₦airaland Forum

If I should say I composed this stuff myself, some people will come and crucify me but then make una enjoy sha.... Una fit drop una own....


1. After sleeping wit Ur GF, d rich
dude bought her a car.
Don't get angry, dat will mk U an
enemy of progress. Jst
draw a timetable for both of U

2. U be 35yr old first class graduate
without job and u dey
follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I Ain't Got
no worries' ... Ur life is on
SOS

3. Mumu girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he
broke my heart" fool, what's
GOOD in the years?

4. I overheard a girl talking to her
BF, initially I thought she
was talking to God, cos the things
she asked for only God
can provide dem
Ladies, the only man you are
allowed to chase,I repeat
CHASE shamelessly is the man that
stole your purse

5. Why take Marriage counselling
from a Single? That's
worse than Stevie Wonder giving
Ray Charles &
Cobhams driving lessons.

6. I'm sure your mother did not give
you breast scattered
with tattoos, stretch marks, and
Eczema... Pls allow your
children enjoy same.

6. Nollywood has influenced us too
much thz days. I murder
Cockroaches by covering their
face with a pillow and
pressing hard
I owe my life to Tonto Dike. I was
in Coma for 3wks when
d nurse played her song on her
fone. I had to stand up... to
remove her battery

7. Nollywood please na!☹ How can a
ghost fall down while
chasing someone?

8. At 23, Ur boobs ve already
observed eternal rest & Full
time sleeping mode. Yet U are
forming "hard to get"
Aunty, even d devil is weeping 4U

9. Our Igbo brothers in China are
involved if Ur BB has TV,
MicroWave, Torch, Nail
cutter,Toothbru sh, Lighter and
Food flask in it

10. "She's making me bark like a
Bingo... she got me dancing
Alingo" ...I still don't understand
why Mary Slessor
stopped d Killing of Twins

11. Back then in Primary school, I
used to think that song was
"I have seen, seen the DANFO of
satan" *sighs*

12. That was how my neighbour
named her triplet Faith,
Faithful & Faithfulness... who did
those innocent children
offend??☹

13. Opportunity knocks but once, if
you hear a second
knock, bros check well, Na
Jehovah witness.

14. Now dat SEX is so cheap &
rampant, decent girls hav
bcom DIAMONDS, Clean men are
endangered species,
while LOVE is gradually becoming
a MYTH

15. Some ppl will come to visit U, and
forget to take their
Odour with them when leaving.
Their odour becomes Ur
permanent room mate.☹

16. So because Ur picture no fine, U
dey claim say"Beauty is
from within" Y U NO take X- ray do
Ur Profile picture?

17. Going for an interview at a
bank....dresses like Cabo
Snoop. *sighs* No wonder ur
parents didnt use U for
Blood money

18. Ur partner buys U toothbrush,
toothpaste, dental floss,
& chewing stick for Xmas; & U
still don't get d msg. Ur
stupidity don enter Google map
Even those that have heads like
cabin biscuit be keeping
Mo' Hawks too. *sighs*

19. At 30, U R stil in ur parents' house,
fightin ur siblings ova
who gets d head of fish. Is d
witch in ur village fanning
herself wit ur pic?

20. Na so my Ibadan girl-friend tell me
sey she make pizza
for me......I reach house see agege
bread with stew and
fish inside. *smh*

21. If not for anything, abeg still
Thank God sey Mosquito no
dey fit transmit HIV. Choi! E for
bloody shaa

22. Close ya mouth, no be you I dey talk about since, na the people around you and out there I dey complain about...

Goodluck Jonathan walks into a bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, 'Good morning Ma'am. Would you please cash this cheque for me?'

Cashier: 'It would be my pleasure, Sir. Could you please show me your ID?'

Jonathan: 'Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Jonathan, the President.'

Cashier: 'Yes sir, I know who you are. But with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgersand requirements of the CBN, I must insist on seeing some ID.'

Jonathan: 'Just ask anyone here atthe bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.'

Cashier: 'I am sorry, sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.'

Jonathan: 'I am urging you, please, cash this cheque.'

Cashier: 'Sir, here is an example ofwhat we can do. One day, Tonto Dike came into the bank to cash a cheque without her I'd. To prove herself, she started singing, the guard dog fainted and the computers went off. So we knew it was her and cashed the cheque.'
'Another time, Governor Fashola came without his ID to cash a cheque. We doubted him at first but when our dispatch rider rode in on a motorbike and he screamed, 'Arrest that bike rider,' we cashed his cheque!'
'So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you, as President?'

Jonathan stands there thinking and thinking, and finally says, 'Honestly, my mind is totally blank... There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think ofa single thing. I have absolutely no idea of what to do. I just don't have a clue.'

Cashier: 'Very good, Sir. It is you...

Goodluck Jonathan: but i av not said anything

Cashier: Yes Sir! Ur confusion has proved it.



GOOD PEOPLE! GREAT NATION!