₦airaland Forum

princesa: Mynd, i come with not too a complaint: just that am bored



and you're like the father of this board right, find something to cheer a 'daughter' up.

you've got anything?

#searches cupboards and rack for something edible#

...any chocolate, cake, ice cream, teddy, flower? Anything?



#sighs#



Okay okay, am being naughty, just delete the post and ignore me

**Kisses her deeply**

Don't worry. Go to family section and check for a story titled ''Me and my children''

You go stop being bored.

Jesus...

See comments o.. Where the Rock na.. Me dey wait make u com update.

Make I tell una one story..




Yesterday, as I dey update eh, my friend con come house. The guy carry enough igbo come na so I follow this guy o. Bought Don Simon while he rolled the weed. Instead of smoking the weed, I collected my share and began chewing it. I chewed and washed it down with the wine.

I became fuckin' high but controlled myself till I got home. It was in the house the earth turned upside down. Time became slow as everything turned to slow motion. I struggled o and did not freak our like the last time. Wow...

As I dey type this thing self, I dey comfirm hangover walai...

I am inviting officially to come and read about me and my children in the famili section.

Flow drove madly through Igbo road until we bursted out on Airport road and made our way to Alhaji's house.

''Attai, you wicked o''

Flow hailed me. We were drunk and remorse was really far away from our hearts.

''Na sense them dey call am''

I replied and we both laughed. It was already late when we got to Alhaji's house. We were both dead drunk but tried out best to maintain.

''Welcome boys.''

Alhaji greeted us. We were reeking of alcohol but he tried his best too not to notice.

''Where is the key to the Camry?''

He asked Flow with a smile. The man seemed to be smiling more these days. Flow grudgingly handed the key to him.

''Come with me''

He frowned and turned round while we followed him smiling sheepishly. We went straight to the car park to see a brand new Toyota Prado sitting amongst the other cars.

''This car contains the package. Be sure to deliver the car to the Honourable.''

He did not say anything more. He just passed the key to me. Like lightning, I opened the door and stepped into the car. Kicked it and reversed.

''One more thing.''

Alhaji shouted so I stopped. He walked gently towards the car. Flow and I looked at Alhaji.

''You are taking your PA with you''

Flow fainted while I ran mad. Uduak of all people I shouted as I drove blindly towards to the house. After horning with nobody answering, Flow still laid fainting while I ran and opened the door.

I met Haruna on top of Uduak, he was dashing Uduak punches while Uduak was busy wailing. I did not try seperating them. I just opened the gate and drove in, praying Haruna kills Uduak before morning.



To be continued by Uduak!!!

We drove home dejected. My mind was replaying the events we had encountered during our first missionary journey. All those days of doing agbero, straffing lanlord's daughter, escaping from soldiers and even the slap from the female soldier. All in all I had lost. The only gain I counted to myself was the endless straffing of landlord's daughter. Her moans and the way she wriggle and whine her spine on ma dcckk.

''E be like say Alhaji wan kill us''

Flow said as he negotiated the bend that led to Murtala Mohammed way popularly called MM way.

''If that man na my father eh... I for don poison am''

I said my own line of thoughts.

''You mumu o. You for ugly pass like this na''

Flow taunted me.

''I know but you for be my boy''

I answered him. He kept quiet as if thinking deeply. We had already gotten to the round-about, one road leads to Bank Road/Bello Road, one led to Yan-kura market while the one at our right led to Igbo road. Flow took the Igbo road.

''Wetin we dey go find for sabon gari na?''

I asked Flow.

''If person wan die, him gats flex first''

Came the reply.

''Na Abuja we dey go o. How death wan carry follow us go the capital city?''

I asked a stupid question.

''Death no go follow us. Na we go carry our hand call am.''

Flow spoke in parables.

''Na wa for you o. When you turn to Pete Edochie na? Better talk in plain English.''

I was beginning to lose my patience.

''If we carry coco enter private motor, you no know say soldiers dey get check point? And them even get sniffing dogs''

My eyes opened wide.

''Flow, carry us enter international hotel. Since na die we dey, make we use ashawo escort us.''

I said to him having been in thought for a long time.

*****************

''Barman... Serve everybody one one bottle''

I ordered as soon as we stepped into the bar side of International Hotel and Suites. Flow looked at me like I had smoked cow dung.

''Oga, you serious?''

One pot-bellied ogbuefi asked me.

''I look like I dey joke? If I drink, everybody must drink''

I shouted.

''Oga mennnn!!!''

Everybody started hailing me. Even Flow was flashing his teeth like a pig in heat period. The whole attention was on our table. Extra servers came and started sharing drinks to each table. Two big bottles of Udeme dropped on our table.

''Barman, give me pepper soup and give everybody else one plate of pepper soup''

I shouted as I took my third gulp directly from the bottle. Flow whose smile was wide turned into laughter. He patted me on the back.

''My main man!!!''

He screamed as two big plates of cow tail pepper soup landed on our table. Every other person received theirs too. I dived into the pepper soup and began munching meat and licking bones.

''Barman, bring me 2 more bottles of Udeme. Give every other person two bottles of wetin dem wan drink''

I ordered. The hall erupted with ovation. People stood up and were hailing and blowing whistle. Others went out and returned with their friends. The whole place was in a frenzy.

''Waiter, give me 2 bottles for the road and 2 bottles for everybody too..''

My head was already swooning. I was practically floating in the sky. Flow eyes remained gallant. It made me believe his full nickname. Flow1759. I pulled him closer.

''Flow, you sabi run?''

I asked. He looked at me, my eyes were almost shut but I could tell he was smiling. He knew I had signed our death sentence.

''Na me be Usain Bolt trainer''

He whispered back.

''No worry, go park car keep door open for me.''

I said to him codedly, clicking my tongues on the roof of my mouth. The training we had was still very much in me. The barman was standing with the bill. Flow stood up gently and walked out. The barman made no attempt to stop him as the bigger fish was still seated.

''Oga, see your bill''

He said in a thick igbo accent. Very businessman like. I collected it and looked at the figures. The highness vanished from my eyes immediately.

''455,000''

Was written boldly on the receipt he had already drafted. They were sure gonna lose enough money. I stood up gently and climbed my table. From my position, I saw Flow waiting with the car. The passenger door was open. I surveyed the hall to see that it had been filled to the brim. Awoof truly runs belle.

''Make everybody pay for wetin him drink.''

I shouted.

Silence fell in the hall. Now even a finger moved. I had gotten to the door before ducking a gulder bottle aimed at my head. People like flies chased me as I ran madly and jumped into the car.


To be continued by me!!

[quote author=Mermaid.of.life]meeeeeeee mermaid.of.life lol. Can you girls hear this guy :p......next update.pls! .............[/quote]Yes... Oya, scope me before I continue!!

Xsenga: Weldone foxy-flow, if ur mb finish ,jst tell me make i transfer 4 u.

Now we are yarning!! ...

I use my etisalat SIM and my data expired since last night...

The etisalat number is in my signature... **covers face**

I tried ducking but his fist had already connected with my eye socket. A thousand stars exploded in the atmosphere, I saw and counted like 50 thousand of them in one split second. The darkness that had overshadowed me was thicker than thick itself.

''Crasshhhh!!''

I had landed on our low table which had a glass center. My weight had crushed it. I jumped up immediately but discovered my sight was one sided. I touched my face and discovered it had risen above normal level.

''Your papa Flow.''

I cussed. He threw another punch at me. The punch nearly ripped my head off my neck.

''Your mama mess na earthquake''

This one got me on my stomach. All my intestines seemed to twist round giving me a sick feeling.

''Na for gutter them born you throway''

My mouth refused shutting up. Seems the punch had send a wrong signal to my brain. A punch caught me at the side of my face. My brain swell so hard that I felt it was going to burst my cranium.

''Your own don finish!!''

My senses had gotten back to me. I stopped his next punch mid-air with my elbow. There was a loud crack, I had dislocated his fingers.

''Gbim!''

My head drew blood from his lips. Flow fell down straight and refused standing up.

''Stand up make we fight o''

I shouted at Flow, my breath pattern irregular.

''I give up. My brain don dey pour enter my ear drum''

Flow pleaded with me.

''Na God save you''

I replied and turned away. Phones laid scattered everywhere, all intact.

''Call your papa come, I wan send am''

I said mockingly.


*****************************

''You boys did great in your first trip. You are now being assigned to supply Hon. Marcos of the legislators in Abuja.''

Alhaji said while Flow and I stood smartly. There was no way we could not have done great considering the kind of risks and danger we went through. I was proud of myself, same was Flow.

''I know Abuja very well.''

Flow said cutting Alhaji short. Alhaji gave a scowl like a pregnant dog making Flow stiff his hands by his side and push his chest up. The stance made him look like a hungry policeman.

''At ease''

Alhaji cleared the air.

''You will submit the keys to those cars this evening.''

I thought I did not hear Alhaji well. I looked at his face to see him twisting and turning his beard. His eyes had fire burning through. The spirit of argument that was welling up in me suddenly died down.

''You are dismissed.''

I knew we were gonna eat lots of beans in Abuja. Only time will tell as I prepared my mind towards the evening encounter.



To be Continued by me!!!

[quote author=Mermaid.of.life]i need to arrange one fine purple mermaid for u o...her twin sister wiill be reserved for Rock later :-D[/quote]No way!!

I want one mammy water and na you be that!

Damex... I don see the story... I go read am later!!

princesa: When i saw a short story with Foxy as the writer, i just knew it was going to be...



Hilarious
and I enjoyed it

Haba.. No gimme heart attack o.. In fact.. Thanks for liking it!!

Daniel2802: I dy see una handwork,see as una steal dat man phone.

[quote author=The rock5555]Atleast this one no mess inside oga foxy cont, i go update in the evening.


No time... I dey busy now but go hopefully update later!

[quote author=D.Ella.luv]Flow biko,ebee ka I no,,ha,oga foxy una pilfered d mallam's phns[/quote]No... We obtained...


Good morning y'all.. It's about to go down.. Make una pray make my MB reach sha...

Uthman51: **************************

''Uduak, see ur own phone
Oga u be professional thief faa u suppose dey grant theft auto 6 o

Lol... Na Naija man suppose dey that game o

[quote author=Mermaid.of.life]......"i saw the punch a little too late", hahahaha[/quote]See as you dey make me feel bad...

Kai.. It was really somehow stressing my eyes. I think say person go call me self... No ish sha, I am a little bit alright. Thanks to a doctor right here that did some e-diagnosis on my a-ss.. I owe him a lot.


Na only ladies fit call sha...

Good night y'all... Updates resumes in earnest tomorrow!!

Dedicated to Mammy water!!!




***************

''Malam, ka ba mu waya guda biyu.''
Give us 2 fones**

I said to the aboki wearing a long mousthache. The man instead of answering kept licking his teeth and making sounds like he wanted to throw saliva out. I looked at him and smiled.

''Flow, make we go check another shed''

We made to leave.

''Oga, I dey go? Phone I dey plenty fa''

The man bombarded us with his Hausalized English.

''Na im we dey talk since you no wan hear?''

Flow said to the man. His fist was already clenched. I wondered why Flow was getting angry over nothing.

''Make I no vex walai, goro I gum am po my teeth''

He replied and in his bid to win customers flashed us a gorolized teeth.

''How much be your phones''

Uduak asked a stupid question. I spanked his small head. Uduak seemed to be growing shorter by the day.

''You don't talk out of turns. You should be in the house now''

Flow helped me say what I wanted saying.

''Sorry sir''

Uduak replied and used his hand to do a zip sign.

''This one I be N20,000 tosan. I good kwarai da gaskiye.''

He did code mixing.

''Show me the phones make I see''

I said to him. He opened his show glass while I ran my hands and fingers on it.

''Your phones are lovely''

Since the policemen saga, I found it difficult to speak pidgin English. The aboki only nodded and then ran his disgusting tongue over his teeth.

''We no go buy.''

I finally said. Flow looked at me and smiled. Uduak opened his mouth to protest but a knock from Flow helped shut it up.

''I dey knock am for this old man? I be your pikin?''

The Hausa man asked as the knocked had sounded like rocks falling against each other.

''No o. Na born throway. We pick am from suckaway.''

Flow said while Uduak stared at his toes. We walked round the whole shed till I could walk no more. My weight seemd to have trippled.

''Flow, make we dey go house. Sun dey disturb me''

Uduak protested weakly.

''No be you wan be agent? Abi you think say I no hear wetin you tell Haruna?''

Flow asked. I only turned quickly as a slap landed on Uduak's face.

''Did you by chance see this boy in your dreams?''

I asked in my newly flawless English.

''Haba Attaim why you dey ask like say no be this dwarf make those boys collect our phones''

Flow answered a question with a question.

''Let's get going. I am also tired of walking around.''

I said as my trousers had suddenly begun to sag. We walked away while the last aboki cussed us.

''Shegu, ba su da kudi amma sun zon kasuwa. Yayyan iska''
**Bastards, broke men that want to buy things. Useless beings**

I turned to look at him.

''Mai farkon dariya bai ji labarin da kyau ba''
**the first to laugh missed the joke**

I dropped a popular Hausa proverb. He only looked surprise that a yellow fresh dude like me could speak his language.

''Yi hakuri fa''

He apologised. No point, he was only being a Nigerian. So I just shoved his apologies to the side of my mind.

We got to the car while Flow entered the driver's seat to move the car. Uduak stepped into the passenger seat while I sat at the back. Relaxing at the owner's corner. I closed my eyes as Flow revised to get out of the phone market. He had switched on the tape player and was playing a collection of Keith Sweat.

**************************

''Uduak, see your own phone''

I handed a brand new phone to Uduak. He just stood speechless until a knock from Flow losened his tongue.

''Thank you Sir''

He said bowing a little before walking out of the house. On the dining table were different types and sizes of phones.

''Flow, e be like say you go start to dey sell phone for go slow o''

I spoke pidgin for the first time looking at Flow who was playing with a phone. He paused, lifted his head to look at me momentarily before bringing it down. His face was set serious.

''Flow, this one wey you serious like this, person straff your girlfriend give you preek make you smell?''

I asked him in a provocative manner.

''I like your business idea. E make sense wella''

He replied me.

''When we go start?''

I asked him.

''Now now. When your papa wake up come agree to sell am''

He replied laughing. For the first time since I knew Flow, he just said something stupid. Though I tended to thread on a part of disagreement with him, he always made sense. I only like it when we argued.

''Your mama go dey service my papa when him come back from business.''

I saw the punch a little too late!!!



To be continued!!

I like this update walai... I was laughing but eyes still went on paining me. Who says laughter is not healing!!

I am suppose to update but can't right now. I am suffering from an eye infection. I have stared into the computer for so long and it is affecting me.

Rock.. You can continue. I will get the drugs prescribed by a good doctor right here. Hopefully, by tomorrow or next my eyes will return to its former sef.

Please bear with me. The itching and pain is really unbearable.

Thanks...

Cold faya: Excuse me abeg! Its bin a while I came here, just started from where I stopped n I'm seeing d rock updating. I wan as Where's flow? D collabo don end? Abeg ooo dat collabo follo 4 promo fa! Pls intimate me foxy

who dey mi line, Foxy wana flow