₦airaland Forum

[quote author=D.Ella.luv]Patiently waitn[/quote]Your waiting will soon be over

Onyiclassic: make una come update naa,na everytm we go dey beg una?

Haba, even you ma dey impatient? E no fair oo

Marthakings: he stayed in kano na

[quote author=m.esther96]
i love dz
short but captivating [/quote]Thanks for loving it

The rock5555: If i go home by six una go see update, Foxy wait for me o.
Still i ROCK

Most definitely

Uthman51: sorry ooo hope u go post diz nyt sha

Somehow

kingphilip: why dis place dry like dis now? No update....wher Udeme, uduak and fox de now

I am fu''cking busy here!!!

"Musa, me ne ne kana yi a cikin gidan rago?"
**Musa, what are you doing inside the ram's shed?"

My father came to my room that early morning to wake me up. I opened my eyes drowsily to see the man standing close to my bed with a long dagger. I had to jump up quickly thinking my dad had come to castrate me. How he found out I just couldn't tell. I remember following my friend's to "gidan kara" (brothel) the previous night after it was announced that the following day was the sallah celebration. I was only a virgin.

I had gone in the company of Baffa and Idris who had been telling me tales on how it feels to be on top of a woman. Being a novice who wanted to experiment with a new thing, I followed them. Then we were staying in House 263, 13th Street, Shagari Quarters, Kano. Kai, I followed those two boys on foot. We trekked some considerable distance because they had initially told me they don't want anybody seeing them boarding bikes.

"I don tire o, make we climb machine na"

I said from a corner of my mouth. The other part of the mouth was busy sucking hard on a sugar cane. They just looked me and smiled. We had already gotten to zoo road. They then crossed to the other side where a man was selling cigarettes. I followed them since we were together. I had never smoked before though I had been planning secretly to do so.

"Malam, ba mu cigari"
**Malam, give us cigarettes"

Idris ordered confidently. I had to look at the same boy twice who when at home use this kind of female voice to answer and talk to people. Where the machoness came out from surprised me. The malam passed a pack of cigarette to Idris which he opened hurriedly. He took a stick out, passed another to Baffa and totally ignored me. He tapped on the base of the cigarette, collected a lighter, lighted it and dragged the smoke in. He released a whitish cloud of smoke at my face moments later.

"Na which kind nonsense be this na?"

I had queried.

"You sabi smoke?"

He asked. If I should answer in the negative, it would be a slap on my face. A man that wants to get disvirgined should not be afraid of smoking, I reasoned. Moreover, I had done it countless times with wrapped papers torn from the pages of my exercise book.

"You no go fit stand where I dey smoke na"

I replied him. He did not say anything, he knew I was bragging but he still passed me the lighted one he had begun smoking. I looked at the saliva at the tip of the cigarette and rejected it. I wanted a new one.

"Give me another stick na abi you no know say if two men saliva mix e mean say them don kiss?"

I sounded intelligent to my own hearing. Idris just shrugged and passed a stick to me. I in turn tapped the base of the cigarette, collected a lighter and lighted it. I dragged a lungful or more than a lungful. Cough came out from no where. I started coughing so hard tears were running out of my eyes. Idris and Baffa too were laughing so hard tears was coming out of their own eyes.

"Amma Musa nan, ba ka iya abu ba sai ka yi ko?"
**Musa, you don know how to do something but want to do it"

Baffa commented still laughing. I had thrown the cigarette away before it would kill me.

"Na yarda. In dai na wajen mata ne, nafi ku wallahi"
**I agree, but if it is women, forget it"

I boasted. They only exchanged glances before bursting into fresh laughter. I knew I was done for. Idris had collected three tins of peak milk which he proceeded to perforate. I watched standing while Baffa helped him. I was passed a tin of milk.

"Dan me?"
**Why?**

I asked.

"In ka gama, ya kamata ka sha wannan dan ruwan garto da ka zuba zai koma jikin ka"
""When you are done, you need to drink it so that the seed expelled would go back""

Baffa did the talking. Idris had already grown impatient with me.

"Toh, na ji"
**Alright**

I collected the tin of milk and proceeded to suck it dry.

"Ga kwayan nan"
**Take this tablets**

Idris passed some blue looking tablets to me.

"Wannan kuma me?"
**What's this one?**

I asked.

"Ka cika tambayya wallahi."
**You ask too many questions**

Idris the impatient one scolded me. Hey, the body is my temple and I need to really know what a thing is before filling my temple with it.

"Kawo to"
**Bring it then**

I said to him. I collected the tablets and kept on staring at them waiting for them to pass water to me. It wasn't passed. I wondered why but did not ask since I saw them throw a tablet each into their mouths without drinking water. I proceeded to follow them do so. The tablet was tasteless but I still continued sucking and licking at it.

"Stop machine make we climb dey go sabon gari"

Idris spoke in English. I waved at a bike which we bargained. He took the three of us on it and drove through the streets of Kano down to sabon gari. We were going to the legendary Sanyolu/Odutola road. A brothel which had a great reputation was located there.

"Nan zamu sauka"
**We'll stop here**

Idris who was close to the bikeman said. He stopped. Baffa came down, I practically flew down. I was not seeing the ground. It took me ages to get to the ground. My head felt light and the warld looked more like a slow motion.

"A ina muke?"
**where are we?**

I asked. That was the last question I remembered asking. Every other thing happened slowly. We walked in, I was dragged into a room by a girl. Idris had followed suit. He paid her, I did everything without feeling nothing. I only knew I urinated inside her.

***************************************************************************

"Baci ne ya kama ni"
**I fell asleep**

I replied my dad. A slap from him made my eyes as clear as spring water. There was I lying so close to the sallah ram n'ak'ed and without clothes. I did not know how I came to be their. I only remembered everything after Idris came to help us butcher the ram.

So much just to disvirgin myself...



THE END!!!

I was thinking it was going to be easy updating right here from the office but men, I am so wrong. Left home since 11:00am only to get to the office this time. Mararaba/Nyanya road na bastard walai... See as I just hook for one spot without moving. Kai... Government need to create new road o.... Haba man

[quote author=Mynd_44]can you provide a link?[/quote]My phone don't copy and paste o

Sky scrapper posted a comment on ''Naija Thug Life''... His comment was hidden and I am sure he was banned too by the spambot. Can you please release him?

Thanks

[quote author=sкчscrαρεr™]mehn!!!. . . update pliss



foxy u get mind to dey look dat nurse for bathroom as she dey bath oooooo!


**in rock's voice** thumbs up to 'una.[/quote]I am not proud to say it o, but what I wrote happened in the year 2007... Jeez.. Nurse nearly break my hand, I knew better than to stand there forming macho man. I ran for my life. She later reported me sha and my mum made a valuable statement. Mum understood her son just crossed into puberty and was bound to have raging urges. She said and I quote.

''e che ke tene onubule, ke tene one ki ci'ego we.''

''If you wanna look for a woman, look for one that is your mate.''

I did not see that person at that tender age o. I was only 16. I had to wait till I turned 18. My agemate who's punanii is wider than a well stole my virginity o. She lied she was one after I told her. I very nearly hated sex but being gay was way outta my mind.

I ended up waiting for another 2 years before I found a virgin. Damn! My confidence in punaniis was restored. Never looked back since then.


This na true story o. But the one in my tale is blended with fiction as y'all already know. I just wanna get this burden off of my shoulders.


Still I Flowxy!!

otijah: ok post d short topic with some Ram meats, bottle of 1759 and a solid rice

That should be in the afternoon or thereafter. Maybe around 11am or so. You guys should converge on it being taken to the front page o.

haykins01: Punpupupupupu...oya i don mess o..the mess suppose send intoxication away naa..abi the mess no strong enough

Funny pikin...

Na illustrated mess I dey use for my story. You dey give me real mess wey wan kill me.. See this man

otijah: u b muslim? Me av nt gone any where since today, waiting for ur update

No, I no be muslim... Just a notherner who celebrates sallah just to chop dia meat... I will post a short story for y'all to read when I get to the office. Working things by 2pm, no stress!

adegwurulez: just point where i got it wrong.... am learning

You got me all wrong. I do not mean to dampen your spirit o... Itz a sarcastic sentence that means I enjoy you story more than all those tales by moonlight.. Get it?

The rock5555: Foxy abeg update once, am busy now, i go cont later in d night

Too intoxicated to continue. Hopefully Flow will update!!...

Sorry pals.. Sallah beers and wine don knock me. Apologies!!

Jokes apart, I am not feeling this story anymore. I am quitting.




















How I go dey read tales by moonlight when confirm story dey here. If you no continue, you go answer to me later!!

[quote author=t-flow]Wohoo!! 3rd/4h no bad @all. Thank you to all d judges,writers n readers. God bless u. I will never forget my humble beginning. @sambroose, Post ur number make I shake body snall reach ur side. U do well. Thanks people. MAD LOVE[/quote]08one69367606... I go swear for you if you no post am. I just dey observe all of una. After all the support nobody wan pay tithe abi.. No make me vex oo

haykins01: lol..last time i chkd d holy book only faith can move mountains,God make kings bow,....cure 4 epilepsy nd shuting d mouths of dogs(only foxys mess can do dat) buh if thats d easiest and most reliable then na mess do am o

Lol... The story still long. Some things would be explained as the story proceeds. Chillax mon ami...

haykins01: lol..wonder where u guys kept the training u guys had?..abi na mess be last saving grace of a coco dealer?

If mess fit move mountain... Make kings bow.. Cure epilepsy... Shut mouth of dugs.. Wetin you go use? Gun? Force?

Lol... Relax.. More updates coming soon!!!

[quote author=E<R>F]Una they provoke me!

You guys are failures!

Yes big failures! Mtcheew!






After months of training, make una sabi fight, small boys nai dey tell una to frog jump abi? Chai, wen I feel say una get power, na "mess" nai me una saving grace. Chai, where all those training come go? Una don use am f.uck and drink alomo abi?



Till una go get power, I'll keep on calling you guys:






FAILURES

Ah dey vex! Lazy boys...[/quote]There is one missing rule.. Remember, before our incorporation into coco business we were not like this. Something is missing and you guys will find out soon. Haba mana.. Flow again? Foxy again? Make una relax before una begin conclude...

[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]Why not? We've not started the planning shaa. She will be the one to list out most of the rules. So, until then, watch this space.

T-flow; how far nau? Abi my mail don land for moon? Please acknowledge the receipt of the mail make I know how far.[/quote]

Na wa o... Why me never see anything na

otijah: wetin again u want make we salute nah, as ur head no dey fit save u. Once again I salute ur fart. NEXT. UPDATE. PLSSS

Daniel2802: I salute ur fart.

Stop na, you no fit salute another thing abi

I just finished secondary school then, though I had perfected the art of stealing, I had not gotten an opportunity to use it. No money on me as my drunkard of a father always found his way into my pocket to move any change I had. The he does it still baffles me. He might call me, look at me and then dismiss me. When I leave his presence, my money disappears. It is at that same time he will take his bottle to go and get a refill of monkey tail ogogoro. Maybe I was just a chip of the old block.

''Attai.. Where this useless pikin dey sef''

My father called from the room as I sat outside picking stones and throwing them away. I was idle and the only play my idle mind could up with was throwing stones.

''I dey here''

I shouted back from outside. My mother had gone out to the market that morning leaving me with N40 for both breakfast and lunch. My father had seen her and here he is wanting to steal my money.

''Na outside dey call you?''

My father shouted from inside.

''E be like say.''

I responded. I cherished the small money in my pocket.

''Useless pikin.''

He cursed from inside.

''Na you be my father''

I responded.

''Thunder fire you there.''

He cursed and kept quiet. The rickety one door leading into the compound opened. I looked up to see people dragging a big bed into the compound. Finally, I said in my head. The nurse who had come to carpet her room was finally coming to live there. I stood up like the good boy I was and joined in dragging the bed inside. The nurse was full of thanks.

''God bless you o my pikin.''

I was 16 and she could be like 30 something. Her calling me her pikin was not bad. The bad thing is she was unmarried. She had nice looking breasts and her buttocks was more like a ballon filled with water. It vibrates when she walks. Talk about an idle virgin. I felt I was gonna get laid.

Days later I had created an opening through the wall of the bathroom where I peep at her bathing. Touching myself and wishing I would barge into the bathroom and get a cut.

''Na who dey peep there.''

She had shouted one day as I watched her change her clothes through a little opening on her door. I tip-toed away. Moments later I heard a gentle knock on our door. This I opened to see the woman smiling at me. She beckoned me to follow her. U la la, I knew I was gonna get laid.

But event turned so fastly that I was lucky to escape with only a sprained hand. She had turned and attacked me with a turning stick. She hit and hit while I blocked and blocked. It was a crack on my bone that made me run into the toilet.

She shouted obscenities at me, pushed and pushed the door but the pain did not let me open up. I held tight to the door. She left and I ran away from home.

***************************
PRESENT DAY:

''Madam, no be me steal the cat, na money I dey steal.''

I confessed my hobby while praying something savs me. Her hand moved to the turning stick, at the same time my stomach vibrated.

''Kaabooonnnn''

I dropped one loud fart. The shop shook. Those I had not seen intially jumped out with scream. They pushed me aside and made their way outside. The woman sat petrified like she had been struck with thunder. Scarface was nowhere, Obj was on the ground. Talk about reserving the last weapon for the end.

I walked out of the shop into the smelling streets of Agangara. People stood watching me walking away like a champion. They kept looking until I flagged a bike and hopped on. As the bike zoomed off, I turned round and saw that actvities had resumed. My fart had frozen all of them.



TO BE CONTINUED...

''Na your mess go save you today''

Don't get that sentence wrong. It was an ironical statement. How on earth would my fart that had been saving me from so many problems turn to become my downfall? I made a mental note on how and where to fart. If I see a soft man intimidating us, then the sure weapon would be a fart but for kpakos like Lagbaja and Obj, damn, my fart smelt like perfume to them.

''Lagboski...''

I was saying before a slap landed on my ears. It vibrated and passed to my brain which sent the signal to my cerebral cortex. The cerebral cortex received and sent out a message.

''Na my name be Lagboski?''

The onle with scars and stretch marks on his face asked me. I heard him ask so I had to answer even though my ear was ringing ''weeeeennnnnnn''

''Ba ba ba ba aaaaa... Bala mehaka maaa da da daaa''

They looked at me surprised. I looked at my reflection on a car mirror too with surprise. When did I become dumb.

''Na me you dey yan nonsense give?''

The Lagbaja looking one asked while Obj's twin was too surprise to utter a word.

''Baraaaa baaaa''

I completed the sentence with;

''Pututututu''

My anus added.

''You still get mind dey mess?''

Obj asked, the question landing into my ear with a punch. The bigness of my head saved me a little bit as I had ducked before the blow landed. His knuckle struck on my head with a great crack. His knuckle broke. He had punched the great Zuma rock.

''Ahhhhhhhhhh... Yeeeeeeeee... Na ka ya kare.''
**your own don finish**

He spoke Hausa for the first time. His punch had already losened my tongue. I had thought I was dealing with Yoruba boys all this while. Never knew Hausa boys too could be this ugly. Now that explains the daggers. (apologies my yoruba brethen).

''Ai kuma baku isa ba.''
**Una no fit**

I replied them catching them by surprise.

''Kai, badawa za mu kai ka walahi''
**we are taking you to badawa**

The scarface said. He was the one holding my belt tightly. We had already gotten to Hadeija road and was trekking towards railway. The boys seemed to have tracked their dogs from a distance or were they impostors?

''Badawa? No be our neighbour una be?''

I asked the obvious. Obj was tending to his broken fingers so he did not answer me. It was scarface that was doing all the talking.

''When we reach badawa you go know.''

Down we went through the river bed, climbed up, crossed the railway line and head into the dreaded Agangara. Legend has it that the smell of brukutu, ogogoro and beer emanating from that place is enough to make you drunk. Every young girl there too had done an abortion. Those who did not are either pregnant or have a baby in the house. All this are facts. Ask any Kano boy.

''Madam Kofa, we don bring the boy.''

We were standing in front of a shop, though it was still morning, smoke was coming out from inside which was dark.

''Make una bring am come inside''

A voice rumbled from within. The kind of voice that gets you confused if it is owned by a woman or a dog. I was dragged in by only scarface. Obj still had his knuckle to tend to. The place was dark but was illuminated by shiny glows which comes ON once in a while. The smoke too, combined with the smell I had taken into my system made my head swoon. I was dead drunk and high on the igbo's smoke at the same time.

''Na you thief my dog?''

A voice barked. My eyes had gotten used to the dark and sitted across me on a wide bench is a woman who can only be compared to the legendary Yokozuma.

''No o. I no steal am o. Na my boy move the neighbour dog.''

I was vibrating. She raised her hands up, revealing a thick igbo which she had rolled. She puffed on it, dragged the smoke in and released it mightily. So mightily grew my highness and it prevailed. I fell too the ground as mt knee buckled but a kick from Obj made me jump up.

''You know how long my boys don dey keep surveillance on that dog?''

Bingo, they were also thieves.

''Ehm.. Ehm''

I answered shaking my head in slow motion.

''One month and 2 weeks before you stupidly thief the dog.''

No be me thief am oo, I screamed in my head. It was better it remained in my head as my eyes picked the turning stick she kept close to her. If there was anything I was scared of after ''Pastors'', it is a turning stick. I and a turning stick dates backward... A time when I was still a novice.

Looking at her turning stick, the memory came back flooding to me.



TO BE CONTINUED IMMEDIATELY...

Both write ups are hillarious but I would need one thing. Uduak, please modify yours... Please.. You will update after me.

I slept off last night because I closed late though I checked and did not see any update. Ehm... Modify your own Uduak... We will pick cue from where Flow stopped...


Typing...

Still I Floxy...