₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
I should have put the disrespect in quotes to show that it is just their trauma playing out.

I am not shocked; served in Akwa Ibom and saw ladies driving bikes about. The women farm and care for the crops then the men harvest, sell and keep the money.

Those not into farming, the women go to their business place while the men sit at home and buy fresh goatmeat with palm wine waiting for the wife to return and cook.

A lady was dating a fellow corper and she would cook with her money, bring the food to our lodge and sleep with the guy. I wondered what exactly she was gaining in the 'situationship' considering it is not a case of 'let me assist my man while he stands on his feet'.

Their women were so muscular! Would carry two white paint buckets stacked on each other uphill a stream while the boys were playing at home.

Same thing applicable in parts of Cross River.

When they say their women f.uck and feed their men, it is no joke.

I hailed my Yoruba brothers after that.

Interesting. I didn't know ladies ride bikes in Awka Ibom. I figured A. Ibom is a modern state given the fact that it's tagged "The State of Hospitality".

Hmmm. That's crazy. Thank God them nor born me for that side oh.

It's somehow fuçking and feeding a man at the same time. It doesn't sound right to me at all.

bukatyne:
1. If a young man had a working woman around him, he wouldn't think like that. It just tells me about your background.

2. Traditional men are bae. Funnily, I used to see myself & husband as nontraditional till I said seeing these crop of feminine men.

A. Cool, God bless them.


D. Nothing is as easy as asserting yourself while feminine. And people would sharperly comply.

5. Pele, can be so stressful. And they actually get to enjoy you when in your feminine because you are relaxed and thinking 'what can I do to make you happy '?

Sorry for the late response.

1. Totally spot on!!

2. Traditional men are EVERYTHING and more!
Lmao. How can you say you thought y'all are non-traditional? 😂😂😂😂The milleninal generation is fully traditional.

A. Amennn. Thank you very much.

D. Yup certainly. Assertiveness is the new cool.

5. Lol. So true. We both enjoy when I'm in my best feminine state.

Persephone1:
I borrowed it from Maggie. . Since the day i read it it got stuck. 😂😂😂😂

I've been rolling on my bed with fits of laughter. 😂😂😂😂

I don adopt am too.

Persephone1:

Please stop referring me to that chart, it is irritating my n**ples .

Na this one kill me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I cringe when Nairaland mods allow daft topics grace the front page.

This Op is clearly one with Fi fi imagination.

Another thread was created by the Op on May 16th claiming married woman who's been married for 6 years.

https://www.nairaland.com/7691434/married-woman-needs-advice

Klass99:
I missed that diary entry fa 🤣. So far, so good. You're doing well.

Lol. You missed it.

Thank you Klass.

bukatyne:
1. Don't mind the 'alfa meils'; most of them are hungry 'I never chop boys or young boys toying with things above their paygrade' that should be looking for jobs or admissions to higher institutions. When you hear things like 'all career women have sugar daddies' or 'they slept their way to the top' or 'XYZ' or 'where is the work of N100k/month in Nigeria?', you should know the calibre of people you are dealing with.

2. And they would continue to increase. Modern feminism and the West generally have continued to batter masculinity churning out feminine men. Then you have the scourge of single motherhood so no male examples for their sons who either grow up with mummy issues or hate their gender. Could be the reason we have more transgendering into females. Nigeria doesn't fare any better; the boys are brought out with fragile egos that they begin to cower around women who can hold her own and/or try to break her. Bullying is a sign of inferiority complex. I remember when men/guys had the patience to actually woo a lady and wait for her reply. Today, you hear 'are you doing or not doing' via WhatsApp! I love Bobby Valentino's Slow Down, it is a good old school music.

3. I love that you noticed that

A. Female friendships are fun. I also love female bosses, and as I grew more, I gravitated towards female underwear vendors. I can sit in your stall and tell you how I want thongs matching my bras and you will dig out various patterns for that purpose while we chit chat lightly. Yettymuse seems to be a G, she reminds me of Ybaby.

B. 100% pass mark. When you are done, you feel like a lady or a princess.

C. Warris this? I am sure I would have gotten a ban from the court or charged for contempt when I will tell someone sweetly that 'a gentleman in skirt is a crossdresser; I am a lady' . Represented my company in court once and giggled when I was told to address the female judge as 'Sir' and not ma. After the third giggle, she wanted to charge me for contempt and I received sense sharperly.

D. Femininity is powerful. I remember a lady in a tough role then. She would tell you no with a smile that you would 'pity her for the burden for saying no'. She was very beautiful, feminine, had a nice shape which wasn't so pronounced based in the cloths she wore. Then another lady took over (had badass figure , wasn't so feminine and had serious issues that she would dig out her predecessor's mail and be like see 'I am not trying to be difficult; even XYZ said no before'. That's when I learnt that femininity actually trumps sexiness.

5. It is really really key to find that balance when in a relationship. Leading in your masculinity would attract a feminine man; Perhaps she got a masculine man or a man in the middle if the relationship progresses and the woman continues in her masculinity, he would either leave her in that relationship (physically or emotionally) or tilt towards feminine. Some people are not grounded in their 'sexuality' and tilt towards the opposite end of the energy received from their partners. That's why a man can be 'irresponsible' or not manly with woman A and become a perfect gentleman with woman B. Or a woman is a tigress with man A and becomes a dove with man B.

E. You are welcome. And I apologise that I have and would continue to spam your mentions as I redirect peeps to that post.

1. I was totally pissed when I saw comments here on a Nairaland thread that "All career women have sugar daddies" and "She slept her way up the ladder". Such disgusting mentality. That's how I even saw on Twitter of how some people labelled Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Chimamanda Adichie an ashawo. If I wasn't amused that day, I'd be lying.

2. I will check for the Bobby Valentino song. Thanks for this.

So true. These days, there are feminine men scattered all over the place and I don't even know what to say about such.
I still prefer the traditional men though.

3. Hahaha. Sure thing. I'm very observant.

A. Yes yes. I love female Bosses a lot. I can say I'm privileged to have enjoyed all female Bosses I've been with in the past. The last one was a female Judge during my law school days, she was super nice to me and she mentored me till I was done doing Externship at her court.

B. Do you get??! Tell me which lady who doesn't love to experience the princess treatment.

C. Oh thankfully, you've experienced that in court. I always cringe when female Judges are referred to as Sir. I also hate when we're tagged "Gentleman in skirt". 😂😂😂Abi I kuku be cross dresser oh.

D. Lol. I always say my No with a soft, warm smile. My voice won't be domineering, it will be firm but always with a wide smile. It leaves people confused. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

5. Or a woman is a tigress with man A and becomes a dove with man B.

This!!!!!! This is my story, this is my song.

Well, you can't blame me. Man A made the masculinity part of me to jump out. Man B activated my feminine side and I'd be wondering how Tigress turn to cute puppy.

E. Lol no wahala.

bukatyne:
Well, they are strong women who do not want to be disrespected by men. If only they knew that you can cloth a man, feed him, he would beat you up (infact, that's the summary of the IG post I brought here) and give your money to a slay mama to buy Brazilian hair. If a masculine man sees you as a woman he loves and wants, he doesn't need your money/wealth at a base level. Yes, you might have to split bills, have a joint pot, yada yada (if his paycheck cannot take the family home) but what he values is your femininity.

Also, some women are operating from the wounded feminine (daddy issues, disappointments especially from romantic relationships, others experiences etc.) and cannot receive. They see every effort to help/gift from the point of disrespect. I am not talking of a man giving you a gift when he has made it clear he wants sex or relationships and the woman is trying to be smart o

😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 @ Bible said; you have joined Ybaby's Church. That passage was actually talking to men and women in reference to taking care of their aged ones but feel free to use it to knock sense into their heads.

True. I agree that there are women who don't want to be disrespected by men.

That IG post you shared is a common reality these days. It's so sad. I see some women babysitting their Men and I'm always amused by such.

This thing is also common in the southern parts of Nigeria. There are communities in Edo and Delta that the Women are sole providers and the men cross legs and balance at home doing nothing. You'd be shocked.

In Agbor, Delta State, it is women that ride okada bike, keke and bicycles.

The first time I visited there, I was culturally shocked.

Lol. I like some comments from Ybaby. Na sabi woman she be.

Klass99:
🤣. I'm glad it made you laugh because it is not funny when they ask. It annoys me because they want to come to your house to eat food you cooked. They still expect that when you visit them, you will enter kitchen to cook food both of you will eat.

Thanks to an older woman's advice years ago I no dey do that second one of going to a man's house to cook or display my home keeping skills. She told me and my flatmate then, not to do that unless they've put a ring on it. However, we can cook in our own place and invite them over for lunch or dinner, or even pack the food in a nice container and ask them to pick it up.

I don't mind the same question from a fellow woman, because with a woman I know that if I tell her I am coming over she will cook/prepare for my visit and I will do the same thing if she was the visiting. It is not that when I reach her place, she will be telling me she has egusi and stew in the fridge, whether I can turn semo, boil yam or rice for us to eat.

When I wrote it on my diary previously that I don't see myself cooking for Men asides my family and friends, they all came for my head.
Not until I'm sure that the relationship is heading to marriage before I will try that.

Nor be me them wan kill.

Of course, I pack food up for my friends (both male and female) in a nice container or even teach the male friend how to cook. I did this cos he's my closest male friend and more like a brother to me.

Even when I was in Benin, hostel or my father's house, my male friends will drive to my hostel or meet me in front of my father's house and take the food from me and return my food container. Same thing goes for when I bake.

I've NEVER cooked for any lover sha. I don't like stress. I'd rather we eat out, or he cooks. But for me to say let me flaunt my cooking skills in his place, count me out.

Even when I visit my female friends, they're the ones who cook. They won't say "Oya Flaky, enter kitchen and cook whatever you want to eat". I'm the guest and you're the host for crying out loud.

bukatyne:
@ bold: was she referring to ladies knowing the colour that compliments their skin tone e.g. colour wheel theory and other further maths calculations for colour or did she say all ladies shouldn't wear a particular colour? Winning does too much some times sha

A part of femininity is knowing your body type and dressing it up accordingly. Infact coping the reigning style if it doesn't suit you is fashion suicide. That's why see a lot of croissants wearing wriggle dresses and drums wearing crop tops.

I can't fully remember the full details but she was like, elegant women shouldn't be caught wearing some type of colours and what not. And also made reference on hair colour for braids/wig.

And then she said elegant women shouldn't wear crocs. Na there I cross the line because I joined the Crocs family recently and it is super comfortable.

Yes yes. Femininity is also knowing your body type and dressing accordingly.

I found a website that allows one to know colours that will suit an individual. And it works perfectly for me.

https://colorwise.me/

You can check it out.

My colour guide is the Deep Winter Palette and these colours suit me best.

Klass99:
Lol 🤣, from the comments and contributions so far. It's an enjoyable read.

I hate cooking! I can have all the ingredients for a tasty yam sauce, yet, I would rather boil yam and use red palm oil, salt and pepper to eat it. I hate it when a man (friend or date) says......so when am I going to eat your food/soup or when am I coming to your house for lunch? The thing dey vex me die!

Klass you killed me here. 🤣🤣🤣

Nia69:
It's funny, to be honest.

Yep.

You're welcome.

Very funny indeed.

Thanks once more and have a lovely day ahead.

Teespice:
They call it finishing school. Zeelicious foods even does a segment called Winnie's school of elegance.

To the topic at hand, I believe in staying true to myself. Damsel in distress or not, I am not afraid to ask for help when I need to. The highest I would get is a no and I would never be resentful of who tells me No because they have their reasons for declining to help.

That said, it gets tiring when you are being referred to as "strong". I don't want to be strong biko. I can't be strong at the work place and then still come to my happy place and be acting " strong". There are days I want to vulnerable but when you think of the fact that there are people who would want to take advantage, you will be left with no choice but to keep pretending which isn't good because for how long will one continue to pretend.

Las las, do you...everyone will adjust accordingly.

Them try oh. Nor be only finishing school.

Pretence is exhausting, to say the least.

Staying true to oneself is the summary of the entire conversation as seen in other people's comment.

Thank you very much for your contribution.

Nia69:
Good morning.

I'm shocked people take classes on how to be feminine.


1. Femininity and masculinity are both social construct and can be restrictive. But things are changing now. It's best to just be yourself.


2.Yes, a highflyer can retain her feminity by practicing self care; it's very important. Making meaningful relationships and knowing how to set boundaries.



Don't let the society norm limit you, be true to yourself.

People even pay money on how to stay elegant. 😂😂😂😂

Bottom line of what everyone has said so far is being true to oneself and it totally makes sense that we all agree on that.

Thank you so much for your response, Nia.

Persephone1:
Lol, it wasn't referring to the country's situation even though it's terrible right now but I was referring to the effect that long paragraph has on me . . Oh so it's Caprisun and not caprisone

That tag ehn, anytime I hear it my minds start to think of possible hardship the woman has gone through in life. Arrrrrhhhhggggg! They keep pushing and pushing but because she didn't break or at least the broken part of her isn't visible,they decided to reward her with a term "Strong Woman" ahhhhh . Men don dey gaslight women no be today. The worst part is women themselves will be shining teeth and hailing each other for being strong. Not me o 🤷 . If you can't treat me well, make life better for me please pack your bag and go biko.

Exactly my sister,know thyself (like you quoted in one of your posts). Do what's best for you. I filter things a lot, I take that which I know I need to improve on and leave out others. The idea is to be the best version of yourself. You have said it all.

Hahahaha. I get it now.

Originally, it was spelt Caprisonne but they have now changed their name to Capri-Sun.

Do you get??!!!!! I hate that word so much. "Strong and endure?" Count me out please.

It's the Women shining teeth for me. 😂😂😂
I find such compliments distasteful. Please oh, goodness and enjoyment is for me, not unwarranted STRESS and sufferhead.

Really, there's no medal for sufferhead at all. Just body pain and having white hair quickly.

Yup. It's important for everyone, male and female to know oneself first.

I filter things a lot too. I meet various people and see how they live, I just pick the skills or lessons that are important to me and move on.

cococandy:
I see. Pardon me. I saw your mention and responded. Didn’t know the conversation was ongoing before then. Just saw that now.

Going with the definition of high flyer being a career oriented lady, I’m guessing your question was how can a high flyer lady be feminine? The answer is by being herself. There’s no script written anywhere on how to be feminine. Granted some characteristics get picked up by the nurture of society around you but at the end of the day, your nature will shine through. If it’s you then it’s not you. Trying to act it will only result in exhaustion.

If you’ve noticed there are many femininity coaches on tiktok and instagram trying to teach how to harness ‘divine feminine’ energy. They look and sound ridiculous because they are obviously trying too hard. Some even go as far as “don’t wear so and so colors. Only sit in a certain way. Smile like this.”

Exhausting!

Yes. That's the question. Thank you sooo much for replying.

Seriously speaking, there's no script written anywhere written on how to be feminine.

The famous philosopher, Socrates once said "Man know thyself" and truly, it is in knowing oneself that we see and acknowledge what works (or not) for us.

I can't even pretend or act for long. It is exhausting. Faking a smile alone for me is a chore as my cheeks hurt really bad 😫😂 talkless of pretending to be what you're not.

I don't follow all those content creators on TikTok and IG on their nonsense write-ups. It is very obvious that they're trying too hard and only shows they're FAKE and not staying true to themselves.

I stumbled on this babe's page on YouTube @ Winnies school of elegance. Na she dey talk make women nor wear some certain colour or sit in a particular way. On her episode of "Elegant women should not wear these", I disagreed with some of the points she noted.

Personally, everyone does not have the same fashion taste and sense of style. And I found out also that insecure people try to fit others into their boxes so that they won't feel lonely.

It is really exhausting, to say the least.

bukatyne:
When I hear strong, independent, boss babe, boss lady etc, it gives the vibes that being a woman/lady is not enough.

It also reminds me of 'strong man' in the Bible which is actually an 'demonic power/force'. Maybe that's why don't use the tag in the first place.

A man you attract with the boss babe/ strong independent vibes is a feminine man who wants you to lead the relationship, perhaps be the major breadwinner and still be 'respected' as the boss.

So monkey dey work, baboon dey chop

Lol. I have washed my hands off anything "Strong, boss lady". I like being independent and working hard for my money but I don't overdo it. If anybody wants to pamper me, why Not?

I see some ladies offer to pay for date and I'm always shocked. I don't know the point they're trying to prove sha. That's not also how to prove that you're independent or whatever. Let the man be the man and handle the goddamn bills!

My male friends treat me like a baby anytime we go out. Na them dey pay if all of us decide to go out, I'm actually a baby or last born in their midst.😂😂😂 I won't say cos I'm an independent woman, they should allow me to handle my bills. I am not even being entitled here but they just tell me not to worry at all.

Strong man, strong woman. E dey give me headache.

Leemao. I cannot even attract a feminine man oh cos Omo, asides my career ehn, I'm lazy, I can't be breadwinner of the family (I'd run mad doing that) and I can't even respect someone who's not providing for his family.

The Bible even said Any man who can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

bukatyne:
A lot to unpack here.

1. I see the pretending to be a 'damsel in distress' a lot and not just here. Like you and Klass99 said, people would see through pretense which is often termed 'female manipulation or wiles'. A genuine damsel in distress (especially for a woman who can hold her own) is a great turn on for a masculine man. A masculine man loves to be needed, he would not agree to be just an accessory in his woman's life. He wants her life to be a testament to his handiwork. There are unfortunately very feminine men now who are insecure, do not want to lead in a relationship yet would resent when the woman takes up the mantle of leadership. Like someone said, even though he is feminine, he still has the masculine need for respect: double wahala for dead body.

3. If you watch them closely, you would notice that while they do not downplay their capabilities to cater to a fragile ego, they do not lead with it either. They know when to be his princess or baby girl and when to be his queen or 'mother phase'. It is a balance.

A. Fantastic! I am a huge advocate of female to female mentorship and peering. You learn a lot from fellow women. I love someone sited she learnt a bit of femininity from yettymuse before deactivation.

B. I like this too. That why I advised someone here last week to increase her skincare time. Femininity needs pampering and care. Like I say, it is 'expensive' to be a woman mbok!

C. Some of these compliments are from stereotypes and goes both ways. Sometimes, I don't sweat it.

D. Truly, men and women have a bit of masculinity and Femininity in them. It is expected that the corresponding 'sexuality' is higher in the appropriate sex and each person knows when to you use it. You are right that to succeed at work, you embody more of your masculine (though I luckily had bosses and senior female colleagues who radiated Femininity). However, you need to switch to your feminine in your relationship. That's the polarity needed to make a healthy relationship thrive.

E. Fantastic closing remark and I love the images attached to your post. Would help others have more perspective to the discussion.

God bless you!

People can really see through pretense and term it female manipulation. Na all these pretense dey make alfa meils open unnecessary threads for Nairaland and disturbing our peace.

You said it all. I am not a typical "damsel in distress" chick BUT once I enter into that state, people (male and female) would move mountains for me because it is a rare sight to see me in my helplessness.

These days, na feminine men full everywhere sha. God airpus.

3. Yes, yes. You're right. They balanced that phase. Especially the "mother phase" and "queen phase". Spot on!

A. I love female friendships a LOT. If you meet the real good ones, you'd appreciate life. I'm also a big fan of Yettymuse, loved her even. Learnt a lot from her. I knew her offline but when I changed my phone and came back, she had already deactivated.

B. Lmao. I advice advice and tell my female folks to invest in skincare and perfume. They go hand in hand. I'm also a big advocate of listening to soft music as a way of relaxing the nerves, lighting up scented candles in one's room etc.

C. In my legal profession, they address female lawyers as "Gentleman on skirt". For fuçks sake, that's so old school. Even female Judges are referred to as "Sir".

D. Yes, for one to succeed at workplace, one have to roll up the sleeves and put in all the work. Although, in my former workplace, the two female Bosses I worked with didn't use their masculinity to get up there, they used their feminine side and it worked for them. I thrived on my "masculinity" to get the job done.

Uhm about the relationship part. I think that's where the problem çome sometimes. Sometimes we also take that masculinity into the relationship. It brings issues though cos there's no balance.

I feel it's important to just find a BALANCE FOR EVERYTHING.

E. Thank you Buka.

Persephone1:
I didn't die jare, it's just the right now I need bobo, hollandia yogurt, caprisone, peak yogurt, fearlez, fanta, red wine,soda, vodka, pink wine,palmwine😒😒. I have lost weight. 🤕🤕 Infact I feel 🤧.

It's the way I see people, one man's strength is another's weakness. To say all men or all women must or should posses specified characters does not make sense to me. So if a woman can not give birth will she turn to a man? If a man lacks physical strength does he become a woman?

The thing no too gel for my mind I no just dey loud am.

Lol. My dear, it's not only you oh.
She say na pink wine. 😂😂😂😂

Yesterday I drank Caprisun, today I took Berry Blast. This country dey wear me out daily.

Pele. Try and feed well so you won't lose more weight oh. Ahhh.


Hehehe. For real. Na why I nor like that tag "Strong woman" cos e dey do me somehow for my body. 😂😂😂 I nor wan strong oh, I wan soft abeg.

One man's strength is another's weakness. Indeed you have spoken well. And that's why I don't just follow people to do what they're doing cos there is no just one path in life. Everybody's path in life is different and it also applies to men and women characters.

bukatyne:
I must add that femininity can be learnt; just how we learn to be hardworking, persevere, integrity etc. etc. Folake4u's response to me with the chart is a really good place to start.

Also, women have a dose of masculinity how men have a bit of femininity; knowing when to use what is also key.

Spot on!

Femininity can be learnt actually.

Thank you Buka.

It's very essential to know when and how to unlock both feminine and masculine side. Balance is the word!

bukatyne:
😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 @ bukàtyne brought up the high flyer talk.

High flyers are women who have grown in their careers, businesses or chosen trade.

😂😂😂

Oh thank you for explaining it now.

Persephone1:
Lol @Folake and Bukatyne una sha wan drag me down this lane by fire by force.

The thing is the word Feminity and Masculinity sound limiting, caging, and boxing to me. Let me explain.
You see when people list characters that are expected to be displayed by a specific gender I find it very very hard to digest. In my perception, it is trying to mold a human into a specific shape or structure thereby limiting his (both genders) abilities and uniqueness. The truth is Man and Woman characters can not be easily separated no matter how people try. For example it is expected of women to be overly emotional, nurturing,temperamental and impatient but in reality, some men exhibit these attributes more than some women. A guy had cried severally in my presence because of his misbehaving girlfriend while I have never shed a tear in the presence of anyone apart from my family member as an adult. Some women are calm, not nurturing, emotionless, and very patient. Lol, ma I add LOGICAL . I do not believe in gender differences. I believe humans have strengths and weaknesses. Aside from biological / Physical features, I don't think a man and a woman differ, society makes it seem so.

I once dated a guy who was so insecure around me. The dude practically went as far as verbally abuse just to break me and make me "come down from my high horse" . It's not that I'm proud or I talk much lol but to him I didn't exhibit the characters society have conditioned him to expect from a woman. I'm not dependent, I express my displeasures in the most gentle way ever, I don't shout. I don't do things most ladies do, I loved him differently. Lol as matter of fact when I wanted to break up with him, I wrote him a letter. Yes that weird and maybe archaic, my choice of music? lol make i no go there . I believe he didn't know how to handle or deal with my kind of person. It's not my fault my conditioning was different. I'm just me. ..
This is how far society have influenced people into thinking a gender should act and behave a specific way. To me it's bullshit! It is changing the nature of a person. Putting the unnecessary burden of conforming to an idea different from a persons genetic makeup.
So if I can lift an item of 50kg, I shouldn't because it will make me masculine? Is that how I am expected to live? Hell No!

A woman can achieve a lot, be an high flyer and retain whatever she wants to retain. As long as it is not detrimental to humanity.

Yes she can. She should find someone who believes what she believes. It's one of the reason I don't bother myself with Nigerian men or at least the conditioned ones. The problem is we Nigerian women don't explore. We say yes to whoever "finds" us and not position for who we want to find us. There's a difference. Lol Not me though

No other thoughts, I don type too much.

Beautiful response. As you type full paragraph now, did you die? Tell me.


I like the way you put this word: "Humans have strength and weakness". Underrated but deep!

dollyjoy:
The truth is, I don’t understand the full grasp of what femininity actually entails (yet) but one time I read one of my favorite diaries(now deactivated ) were she explained tapping into that feminine energy and not everytime gra gra!

I put it into practice and I noticed that being “feminine” or rather appearing to be “soft” has a way of getting things done especially with the opposite sex

For instance, one time I was caught by an army man making a call at their barrack, the man took my phone and told me I won’t get it again. Immediately I remembered her tutorials and smiled softly at the man, in my sweetest voice I was appealing to him, when he doesn’t seem to be moved, I faked a tear
The man give me my phone back after “don’t try it again” a man wouldn’t have had it that easy or rather, if I hadn’t appeared to be weak, perhaps

From that day I realized life no be gra gra( in some circumstances sha)
It has worked for me in so many other ways. I get things done easily with a little smile, knowing when to say sorry, eye contacts, knowing when to keep quiet, wearing the right perfumes and a little neck bending

Since that time, I perceive femininity as being soft spoken, appearing to be meek, carrying one self with a certain form of gentleness, it could be the way a woman make eye contact, her smile, even the way she walks! a total state of being “girly”

God bless Yettymuse wherever she is, I didn’t have the chance to tell her following her femininity tips got me my phone back without much stress



Please what is high flyer? I am hearing that for the first time or do you mean a woman who is well to do?

Nice one.

Wahala for who nor sabi smile to man oh.

I think high flyer means a successful woman in academics, business or otherwise.

cococandy:
What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation.

But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity.

Hashtag soft feminine life.

Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life.

Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration.

Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity.

I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day

Ohhhhh. It's buka.tyne that brought up the high flyer talk. I guess she means a career oriented lady.

Yes yes. I love your answers. Apt and spot on!

I do not subscribe to this current trend of luxurious lifestyle as being feminine.

If you even check my answer before yours, I also said that Women should be true to themselves cos what works for one woman might not necessarily work for the next.

But please add more. I'm loving your contribution.

Persephone1:
I'm still taking classes on how to be feminine

Go answer the question. 😂

Good evening ladies and happy new month 💋 😘 😗

I saw this Instagram post and decided to bring here for our discussion. What do you think? Especially for the writeup on the body of the post on IG?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cs6lbidIvki/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Take away questions:
1. What do you understand by a lady being feminine or what I usually call (Queen and Princess state of mind here on NL)

2. Do you think a woman can be a high flyer and still retain her femininity

3. If yes to 2, how?

4. If no to 2, do you believe a woman can have a successful functional relationship without it?

5. Any other thoughts around the topic.


Cc
Mindlog
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Nia69
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ahnie
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LadyGazelle
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Goodlady

bukatyne:
Good evening and happy new month 💋 😘 😗


Take away questions:
1. What do you understand by a lady being feminine or what I usually call (Queen and Princess state of mind here on NL)

2. Do you think a woman can be a high flyer and still retain her femininity

3. If yes to 2, how?

4. If no to 2, do you believe a woman can have a successful functional relationship without it?

5. Any other thoughts around the topic.

1. Omo! Just like Persephone1 said, I'm still taking classes in being feminine. 😂

Well, for me, a lady being feminine means one is true to herself. I'd use the word AUTHENTIC.
There's beauty in a lady being authentic to herself. To me, what works for A doesn't necessarily mean it'd work for B.

Well, Klass99 said something that struck me:

having to sometimes pretend that I am a damsel in distress to make the opposite gender not feel insecure or emasculated by my strengths and abilities.

In this scenario, a lot of women do this, which sometimes don't make them true to themselves. I'm talking about the word "pretend" here. Well, it might work for some and others, it won't just work.

I'd take myself as an example. I'm terrible at pretending. I can't do it for long too.
For someone like me, pretending to be a "damsel in distress" doesn't work, you'd see through me and I'd be caught in no time. I'd have no option to say "Oya oya, you don catch me". 😂😂😂

BUT...
When I'm genuinely in need for something and I'm hopeless and looking like a lost puppy, subconsciously my "damsel in distress" mode is already activated, when you see me sef, you fit dash me your last kobo.

I observed myself for a while and know what works for me and I stay true to my feminity.

Then secondly, I don't have energy to "pretend" and do stuffs that wont make a man feel emasculated or feel insecure. If he's insecure, that's his cup of sour akamu.

And then again, there are some men that you meet and instead of them activating your feminity, your masculinity jumps out of nowhere. 😂😂😂

Okay. I have said too much.

2. Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!

3. By being true to herself. My mother, Aunties, high flying sistas and friends didn't come this far in their life and career by pretending to be what they're not or downplaying their potentials so as not to bruise a male ego. And it's a common trait with all the Women in my life.

Further comments:
A. Well, my thoughts on this matter is that women should look for positive and well meaning female friends that they can learn from. I have learnt a lot from some women I met here on Nairaland. Their impact is amazing. I am still learning.

B. Women should learn to embrace their femininity. Whether it's booking a spa session or hangout with friends or doing something they love. Just whatever.

C. Women should learn to recognize backhanded compliments from Men and refuse it.

I am a very straightforward person and when I do smart things, they give backhanded compliments like "You're very smart, you're thinking like a man". It is not a compliment. Rather, I find it insulting.

I usually ask "What do you mean?" with a frown on my face. And then they get the code and apologize immediately.

My work colleague knows better now. One time I was following him home and there was a car at the front, he kept yelling at the man "Why you dey drive like woman?" I gave him a bombastic side eye. He avoids saying nonsense to me in his car.

That is not to say I appear masculine. I am a very soft babe. I nor resemble man at all. 😂😂😂

D. Whether we like it or not, we should appreciate ourselves more. Whether masculine or feminine side and know when or not to use it.

I didn't come this far in my life/career by playing a "damsel in distress" but my ambition, stubbornness and doggedness brought me thus far and I appreciate myself for that.

E. Femininity is a weapon and one should seek partners that activate our feminine nature.


I rest my case.