₦airaland Forum

frankgreat: may the God I serve bless u broda...people don't understand the meaning of speaking in an unknown language... Wch language is kikikilambaboush?

You just called it an unknown language. French, Igbo, German, Yoruba, Spanish are all well known.

YOUTUBE

whenever i play a song

falansa: it is not displaying at all (black screen) only that d engine is running and other light shows e.g. Power light. I'm suprise pple dont wanna help. This is not d nairaland i knew. Pls what can we do abt this prob

jst change ur windows. System 32 is corrupt. If ur CD ROM is working, buy a windows( XP, 7 or disc and run it.

My area 4 Zaria de see light ( full current) 7 nights a week. Like say we b winch

Ekpekus: I am having a similar challenge with my Laptop! Pls can anyone say something to help?

try putting ON your system using safe mode, after that restart it using the normal mode. It happened to a friend's system, i guessed and tried that method and it worked

Good morning sir. Please my system's keyboard is just confused right now. The problems are:
Both 5 and t appear when i press the 5 or t botton( ie wen i press 5 or t, t5 or 5t appears).
I can't make a word without the Cap changing wether the caplock is on or not( somthing like this; HelLo)
I attempt clicking an item or icon, 5 others click automatically.
My windows, ctrl, space etc bottons won't work at times.
Please help me. Thank you

[quote author=mr.drizzy]anyway no movie has done if for me dis yr atall,fast and furious was jus t there too normal,the all anticipated man of steel was too useless.gosh is that how superman was suppose to be..i think we need to tell cw to continue the smallville for us abeg,had many issues with d movie gan..if i begin dey list eh..after earth hmm havnt seen it yet bt its on my file..ppl say its ohk..umm what else iron man 3..lols no iron man was great didnt really give me d jumpy feeling..no much anticipation,it was just a cliche.through d last part was nice*winks*..umm thats all..am really more of a series kind of guy..movies just dnt do it much for me..too straight forward..short,very predictive..bt last yr many movies did it starting frm the breaking dawn to brave(animation),this means war,the vow and so on..lets nt forget d amazing underworld...[/quote]I guess we are opposites. I love all the movies hate, and hate all the movies love( d 1s u listd here). Rarely watch series because they are too long. Although we agree on the iron man movies and about no movie doing it for you this year

''Hausa-Fulani has ruined FRCN'' was the only thing you saw in this interview.

But how did Shettima( Borno gov'nor) know shekau's origin. I suspect that governor is a BH sponsor.

wellmax: Ahahahah wetin I no go hear for Naija, but where thier pic na?

wetin u wan carry their pic do

Sincere 9gerian: Please show us when and how "Maku said GEJ brought facebook to Nigeria". Show us any media report (reputable media), audio or video where such statement was made. If you dont, then you must be wicked liar who should not be taken seriously. It also implies that all your claims in your post are LIES, LIES, LIES!!

I'm suspecting this guy is Labaran Maku.

-----I SAW IT, LIKED IT, STOLE IT AND NOW SHARING IT------
Before going to bed, i had to eat
something. I opened d fridge nd
yes, all d things in my fridge had
turned to block;d light had been
on for 8 years without going off.I
finished eating nd went to bed.
Oh I ve to reduce d speed of this
fan, d voltage is so high.I woke up
very early in d morning to d
sound of classical music. I casually
strolled into the bathroom. Oh!the
cold is too much this morning, i
turned on d hot-water tap.While
towelling myself dry, i turned on
the radio and heard the presenter
speaking of how Nigeria is now
one of the most developed
countries in the world and how d
Nigerian president yesterday
declared his asset and all he had
to boast of was N20 million naira
and a duplex in his village.I
finished dressing up and took my
time to eat. I had no reason to
rush,afterall the road is always
free and there are nopotholes.On
d way, i saw a few policemen
patrolling and I greeted them. I
stopped to chat wit dem 4 a few
minutes after which i drove off
laughing.In my workplace, i saw
some people loitering in d waiting
room nd discovered dey were
here to be interviewed.I saw d
son of the permanent secretary.I
also saw a young man with
tattered shoes nd patched-up
trouser; he graduated recently
from one of d government
universities, but everyone could
testify to the fact that he's
brilliant.While going home that
day, i saw the man with d tattered
shoes smiling and i asked him
why. "Sir, i've been given d job."
"What! What of the Permanent
secretary's son, didn't his father
call beforehand?No" man said,
"He didn't"That evening,i went out
2 play in D neighborhood, i saw
Adamu and Obinna discussing d
recent trend in the country,of hw
Mallam Danjuma is now D
governor of Rivers state, Senator
Abifarin Oluwafemi is now the
governor in Borno state,Mr
Chijioke Godffrey is now the
governor of Oyo state.Den I had a
Mosquito bite on my nose,as I
slapped my face.I woke up
realized that I took large dose of
cough syrup...Chai!!! NIGERIA OF
MY DREAM!!!

joeydozzy: shooting you will be too easy
WTF?

I'm sorry for mentioning your favourite movie. Please don't shoot me infact i love all of them.

ATMC: #shocked# you're kidding! Lol @all oscar's nominated movies

Not kidding at all, and i said most not all. Loved some eg Titanic, LOTR, Django, Harry Potter, Pulp fiction.

sholay2011: Did you just mention my 'Silver linings playbook'? I f**ing love dat movie! Mixture of comedy and sensible drama. Check out the authentic acting...especially my darling-Jennifer Lawrence (she won best actress oscar for this at age 22). Please, sit down again, close the doors and ensure your laptop is charged, then open not your eyes alone but also your ears , try to get those words as they slither through the mouth of the characters even if they talk too fast ...lol...just pulling ya legs but I love that film!


To each his own.

Seriously, i didn't knw SLP was suppose 2 make me laugh. It made me sad instead by ending so stupidly( ie ending when i was about to start watching)

twilight, silver linnings playbook, the artist, argo, the king's speech, hugo, infact almost all Oscar nominated movies

How would Mary do this to me after all we've been through together. How could she carry belle and stil claim to be a virgin.#is Onila your mentor#

WAEC INSTRUCTION PATTERN
Fill in the blank space with
suitable answer
1979 - Answer all questions. All
questions carry equal marks.
1995 - Attempt all.
1999 - Answer 4 questions from
each section, section A
compulsory.
2013 - Answer any three
question.
2015 - Win exciting prizes by
answering ONE question.
2020 - ____________________________

UP NEPAAA.

most of these items you mentioned do not have close substitutes. As for Sony, i've seen its advert before.

Because barca lose 7-0 we no go rest again?. notabarcafan.com

Funny Application Letter For A Job
Of Security Guard At
GTB
Dear sar,
I am Name is Tenager, I apply to
my job of security
guard to you boss in your
company of GTBank. ...I am
complete to Sitted 7 examination
certificate in 2003. My
skool here... KAMWALA BASIC very
good. ...
I am 29 ears to be Born of age
and nowafe and no
childish. My father dead long time
ago and my mother
is marry in CONGO REPUBLIC
country there 10 years n
ow, no sees her until now, so
nobody known to help
me...no money and food and tea
and drink.
My
certificate is just sitting in home
for itself, but passes in
Mathematics, Geography, Science
and all subjects but
fail in English because of eazy
teacher teaching me is
look jelous of myself because i
wear expenses cloth and shoe
than
teacher musonda.
I here that people you want
security
guards to your company and I tell
youI am one of that
job experience for 2 years looking
video for Rambo I, II
and III. I also shot thief dead. I
want to join the
company of You and chase
criminal and thief out with
SMG of me. I can fight for SMG,
arrow, spear, panga,
knife, stick and stones. Me also
can fight for boxing like
Tyson.
Please consider my application
very careful and call me
any time because me have hand
telephone now. I am
red for interview with you if you
like me. Me have no
photocopy certificate because the
photocopy machine
there at kabwata shop is a long
time and very old it can
mistake spelling in the certificate,
that is why.
I am very
honest and I didn't steal since I
born until now,I can
speak English free. I have no very
much to right I have
end here.
Please also greet your wife and
childrens!
Yurs fatefooli.... Francis

LWKMD. nice one

Pls sincere Nigerian, i'll like to know why you always bring informations about Goodluck's wonderful projects( invisible though) to our notice.
If it's our vote you want then say it.

this is the first time i'm hearing the title SURE-P. If they are really working then they don't need you to tell us about them

seriously this gay thing no fit we Africans. I'm happy naija rejected this shit

GOVERNMENT & THE PEOPLE (Laugh
it off)
EMPLOYEE NOTICE
*********************************
Due to the current financial
situation caused by the slowdown
in the economy, the Government
has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 50
years of age and above on early,
mandatory retirement, thus
creating jobs and reducing
unemployment.
This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can
apply to the Government to be
considered for the SHAFT program
(Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED
and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (System
Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as the Government
deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED
could get AIDS (Additional Income
for Dependents & Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS
or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the
Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and
are staying on will receive as
much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. The
Government has always prided
themselves on the amount of SHIT
they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not
receive enough SHIT, please bring
this to the attention of your MP,
who has been trained to give you
all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic
Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)
God is watching our leaders!

if you know the number of disguised security agents in that train eeh.

i ate meat today after a very long time. But come to think of it, jesus actually told us to eat his meat

3
Fake Press Release
Prank: Fake press release sees
shares plummet
It was a normal morning on the
news wires on August 25, 2000
and then all of a sudden word
reached financial journalists that
Emulex Corp had announced
revised earnings and that they
were being investigated for
accounting irregularities
resulting in CEO, Paul Folino,
stepping down. Not surprisingly,
the company’s stocks sank from
$113.06 to $43 within two hours.
Shareholders, obviously, were in
bits. Why had they not be
consulted? Well, no one at Emulex
had been consulted. The whole
thing was a fake. Earnings were
fine, the CEO wasn’t leaving and
there was no impending
investigation. The following
week an arrest was made. Mark
Jakoba, a 23-year-old college
student who was working at the
small internet news company
that ‘leaked’ the information had
made a cool quarter of a mill
from the cheeky scheme. Not that
he could spend a penny of that in
jail of course.
2
Cross-Dressing Doll
Prank: Cross-Dressing Doll gets
security officer the sack
Being a night watchman at Toy
‘R’ Us must be boring as hell. So
why not partake in a little spot of
doll play—or even dress up a
male doll as a female one? Poor
Ken didn’t know what hit him.
And neither did Carina Guillot and
her 12-year-old daughter, Jocelyn
when they walked into the store
in Florida in July 1990. Believing
they’d spotted a unique Mattel
doll, and not dissuaded by the
cashier in the shop, the mother
and daughter left thinking they
had a collector’s item in their
midst. Shortly after they were
offered $4,000 for their rare find.
Once the story went national
however, Ron Zero, the bored
night watchman, ‘fessed up. His
reward for his honesty? He was
given the sack four days later.
1
Epic Jail Term
Prank: High school joke results in
potential epic jail term
It’s the last day of high school.
You’re thinking of doing
something radical to have one
last dig at the place that has
owned you for so many years of
awfulness. You decide to play a
practical joke: to sneak into the
school through the girls
changing room window and put
a sex doll in the showers. Yes. A
sex doll. But, oh no. Somebody
sees you climbing through the
window, hoodie and gloves and
big black box and they think of
all the logical things you could be
doing and decide, yes, you’re
planting a bomb. The school is
evacuated and the Indiana State
Police bomb squad clear the area
costing the school over $8,000.
The teenager in question, Tyell
Morton was arrested and
charged with institutional
criminal mischief, which could
have seen him spend up to eight
years inside. Luckily, he only
received a suspended sentence
and a few weeks of community
service. There’s one kid who’s
learned his lesson: don’t climb
through school windows
brandishing a sex doll.

6
Hash Cakes
Prank: Hash cakes take out entire
staff room
Joseph Tellini and Ian Walker are
the sort of kids everyone would
have wanted at their school. In
their last year at senior high the
two 18-year-old students
thought it would be funny to
repay their teachers for all their
dedication to the boys’
educational needs by baking
them a parting gift. But these
were no run-of-the-mill
brownies, these were brownies
packed with marijuana. The
teachers had clearly never
encountered hash cakes before
because within hours nineteen
members of staff were taken ill
and rushed to the nearest
emergency room and the pair
were ordered to do volunteer
work. Worse still, the entire
contents of the canteen were
wiped out as wave after wave of
teachers were hit with the
munchies.
5
Fake Deadline
Prank: False deadline prompts
near death experience
Life in the fast lane can be a
stressful one. Deadline after
deadline flies by without any
cessation. This was Glenn
Howlett’s mindset before his
colleagues at London City Hall
decided to wind him up. Poor old
Glenn was happily working
through his latest stress-
inducing report when he
received a memo informing him
the report was actually due two
weeks earlier than he had
planned for. Receiving the memo
whilst on holiday, Glenn quickly
returned home, set his office to
work and began the panic of a
life time—presumably whilst still
wearing his swimming trunks.
Shortly afterwards, he collapsed
with a suspected heart attack.
Contrite and apologetic, from
what could have quite possibly
been his death bed, Glenn
accepted that he would not be
able to complete the report in
time and decided to apply for an
ignominious early retirement. It
was at this point that one of the
pranksters informed him of their
hilarious joke. Great timing!
Glenn, as anyone in their right
mind would, saw the funny side,
and promptly, and successfully,
sued City Hall for damages. Some
weeks later another memo was
sent round, telling everyone not
to pull pranks. The best bit, if only
Glenn had clocked the date on
the original memo: April 1st.
4
Dead Dog
Prank: Dead dog on top of car
alerts police
Paul Goobie. Remember the
name because this guy pulled
one of the sickest practical jokes
of all time. Getting hold of a dead
Chihuahua alone is pretty messed
up but to then go and tie it on to
the bumper of a co-worker, Kevin
Meloy’s car is just plain twisted.
Completely unaware of the
deceased mutt flopping about at
the rear-end of his automobile,
Kevin drove for several miles
without stopping—partly due to
the fact Kev is a bit hard of
hearing and couldn’t hear the
numerous irate motorist’s
honking their horns in disgust.
Eventually, Kevin was alerted to
his dead passenger and he in
turn alerted the police, who
wasted no time in charging Paul
Goobie with the unlawful
disposal of a dead animal. You’ve
got to ask yourself, would he
have got away with it if he’d
have used a Doberman?