Two Thousand Two Hundred Naira and I wept.

“Abeg na! Make I give you One Thousand Five na!” I bargained.

“E no work ooh! Even if you give me One Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninty Nine Naira, I no go go” He broke my heart to pieces.

“Okay, I go give you! Take!” I handed over the said sum to him.

He rocketed with his bike smiling while I sat with the other guys over a wrap of weed.

A wrap was sold for 100 Naira unlike OK republic where it was 50 Naira Jumbo size.




I was smoking and narrating to my new found friends what I and Flow had gone through all in the verge to save our mad friend. I also informed them the content of the bag their friend snatched.

They pitied me.

I pitied myself.

I was sweating.

I was crying.

“Oboy why you dey cry na?” One of them asked.

“I no dey cry! Na the smoke for this igboh dey make water comot for my eyes” I lied.

"No worry, your friend no go mad!"




2016 had brought me a lot of sorrows; I couldn’t wait to kiss the year goodbye.

“The guy wey collect the bag, shey him wear blue shirt?” One of them asked.

“Yes, him wear blue shirt and jeans!” I held back the tears from waterfalling.

I finished one wrap and I was on my second still crying.


“How much you go give me make I go bring your bag come back now now!” One of the guys offered.

“How much! But I no get money!” I cried, “Abi you see all the things wey I don go through?”

“Okay because of all the things wey you don go through, just bring 2 kay” What was with them and Two Thousand Naira?

“I go give you, but I no get am cash, I go do transfer for you” I offered.

“Wetin be transfer? shey I tell you say I get account?”

“As you no get account now, wetin we do?”

“Wetin you go do be say you go give me this your phone!”

“My phone?”

My Andriod phone. Samsung; i bought 68,000 Naira.


“How I go give you my phone?” I challenged him.

“Okay na, if you no wan give me your phone, leave am na, your friend go mad dey go” He made a jest.

At that moment, I reminisced the moments with Mr. Snow nwanne; the smile, the laughter, the fights, the smoking, and of course the chasing-after-his-girlfriend.


My eyes were heavy and cloudy.

“Okay, take my phone” I was taking out my sim cards.



Then the guy with the ladder arrived.

I had forgotten Flow was in the well.

12:05pm Sunday; 12 hours to deadline

“Emma you don collect am?” I stepped out of my room.

“Yes, I don collect am, but e no easy for me ooh!” I confessed.

“Thank you! That’s why you be my man” Flow said, “no worry, na me and you go share the money!”


Having sex with Olaniyi’s sister could be likened to a camel passing through the eye of a needle. My bed was all bloodstained. Ab initio it was easy drugging her, but it wasn’t easy having sex with her at all. I pitied her, I dilly dallied thinking of what I would do to someone that did such a thing to my sister. But again Yemisi wanted it, she had longed to break her blood. She so crushed on me, Yet Flow still advised we drugged; it was all his idea.

Yemisi’s blood!

Yemisi’s blood was on my hand.

“make we quick dey go see Iya!” Flow hurried.





It was 17:59.

With the heavy Onion bag and the blood in a container in a school bag i hung, I lagged behind.

“Why was I doing all these?”

“Guy waka fast na!” Flow said, “Iya go don start the ritual with Snow, she go don dey wait for us to bring the materials!”


Dip down Alaska lies a mini-forest in the borders with Aluu community. We wouldn’t have gone to Iya on foot, but again there was no way a vehicle would take that path. It was bushy.

It was really bushy and I was thirsty.
“Oboy make I buy water for there make we drink” I sighted a kiosk.

“Me sef dey thirsty” He joined in.

We sat over sachet water after exchanging pleasantries with the guys we met there smoking weed. The smell of the flames from their weed, could never be in the same grade with that of Ok republic; well garnished I perceived.

Thinking of how much the two Ghana-must-Go would contain; and the Igbo man in me thought of the sharing formula between me and Flow.



I was sipping and thinking.

I had never been to a shine since I was born, but just because of my friends I was headed to a shrine for ritual cleansing of mad Snow.


Soon a scuttle ensued.

“Thief! Thief! Thief!” One of the guys dashed with my bag; the bag containing the blood.

Flowed chased so hard after him and I followed.

The guy with the bag was running faster than an athlete in the Olympics.

My legs were heavy. There was about 50 metres between the guy and Flow, and about 70 metres between me and Flow. I almost fell of twice as we raced.

All of a sudden I heard a loud stamp.

Flow was in a well.

swiz123:
I always knew brainbox to be a money monger and man a rational thinker.

Well, I guess the spirit of aboki(violence) has taken over him

Yeah right! Half Aboki, half Igbo man Man influenced him.

11pm Saturday night.

“Why una bury the money na?”

“See! na here we bury am!” Flow was not sure.

“Oya Brainbox bring the shovel come!” Man was set to dig.



5 Minutes of digging and Two Ghana-must-go was seen.

“Where the remaining two na?” Man asked.

“But but but But na here we bury am na” Flow said, “We bury all of them for the same place”

“Where e com dey na?” Brainbox was curious.

“But na here Snow bury am na” Flow was pointing at another spot while Man opened the two Ghana-must-go that was found already and the smile on his face signified it contained currencies.

Brainbox dug the spot Flow pointed at for about 3 minutes and found nothing.

“No bag of money here na!” He cried.

“Una sure say the other two bag never disappear?” I spoke for the first time since we arrived the thick bush.

“E fit be ooh!” Flow was weeping now.

“As we no see the other two bags, make we dey carry this one go house now!” Man said, “Make we follow that wide road wey lead to Ok republic go”

I wished we never followed that path.



We were 50 metres close to Ok republic when i felt something kissed the back of my head.

“Don't move!”

I didn't move, but I turned.

It was Man, pointing a gun to my head.

What a life?

“Give me the bag!”

I handed over the bag I was carring to armed Man; Flow did the same to Brainbox.

They were with chicken laps; pistols!

“Brainbox bring the rope make we tie them!” Brainbox rushed to fetch ropes from a corner.

Where were tied like slaves and the thieves carted away with the bags of money.

I was thinking.

I was weeping.

Flow was weeping too.

“My brother! Him go soon die!! Five minutes past Twelve!” Flow rested his head on a heap of grasses crying bitterly “Wetin I go tell him mama, my aunty?”

“No worry, him no go die!” I couldn’t move my hands, "We don already get two out of the three items wey Iya say make una bring!"



“Which kin wicked friends we get like this?” Flow cried, “See see see as them tie us with rope because of money!”

“Na God go punish them!” I was sure, But suffer not the witch to live. Man and Brainbox deserved to die.

“My money!” Flow cried with a loud voice, “My money don go!”

“I know say this thing go happen nahim make me tell you say make we go hide the other two Ghana-must-go bag” I reminded Flow.

“e just be like say we know wey we go hide the other two Ghana-must-go for your house” Flow said.

We were smarter.

We were smarter than the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

“So naso we go dey here till day break?” Flow had already found a sleeping corner.

I couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t sleep tied.

I was thinking.

I was thinking of when I would make my first move against my enemy.

That would happen only if I survived the dark and cold night.

swiz123:
This is fiction I believe but your main characters are non-fictional characters whom you changed their names.

So, who is Emmanuel Okoli? Another non-fictional character with a changed name?

Emmanuel Okoli is non-fictional with the same name.

A friend of mine.

The story narrates what took place in the lives of these friends from 2014 till present day.

I am Flow in the story. Some of what i narrate here that i happen not to be present in the scene were told to me by Emma later in life before his demise.

Though we have gone separate ways due to......................

You will find out in this story

I promised my fans that the story Emmanuel Okoli will blow their minds.

More is to come.

swiz123:
Wonderful update.

Look at the hypocrisy in man's voice.... Lol

Yeah! A traitor indeed.

1st December 2016, It was a Thursday.

I returned from work early – since I was dating the head of IT, I could close from work at any time I desired.


I was summoned to the Basilica.

“Wetin I dey hear so!” I fumbled as I sat down, “Snow don mad?”

“Yesss, my brother don mad ooh!” Flow cried two rivers.

“What?? How e take happen?” I lost two litres of saliva, “Him smoke Igboh?”

“No ooh! Him no smoke Igboh, shey na only igboh dey make person mad?” Man attacked.

“So wetin come make am mad?” I was curious.

“Him and Flow go do Sakawa, the thing com back fire” Brainbox informed.

“Sakawa? Wetin be Sakawa?” I was lost.

“Sakawa na to use your s’perm do blood money” My heart beat.

“Why na?”

“You sabi ask stupid question oh! Them wan make money na, you no know say December don reach?” Man was getting on my nerves.

“Iya say make we bring our s’perm, say we go get money, now we don get the money and my brother don mad!” Flow was crying profusely.

“Guy na man you be ooh! Man no dey cry!” Man consoled him.



Just then, I recalled the quote from last week: “Flow do quick bring that thing, no time! Iya dey wait for us!”



"So where the money dey?" I knew Brainbox would ask.

“The the the money, dey for bush, we bury am for ground, Four Ghana-must-go bags of money!” Flow said.

I instantly got internal heat, my palms were wet. My ear lobes was spreading out.


“but why na him com mad na?” I needed to know.

“Iya say make we mix our sperm for food give any girl wey we sleep with” Flow said, “Me I do am, but Snow nwannem forget to do wetin Iya tell us before deadline”


“Eyaah! Who be this Iya sef?” I asked.

“Wetin concern you who Iya be?” Man attacked, I had not forgiven he and Brainbox for what they did to me and my scrotum, I promised that I would take my pound of flesh, I would kill Man the architect if the need be.


“so wetin be the remedy now?” Brainbox asked.

“Iya tell me say the only remedy na to go Imo state go fetch Otamiri water” That was good news.

But the bad news was: “Iya say if I dey bring the water make I bring two basket of white Onions and the blood from a virgin m’enstration”

“What? How we wan take get that one!!” I was losing it.

“Guy we must get am ooh!” Flow’s hand was on his head, “And we must get all this things before Five past 12 midnight on Sunday, unless Snow go die”

“All of us must save this our friend” Man said, “What are friends for?”

Traitor!

“Whatever happens, I will take home a lesson, a lesson never to trust my friends” I sat outside waiting for Naeto to bring me my laptop.



“Oboy this one wey sidon for outside, you dey wait person?” Flow entered the compound.

“Nothing oh! I just wan collect fresh air!” Fresh air in between my legs too.

“Okay!” He took two steps forward and one backward, “Eheeen! Your ebee don go?”

“My ebee?” I was lost for a second, “You dey mad! Na your papa go get ebee!”

“Haahaha! But you get ebee na” Doctor Flow had diagnosed me to suffer Elephantiasis of the scrotum.

“I no get ebee, I don tell una say na bee bite me for my p’rick side nahim make me dey waka like person wey get ebee”

“Hahahaha no be only bee, na bettle!” Flow walked away, “Abeg make I go do better thing with my life, wetin go make me rich”

Opening the gate as Flow was about entering the house, Snow frowned and said, “Flow do quick bring that thing, no time! Iya dey wait for us!”

“Iya? Which Iya?” I wondered, “Maybe Iya put!”

Or so I thought.





“Naeto my boy! thank you, you have saved me!” I received my laptop from Naeto Man’s nephew.

“So, where is my chu-chu!” We were in my house now.

“Ahaan, sit down first now!” I offered, "sit down before we go dey talk of chu-chu"

“I am not sitting down until you give me my chu-chu, you want to give me sleeping pills like what my Uncle did to me the other day”

“Serious! He gave you sleeping pills?” I wondered, “what did you do to him na?”

“Because he wanted to rape Bisi Brother Wale’s sister in the living room and I was the only one in the house” Naeto said.

“Oooh Man! Man wey dey reason!” I cried.

“I woke up the next day Monday by 1pm, my parents thought I was dead” Naeto narrated, “It was later that I knew what my uncle did to me, i mean what he gave to me, but I didn’t report him to my mum”

“Aaaah! What a pity!”

“I will never forgive my Uncle for doing that to me, never! That this why I am bringing this laptop he stole from you back to you” Naeto said, “But is for a price”

“So how much are we talking of?” Neato was never a child when it came to money matters

“I thought we had discussed this already!” He answered, “You are to pay me 5 kay, just 5 kay!”

“What does little Naeto want to do with Five Thousand Naira?” I asked myself, but again:
“He saved my life!”

Omowunmi the head of IT had severally laid emphasis on the fact that I needed to go to any length to find that laptop, that should anyone break the lock code and access some files in the system, Top bond Oil was ruined. Little did she know that the laptop was with a rogue yet a computer illiterate.

I handed over Five thousand Naira to Naeto and as he stepped out, I was thinking.

I was thinking of what I would do to Man.

Poison him?

Yes I will! I made up my mind.

swiz123:
Why is it that when you narrate a fighting scene, your main characters always loses?

No be so . Or so I thought

SunFlow:
Uncle flow thank you

Thank you for reading

“Open this door!” But it wasn’t my responsibility to open.

What was I to do?

I was fidgety. Wrong time for urine to disgrace me. Wrong time!

“Who are these people?” I panicked, “what have I done?”


Then my door was hit hard.

“I say open this door!” I had no choice.

With what i thought was a gun to my head one of the robbers shouted “Where is the money?”

“We we we which money?”

“My friend where is the thirty thousand Naira??”


While lying down I took note of the trouser one of the robbers was putting on; it looked like one I borrowed from Man the other day I had a date with Vido the Philipino; the same trouser Vido showed me was torn before I noticed. Was my eyes deceiving me?

Dragging me to my feet, one of the robbers said, “If you don’t provide that money, we will cut of your scrotum”



I was sure

I was so sure Man was one of the robbers.


Blood on my forehead I cried as the other robber almost stabbed me with the kitchen knife he held.

“See the money here!” The head robber took the envelope by my bedside.
“How una take know say I get Thirty Thousand Niara for this house?” I was pondering and was panting.


These guys weren’t with AK’s, no not 47 edition, not 49 edition.

Knives!

“Am I a dog that you will come to me with sticks and knives?” I noticed one of them was with a plank on his left hand.

And so I fought.

I fought them hard.

Two blows to the one on black mask, and an elbow jab to the other on pink mask.

Then within split seconds my third leg was hit hard with the thick plank.

My eyes spun, I saw stars.

Having three ball in between one’s leg can be miraculous not until you suddenly noticed two was melting.

Soon the third one joined melting and sending a “shut down” signal to my brain.

Yes I was shutting down gradually.

There was network failure in my five senses.

My entire system was shutting down.

My eyes were hot.

I was lying helpless.

“Chuk this guy this your knife make him die!”

Life was whisking out of me gradually.

I was kissing the sky.

My heart was bleeding.

That night I lost my breath for a mini-second and bought it back when one of the robbers flashed the torch-light on my face.

“No I no go chuk am knife! Na our guy oh!” The voice was Brainbox's I sensed while praying I made heaven on my demise any moment.

“Yes sha, na our guy, but make we take this him laptop, we go sell am sharp sharp!”

Soon I was epileptic.

I saw heaven’s gate.

I was female with no scrotal sack and I thought my pen was broken too.

My laptop was gone!

Thirty Thousand Naira given to me by my ex was gone.

My seed for reproduction was gone.

My laptop was gone! Omowunmi!

She will kill me.

Kirgyakos:
this is why flow is the best


the suspense is mind blowing


thumbs up bro

Thank you.

Still i Flow, We Flow together

“Yes! Mr. Paul come in!” The Doctor said.

Paul! Oh Paul and not HIV Pausitive!

“Mr. Emmanuel Okoli congratulations! You are HIV negative! I will advise that you remain negative and endeavour to be faithful to just one lover” The doctor advised.

“Thank you Ma! God bless you” God really blessed me indeed that afternoon.

I hugged Mr. Paul, hugged the Doctor and almost hugged the flower vest in the office.



I was free.

I was relieved.

What!! I wasn’t HIV positive afterall.

My head spun 360.

What was I to say.

Chinwe! Oh Chinwe!

What have you done to me?

I was smiling out my heart.

“Why would this girl lie to me about being HIV positive?” I was crying now.

“Mr. Emmanuel Okoli, you shouldn’t be crying, you should be happy”

“I am haaaappy!” The tears was pouring more.






Soon I was home happier than I left.

I was sleeping!

I was dreaming!


“Mr. Emmanuel Okoli welcome to hell fire, take your seat and feel relaxed!” One man on black gestured.

“What was I doing in hell?”

At the door of hell fire, a knock was heard, who was next in hell? I asked myself.

“Who is there?” The man on black yelled.






“Ooooh God! Who be that wey dey knock for my door!” I muttered.

I was on the bed but my body was heavy.

Was it all a dream?
What proved to me that it wasn't was the doctor’s report of not being HIV positive by my bed side.

So Chinwe was lying?
“Well, I am a happy man afterall!”

I looked at the time, and it says 17:59.
“Emma! open the door!” The knocking continued.

“Who are you!” I needed to know.
“Na me Brain” Since involving in Koko business Brainbox had preferred calling himself Brain, and he had overtime became the Brain behind OK's business.

I fumbled with the door as I opened and my heavy eyes caught a blurred glimpse of Brainbox scarred face.

“Eheen? Brainbox wetin be that? What do you want?”

“Oboy OK daughter Chinwe say make I give you this letter!” Brainbox went straight to the point handing over to me a brown envelope.

“Wetin? Wetin I do?” I needed to know, “Why that girl wan kill me?”

“I no know why she wan kill you, wetin I know be say as I go their house today, she give me this envelope make I give you” Brainbox's face was gloomy.

I shut the door just as I opened the door to curiosity.
“Why this letter?”
“Is it a time bomb?”

“What does she want from me? What?”
I was curious and wishing it was just a love letter and not a time bomb.
“Oboy you are really a lover boy, that girl love you” Brainbox was leaving, “enjoy your money!”
“which money?”

The envelope was thick and dark.

Was it a Biography?

Was it a manuscript of a story?

As I saw the first currency note in the envelope, my heart skipped.

It was a huge amount.

Was I dreaming?

I counted the money to be Thirty thousand Naira.

Then I noticed there was another document inside.
A thick and glossy document.

Chinwendu Okonkwo weds Mike Lawson was crested on it.

Was it the same Mike Lawson of Grandprix Oil and gas?

Was it the Chinwe of mine or another?

Was I dreaming?
I was instantly colour blind to see the Four-colour design beautiful wedding card.

I wish I was dreaming.



30 minutes later
I was on my bed thinking.
Thinking of what I was to do.

Thinking why Chinwe would settle me with Thirty Thousand Naira for a relationship of Three years”
Then I sank deeper on my bed still thinking bitter and wishing I had a gun.

Then a big bang was heard on the door.

“Who are you?” I cried.

“It is us!” I heard a voice replied.

“Who is us?” I asked.

“It is us! Armed robbers! Open the door!!!” The voice sounded like Man’s.

I wished I never did, but I opened the door to my unwanted visitors.

Then it was black out on a night that later became a black Saturday night to me.

swiz123:
Wonderful update.

The suspense was really funny, lol.

You never chi chon chin

skubido:
Tanks for the update,,



Welcome back

Yeah i am back.

And this story promises to be the best you read this year.

Then the thunderbolt came.

I was sinking. “Once you stop thinking, you start sinking” a wise man once said.

But I was thinking and I was sinking.


Where is the hospital? I need this test.



“Emma! where you dey go?” I heard a familiar voice all of a sudden.

“Man! Brainbox!” I saw a cab drove slowly towards me.
“We don free!!! You where you dey go?”
“Me? I dey go Hos….. Hos…….. I dey go…. I dey stroll, I wan take fresh air” The cab had drove passed.


“So NDLEA don release this boys?” I said to myself, “see as them dey happy!”



In snail pace I was at the Hospital.

“Mr. Emmanuel Okoli your test result is ready, the doctor will see you now!”

I felt my legs jittery, I couldn't move let alone stand.
Standing was the least of my problems. My main problem was the test result. All through my life I had only being tested for HIV once before that moment.



I remember my first experience. That was when I was serving in Ogun state.

I was sick for 3 days, thinking it was legendary Malaria and Typhoid, I went for a test at the general hospital.

“Oboy I go advice you to go do HIV test ooh!” Gozie, one of the corps members on duty suggested.
“Which kin talk be that? why I go do HIV test?” I wondered.
“You need am ooh! As you don treat Malaria and Typhoid and e no gree go, e fit be say you don catch HIV ooh!” Bayo another corper doctor said.
“Guy if no be say I dey respect you, I for say make thunder fire you!” I caused.
“Guy, I think you should follow our advise” Gozie added, “Because all this secondary school girls wey you don waya, plenty of them get HIV ooh!”

At that moment I flashed back.

Funke, she was a definition of wayward

Bisi, young, beautiful but weird. She wanted to be my wife but she was Lagbaja with tribal marks.

Bimbo, 17 but knows what a 27 year old wouldn’t. She wanted to carry my seed for nine months.

Kemi, I had a quickie with her on christmas eve at night close to the transformer at the end of the street. Thank you NEPA for not restoring power that night, we would both have been electrocuted, or so I thought while b’anging her.

After two days and I was still having headache, I heeded to the advice of Gozie and Bayo.

“Oboy come test me for HIV” I was at the hospital on the third day.

Bayo took my blood sample and went inside. Then i was hearing laughs from inside. Was my blood sample funny looking? Or so i thought.

30 minutes and no result yet, One hour and I was running out of patience, Two hours waiting in the waiting room and Bayo and Gozie where just passing by every two minutes assuring me the result will soon be out.

“Why my own result com tey like this?” I asked Gozie.

“Don’t worry, you will get it soon” That he had assured me four times.



“Guy what if you catch this disease?” A voice whispered to me.

“Me? catch HIV? Na your papa go catch the sickness!” I caused no one in particular.

My head was heavy, I wished I never had sex with A’fonja babes. Only a wish.
I peed on myself when Doctor Gozie while passing by said; “Your test result is negatively positive, wait for it” and he was laughing.

“This guys dey carry me joke ooh!” I was about pooing on myself and on the floor too.

30 minutes later and the same voice yelled to me, “RUN!”


I ran faster than any splinter from Jamaica and hushed when I got to the nearest bar when the voice shouted “STOP! Go in there and take a bottle of 1759”
“Yes sir!”

“Dance before you sit down!” The voice commanded me.
I danced no dance step in particular for about 4 minutes before sitting down.
“Madam give me stout make I drink, no mind those HIV boys!” I knew I was saying rubbish yet I couldn’t stop, I was possessed by myself maybe, or maybe not.

All through my phone had been ringing but since madness beckoned there was no need to pick.

I had sipped from the glass of Udeme in front of me when my phone beeped, it was a text message from corper Gozie.

“Your test result is out, you are HIV negative, enjoy your life, but make sure you use condom”


A heavy load left me, it was like a veil flew out my face.


“say HIV is not my portion!” The voice was calm now.
“HIV is not my portion!” I said.









……. “Amen! HIV is never anybody’s portion” I was seated in the doctor’s office, “the disease is not your portion but we have your test result here to show”
As she opened the envelope my eyes were clouded with tears. I was losing it, I felt like taking of my cloth and sit on the floor.

“Your test result shows that you are…………. you are………… Look Mr. Emma no matter the outcome of this test just know that……. bla bla bla bla bla bla”
“Go straight to the point!” I had farted about fourteen times already.

“Okay, your test result shows that you are HIV.........................”
Then a knock was heard at the door. Seemed the doctor didn’t hear the knock.

“Your result shows that you are HIV……..” she continued and the knocking continued too, “you are HIV…… HIV….. Pau pau Paul!”

"Who are you?" I spoke to the creature standing in front of me.

"I am your guardian angel! I came with a message for you" The voice sound angelic though.

"my guardian angel? But i have not met you before"

"Now we are meeting!" The angel responded, "What i have come to tell you is from your creator, the one that molded you in your mother's womb"

"What is it? speak!"

"I have come to tell you that God said if you don't turn a new leaf, you will die soon!"

"Turn a new leaf! What did i do?"

"He said, you must stop womanizing, you must stop smoking, you must stop drinking, you must stop gambling, this is your last chance! Your last chance!" .

"Wait! But i don't gamble.......... where are you?" I couldn't find the angel but i found reality.




I was thinking.

I was thinking.

I was really thinking.

Where will I go when I leave this planet to the grave beyond?

“I think I will make hell, and when i get to hell, i will take permission from devil to skin Chinwe” I stood up from my bed.

But it at that moment dawned on me that I was really wet.

I had spent my night in the gutter close to my house, and it was morning already.




“Flow! Come see Emma for gutter” I blinked to see faces staring at me.

“Hahahahaha!” Snow laughed at his ancestors.

At first I saw pale colours, then I was in a moment seeing grey-screen.

Where are all the colours?.

Then I was whispering sweet words.

“wetin him dey talk sef” Flow was closer.

“H…… I……. V…………….. H……..I………..V”

“Oboy na HIV him dey talk oh!” Flow pulled me up.

“Mumu! who dey talk HIV? I dey talk AIT” I whispered.



One hour was approximately a year, I was on my bed; my real bed.

“What! who pull me clothe?!” I instantly noticed I was n’aked and my Burundi was inactive. I mean inactively inactive.

"See problem wey you don put me now!" I felt like cutting it of.

“God why me?”

“Chinwe have killed me!” I assured myself, “What will I do now?”

What I was to do was simple! Go for a test.

My legs were heavy, my eyes where blurred, my tongue dried, my heartbeat was faster, I could hear my kidney speak.

What is happening to me?

All around the wall in the room was boldly written H.I.V, soon the room was peach dark all thanks to NEPA. I was scared and blind. Blind to the fact that it takes some years for an HIV patient to die if the patient takes medication regularly.

“By this time next week, I go dey my grave!” I assured myself.

Time was running out.


I was crying.

I was crying a river.

I was shrinking.

I was warm.

I was fidgeting

“I am gonna die!”

I thought of taking my life with rat poison and saving myself from the excruciating agony of living with a deadly disease.

“Wetin I go tell God if I die!” I was crying an Ocean.

“Man no dey cry!” I remembered the words of Man my friend.

Wiping away my tears, I assured myself I will go for a test the next day to ascertain my status for myself. If I perish, I perish.

Then I perished on my bed.

macodollar:
Flow 14 November don pass oo

I am back. I Will be updating soon

Kirgyakos:
baba flow awfa naa....drop something 4 ya boyz naa

ur boyz dem de hunger o

Sorry dear, story continues 14th November

Kirgyakos:
Happy Sunday to y'll n to the one n only Legendary Flow

baba I hail thee!

Happy Sunday to you too.

swiz123:
Nice update bro.

But I think this update is to get back at successful Emmanuel for behaving like a sissy lol.... You guys can't still come to terms that he ditched you guys to stay with his love in another room.

Thank you my oga

October 15, 2016

If wishes were Cadillacs, beggars will drive.


“Guy una no know how I like Cadillac motor” Flow was noisy, “I dey tell you say na from Ford Cadillac come from”
“We know jor! Make we talk better thing!” Snow cautioned.
“Guy how we go do this Brainbox and Man wey NDLEA people catch?” I said to Snow, “And e be like say OK wan bone their side ooh”
“Me I hear say them disobey OK nahim make him no gree go free them!”
“Oboy that one concern them, when them dey say make dem stop Coco business, them no gree” Flow was care free.

“But Emmanuel you go fit tell Chinwe your babe make she tell her papa make him free them?” Emma not Emmanuel, I almost said; I was so used to Emma.
“How I go tell her, you no know say the man dey seriously hide the Coco business from him family members?”

We were still talking of my chances at telling Chinwe to plead with her father to free our friends when my phone rang.

Talk of the devil; she was calling.
“Hello……. sweet heart!................................... eheeeen!............The medicals for the modelling outfit you told me you were to attend……………………. ehen, you were tested…………… and what?……………….. and what?........... H..I.. what?” The phone fell of my hand.


“Wetin? Wetin be HI? You don get HIV?” Flow hit.
“HIV? No oh!” I quickly picked up my phone, “I wan say H.I.P for da Hip, for da Hipopo, POPO for da Hipopo, and TAMUS for da Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus!!” I recited the Nursery rhyme.


“So na Hippopotamus you wan talk? I don’t believe you!” Snow said, “So why you com dey sing the song for Chinwe, abi she dey Nursery school?”
“Yes……………. No………. Yes……… I mean No” My head was heavy, “Na that her Sister pikin wey dey Nursery school I dey sing the song for”


On Flow's shirt was boldly written "Tommy Hilfiger", but what i saw at that moment was Emma HIV.
I was gradually going blind. I think it was night blindness.

I was losing my taste buds too; the palm wine and 404 tasted like urine and burnt beans instantly.


“Oboy I dey get headache, abeg make I reach house!” I fumbled as I stood up.

For 30 seconds I searched for my very right leg even underneath my shoe sole.

“Wait make we finish make all of us go together, Only you go fit waka go house so?” Like he cared.


Tears were pouring, I couldn’t hold them back.
“ahan! Emma why you dey cry?” Snow mentioned.
“I no dey cry! Na tears of Joy!” My lips moved slowly, “I dey happy for Chinwe, she don get that modelling job”
“If na that one, na good news na!” Flow tapped me, “Abeg Mfom knack us another keg of pammy and one plate of 404, Emma go pay!”
“Yes, I go pay!” I was already walking out sobbing.




Why me? Why is the bad things happening to the good people?

So I go soon die?

I go die before my Mama.

What will be said of me when my demise come.

So this girl Chinwe was finally taking me to my early grave?

I saw myself deep down six feet.
Not until I stamped into a gutter three feet.
Since I couldn’t rise up easily, I didn’t bother struggling with my fate, I lied down on the well-made “water bed”.

Then an angel appeared unto me.

I was sleeping, I was walking, I was dreaming.

I was sleeping, I was walking down the aisle.

It was all a dream.


“Do you take Emmanuel Okoli to be your lawfully wedded wife……………”
“husband……………..Your lawfully wedded Husband……………. husband!” I corrected the officiating pastor

“Do you take Emmanuel Okoli to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health??”
“husband……. husband……. husband……….!” I corrected the pastor again.

“Shhhh Sweetheart, allow him to finish, he knows what he is saying” Chinwe my bride was in support.
Was i out of my mind?


“Mrs. and Mrs. Okoli you are now wife and wife!” The pastor announced.
“Husband and wife!” I was furious now.
“Husband? Where is the man?” The pastor gestured.
“See me here, I am the man!”
“shut up! As you are now, will you call yourself a man?” The Pastor fired and all in attendance started laughing, it was just then that i caught a clear picture of the face; the Pastor was Pastor OK, Chinwe's father.

“Why una dey laugh na? I no be man?” I tapped my d’ick slightly so confirm it wasn’t missing and touched my chest to see if I had grown breast all of a sudden.

Ab initio i walked the aisle i was a man, i thought i was transforming to a woman.

I was confused.

"why una dey laugh!" I was angered
Yet they continue getting on my nerves.
“All of una wey dey laugh me, una dey mad!”



The knock on my door brought me back to reality.
“Ooh God! Who be that! wey dey knock for my door!”



Saturday 12th March, 2016, 6am
“Na me dey knock for your door! Na me Flow, you say make I wake you say me and you go go roadwork!”
It was exercise time.

SunFlow:
Baba flowy... Ride on sir

The best all time comic writer on nairaland

THANK YOU

Kirgyakos:
I just hope say de persin wey una jam 4 motor no be D'va



hmmmm! just following!

baba flow ur suspense na super....that's why you are the best...!

ride on! Odogwu.1

You are right. She do action film for us

“The bastard girl go die for that hospital, I no go go see her” Flow talked about the love of his life that had sustained major injury from the minor accident.
“If you no need the girl again, give me, I go take” How I so crushed on Diva.
“Take the girl, I no want her again!” Talk is cheap.
“Abi all of una dey here wey him say him dash me the girl?” We had reached home very late.






Months later
“See wetin Giroud dey play! I don taya for this Arsenal sef!” Brainbox was really vexed.
“Mumu them dey tell you to support better club, you dey support Arsenal, that one na club?” I sat beside him at Olaniyi viewing centre.
“At least, we better pass una for every aspect!” Snow interrupted, “Man U where una dey for table?”
“Where we dey for table no matter for now, na when jungle mature we go know who be the man".

“One goal this Arsenal no fit score Everton make I chop 20kay” Brainbox anger was not that his team was losing but was for his 20,000 Naira winnings to be fulfilled.

“Me my own slip don cut since morning, na this Adelaide club nahim cut am!”
“Oboy which one be Adelaide again!” I thought shooting stars Ibadan had customized their name.
“Adelaide na Yoruba club na!” Man non-lover of football said.
“Oga! Adelaide na Australia club” Brainbox said.


70 Minutes into the game and I just couldn’t wait to the end of the game; Chinwe was waiting for me at home.
“Oboy I need to go house now!” I informed Man.
“See am! See your life! na that girl go kill you, you no fit catch fun again, woman wrapper!”
“I no be woman wrapper, I just love the girl, why una no fit understanding!”
“So you don love the girl pass us your friends abi? Nahim make you pack leave us for the house” Flow said.


What my friends couldn’t understand was that I love them, but the love i had for Chinwe had overtime grew to skin-deep, I was loving her more with each passing day.



10:45PM
I was lying on my bed smiling with the knowing that I was sure impressing Chinwe in bed that night all thanks to Buruntashi Man recommended for me.

“Emma, I hope you will perform better this time! You promise me you will remember?” Chinwe was in the bathroom.
“Sure we will!” I responded.
“We will? You and who?” She was quick to respond.
“Me and my Burundi” It was a new name for my d’ick since Man administered Buruntashi to me.

“Oboy you don charge ooh!” I was talking to my risen Burundi.
“I charge because I don ready to perform” It responded.
“No go over perform give this girl bow leg ooh!” It was so erected that my waist was heavy.
“Babe are you ready to give it to me!” Chinwe was seducing me with just towel tied around her.
“As you can seeee!” I showed her what I had in between my legs.


A knock was heard on the door, and I wished it wasn’t my friends wanting to borrow either Onion, Salt, Seasoning, Pepper or an entire pot of soup.
“Who is there?” I said, “Baby leave whoever is there and lets continue”
“continue what? Go and see who is at the door, we can’t let anybody ruin this night for us!”
“leave them, it should be my friends!”
“What? can’t they allow us stay in our house in peace! leme go and show them the stuff I am made of!” Commander had spoken.

As Chinwe rushed to the door, I followed immediately.
“What the hell you doing here! What do you want Mr. Flow?!”
“Baby don’t worry I will handle it” I tried moving her out of the way, but accidentally I grabbed the towel she tied and it was instantly untied.


“I………ehn………I……ennnn……..I…….. am looking for....... Good afternoon Ma!!” Na. ked Chinwe made Brother Flow saw the sun rose by 11.04pm.

skubido:
How she take escape na,,, shebi den don put her inside sack na

Read carefully, the sack was untied and the trunk was open while Brother Wale worked on the car