₦airaland Forum

ATMC: #shocked# you're kidding! Lol @all oscar's nominated movies

Not kidding at all, and i said most not all. Loved some eg Titanic, LOTR, Django, Harry Potter, Pulp fiction.

sholay2011: Did you just mention my 'Silver linings playbook'? I f**ing love dat movie! Mixture of comedy and sensible drama. Check out the authentic acting...especially my darling-Jennifer Lawrence (she won best actress oscar for this at age 22). Please, sit down again, close the doors and ensure your laptop is charged, then open not your eyes alone but also your ears , try to get those words as they slither through the mouth of the characters even if they talk too fast ...lol...just pulling ya legs but I love that film!


To each his own.

Seriously, i didn't knw SLP was suppose 2 make me laugh. It made me sad instead by ending so stupidly( ie ending when i was about to start watching)

twilight, silver linnings playbook, the artist, argo, the king's speech, hugo, infact almost all Oscar nominated movies

How would Mary do this to me after all we've been through together. How could she carry belle and stil claim to be a virgin.#is Onila your mentor#

WAEC INSTRUCTION PATTERN
Fill in the blank space with
suitable answer
1979 - Answer all questions. All
questions carry equal marks.
1995 - Attempt all.
1999 - Answer 4 questions from
each section, section A
compulsory.
2013 - Answer any three
question.
2015 - Win exciting prizes by
answering ONE question.
2020 - ____________________________

UP NEPAAA.

most of these items you mentioned do not have close substitutes. As for Sony, i've seen its advert before.

Because barca lose 7-0 we no go rest again?. notabarcafan.com

Funny Application Letter For A Job
Of Security Guard At
GTB
Dear sar,
I am Name is Tenager, I apply to
my job of security
guard to you boss in your
company of GTBank. ...I am
complete to Sitted 7 examination
certificate in 2003. My
skool here... KAMWALA BASIC very
good. ...
I am 29 ears to be Born of age
and nowafe and no
childish. My father dead long time
ago and my mother
is marry in CONGO REPUBLIC
country there 10 years n
ow, no sees her until now, so
nobody known to help
me...no money and food and tea
and drink.
My
certificate is just sitting in home
for itself, but passes in
Mathematics, Geography, Science
and all subjects but
fail in English because of eazy
teacher teaching me is
look jelous of myself because i
wear expenses cloth and shoe
than
teacher musonda.
I here that people you want
security
guards to your company and I tell
youI am one of that
job experience for 2 years looking
video for Rambo I, II
and III. I also shot thief dead. I
want to join the
company of You and chase
criminal and thief out with
SMG of me. I can fight for SMG,
arrow, spear, panga,
knife, stick and stones. Me also
can fight for boxing like
Tyson.
Please consider my application
very careful and call me
any time because me have hand
telephone now. I am
red for interview with you if you
like me. Me have no
photocopy certificate because the
photocopy machine
there at kabwata shop is a long
time and very old it can
mistake spelling in the certificate,
that is why.
I am very
honest and I didn't steal since I
born until now,I can
speak English free. I have no very
much to right I have
end here.
Please also greet your wife and
childrens!
Yurs fatefooli.... Francis

LWKMD. nice one

Pls sincere Nigerian, i'll like to know why you always bring informations about Goodluck's wonderful projects( invisible though) to our notice.
If it's our vote you want then say it.

this is the first time i'm hearing the title SURE-P. If they are really working then they don't need you to tell us about them

seriously this gay thing no fit we Africans. I'm happy naija rejected this shit

GOVERNMENT & THE PEOPLE (Laugh
it off)
EMPLOYEE NOTICE
*********************************
Due to the current financial
situation caused by the slowdown
in the economy, the Government
has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 50
years of age and above on early,
mandatory retirement, thus
creating jobs and reducing
unemployment.
This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can
apply to the Government to be
considered for the SHAFT program
(Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED
and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (System
Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as the Government
deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED
could get AIDS (Additional Income
for Dependents & Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS
or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the
Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and
are staying on will receive as
much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. The
Government has always prided
themselves on the amount of SHIT
they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not
receive enough SHIT, please bring
this to the attention of your MP,
who has been trained to give you
all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic
Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)
God is watching our leaders!

if you know the number of disguised security agents in that train eeh.

i ate meat today after a very long time. But come to think of it, jesus actually told us to eat his meat

3
Fake Press Release
Prank: Fake press release sees
shares plummet
It was a normal morning on the
news wires on August 25, 2000
and then all of a sudden word
reached financial journalists that
Emulex Corp had announced
revised earnings and that they
were being investigated for
accounting irregularities
resulting in CEO, Paul Folino,
stepping down. Not surprisingly,
the company’s stocks sank from
$113.06 to $43 within two hours.
Shareholders, obviously, were in
bits. Why had they not be
consulted? Well, no one at Emulex
had been consulted. The whole
thing was a fake. Earnings were
fine, the CEO wasn’t leaving and
there was no impending
investigation. The following
week an arrest was made. Mark
Jakoba, a 23-year-old college
student who was working at the
small internet news company
that ‘leaked’ the information had
made a cool quarter of a mill
from the cheeky scheme. Not that
he could spend a penny of that in
jail of course.
2
Cross-Dressing Doll
Prank: Cross-Dressing Doll gets
security officer the sack
Being a night watchman at Toy
‘R’ Us must be boring as hell. So
why not partake in a little spot of
doll play—or even dress up a
male doll as a female one? Poor
Ken didn’t know what hit him.
And neither did Carina Guillot and
her 12-year-old daughter, Jocelyn
when they walked into the store
in Florida in July 1990. Believing
they’d spotted a unique Mattel
doll, and not dissuaded by the
cashier in the shop, the mother
and daughter left thinking they
had a collector’s item in their
midst. Shortly after they were
offered $4,000 for their rare find.
Once the story went national
however, Ron Zero, the bored
night watchman, ‘fessed up. His
reward for his honesty? He was
given the sack four days later.
1
Epic Jail Term
Prank: High school joke results in
potential epic jail term
It’s the last day of high school.
You’re thinking of doing
something radical to have one
last dig at the place that has
owned you for so many years of
awfulness. You decide to play a
practical joke: to sneak into the
school through the girls
changing room window and put
a sex doll in the showers. Yes. A
sex doll. But, oh no. Somebody
sees you climbing through the
window, hoodie and gloves and
big black box and they think of
all the logical things you could be
doing and decide, yes, you’re
planting a bomb. The school is
evacuated and the Indiana State
Police bomb squad clear the area
costing the school over $8,000.
The teenager in question, Tyell
Morton was arrested and
charged with institutional
criminal mischief, which could
have seen him spend up to eight
years inside. Luckily, he only
received a suspended sentence
and a few weeks of community
service. There’s one kid who’s
learned his lesson: don’t climb
through school windows
brandishing a sex doll.

6
Hash Cakes
Prank: Hash cakes take out entire
staff room
Joseph Tellini and Ian Walker are
the sort of kids everyone would
have wanted at their school. In
their last year at senior high the
two 18-year-old students
thought it would be funny to
repay their teachers for all their
dedication to the boys’
educational needs by baking
them a parting gift. But these
were no run-of-the-mill
brownies, these were brownies
packed with marijuana. The
teachers had clearly never
encountered hash cakes before
because within hours nineteen
members of staff were taken ill
and rushed to the nearest
emergency room and the pair
were ordered to do volunteer
work. Worse still, the entire
contents of the canteen were
wiped out as wave after wave of
teachers were hit with the
munchies.
5
Fake Deadline
Prank: False deadline prompts
near death experience
Life in the fast lane can be a
stressful one. Deadline after
deadline flies by without any
cessation. This was Glenn
Howlett’s mindset before his
colleagues at London City Hall
decided to wind him up. Poor old
Glenn was happily working
through his latest stress-
inducing report when he
received a memo informing him
the report was actually due two
weeks earlier than he had
planned for. Receiving the memo
whilst on holiday, Glenn quickly
returned home, set his office to
work and began the panic of a
life time—presumably whilst still
wearing his swimming trunks.
Shortly afterwards, he collapsed
with a suspected heart attack.
Contrite and apologetic, from
what could have quite possibly
been his death bed, Glenn
accepted that he would not be
able to complete the report in
time and decided to apply for an
ignominious early retirement. It
was at this point that one of the
pranksters informed him of their
hilarious joke. Great timing!
Glenn, as anyone in their right
mind would, saw the funny side,
and promptly, and successfully,
sued City Hall for damages. Some
weeks later another memo was
sent round, telling everyone not
to pull pranks. The best bit, if only
Glenn had clocked the date on
the original memo: April 1st.
4
Dead Dog
Prank: Dead dog on top of car
alerts police
Paul Goobie. Remember the
name because this guy pulled
one of the sickest practical jokes
of all time. Getting hold of a dead
Chihuahua alone is pretty messed
up but to then go and tie it on to
the bumper of a co-worker, Kevin
Meloy’s car is just plain twisted.
Completely unaware of the
deceased mutt flopping about at
the rear-end of his automobile,
Kevin drove for several miles
without stopping—partly due to
the fact Kev is a bit hard of
hearing and couldn’t hear the
numerous irate motorist’s
honking their horns in disgust.
Eventually, Kevin was alerted to
his dead passenger and he in
turn alerted the police, who
wasted no time in charging Paul
Goobie with the unlawful
disposal of a dead animal. You’ve
got to ask yourself, would he
have got away with it if he’d
have used a Doberman?

We all love a good prank. As long
as we’re not the ones on the end
of it, of course. But sometimes,
despite careful thought and
meticulous planning, things can
go awry. Perhaps the banana
falls out of the exhaust pipe or
the plastic wrap across the toilet
snaps, or maybe you end up
going to jail… uh, what? Here are
ten practical jokes that resulted
in everyone wishing they’d stuck
with the good old fashioned
whoopee cushion.
10
Fake Death
Prank: Man convinces ex-wife
he’s hanged himself
Ex-wives. Let’s face it, their
second role in life is being the
punch line to pretty much every
joke their former lover can come
up with. But in 2004 there was
one ex-wife who was certainly
left with the last laugh. Randy
Wood, embittered and angry and
wanting to get one over his past
ex, called her up and told her to
come over to his place. He had
‘something’ to show her he said.
When Wood’s ex-wife arrived she
found her ‘late’ ex-husband
hanging by a noose from a tree
in the front garden. Rather than
grab the nearest stick and beat
him like the human piñata he
really is, she immediately called
911, presumably in hysterics at
what she had seen. Cue, firemen,
policemen and paramedics
showing up en masse. But when
a fireman went to cut Wood
down they found a concealed
harness supporting his body
weight and one sniggering ex-
husband totally intact. It was a
short lived victory however, as he
was subsequently fined $1,000
and sent to jail for a year.
9
Public Cheating
Prank: Husband’s cheating past
revealed live on radio
We’d all do anything for a free
concert ticket, wouldn’t we?
Especially if the artist in question
is one of our fav bands of all
time. But would you do this? In
2008, to win tickets to a Kanye
West’s concert one woman
agreed to call her husband live
on radio and tell him that their 9-
year-old son wasn’t in fact his.
What could possibly go wrong
you ask? Hm, thinking they were
trading confessions, the
bewildered husband blurted out
the immortal line: “I’ve been
screwing your sister for the last
year!” Whoops. What’s worse,
she didn’t even get the tickets.
8
Dental Disaster
Prank: Dentist gets caught
turning patient into pig
Nobody likes going to the dentist
let alone a demented one who
has a penchant for turning his
patients into farm yard animals.
Dr. Robert Woo is one such
dentist. When doing a bit of
dental work on one of his
employees he thought it would
be funny to install a pair of false
tusks on to her teeth. This was
no spur of the moment practical
joke either, Woo deliberately
choose boar tusks because the
employee in question had grown
up on a pig farm. Clearly not
quite sure how the joke would
go down, Woo photographed his
little project whilst his patient
was still anesthetized and then
removed the tusks, replacing
them with the usual caps. All
good thus far. But then Woo
decided to share his practical
joke with the rest of the office—
oh the wisdom! Miss Piggy-for-
the-day obviously didn’t see the
funny side. She sued her boss for
$250,000. But the real joke was
on Woo’s insurance company
who were forced to fork out $
750,000 when he sued them for
not covering his practical joke.
Come on though. Woo’s got a
point. If most insurance
companies cover for fire and
theft, surely it’s not that hard to
cover for ‘When turning one of
your female employees into a pig
doesn’t work out quite as you
planned’.
7
Wedding Announcement
Prank: Co-worker set alight for
announcing wedding
When you learn that one of your
best buds is going to get married
you throw a little party for him,
right? You might order a keg of
his favorite beer perhaps, or call
up all of his mates and get them
together for a Friday night
down-the-pub knees up. Not if
you’re Australian Gianni
Catanzaro. His co-workers
decided something a bit more
special was required to celebrate
his last days on Earth as a
bachelor. Firstly, Gianni was
grabbed, punched in the testicles
(which, as we all know fellas, is
already a pretty bad ‘prank’ as it
is); had his wrists and ankles
duct taped to a fence; was
striped to his underpants; and
egged. Enough’s enough, right?
Wrong. Gianni’s loving co-
workers then thought it would
be a good idea to pour gasoline
on to the floor and set it alight.
Fair play to the lad, Gianni actually
managed to get himself free, only
to fall, face first into the roaring
flames. The outcome: a
postponed wedding and a
cancelled honeymoon. The
kicker: Gianni was the one fired…
because the burns to his face
and exposed body weren’t
punishment enough for the
awful heinous act of announcing
his marriage to his mates.

nitlad: We live in a 'friendly' world

that world for sure doesn't include Naija

''THE POLICE ARE YOUR FRIENDS''. now ''ARMED ROBBERS ARE FRIENDS'' very soon winshes and wijards go begin claim friends. Baba God na your hand we de

When she acted the way she did that night, your thought must have been that she was testing you or really wanted you. What matters bro is your word and you kept it. You should be proud of yourself rather than regretting. Just give her some space for now, she would definately return

NA BOXER, SINGLET & SLIPPERS SURE PASS

sammily: Don't forget Mr Smith in The Matrix.

tanx 4 reminding me

Definately joker. Then salahudeen(kingdom of heaven)

what was his/her purpose of walking naked publicly. Na wa o

bolaino: hmmmm, nice advice my mann, thanks for ur concern, but when it comes to christianity I've been there and done that, I used to be a hard core born again christian until, I started practicing different religions, I've searched for d truth and before becoming a freethinker, I did a lot of research and experiments, (religious experiments) and I concluded that christianity like the other religions, is something that was created to control the masses, (feeble minded) religion is mind control plain and simple, I can't go into detail, but thanks all the same,

judging by your words, i've got to ask ''what are you trying christianity for''?

vb0mb: How can the kidney be protected?

By locking it with tokoz padlock

shymexx: Is that all you've got, primitive Nigerian

You need to get a better rebuttal, you uneducated jackal from a medieval country...

Didn't they teach you anything about tolerance and how to hold people who committed a crime responsible for their actions and not blame those associated with them, or their ideology

Get a life!!!

UNLIKED. Btw is there no unlike button in NL?

Rooneyboy: I look forward to "that day" I'll hear something good about islam.

So pathetic !

Well i've heard some e.g The name allah inscribed on meat; the name allah written on sand; a baby born holding a koran.