₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
@ bold: was she referring to ladies knowing the colour that compliments their skin tone e.g. colour wheel theory and other further maths calculations for colour or did she say all ladies shouldn't wear a particular colour? Winning does too much some times sha

A part of femininity is knowing your body type and dressing it up accordingly. Infact coping the reigning style if it doesn't suit you is fashion suicide. That's why see a lot of croissants wearing wriggle dresses and drums wearing crop tops.

Klass99:
Lol 🤣, from the comments and contributions so far. It's an enjoyable read.

I hate cooking! I can have all the ingredients for a tasty yam sauce, yet, I would rather boil yam and use red palm oil, salt and pepper to eat it. I hate it when a man (friend or date) says......so when am I going to eat your food/soup or when am I coming to your house for lunch? The thing dey vex me die!

Nia69:
It's funny, to be honest.

Yep.

You're welcome.

Teespice:
They call it finishing school. Zeelicious foods even does a segment called Winnie's school of elegance.

To the topic at hand, I believe in staying true to myself. Damsel in distress or not, I am not afraid to ask for help when I need to. The highest I would get is a no and I would never be resentful of who tells me No because they have their reasons for declining to help.

That said, it gets tiring when you are being referred to as "strong". I don't want to be strong biko. I can't be strong at the work place and then still come to my happy place and be acting " strong". There are days I want to vulnerable but when you think of the fact that there are people who would want to take advantage, you will be left with no choice but to keep pretending which isn't good because for how long will one continue to pretend.

Las las, do you...everyone will adjust accordingly.

Nia69:
Good morning.

I'm shocked people take classes on how to be feminine.


1. Femininity and masculinity are both social construct and can be restrictive. But things are changing now. It's best to just be yourself.


2.Yes, a highflyer can retain her feminity by practicing self care; it's very important. Making meaningful relationships and knowing how to set boundaries.



Don't let the society norm limit you, be true to yourself.

Persephone1:
Lol, it wasn't referring to the country's situation even though it's terrible right now but I was referring to the effect that long paragraph has on me . . Oh so it's Caprisun and not caprisone

That tag ehn, anytime I hear it my minds start to think of possible hardship the woman has gone through in life. Arrrrrhhhhggggg! They keep pushing and pushing but because she didn't break or at least the broken part of her isn't visible,they decided to reward her with a term "Strong Woman" ahhhhh . Men don dey gaslight women no be today. The worst part is women themselves will be shining teeth and hailing each other for being strong. Not me o 🤷 . If you can't treat me well, make life better for me please pack your bag and go biko.

Exactly my sister,know thyself (like you quoted in one of your posts). Do what's best for you. I filter things a lot, I take that which I know I need to improve on and leave out others. The idea is to be the best version of yourself. You have said it all.

cococandy:
I see. Pardon me. I saw your mention and responded. Didn’t know the conversation was ongoing before then. Just saw that now.

Going with the definition of high flyer being a career oriented lady, I’m guessing your question was how can a high flyer lady be feminine? The answer is by being herself. There’s no script written anywhere on how to be feminine. Granted some characteristics get picked up by the nurture of society around you but at the end of the day, your nature will shine through. If it’s you then it’s not you. Trying to act it will only result in exhaustion.

If you’ve noticed there are many femininity coaches on tiktok and instagram trying to teach how to harness ‘divine feminine’ energy. They look and sound ridiculous because they are obviously trying too hard. Some even go as far as “don’t wear so and so colors. Only sit in a certain way. Smile like this.”

Exhausting!

bukatyne:
When I hear strong, independent, boss babe, boss lady etc, it gives the vibes that being a woman/lady is not enough.

It also reminds me of 'strong man' in the Bible which is actually an 'demonic power/force'. Maybe that's why don't use the tag in the first place.

A man you attract with the boss babe/ strong independent vibes is a feminine man who wants you to lead the relationship, perhaps be the major breadwinner and still be 'respected' as the boss.

So monkey dey work, baboon dey chop

bukatyne:
A lot to unpack here.

1. I see the pretending to be a 'damsel in distress' a lot and not just here. Like you and Klass99 said, people would see through pretense which is often termed 'female manipulation or wiles'. A genuine damsel in distress (especially for a woman who can hold her own) is a great turn on for a masculine man. A masculine man loves to be needed, he would not agree to be just an accessory in his woman's life. He wants her life to be a testament to his handiwork. There are unfortunately very feminine men now who are insecure, do not want to lead in a relationship yet would resent when the woman takes up the mantle of leadership. Like someone said, even though he is feminine, he still has the masculine need for respect: double wahala for dead body.

3. If you watch them closely, you would notice that while they do not downplay their capabilities to cater to a fragile ego, they do not lead with it either. They know when to be his princess or baby girl and when to be his queen or 'mother phase'. It is a balance.

A. Fantastic! I am a huge advocate of female to female mentorship and peering. You learn a lot from fellow women. I love someone sited she learnt a bit of femininity from yettymuse before deactivation.

B. I like this too. That why I advised someone here last week to increase her skincare time. Femininity needs pampering and care. Like I say, it is 'expensive' to be a woman mbok!

C. Some of these compliments are from stereotypes and goes both ways. Sometimes, I don't sweat it.

D. Truly, men and women have a bit of masculinity and Femininity in them. It is expected that the corresponding 'sexuality' is higher in the appropriate sex and each person knows when to you use it. You are right that to succeed at work, you embody more of your masculine (though I luckily had bosses and senior female colleagues who radiated Femininity). However, you need to switch to your feminine in your relationship. That's the polarity needed to make a healthy relationship thrive.

E. Fantastic closing remark and I love the images attached to your post. Would help others have more perspective to the discussion.

Persephone1:
I didn't die jare, it's just the right now I need bobo, hollandia yogurt, caprisone, peak yogurt, fearlez, fanta, red wine,soda, vodka, pink wine,palmwine😒😒. I have lost weight. 🤕🤕 Infact I feel 🤧.

It's the way I see people, one man's strength is another's weakness. To say all men or all women must or should posses specified characters does not make sense to me. So if a woman can not give birth will she turn to a man? If a man lacks physical strength does he become a woman?

The thing no too gel for my mind I no just dey loud am.

bukatyne:
I must add that femininity can be learnt; just how we learn to be hardworking, persevere, integrity etc. etc. Folake4u's response to me with the chart is a really good place to start.

Also, women have a dose of masculinity how men have a bit of femininity; knowing when to use what is also key.

bukatyne:
😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 @ bukàtyne brought up the high flyer talk.

High flyers are women who have grown in their careers, businesses or chosen trade.

Persephone1:
Lol @Folake and Bukatyne una sha wan drag me down this lane by fire by force.

The thing is the word Feminity and Masculinity sound limiting, caging, and boxing to me. Let me explain.
You see when people list characters that are expected to be displayed by a specific gender I find it very very hard to digest. In my perception, it is trying to mold a human into a specific shape or structure thereby limiting his (both genders) abilities and uniqueness. The truth is Man and Woman characters can not be easily separated no matter how people try. For example it is expected of women to be overly emotional, nurturing,temperamental and impatient but in reality, some men exhibit these attributes more than some women. A guy had cried severally in my presence because of his misbehaving girlfriend while I have never shed a tear in the presence of anyone apart from my family member as an adult. Some women are calm, not nurturing, emotionless, and very patient. Lol, ma I add LOGICAL . I do not believe in gender differences. I believe humans have strengths and weaknesses. Aside from biological / Physical features, I don't think a man and a woman differ, society makes it seem so.

I once dated a guy who was so insecure around me. The dude practically went as far as verbally abuse just to break me and make me "come down from my high horse" . It's not that I'm proud or I talk much lol but to him I didn't exhibit the characters society have conditioned him to expect from a woman. I'm not dependent, I express my displeasures in the most gentle way ever, I don't shout. I don't do things most ladies do, I loved him differently. Lol as matter of fact when I wanted to break up with him, I wrote him a letter. Yes that weird and maybe archaic, my choice of music? lol make i no go there . I believe he didn't know how to handle or deal with my kind of person. It's not my fault my conditioning was different. I'm just me. ..
This is how far society have influenced people into thinking a gender should act and behave a specific way. To me it's bullshit! It is changing the nature of a person. Putting the unnecessary burden of conforming to an idea different from a persons genetic makeup.
So if I can lift an item of 50kg, I shouldn't because it will make me masculine? Is that how I am expected to live? Hell No!

A woman can achieve a lot, be an high flyer and retain whatever she wants to retain. As long as it is not detrimental to humanity.

Yes she can. She should find someone who believes what she believes. It's one of the reason I don't bother myself with Nigerian men or at least the conditioned ones. The problem is we Nigerian women don't explore. We say yes to whoever "finds" us and not position for who we want to find us. There's a difference. Lol Not me though

No other thoughts, I don type too much.

dollyjoy:
The truth is, I don’t understand the full grasp of what femininity actually entails (yet) but one time I read one of my favorite diaries(now deactivated ) were she explained tapping into that feminine energy and not everytime gra gra!

I put it into practice and I noticed that being “feminine” or rather appearing to be “soft” has a way of getting things done especially with the opposite sex

For instance, one time I was caught by an army man making a call at their barrack, the man took my phone and told me I won’t get it again. Immediately I remembered her tutorials and smiled softly at the man, in my sweetest voice I was appealing to him, when he doesn’t seem to be moved, I faked a tear
The man give me my phone back after “don’t try it again” a man wouldn’t have had it that easy or rather, if I hadn’t appeared to be weak, perhaps

From that day I realized life no be gra gra( in some circumstances sha)
It has worked for me in so many other ways. I get things done easily with a little smile, knowing when to say sorry, eye contacts, knowing when to keep quiet, wearing the right perfumes and a little neck bending

Since that time, I perceive femininity as being soft spoken, appearing to be meek, carrying one self with a certain form of gentleness, it could be the way a woman make eye contact, her smile, even the way she walks! a total state of being “girly”

God bless Yettymuse wherever she is, I didn’t have the chance to tell her following her femininity tips got me my phone back without much stress



Please what is high flyer? I am hearing that for the first time or do you mean a woman who is well to do?

cococandy:
What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation.

But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity.

Hashtag soft feminine life.

Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life.

Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration.

Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity.

I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day

Persephone1:
I'm still taking classes on how to be feminine

bukatyne:
Good evening and happy new month 💋 😘 😗


Take away questions:
1. What do you understand by a lady being feminine or what I usually call (Queen and Princess state of mind here on NL)

2. Do you think a woman can be a high flyer and still retain her femininity

3. If yes to 2, how?

4. If no to 2, do you believe a woman can have a successful functional relationship without it?

5. Any other thoughts around the topic.

having to sometimes pretend that I am a damsel in distress to make the opposite gender not feel insecure or emasculated by my strengths and abilities.

Hello bukatyne. Good morning. Please tag the monickers of the females. Not everyone will see the message.

gstelly:
Uniben did me shege I for don grad or serve... 2016 I was given adult education, 2017 no admission despite Crossing d cut off mark 2018 I didn't pass the putme then AAU accepted me in 2019 by God's grace I'll be graduating December the journey hasn't been easy but I thank God

gstelly:
lol... Had it been uniben no mess me up wa I turn to AAU I de certain we for meet

gstelly:
You are welcome ma btw name is Nancy

gstelly:
Folake4u: Despite us being age mate she has achieve things I can only dream of while I'm struggling to meet ends need and schooling, at times whenever I feel like giving up I just go and read her diary... Baby girl inspires me alot