₦airaland Forum

This is plagiarism at its best and I am surprised that Seun and all the mods would allow this. I had earlier created a thread with the same Header (Subject) and body (contents) verbatim. This is not fair in all its entirety.

This is the link to my earlier thread created on tuesday, April 22, 2013 at exactly 5:25pm
https://www.nairaland.com/1266268/9-reasons-why-some-african

1. The man who waves a newscaster while watching tv news

2. A nurse who wakes up a sleeping patient to give him sleeping pills because she forgot to give him the medicine

3. A man who goes to a bank with a spanner to open an account

4. A man who puts a radio in a freezer to listen to cool music

5. A man who lowers the volume of his tv because he wants to read a text message

6. A man who puts perfume on his body to snap a picture…

Add yours to the list.

Akpors and the Pharmacist

Jokes: Akpors gets into a pharmacy & says 2 d
pharmacist, “Hello, could u give me condom?
I’m going 2 my girlfriend’s place 4 dinner & I think I mayb in with a chance!”
D pharmacist gives him d condom & as he was going out he returns & says,”Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too, she always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me & I think I might strike a luck there too.
“D pharmacist gives him a second condom& as he was leaving, again he turns back & says “Give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mom is still pretty cute & when she sees me she always makes eye contact & since she invited me 4 dinner I think she is
expecting me 2 make a move.
During dinner, Akpors sat with his girlfriend on d left ,d sister on his right & d mum facing him. When d girlfriend’s Dad walks in, Akpors lowers his head & starts d dinner prayer.”Dear Lord, bless this dinner & thank u 4 all u’v given
us” 10minutes after, Akpors was still praying “Thank u Lord 4 ur kindness.” Another Ten minutes gone by & he is still praying, keeping his head down, very close 2 d table.
They all looked at each other surprised, & his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. She gets close to him & whispered, “I didn’t know u’r so religious. “Akpors replies, “I
never knew ur dad was a pharmacist!”.
See wahala !!! If you’re akpors…wat will u do?

Akpors and The Robbers

Akpors was on his way back home early one morning when he came across robbers. They got hold of him. He struggled and struggled
but they over powered him.

When they searched him and found only One torn #200 note on him, the following dialogue ensured.

ROBBERS: (Angrily)Wait Oh, so na dis nonsense tear tear #200 nai make u dey follow us dey struggle b4, abi u no dey fear gun wen bullet dey

AKPORS: No oh, how I no fear gun wen bullet dey, I bn tink say una wan collect de #10,000 wen I hide inside my stuckins for my right leg shoe b4

They had to retrieve Akpors from the Hospital.

Akpors Pulled Some Creative Stunt With Mum

The conversation below was between Akpors and his mum and you’ll definitely love what went down. Enjoy and drop a comment below

Akpors: I’m Hungary,

Mum: Why don’t you Czech the
fridge.

Akpors: Ok Mum, i’m Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm! Maybe you’ll find
some Turkey.

Akpors: Yeah! but it’s all covered in
Greece. yuck!.

Mum: There is Norway you can
eat that.

Akpors: I know, I guess i’ll just
have a can of Chile.

Mum: Denmark your name on
the can.

Akpors: Kenya do it for me?.

Mum: Ok, I’m Ghana do it.

Akpors: Thanks Mum! I’m so tired Iran for an hour today.

Mum: It Tokyo long enough.

Akpors: Yes Mum, Israelly hard sometimes.

The Devil Beats Akpors at His Game

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Gates and Akpors died and went to hell.

The Devil has only one phone and he charges to make a call. The queen told Him she’ll like to call England to know how her people are fairing.

She talked for 5 minutes and asked for her bill. He charged her $5000 , she signed him a cheque and went back to her seat.

Bill Gates also made a call to the US , talked for ten minutes and the Devil charged him $10 Million.

When it was time for Akpors, he thought he had to utilize his money since the devil is going to charge him heavily. He called
Nigeria and talked for One hour 30 mins. Then he asked the devil for the price. The devil said, its only N30, suprised Akpors asked why, the Devil replied; “you know this is Hell, and a call to another Hell is cheap since its a local call”

AKPORS SHOWS A LADY HE IS A NO NONSENSE MAN

Akpors sits next to a girl on a table in a hotel

Akpors: hello madam?
Lady: what is it?
Akpors: sorry madam , just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?
Lady: ehee …now you think my watch is used as a public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time
Akpors: but madam
Lady: shut up!!!

Akpors takes out his Apple phone and makes call
Akpors: hello John I just settled from Washington D.C can you please tell me what time it is right now so that I set my clock to the local time since it still reads American time? *she listens*

Ok, thank you and today don’t forget to come for the galaxy tablet that you requested * she listens*
Since my girl is still in America bring me a beautiful girl to spend my money with tonight Ok bye

Lady: sir the time is ….
Akpors: shut up !!!!!

IS AKPORS A STUPID LOVER?

Mr and Mrs Akpors at a Zoo walk past a gorilla enclosure.

Mrs Akpors: Dear, do u know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior? Look, seeing that no one is looking, I’ll expose one of my breasts to it & see how Hot it gets just like men do.

Mrs Akpors then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

‘U See,’ says Mrs Akpors, ‘Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can’t control their animal instincts just like gorillas can’t, Men and gorillas are d same.’

Akpors replied: ‘Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.’

Mrs Akpors exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure.

Akpors says: ‘This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!’

Mrs Akpors pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs her and starts yanking the clothes off her.

Mrs Akpors yells: ‘Sweetheart, what do I do now? Please, help me!’

Akpors replies: ‘Now, tell him you are on your period, u have a headache and you are not in mood’. Let us see if Gorillas and Men are really the same.

What do y'all think?

7. You Give Everything Out During Dating:-
As a single lady who has not been taken to the altar, you need to reserve some things for your husband to be, especially your body, respect it and preserve it at all cost. In the past, men rushed to marry to get certain things or privileges they had been constantly denied while being single. Such privileges include and not limited to: constant sex and companionship, good food and tidied home, etc. But today, a single man gets even the best and of course more of constant sex, good food and excellent home-keeping more than his married counterparts, so tell me how the hell you want him to desire to marry you when you have given him virtually everything he desires from a wife while being his girlfriend? And the most painful part of it all is that he knows that you are prepared to cut down on sex supply, cooking, home-keeping, etc once he marries you, so why would he not want you to remain his girlfriend for life?

8. You Package Yourself Wrongly:-
In your attempt to look sexy, adorable and maybe appealing to guys, you have derailed from appealing to appalling. In fact you look more whorish than modest; more distractive than attractive, and more disgusting than adorable. Your dressing style determines who gets attracted to you most times. If you dress high school, only high school-thinking­ guys will be attracted to you, and if you dress excessively sexy and provocative, only randy men will come to you for urgent satisfaction of their immediate sex urge, so don’t be fooled by media hyping of certain kinds of dressing, they are meant for certain set of ladies you wouldn't like to be associated with, be careful. Remember, not all clothes that look sexy are good for a seriously searching for a soul mate single lady.

9. You Lack Manner, Character, Wisdom and Good Home Upbringing:-
Definitely, your ‘hot girl’, ‘pretty girl’, ‘sexy girl’ looks will win you so many men; both the good, and the bad, but your inner beauty, your character and manner are the things that will determine whether any of those men would stay or run after accomplishing their evil missions. In order words, do away with nagging, being possessive, challenging with men in negative ways, the mentality of ‘what a man can do a woman can do better’, a lie devil has used to deceive and destroy so many ladies today, please do away with it.

4. Stop Giving Your Number Out To Every Tom, Dic & Harry!
No man would want to propose marriage to a lady whose phone is always talking and laughing with less serious calls. You may not be a playgirl, but he would judge you as one, and will likely flee at the slightest chance or disagreement.

5. You Don’t Bring Any Value Into The Life Of Men You Date or Are Dating:-
Because your best friend married without contributing anything to the man that finally married her, doesn’t mean it will work for you that way. Think, work towards equipping yourself so that you can be a value and also add value to his life to convince him that you are worth committing to. Adding value to his life isn’t by giving him money, or material gifts, nope….good counsels, being his best friend, helping him attain his goals in life, lending him moral, mental and spiritual support, and by not just being a liability that only bring requests and problems to be solved.

6. Your Friends Run Your Life:-
How do you expect to find a husband when you still allow your clique of friends to be dictating which man you meet is worthy of your love and which is not? When will you wake up and face the fact that those your best friends even though they cherish you, wouldn’t want you to marry before them or to marry the best man?

Nine Reasons Why Some African Ladies End Up Single for Life
by Jude Okolo

1. Many African ladies will end up singles for life because of media exposure:-
It is so disheartening how a lady will glue her eyes on a mobile phone from morning to night, only to raise it up to focus on television to watch another celebrity entertainment channel. Tell me, what else will dominate this lady’s mindset aside how to live a fake celebrity life being promoted on television channels?

2. Many African ladies now dislike cooking and home chores:-
Just because they had been totally brainwashed by movies showcasing men playing the role of women in a family, and due to excessive exposure to modern media that promotes gender-equality­ in a destructive way that’s aimed at destroying the unique African family setting that made our previous African marriages everlasting and envious to the westerns. Now, with this attitude, how do you expect a African man to desire to marry when he knows he is only buying more headache and trouble than helper for himself?

3. Excessive makeup turns most decent and serious-minded men off:-
If you have observed, you will discover that most men dislike excessive makeup, and more don’t even like it at all; reason they often times discourage their true loved ones to do away with it because it speaks ill of a lady even though so many men will applaud and complement you for looking like an Egyptian mummy. A slight makeup is okay; but if you are out for marriage, try always to look simple and natural, it will attract better men, decent and serious-minded,­ except you are still living in your high school life and not thinking towards marriage.

alstacs: This your 4 month old must be an angel to be making signs at that age.

The poster said "A YEAR AND FOUR" and not just 4 months. Please read the post again or better still come borrow my glassess join your eyes. LOL.

To all the ladies that have been on this thread, you make me proud.
I feel like marrying all over again.

I wish most women would go through this thread and understand that as far as you are married, nothing is immoral or ilegal or unholy in the bedroom department as far as it pleases the couple.

I love y'all.

Ajala70: Are you for real?So Nigeria is really a dumping ground? Thanks Bro!

Yes. Am for real and Naija is not really a dumping ground as such.
Land Rover just didn't get it right with that SUV. Please, google "the problem with Land Rover Freelander" and you would understand why you shouldn't even touch that truck with a vault pole even if them dash you. The car is like the devil, nobody has ever said anything good about it.

We've x-rayed that SUV (sorry, jeep) many times over before.

Its a trash bin, run. run.. run... as far away as you can for your money.

Pictures speak better. Please, we need pictures of the car to understand what you mean and make better assessment.

This is car talk where pix speak more. Thanks for complying with our unwritten rules.

#JustThinkingAloudAnyways#

ActiveMan: this is official car not a personal car

@ActiveMan. I drive a one-in-town Acura TL I bought with my money, but badged with an FG plate number from my office. If you don't know, then don't talk.

If the Honda was parked at Neutral position without the hand brakes, the damage would have been very minimal or unnoticeable. At this position, the Honda would have absorbed the impact of the crash and rolled away from the Benz, since there would have been a very minimal or no-resistance at all. That is to say, the two cars would have rolled away at the speed of the on-coming vehicle.

As it stands, since the Honda was most probably parked in the Park position with the hand brakes on, my thinking is that it (Honda) absorbed the impact of the on-coming Benz and put up resistance by not rolling away. Hence, the severe dent.

The German Benz might be built of titanium, while the Japanese Honda may be built of plastic. What I definately know is that, they both apply different technologies to save lives and also have very minimal damage on the vehicles in the event of a crash. I hope I do make sense.

#JustThinkingAloudAnyways#

Please, what ATF is recommended for 2002 Acura 3.2 TL Type S.

If you hate me, give me clothes to wash.
If you want to kill me, then make me iron them.

I still hate to wash and iron clothes as hell.

@OP, please edit your topic from "FAV 4" to "RAV 4".

Thanks.

ypzilanti: Capital flight! We want to create employment, yet GEJs government buys dustbins from from europe and sofware from Dubai.

F00l! Was GEJ the President on 1st January, 2006.
Please, get a life and stop looking for cheap popularity here on Nairaland since it seems to be crowded with Anti-GEJ, Anti-Government and Anti-Establishment mofos and mogoons.

#JustThinkingAloudAnyways#

2iic: Musiwa can u show us the picture of his house. Until then hold your peace.

QED. EoD.

2iic: Musiwa can u show us the picture of his house. Until then hold your peace.

QED.

I usually ensure that not just the A/C, but all electrical/electronic accesories are turned off before starting or turning off the ignition of my car. I do this as a precautionary care in case anything may go wrong. I also do this in the house and office, when switching on/off the generator.

I don't know why & I don't know much, but, maybe its because of all the office opening and locking procedures over the years or maybe from the safety trainings I have received. The "SAFETY FIRST" thing, if you understand what I mean.

My '02 Acura TL is not just a head turner, it is a babes attractor. There is absolutely no day I don't get compliments from them babes. But, as somebody's husband and father I just smile back at them and zoom off. I'm the only guy that owns this car in the town I leave, so you should understand that it is a One-in-Town car And as such a head turner. Although, latest machines; as Benzes, Rovers, Fordies Beamers, Hondas, Toyotas, Kias, Hyundais, etc abound, I still get most of the attention wherever I park.

All the Land Rover Freelanders I see are at a mechanic's workshop. My broda, there is nothing absolutely free about the Freelander. That SUV is Land Rover's greatest mistake. To convince yourself do google the car and check out its review.

#JustThinkingAloudAnyway#

Mr. Wale, Good work.
But, in as much as you try to make it look as if brand new cars in Naija are very cheap and that every auto dealer is scamming us. I will state categorically that you only quoted entry level orices for these autos which could be very misleading and deceitful.

For instance,
In 2009, we received 2 Toyota Prado SUVs, one was a TX model, while the other was a VX. The entry level GX (for which you quoted the price above) was sold for about N7m, while the TX was in excess of N11m and the VX was bought for over N14m all from Elizade Motors. I still have the vouchers and receipts till date. The entry level GX came standard with fabric seats, a boring dashboard, etc and was just basic. While the TX came with leather interior, 6 loader CD with better sound output, a more exciting dashy and so on. The VX came with heated leather seats, DVD player, sat nav, reverse cam and so on. Mind you that alloyed rims was standard for all models.

As for the Toyota Corolla, the entry level model was priced at about N2.6m thereabouts, while the luxury model was obtained at exactly N4.4m. I still have the delivery notes and receipts from Elizade motors. The entry level Corolla is basic with MT, steel rims, fabric seats, etc and felt very light when driven. While, the luxury model came with alloyed rims, push start, keyless forb, heated leather, AT and other pecks, it also felt heavier when driving.

Why am I saying all these?
A lot of people would read your thread and think that they have been scammed not knowing that each type of car comes in different trims and models as well as facilities, thus, making their prices different, at times even doubling that of the entry level model/trim.

My Advice:
Next time you are quoting prices of automobiles, please do remember to state the models/trim along with the prices as these would be a better guide for both aspiring and intending buyers.

All the same, thanks once again.

Immaf-1:
Total was Quartz 5000 20w50. Please house is this a trusted alternative to 5w20 as recommended by honda?

No. It is not a substitute at all. Total Filling Station by NNPC Towers in Abuja stocks the closest substitute which is rated as 5W40. It goes for N8,000.00 and that is the oil I use for my Acura TL.

Please, I also need the manual for my car too:

1. Make: Acura
2. Model: TL Type S
3. Model Year: 2002
4. Engine Size: 3.2 Litres

Thanks.