Correct joke.

Nellyon:

I sincerely hope this poster is dead for daring to think this rubbish will crack us up soooo bad we die laughing.

True talk! Anyway, this your own make me laugh sha.

One of the most decent thread on NL in recent time.

@ dayokanu and manliness, hope you guys will not kill me with laughter. I have been laughing (even on the street) all alone!

Many of the posters are just condemning the wife. I think we are just magnifying the issue of farting into her husband's mouth, what I call a usual family joke that was taken too far. If you read between the lines, you will not blame the woman so much. We probably are applying our African mentality of 'how can  a woman do such a thing to her husband' without asking 'how could a man be, {censored}.

@ OP, your wife may have done the wrong thing by farting into your mouth, but it appears there is more to it than just that.

[My wife said she finds it difficult saying sorry even when she knows she is wrong. Initially, I was the one always wrong and I always apologized to bury the issue. One day I overheard her apologizing to someone on phone. I felt may be to some people it is easy to say sorry while I am among those she cannot say sorry to.

I took a drastic action that shook her while I was about to travel. I stopped helping her do house chores and other things that I used to do with her like cutting the vegetables while she prepared food for the family, washing dishes, cooking etc. I also threatened the D word if she did not change.  When I came back, she seemed to have changed.]

You knew your wife finds it difficult to say sorry, u took a drastic action and she seemed to have changed. Why not just put it bluntly that she changed! You should have known during your courtship that your wife finds it difficult to apologize and was ready to live with that when you decided to marry her. And she later learned to apologize to you after all. That is a positive change on her part to make the marriage work.

[I did not stop providing for her like I was able to do anyway. Though she has no job her friends who have envy her. I am very romantic. I do not miss her birthdays. I compliment her. I appreciate her. I take her out and work around with her. I am proud to show her around my friends. I do not cheat on her.

I take care of the family like I should. I am saving to start up a small business for her. I have looked for job for her and could not find any. She does not like teaching job which was available and I understand why. She has difficulty reading and speaking English Language though she is a graduate and it becomes an insult to her if one suggests ways of improvement. (I am polite to a fault. I love her)]

She should be a good wife to be getting all this from you. She did not stop taking care of the home. She appreciates you and your care, that is why she made you understand that her working friends envy her. She is romantic too, if not she wouldn't have been accepting all you romantic, This to me is a wonderful marriage.

[At the slightest disagreement, she claims I am disrespecting her because she has no job and brings no money to the family.]

Search yourself very well, is there anything you have been saying or doing to make her that way? She is human, she may fell depressed sometimes because of this her joblessness and she may think she is a burden on you too. What have you been doing to encourage and assure her that she will soon get a job and all that.

[I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.
, she laughed at it, She shouted and said, so because of what happened you have decided to wear our boxers etc . . . . . NB, when the going is good, we fart around the house  and make fun of it but not into anyone's mouth. , while scolding our daughter, she said ' even you that I gave birth to is joining in kicking me like a ball all because I stay at home and have no job. She was shouting from the balcony so that everyone heard. Later on she continued, telling everyone who cared that she is suffering even though people wished to be her when they  see her drive by.

Too much in my mind.]

What is this "too much" on your mind that you have not said? The problem could be something else, not that nasty fart. When the going is good, you make do fart around and make fun of it, but when the going is bad, then, ? And when you registered you displeasure, she laughed at it, as if to say it is just the normal fun. She asked: Are you putting on your boxers just because of that? Though she took it too far this time around, she was just joking and was making fun. She should have apologized anyway.

What did you tell her at that moment? Did you insult her, the way you probably have been doing? How did you register that your displeasure? Sometimes it is not just easy to apologize to someone who is insulting you.

Every marriage have it's ups and down. Yours is a wonderful marriage, at least from what you have told us. The issue of that fart is not just a good reason to start a big problem. How will tell her parents or yours that it was that fart that caused the problem, especially what you were doing when it happened? It is the responsibility of the two of you to do everything and anything to save the marriage from problems. Call her in the village and apologize to her for feeling so bad about what she did and tell her she should come very fast because you are missing her so much. When she returns, then talk some sense into her, I believe she will understand and apologize. Thank God you are not considering divorce.

Rocktation:

@GIFT4ALL- They're telling passersby not to urinate/shite there.

Rocktation:

Either that or they really don't want anyone advertising nothing on their walls. But someone did confirm the former.

Thank you very much.

I use to have this strange thought that I was the only real human being and that God just put all other people around to test me and see whether I qualify to benefit from whatever God created me for.

Eko Ile:

What ca I say, ibo people like awoof too.

This is not awoof, afterall it is not free food, free house etc. It is more about quality education and the restoration of hope. They have seen a good governor who is serious and is ready to work for the people. More opportunities will open for the people in other areas.

~Bluetooth:

Wonder shall never end,adults are relocating cuz of basic education ! Anyways,When are the ones in Lagos going to relocate to enjoy this awuf bonanza ?

Most Nigerians who go to study abroad do so because of the quality of education in those countries and this is the same reason why Imo indigenes are relocation to their home state to enjoy quality education.

If Gov Rochas continues like this and other governors fail to emulate him, then many Nigerians, not only Imo indigenes, will relocate to Imo state to enjoy good governance. EVen some Nigerians studying abroad may come back home.

The bottom line is: GOOD THINGS ATTRACT PEOPLE.

On 20/07/2011 I received a text message from MTN N that reads: "Y'ello! Enjoy FREE N300 MTN-to-MTN airtime from MTN. Simply recharge up to N1200 within the next 3 DAYS to enjoy the offer. Free airtime valid till 25/07/11". To enjoy the free airtime, I bought airtime worth N1200 within two days. Up till now I have not received any free airtime. I am stiil waiting sha.

lol. But what does 'Post No Bill' mean?

macjive01:

sorry, but where the hell is this man getting all these moneys he is spending

free education,

maintaining and signing on Ohakims dream ideas and paper contracts

now paying off pensioners

all within two months

You are underestimating the resources we have in this country. Rochas is using part of his security votes for these good works. There is so much money that if our leaders want to work for the people, we will all be happy.

An elder statesman's reaction to the flood: Lagosians refused to vote for "Umbrella", so stop complaining and start sweeping the Flood with ur "brooms".

Husband and wife agreed that anytime they want to make love they will call it 'phone call' so that their kids will not decode. One day the papa sends son to tell mum that he wants 2 make 'phone call'.

Mum: Tell your dad that network is busy.

Dad: Tell ur mum that if network is busy at home, I will go to a public phone boot.

Mum: Tell him that if he dares go to a public phone, then I will open a business center.


So if I tell you I want to make phonecall, what will be your response?

Was it GEJ or Sambo that spoke? The headline of Vanguard says "Boko Haram: Nigeria is at crossroads, says Jonathan". NL, I think it is better to quote the President who the VP was reprensenting as the subject of this thread, even though they are in the same govt.

GEJ just said the truth about the situation. He has been able to handle this Boko Haram issue with wisdom. He said the other day that every Nigerian is a target of Boko Haram, which is the truth.

You guys are too harsh on the lawmaker. He is not against, and cannot stop the minimum wage, was it not the law makers that passed the law? What he is saying is true. He is warning his people to be ready for economic hardships and opportunities that will come with minimum wage. Minimum wage is just a nominal wage, not a real wage increase. Because of money illusion, Nigerian workers may be worse off with minimum wage. Though I don't think minimum wage will cause so much inflation that will cancel out its benefits, given that some commodities in the market are not income elastic.

If the FG removes oil subsidy as is being demanded by state governors, the minimum wage will be maximum suffering for Nigerians. [b][/b]

By Festus Ahon

UGHELLI – PRIMATE of Anglican Communion, Nigeria, Most Revd. Nicholas Okoh, has described the introduction of Islamic banking by the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, Mr. Lamido Sanusi, as a religious oppressive instrument and a tool for social coercion of the poor to convert to Islam.

Okoh, who spoke to newsmen, yesterday, at Agbarha-Otor, Ughelli North Local Government Area, Delta State, said it was a follow up to demands by Boko Haram for the application of Sharia all over the country.

He said: “In 10 years from now, it would have grown and matured to what it is intended to be- a religious oppressive instrument and tool for social coercion of the poor to convert to Islam. It is heavily skewed to put other non-interest banking at disadvantage.

“We have closely followed the CBN Governor as he arranged and rearranged his proposals, his approach to the issue of non-interest banking as it affects non-Muslims is less than sincere.

“Many Nigerians are worried about the way and manner the CBN Governor rides roughshod over the other people’s faith to promote Islam. Let it be emphatically said that Islamic banking is not only banking, and should not be left to bankers. It is part and parcel of Islamic evangelism.

“It is a follow up to the Organisation of Islamic Conference, OIC, membership, the Sharia agenda, awkward membership of D8 and demands by Boko Haram for the application of Sharia all over the country,” he added.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/07/islamic-banking-instrument-of-oppression-anglican-primate/

Islamic banking, instrument of oppression – Anglican Primate

By Festus Ahon

UGHELLI – PRIMATE of Anglican Communion, Nigeria, Most Revd. Nicholas Okoh, has described the introduction of Islamic banking by the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, Mr. Lamido Sanusi, as a religious oppressive instrument and a tool for social coercion of the poor to convert to Islam.

Okoh, who spoke to newsmen, yesterday, at Agbarha-Otor, Ughelli North Local Government Area, Delta State, said it was a follow up to demands by Boko Haram for the application of Sharia all over the country.

He said: “In 10 years from now, it would have grown and matured to what it is intended to be- a religious oppressive instrument and tool for social coercion of the poor to convert to Islam. It is heavily skewed to put other non-interest banking at disadvantage.

“We have closely followed the CBN Governor as he arranged and rearranged his proposals, his approach to the issue of non-interest banking as it affects non-Muslims is less than sincere.

“Many Nigerians are worried about the way and manner the CBN Governor rides roughshod over the other people’s faith to promote Islam. Let it be emphatically said that Islamic banking is not only banking, and should not be left to bankers. It is part and parcel of Islamic evangelism.

“It is a follow up to the Organisation of Islamic Conference, OIC, membership, the Sharia agenda, awkward membership of D8 and demands by Boko Haram for the application of Sharia all over the country,” he added.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/07/islamic-banking-instrument-of-oppression-anglican-primate/

slimtoney:

Sanusi pursues issues with doggedness as long as he believe it is a just course. When he stood his ground against the threats and intimidation of law makers about their take home pay, we all applauded his stance and Nigerians spoke with one voice supporting him, what has happenede to that unanimous support, now that he asked that interest free banking system be introduce into the economy of this country.

When yo do good, people support you and vice versa. Now Nigerians say they are not in support of this system, is it by force? Why didn't he go to court to challenge the NASS overhead budget when he noticed that it was too much (and perhaps illegal). Now he is challenging those opposed to Islamic banking to challenge it in the courts.

@ OP, the subject is very misleading. I knew you guys (and Daily Trust) would come up with something like this. You listen to people with keen interest, and anybody who does not openly oppose it you insinuate is supporting it. Only pro-Islamic banking Newspapers will make such headline stories!

She did not mean what you guys are portraying. She only asked Nigerians to "look at it without a lot of emotion, " She added: "To my opinion it is another form of banking, where instead of charging interest, the people who take loans from this system share in the profits of the bank,”  She obviously is not an expert in Islamic Banking and did not endorse it as she directed the question to the CBN Governor, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi when she said "Again it is a question that (should be) posed to the Central Bank Governor who proposed it".

She approached the question posed to her diplomatically. Her response was based on the little she knew about Islamic banking, the assumption that the CBN should know what it is doing and her advice for Nigerians to put sentiments/emotions aside to enable reforms take place.

I want to be as objective as possible. I will ask these questions and then answer them.

1. Are Islamic banks going to give free loans? What is the non-interest in it, if the borrower has to share the profit/loss with the bank?

2. Even if they can give free loans, then where will they be getting the money from?

3. Why is SLS so passionate about it? Why can't he try to convince people to buy into the idea in a gentle manner, but is challenging anyone to go to court? Has he ever asked anyone to go to court and challenge any policy of the CBN other than this one?

4. What will be the effect of Islamic Banking to the Nigerian banking sector?

MY ANSWERS:
1. The Loans given by Islamic banks are not as free (interest free) as they want us to believe, since the bank shares the profit with the borrowers. Don’t they also share their profits with their depositors? I think the major difference here is that Islamic banking is based on shariah principles…, Their borrowers cannot use the loans obtained to engage in ‘haram’ (forbidden) businesses such as beer business, pork business etc.

2. There is no free lunch, even in Freetown. The proposed Islamic banks are profit making businesses. If they give out cheap loans, given Nigeria’s business climate, how will they make their profits? If they don’t make profits, how will the banks be financed to keep them running? This is the very reason why some people are suspecting that the Islamic banks are going to be sponsored by Arab countries to promote Islam. I don’t even want to go to the issue of using the banks to sponsor terrorism.

3. I will use Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala’s words to advice SLS: “Let’s put sentiment aside and look at the issue dispassionately”. I think SLS is too passionate about this Islamic banking thing. He said it has been there since 1996, why has it not generated so much interest until now? I think he is doing more to it that makes people suspect him of promoting a certain agenda, given that he is a Muslim . The CBN should educate people more on this issue. Do not just challenge people to go to court. The use of the word “islamic” should be avoided.

4. Given the sentiments attached to this issue of Islamic banking, I am almost certain that Islamic banking will have a negative effect on Nigeria and especially the banking sector. Majority of Muslems in the North will rejoice that they now have their own banks…, while most Christians will not patronize these banks. Instead, Christians will form their own Christian banks (the CBN must approve, to balance the equation).

Many northerners have been complaining that they don’t have any stake in Nigerian banks. They say all the banks are owned by the Southerners. Maybe this is an opportunity for northerners to own banks in Nigeria. And if these Islamic banks are established, they will concentrate mainly in the north, and then the northerners will withdraw their monies from existing banks to ‘their own banks’. THIS WILL BRING ABOUT DIVISION, DISCRIMINATION AND DISUNITY.

Islamic banking would not make any positive impact, if at all it does not bring about negative effects to Nigeria. Not that the system may not be beneficial, but this is Nigeria. Let the CBN cool down a little bit, educate people and convince them to accept Islamic banking. For the meantime, I suggest that the existing banks be given approval to operate Islamic banking window for now. If the people (in whose favour a policy is made) are not in favour of that policy, how will it succeed? I rest my case.

Dolemite:

So just because someone is a hawker that makes them less human? why is this topic in the front page? is Seun running out of interesting topics?

Abeg tell them.

deoyel25:

@deep soul, even if he works in the cybercafe, that does not mean he should have the time to post in all threads on nairaland. The fact remains that he might be jobless.

I thought I was alone, have been wondering how he/she gets to posts so much everywhere. I think he doesn't always read through the threads, but just post,

Please let 190 answer these allegation against him. Leave Oshiomole alone and face the allegations made aginst you. I expect you to be either confirming or denying these rumours of your joblessness, cyber cafe job, mentally retarded etc.

The Boko Haram sect was boasting the other day that some of our security men are loyal to the sect. The almighty MEND has been threatening. It could be an accidental explosion (the Police may come up with this). Whoever is responsible for this one, By the way, is bomb blast a new thing in naija?

Ignorance and poverty is the cause of this. If the people get richer, they will be less gullible to the antics of fake pastors. If they get more informed, they won't fall for the deceit of fake men of God. I advise Christians to study the lifestyles of Jesus, Paul etc. They never aspired to llive beyond those who they serve, neither do they demand any financial or material gratification, either directly or indirectly, from their followers. They preached it.

There is nothing wrong with tithing, offerings etc. But all these offerings are supposed to be used for the development of the Church of Christ, not the pastors and their families alone.

okemmadu:

I heard that in America the founder of a church does not have control over the offering money. that its managed by church board of directors. How true?

There is a provision for board of directors in our laws too, but our smart 'men of God' use their family members so that the 'church business' belongs to their family alone.

tellwisdom:

E be like sey u knw knw d country u live in, Even if jesus come nigeria today, he go use body guard,

Jesus faced more deadly men (opposition) in those days than mere kidnappers, armed robbers etc.

It is good to look good. Afterall, if she doesn't it is the same Nigerians that will complain that their first lady is looking shabby. She has really been transformed.

In that position, only God knows how many stylists patronise her, even if she doesn't want to do undergo those "unnatural" transformations, she will be pressurised until she gives in to their demands, because they want her to look good not just for the sake of it, but for what they will benefit. Millions of Naira must have changed hands, and that is the result. Money is speaking out loud, in our first ladies' new look.

I like her new looks, anyway. Infact, I jealous her!

Wasn't it too early to condemn it that way? So now, how far?

violent:

You could start from Nairaland, then organize town hall meetings for women, then town hall meetings for men, then encourage youths in the area.

little drops make an ocean they say

How many voters are on Nairaland? Afterall, some NLers cannot leave NL for one day to mobilise people for recall.

Seun:

How do you get the signatures of one half of persons registered to vote in a constituency??

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to do that. By the way, doing it will cost you more resources than the one the member used to win the election. Besides, the electorates are not only ignoraant of recall, they will call you a bad belle and will not support you.

mbulela:

i recently asked if this site runs on auto-pilot, i was told there are moderators.
I am yet to see proof of any moderation on this site in recent times.

Seconded. The moderators need the services of experts to advise them on the legal, security etc. of some of the post. I noticed they have been allowing so  much rubbish on the home page of late.

I used to put my phone in my pocket, but I noticed it itches. I have since concluded, on my own without any wHO announcement, that cell phone use is possibly carcinogenic (whatever that means).

I fear for Naija, because this china fones we use here are possibly more carcinogenic.

Odichi:
God knows i truely unconditionally loved him

The truth is, there is no such thing as unconditional love.

Govenor Sule Lamido has no right whatsoever to ban any journalist from reporting anything. If the journalist is a security threat to him, he should say so. If the guy is giving false reports on him, he can sue him.

I think DT should send someone else to Jigawa, for security reasons.

hillsate:

I have always talked about the bias and nonsensical reportage of news from daily trust newspaper. All they do is initiate or fuel crises with religious sentiments and it has become more of an islamic religion newspaper instead of a circular one. i will always remember their bias reportage of the jos crises.

That DT ehn,

The reason why people call their Church leaders 'Daddies' and 'Mummies' are:

1. Cultural - It is a sign of respect for elderly people. In this sense, It is funny how some old people refer to younger pastors as 'daddy'.

2. Sycophancy - Just to curry favour from 'daddies' and 'mummies'

3. Worship - Some people do worship these so called men of God, which is not suppose to be.

4. Ignorance and 'follow follow" - Some people do call them ignorantly, just the way others are doing it, without really taking time to think of why they came about it.

It is instructive for people to examine themselves and think of why they call their pastors these names. IMHO it is only No. 1 above that is reasonable. Others are not in line with the teachings of Jesus Christ.

lowee231:

@ Victor Abia

So what happened after you took the money?

He shared the money with you!

I like this thread, good advices, decent posts, unlike nairaland etc.